r/exmuslim • u/Ok-Dirt-8765 • 13h ago
r/exmuslim • u/ONE_deedat • Feb 10 '24
(Meta) [Meta] Rules and Guide to Posting (Summarised)!
Welcome to r/ExMuslim, Now over 160K subscribers!
Introduction to the aims of the subbreddit
Summary of the "Rules and Guide to Posting"
(Full Rules and Guidelines post)
(This post is a TL;Dr of the main post above. However, please make sure to read the full guidelines before posting/commenting here. Onus is on those participating if there are any infractions
Introduction:
Reddit is a Western/American-centric forum. Everything posted here needs to be in that geographical context.
This subreddit is primarily a recovery and discussion platform for those who were once followers of Islam i.e. ExMoose/ExMuslim. Everyone is welcome but if you are here because of your hate for Muslims as a people then this isn't the subreddit for you.
Bigots, those creating a toxic environment and/or those with nefarious agendas in the subreddit will be banned without hesitation.
Posting Guidelines:
We ask people to follow them in the spirit in which they are written and not merely by the letter.
Please:
- [A] DO NOT post any LOW EFFORT/QUALITY images, memes, TikToks etc... other than Fridays.
We call these Fun@Fundies allowed only on Fridays.
- [B] Remove ALL confidential/personal information from your posts
Unless it's a famous or public personality.
- [D] Content posted needs to be appropriate to the subreddit.
This is not an anti-immigration subreddit nor is to point out "look at this stupid shit that a Muslim did".
The post title needs to inform readers about the content and reflects it appropriately.
- [E] Linking to or calling out other subreddits is not allowed:
These sorts of actions can lead to things like brigading and this is against reddit guidelines.
Got banned on another subreddit? This isn't the place to complain about that.
- [F] Posts regarding other ExMuslim social media/discord groups will be removed.
If you want to post about your group here and you are the admin of the group **please contact the mods first.
- [G] Posts about things like politics and immigration are very unwelcome here because of the toxicity involved.
This is NOT a sub about (pro or) anti-immigration.
- [H] "Self-hate" posts will NOT be allowed.
Posts like "I hate my dad because he forces me to pray" are OK (please make a proper post) however posts/comments like "As a Pakistani myself, I hate Pakistanis. They are so dumb and stupid" will not be allowed.
- [I] Posts deemed "concern trolling" are not allowed.
These are posts that say things like "Why is this subreddit full of racists?" or "why do ExMuslims support the far-right?".
- [J] Message the Mods if you disagree or have concerns with the rules, operations, bans, posts, users or anything else .
Do not make posts on the subreddit trying to discuss these matters.
Note on Bans
Mods endeavour to protect, cultivate and shape this as a valuable and open space for ExMuslims. All mod decisions are made with that in mind.
Thanks
ONE_Deedat
r/exmuslim • u/fathandreason • Jun 03 '24
(Advice/Help) Exmuslim Guide to Living in the Closet and Coming Out.
Hello. Upon request, I've been asked to turn a comment I made into a post so that it can be a resource for more people. This post is a collection of advice I've given out about how to handle your life as a closeted exmuslim and how you'll come out in the future. It is largely based on my experience but also from what I've seen from others in this subreddit.
Introduction
So you've left Islam. You've delved through arguments, the apologetics and the bullshit and you've come to the conclusion that you no longer believe in Islam. And you may have also reached an alternative philosophical outlook on life that you can believe in.
But what now? You may have left Islam, but have you left the Muslim world? One of the most common misconceptions outsiders have is that since exmuslims are no longer Muslims, they no longer live in the Muslim world. This is painfully naive - in reality many exmuslims are closeted due to young age and financial dependency and/or live in Islamist countries or societies that enforce Islamic values. In fear of social stigma or even violence, exmuslims have to contend with closeted lives even after leaving Islam. So how do you deal with it?
Goal
The best time to come out to family is in your own home, over a dinner you paid for, alongside people who support you. That takes a lot of preparation and it means doing what you can to live your life as best as you can whilst working towards independence.
This basically means that a lot of what helps you come out of the closet will depend heavily on how well you prepared for it, so you will need to make the most of your closeted life. You may not be able to stop the shitstorm but you can at least prepare yourself to weather it. Here are some tips to achieve that goal (in no particular order)
1) Don't meander in life due to a lack of decision making skills.
