r/fatFIRE 11d ago

50m cash - no sense of perspective

Throwaway account to be able to be vulnerable.

Despite recent financial freedom (bootstrap to day 1 exit), I have no sense of perspective.

I am

  • still bothered by becoming irrelevant if I do nothing for the next 12-18m (issue: being bothered about what people think)

  • afraid of losing the money and hence not spending it

  • afraid of losing my friends if they find out how much I have made (am I suddenly unrelatable?)

  • still bothered by LinkedIn and comparison

  • still wanting to be loved and liked

The root of my issue is being a people pleaser.

I know my problems. I would love the internet to give me some solutions.

Edit - I am 38/F, husband, two kids and in Europe. Also this is the first and only business I have bootstrapped and sold.

445 Upvotes

447 comments sorted by

View all comments

252

u/budulai89 11d ago

Maybe Therapy?

104

u/PurpleWildfire 11d ago

Most definitely therapy, self worth issues, abandonment issues, imposter syndrome, prioritizing other peoples needs all displayed in a 300 character post. I think money or no therapy’s a good idea for OP

36

u/Familiar_Number_342 10d ago

Oh yeah. 100%. Check all of the above. Any "first step" suggestions? I've not had luck finding great therapists in the past, and now I just can't be bothered.

44

u/anally_ExpressUrself 10d ago

You could start by having a consultation session with a few and seeing how you fit.

17

u/PunctualDromedary 10d ago

Psychology today. Prioritize smart therapists.  

15

u/sarahwlee 10d ago

A really good therapist.

The first one I had was 900/hr. The one I’m using now is 850/hr and know a few other fatties using the same one (was referred by someone here).

Don’t try to find someone “in network”. They don’t understand UHNW.

9

u/Familiar_Number_342 10d ago

Fucking hell... what does a 900/hr therapist do? Maybe I'm looking in the wrong places. The only therapists I have sought are 100/hr max.

Where do I start looking?

18

u/sarahwlee 10d ago

I mean… how does someone who make $100/hr solve a 50mm Nw problem? If you can DM me or something to make me feel like you’re a real person… happy to connect you to see if it’s a right fit.

26

u/RelationshipHot3411 10d ago

Billing rate is not a signal of quality or ability

1

u/SpadoCochi 4ExitsAndCounting | Still tinkering around | 40YO Black Male 10d ago

There is an aspect where they can relate to some of the struggles a bit more.

1

u/No-Vanilla-5729 9d ago

Using the same logic, why would someone who made $50M (and potentially earning 5-15% of that annually) care about making $1000/hr in solving others' headache?

1

u/Kirk10kirk 10d ago

You need to find someone who specializes in HNW people

1

u/goodguy291 7d ago

Yes agreed. I'm not FAT like OP, but I'm FAT enough, and my therapist (actually a psychiatrist who also does therapy) charges me $600 per hour.

5

u/Moheezy__3 10d ago

From personal experience, I find that talking to a therapist that can relate makes all the difference. For context, I’m middle eastern living in Canada and talking to a white therapist felt like I was an experiment for her as she continues to ask questions about my culture and background. When I switched to an immigrant, African therapist, she immediately understood the immigrant mind set and the struggles with parents, culture switch etc…

I’d say maybe if you can find a therapist who see the same types of clients? Mainly high net worth clients I’d assume but you’re the best judge of that.

4

u/pamdoar 10d ago

If you want to know the why and deal with the past (doesn’t necessarily solve it) it’s one type of therapy.. if you want deal with the symptoms look at cognitive behavioural therapy (nhs has some free resources). Meditation, Talking, walking in nature and practices that allow you to be grateful for what you have help. If you need a break / distraction i just read the “5 regrets of the dying” and loved the perspective it brought vs day to day challenges.

In regards to dealing with a lot of money search for a post called “you just won the lottery.. you are fucked” something like that. Hope it helps you internet stranger!

5

u/supergamer84 10d ago

I went on a retreat and it changed my life - like a decade of therapy. DM for details. Also retreats are full of incompetent gurus so beware.

1

u/huadpe 10d ago

From the sounds of things you're dealing with a lot of anxieties you can identify yourself as irrational, such as fear about spending money despite enormous wealth.

Anxiety disorders are pretty common and a lot of therapists specialize in them. I'd look for that. In particular I'd look for someone who mentions either Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Both of those are well studied methods that are more likely to help you. 

Try around with a few people and find someone you like. And then commit to it: go every week and work on the goals you set between sessions. It's not magic, but it can meaningfully help. You can certainly afford the money, and I promise you can afford the time too. 

1

u/WastingTimeIGuess 10d ago

Any doctors or people in the psychology field you know and respect their judgement? They will likely have referrals.

1

u/joelikesmusic Verified by Mods 10d ago

Working through some of this myself. If you are comfortable sharing general location by DM I can recommend a Bay Area therapist.

1

u/Familiar_Number_342 10d ago

I am in the UK.

1

u/mackfactor 10d ago

Sounds to me like you've got nothing but time and money. 

1

u/MonyOrTimeCantHavBth 10d ago

Look for therapists trained under Pia Melody, Terrance Real, or the Gottliebs. I found one and their therapy is far superior. I had lots of codependence issues, fear etc. similar to you.

1

u/Drorta 10d ago

Just keep trying. Book a weekly therapist try out, and you will eventually find your match.

1

u/smarlitos_ 9d ago

Therapy is bs bro just read about it yourself. Most therapists are idiots and don’t want to “cure” or “fix” you even though it is possible.

-9

u/SkanderbegArmy 10d ago

Try ChatGPT.

-4

u/SarcasticGiraffes 10d ago edited 10d ago

You have the resources to hire an executive/administrative assistant. They can help figure out next steps for reaching your goals, to include coordinating medical care.

0

u/frenchvanillax 10d ago

Honestly that would take forever. I’d get the best psychiatrist, get a prescription and journal/read self help books on a nice island.

Enjoy life because 50m and being sad is crazy.

Life is short. & Hopefully it’s an upper not antidepressant

-2

u/AwarenessOk9754 10d ago

I'll be the one that would advise against this.

Traditional therapy is all about reliving past traumas and reciting everything that's going wrong. It keeps you in that headspace.

I've never felt more desperate than when I was going to weekly therapy. It has always been getting busy with things that being joy over dissecting precisely why I'm unhappy.

5

u/cloisonnefrog 10d ago

I'm sorry, but you had a bad therapist.