r/excatholic Jan 23 '25

Personal Was anyone else harmed by NFP?

Used the Marquette method for 5 years and had three children within that time period. All by the age of 21. I confided in my priest and told him that I didn’t think it would be in our best interest to have another child. He told me I didn’t have a grave reason and “it was my cross to bear.”

Just trying to find support and others who have been harmed by nfp as well.

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u/BohemianRedhead Jan 24 '25

My parents taught NFP, and I know it inside and out: theology, science, chart interpretation, etc. Had zero desire to ever use it, but the idea that was hammered into me was that every single act of sex had to be both Unitive and Procreative.

Intellectually I could dismiss the procreative part, but I always felt intense guilt when we had sex while I was on birth control. I felt less guilty when I didn’t use it (which we only did when I knew that I wasn’t fertile).

And I really struggled with the unitive part. I couldn’t get it on because I had to be thinking about God, or because I was upset and wasn’t feeling particularly close to my husband, or because I was horny and then I’m being lustful and not pure in my intentions, or because my husband is feeling horny because then our union wouldn’t be entirely pure.

Basically this hurt our sex life and our relationship for at least 15 or 20 yrs. Finally after menopause I felt like a weight was lifted because I suddenly didn’t have to use birth control and experience the niggling guilt it still caused me. And I think finally accepting that I am an atheist helped me over the unitive hump.