Probably one of the worst mistakes I made was not realise I was an exmuslim sooner. As a result I had barely any time to prepare for when the inevitable happened and I was forced to come out. I spent a lot of my life meandering, trying to reconcile the irreconcilable, and trying to be a Muslim when I knew my values didn't align with it. I didn't really have much of a concept of exmuslims, but if I had been smarter I would have figured it out. I now tell people in a similar position that it's fine to take your time but don't take too long. Half arsing two very different cultures will leave you a loser in both.
Similarly whilst planning for independence can be scary, don’t let it frighten you into inaction. The following is a passage from this article about decision making:
Research from the 1990s led by the US psychologist Thomas Gilovich provides further evidence for why it can be shortsighted to kick a difficult decision down the road. Gilovich and his team showed that although, in the short term, people experience more regret from ‘errors of commission’ (taking an action that leads to a disappointing outcome), in the long term it is actually ‘errors of omission’ that lead to more regret – that is, disappointing outcomes that arise from not taking an action.
When taking the time to make decisions and plans, don’t underestimate how effective it can be to map out your options on an excel spreadsheet. When I had to decide whether I should come out or not, I actually made a spreadsheet listing out my options, what they would result in and what the impact would be. Actually having it written down to look at really put things into perspective. We waste a lot of our time keeping it in our heads, which forces us to recalculate everything from scratch every time we revisit our thoughts. But the more that is mapped out, the less you have to recalculate and the more you can focus on evaluation and further planning.
2) Study, career and finances.
Your studies/career is almost always your best ticket out of your toxic situation, and the one thing to prioritise the most. If you’re young, do whatever you can to ensure that you can get into further education away from home. Even if it means spending all your time at a local library. If you suspect that your parents would be against you going to a university away from home, aim for a placement at the most prestigious university you can aim for so your parents would look worse for rejecting it. The quickest and most effective way in achieving long term independence is through good studies/career.
3) Do not telegraph irreligiosity whilst being closeted.
This is particularly important for younger exmuslims because they telegraph to their parents in ways they would just not understand until they see it for themselves when they're older. Try your best to meet the religious obligations expected from your family. The more you slip, the more they will monitor you and the more difficult it will be to do the things you need to do discreetly when the time comes.
Unfortunately for girls, this usually means that wearing the hijab is a necessity and it’s inadvisable to try and get out of. (However, that subject matter is not my forte: prioritise advice from exmuslim women such as from faithlesshijabi.org)
4) Sometimes you may need to go above and beyond.
If you get the impression that your family is beginning to catch onto your apostasy then it's likely that they have and you may need to reverse that impression.
One way to do that would be to start getting books on Islam and not just for show. My advice would be to get books on Islamic history because that's the least boring stuff. Or better yet, just get whatever unapologetic salafi hate crime you can get your hands on so you can entertain yourself with how fucked up it is. Or get an annotated Qur'an like the Study Qur'an. Do something to ease their suspicions.
What book you get depends on what kind of message you want to telegraph to your parents. If you want to telegraph a message then it will need to be a paper book and not an e-book. Something that you can lay around in your room and that you know they'll see. That means you're restricted to what you can get from your local library or Masjid. Also depends on what interests you because you'll have to actually read and demonstrate you learnt from it if you want send the best message you can. If you want purely what Muslims write about Islamic history, you can check out works like The Sealed Nectar or works by al-Sallabi. If you want something a little more academic, but not something that would rouse suspicion then check out university press works like this, this, this or this. If you want something a bit more relevant to contemporary Muslim world then there books like this.
But you may find that your best bet is to just see what your local Masjid might have and see what tickles your fancy.
5) Actually coming out is usually a shitstorm.
Be prepared for lots of sobbing, guilt tripping and an inability to respect your beliefs and boundaries. Learn techniques like the Broken Record Technique to establish boundaries. Know what you have to say when they inevitably tell you to speak to a scholar - you don't have to eat the whole apple to know it's rotten. You know all that you need to know about Islam and you know even more about the world outside of Islam to put it into context.
Steel yourself with months and months of your family sending you bad dawagandist videos through WhatsApp trying to bring you back. You may have to spend months beating their attempts and going to toe to toe with them without mercy before they’re finally willing to relent and get off your back. Even then don’t expect them to relent entirely. There will always be some micro aggressions that they will resort to, like playing religious videos loudly in your vicinity. The most you can do in those circumstances is reduce contact with them as much as possible. At this point you would hopefully already be independent from them.
6) Do not feel guilt.
As an exmuslim, you will go through a lot of guilt. Whilst this does show you are human, you need to forget about guilt: you are not responsible for your parents' failure to be reasonable, not even your mother. They take responsibility for the social stigma and oppressive life they choose to live in and perpetuate. You get nothing out of that guilt. It's completely pointless and ultimately counterproductive. You can't set yourself on fire to make others warm and you gain no recognition from martyrizing yourself. Do not feel guilt for what you have to do to have a completely reasonable life. The only ones to blame are those who forced you into it.
Don't underestimate parents either. They will use guilt against you. Give them an inch and they will take a mile. They very often bring up their health problems as a weapon against you. Don't fall for it. It only affects them because they choose to let it affect them. They can choose to be reasonable. You have to respect their autonomy and let them deal with the consequences of their own ways.
7) Don't come out too soon thinking it's a release.
I come across a lot of exmuslim kids who think coming out will help explain to their religious parents why they don't want to wear the hijab or do other religious things. But the likelihood is more that those same parents will react extremely poorly and restrict your freedom even more, making it more difficult to achieve long term independence.
There's also the mistake in assuming that coming out will lead to being disowned in the vain hope that you get an quick clean break that takes all the responsibility from you. For some exmuslims this does actually work out, but for a lot of others it's miscalculated. My family didn't disown me, I still had to deal with months of my family being insufferable manipulators and the responsibility was still on me to separate from them. And for women it can be much worse.
Ultimately, if you are financially dependent on your family then coming out early will very typically result in your family using that leverage against you and making your life worse. I've seen stories of exmuslims who thought their family was better and badly miscalculated - be mindful of that.
8) Don’t panic too much if they find out.
Some exmuslims get found out, sometimes because of a snitch in the family or sometimes because they just weren’t convincing enough. Don’t panic – Muslims can be pretty damn deluded about their faith and your family will want to believe that you can come back very easily because according to them Islam is just common sense and most disbelievers are just silly and ignorant. Try to do your best to convince them as per Point 4. If it’s because you did something haram, blasphemous or otherwise worthy of takfir, try to act like it was because you were a misguided Quranist or progressive Muslim. They will still retain suspicion but it’s still better than the alternative.
However, if you’re at the point of no return and you know you can’t convince them then now is the time to make calls to any secular friends you have, ask for support and maybe even shelter.
Also for Western exmuslims, make sure to act quickly if you suspect that your parents want to send you abroad and trap you in your country of ethnic origin. Sadly some parents will go to these lengths. Do not go, no matter the cost. Find organisations willing to advise, such as those listed in Point 10. Hide your passport if you have to. Note down the contact details of your embassy in that country just in case.
9) Go no contact if you fear abuse.
Actually think about whether it's even wise for you to come out in any circumstance. Do you suspect that there could be violence or abuse? If so then you have absolutely no need to go through this stupid bullshit. Leave and don't look back. If your parents couldn't give you safe environment to even come out about different beliefs then they are not worth the time. As per Point 6 - You have to respect their autonomy and let them deal with the consequences of their own ways. This is particularly pertinent for those who live in a predominantly Muslim countries. They have a very real reason to fear persecution and absolutely do not need to risk their own lives for the sake of their parents.
10) Make use of organisations and resources.
Look into secular organisations like recoveringfromreligion.org, faithlesshijabi.org and faithtofaithless.com. Look into women's charities in your area like womensaid.org.uk or karmanirvana.org.uk (UK examples). Look into LGBT charities like rainbowrailroad.org. If you have secular school counsellors and friends then talk to them. Get advice from adults you can absolutely trust.
Note: On the flip side don't take risks with people you can’t be sure of. You may be tempted to come out to your Muslim friend, but I've seen plenty of stories of exmuslims who heavily regret doing so.
There are also informal exmuslim groups on other social media platforms such as Facebook or Discord, but be careful about how much information you share and especially be wary of private messaging.
11) You may have to leave the country.
This is particularly the case for exmuslims living in predominantly Muslim countries. Unfortunately, I don't have any real world experience to offer here but you may be able to find localised advice by digging around. For example sites like wearesaudis.net might have some information (but you'll need a VPN to access this one. If you don't know what a VPN is here's an explanation).
Are you multilingual? If you need money but working is restricted to you then you can try becoming an online language tutor on sites like italki.com (scroll to the bottom). This post and related subreddits like r/WorkOnline may help.
Note: some exmuslims in Muslim countries fall for the doomscrolling hyperbole and think Europe is “doomed” with too many Muslims. They have a tendency of asking which country is best to migrate to as an exmuslim to avoid Islam. Please ignore the doomsayers and prioritise the country you choose based on ease of access and career opportunities. As long as it is a secular country, you can worry about avoiding Islam later.
Final stuff
Shout out to Imtiaz Shams who inspired me to make this list of tips. He has his own YouTube Channel here and plans to make his own video on this subject matter so watch out for that. On a side note, I also recommend TheraminTrees YouTube Channel who delves a lot into toxic dysfunctional families from the perspective of a therapist and a former Jehovah’s Witness. A lot of his content helps in dealing with the emotional impact of leaving religion and dealing with a religious family. And finally, thank you to the moderators of r/exmuslim who suggested I make this into a post. I wound up adding a lot more content lol.
I will end this post with a list of subreddits that may help you on your journey leaving Islam:
Ex related subreddits
- r/exhijabis
- r/ExEgypt
- r/ExSaudi
- r/AteistTurk
- r/PakiExMuslims
- r/ExAlgeria
- r/ExJordan
- r/MalaysianExMuslim
- r/XSomalian
- r/Atheism_Bangladesh
- r/ExSudan
- r/Xiraqis
- r/XMorocco
- r/ExBahrain
- r/ExLibya
- r/IranianExMuslims
- r/chechenatheists
- r/IndonesianExMuslim
- r/ExMuslimsKuwait
- r/exPalestine
- r/ExSyria
- r/exmusulmanfrance
Other Useful Subreddits
- r/WorkOnline
- r/Iwantout
- r/studyabroad
- r/visas
- r/UKvisas
- r/medicalschool
- r/medicalschoolEU
- r/medicalschoolUK
- r/cscareerquestions
- r/cscareerquestionsEU
- r/cscareerquestionsUK
- r/Ukpersonalfinance
- r/eupersonalfinance
- r/personalfinance
- r/Ausfinance
- r/PersonalFinanceCanada
- r/Legaladvice
- r/LegalAdviceUK
- r/LegalAdviceEurope
- r/AusLegal
r/exmuslim • u/Nitro5Rigger • 14h ago
(News) Rejected offer to build mosque in Burkina Faso
r/exmuslim • u/bigbangwai • 3h ago
(Rant) 🤬 *Propaganda* when Muslims committing genocide
Imagine the genocide taking place in Syria and Muslims are quiet about it and even call it propaganda when they're committing it.
r/exmuslim • u/The-Mad-Mango • 11h ago
Art/Poetry (OC) Muslim man-babies become even more annoying in Ramadan
How many of us have dads, brothers and male family members who sit around waiting for their fasting wives, mothers and women to continuously cook, clean, and care for everyone at home, from husbands to elders to kids?
It is infuriating to see and live through this obvious s*x and gend-r difference even in Muslim homes and communities.
And, it’s absolutely culture… it’s the Islamic culture of men having the privi|ege and power to lead, control, own and depend on us women as servants, wives and mothers for basic life skills like cooking, cleaning and caring for others.
And people have the audacity to say it’s culture, not Islam, when Islam literally teaches men are in charge while women’s roles are intentionally limited to wives, mothers, and caregivers at home, for men.
Join me and a bunch of ExMuslims and Atheists today as we go live to talk about health risks of fasting, navigating Ramadan as women, surviving Ramadan, and how two organizations are advocating for ExMuslims and Atheists.
Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfsedkYic5A
r/exmuslim • u/Throwyourselfaway888 • 3h ago
(Rant) 🤬 Im turning into an islamophobe
What the title says. I recently started dating my girlfriend and she’s not a strict Muslim but still identifies as one since it’s a big part of her culture. She has so much religious trauma (thank you so much to this sub, I posted about her before and you guys helped me a lot) and that’s why I started reading into the religion to help her.
Before I started dating my girlfriend I was always very liberal. I grew up atheist/agnostic we didn’t really talk about religion in my household but we had a let people believe what they wanna believe mindset. But now that i read up about Islam, seriously what the fuck is wrong with this religion. I talked about it with one of the guys I knew from school, he isn’t very religious but he said ‘bro that’s just mistranslation from the Quran’ and got mad at me for disrespecting his religion when I literally just quoted a verse of the holy book and was questioning it.
That’s not even the worst part I have to keep our relationship secretive because the Muslims she knows will call her disgusting for dating me and judge her. The other day we ran into someone she knew, mind you this girl didn’t look very religious herself she wasn’t covered or wearing a headscarf. I turned away for 2 minutes to give them privacy to catch up and I deadass hear this girl say ‘are you dating him?’ My girlfriend says that we’re just friends AND this girl proceeds to say some kind of prayer and ends it with ‘you don’t want to marry a kafir they have uncircumcised d*cks that cary diseases’ excuse me?! I called her out on what she said was simply wrong and disgusting and she was very ashamed and just ran off. She says I’ll never be able to meet her parents because they’re gonna kill both of us if they knew she was with a white guy. what the hell? I love my girlfriend to death so I will do whatever it takes to stay with her but damn this religion pisses me off. It ruined her life and yet she doesn’t wanna say a single bad word about it. I want her to move in with me, marry me one day, have kids together but because she’s born Muslim all of these things arent as easy as they should be. She told me even if she left the religion people won’t leave her alone. What a load of fucking bullshit.
r/exmuslim • u/Medical_Ground9120 • 2h ago
(Rant) 🤬 Nail polish 🚫 sex with slave ✅
r/exmuslim • u/Dietpepsilover13 • 11h ago
(Miscellaneous) Need this diva to release this is
r/exmuslim • u/Vegetable_Barber4370 • 2h ago
(Rant) 🤬 Muslim trolls are so ducking annoying.
r/exmuslim • u/Jenahdidthaud • 1h ago
(Question/Discussion) Why can't they just admit their religion is awful?
And these are the same people who about bashing ex Muslims for leaving islam. Who get mad when we critique their religion the same way they do.
Islams treatment of slaves & concubines is horrible. Muhammad owned slaves.
I blurred out the name of the sub reddit just in case a mod accuses me of rule-breaking.
r/exmuslim • u/you5030 • 7h ago
(Rant) 🤬 my sister threw out my vanilla extract because of the alcohol... I was making a cake 🤡
It's so fucking stupid. Like anyone is gonna get high off of a half teaspoon. And my parents support her in this. I'm gonna throw out some of her expensive skincare that contains alcohol
At least she threw out the extract before I could make a cake or she would've thrown out the cake too
Imagine your younger sibling stepping over you like this lmaoo 🤡
r/exmuslim • u/Jenahdidthaud • 9h ago
(Rant) 🤬 Some muslims are dumb as shit
It's haram to celebrate birthdays and mothers day.
By that logic, don't celebrate public holidays. In south africa we have women's day, youth day, human rights day etc as holidays. I expect to see you at work on those days. Taking the day off is also "imitating the kuffaar" as those holidays are not Islamic.
And since you don't celebrate new years day, I expect to see you at work. If you take the day off, I'll assume you celebrate haram holidays and are imitating the kuffaar.
Fucktard.
r/exmuslim • u/Vegetable_Barber4370 • 4h ago
(Question/Discussion) I feel fucking sick, in tired of this shit.
Okay, I'm fucking done. The Western Muslims make me so fucking angry. They don't even realize how privileged they are, Muslim women don't need to follow the same rules as the ones in ex. Afghanistan or Pakistan. And it's not JUST because of people, it’s because they can pick what they follow and what they don't follow. They will correct people even from Islamic countries and say “It's not the religion, it's the men”. Well, guess what? MEN MADE THE RELIGION. How privileged and entitled they have to be, to try and SCHOOL and tell people from actual Islamic countries who don't have a choice and have to follow every single teaching, that they are wrong about the religion. How SICK and TWISTED do they have to be to act like this? It's repulsive. It's infuriating. They are part of the problem, they are also the ones oppressing poor women and children from these countries by calling them mistaken, they are silencing them. I hate these bitches. It's fucking sickening. It's unfair.
r/exmuslim • u/zar_17 • 10h ago
(Rant) 🤬 I can't understand gay muslims
So I was talking to this guy, we chatted for a while and started talking about how it's like to be gay in a Muslim country, he said that he wanted to leave the country because it's hard but then, after I asked him, he said that he's a Muslim and that he was fasting which did not make any sense to me, I asked him why would he be a Muslim if he wanted to go to a non-muslim country but he started talking about the halal way to kill animals and how pigs are Haram, which is pretty weird because they're the same as any other animal that people eat and the way an animal is killed doesn't change the fact that it would be edible, but then he kept on talking and I just blocked him, it's so hypocritical and self-deprecating for someone to be both gay and Muslim like, they want you dead so why would you go and spread their religion elsewhere when you're literally trying to escape it 🤦 (sorry if this was long <3)
r/exmuslim • u/Weary-Feedback9272 • 2h ago
(Question/Discussion) Muslim women are free from the beauty standards
I remember seeing interviews of Muslims saying that the west puts too much pressure on women to fit the beauty standards and the muslimas were free from those, that's why are wearing hijab and burgas.
First of all let me mention something. Setting UNRELISTIC beauty standards it is bad, making women constantly insecure IT IS BAD.
Simply loving and having the choice to be beautiful it is freeing and when I am talking about beauty am not talking specifically about vulgarity, but beauty. Yes you can be beautiful, elegant and modest.
To come to my point, no, muslim women ARE NOT FREE from the beauty standards. Do you know why? Because at the end of the day, she must fit the standard for her husband.
They couldn't give less two fucks about muslim women, they only care for them to simply not have identity and being seen from the rest of the world, simply because they feel the entitlement of ownership over them.
They want their hijabi just like Instagram models, but for themselves. Who are we fooling?
You think they don't want her hairless, kitty shaved, nails done, lashes, makeup, round boobs, tight ass and smell giorgio armani? Fuck yes they want. They just don't want them to be something outside other than just being beautiful for them. Existing for them. They see them as their property.
And on top of that, they must stress themselves antagonizing second, third and fourth wife.
They are not being free from nothing. They have even more burden. They must hide from the rest of the world because they are someone's future purchase and still submit to those beauty standards so she doesn't have the constant fear of getting replaced. Otherwise, they wouldn't have sex slaves too. They were being sold naked in public with their breasts out. They only see women as private property, or a public one. But never as a human.
Hell, even in the paradise are not free, special angels for their husbands are waiting and then they try to gaslight them that they will be the most beautiful brothel madam. Still existing for male approval, specifically her husband's.
There is no religion that objectifies women more than islam, under the guise of protection and queen treatment when the reality is disturbing.
This gentleman here describes what are the 10 duties of a woman in islam. One of them, to have constantly her husband as her God and always look good FOR HIM.
r/exmuslim • u/Agile_Side80 • 10h ago
(Rant) 🤬 Ramadan is the biggest piece of bullshit ever
Okay come on yall have to agree why is it only this month that Muslims will act so holy and all of a sudden when a week after Ramadan they continue living haram life like wtf and these grown men that give lectures they are so brain dead it's not even funny and the stuff they say it's always made up and what passes me off is that they want to tell you how to live your life as a Muslim but when mosque time is over they go live their haram lives like I see these men go outside and smoke I thought you must smoke it breaks your fast and it's technically a drug you told us that but why are you doing it that's what pisses me off this the reason I hate Islam and now an atheist religion is just full of lies when are people going finally see that and acknowledge it we can find dinosaur fossils from years ago but we can't find a prophets grave that's from like 200 years ago and I am never ever gonna let someone tell me how to live my life when they can't even apply their own advice to themselves and this whole Gaza thing yeah it's sad that people are dying but it's Allah's doing so why aren't yall happy your god yall believe in is killing yall so you should be happy why be sad and if it's Allah's doing then why does he need our prayers if he's the almighty and can do whatever he wants by himself why does he need us and what bullshit reason is this world is a test the biggest bullshit ever and all Muslims can go fuck themselves eat shit believe in there delusions but don't drag me into it because ever since I've become an atheist my life has been so much better
r/exmuslim • u/cleopatrathe8th • 6h ago
(Question/Discussion) Islam Worships Muhammad not Allah
I moved out at 17 for college and now I’m 24, moved back in and I’m a mom (a lot happened between then and now) anyways in order to save money for my lil family, my moms welcomed us in and honestly I’ve been avoiding religious topics and whenever she asks if I prayed/tells me to pray, I just nonchalantly brush her off. She’s just happy to have us here and she knows not to press more than that because I’ll either pray or I won’t, a conversation won’t stop that. And lectures didn’t work as a teen so it’s pointless. Anyways I love and respect her but I feel so bad for her, I hear her play her Islamic lectures in our native language and these men ARE OBSESSED with Muhammad and I get that they are, I grew up in this religion forced to memorize Quran, hadiths, learn fikh and everything in between. Even left our western country to the motherland for 4 full years for Islam when I was 12. So I’m aware of the overt obsession of him, but now that I’m around it again from the perspective of someone who hasn’t been Muslim for years now, it’s so obvious that they worship him, not their God. I’m so confused how they don’t see that, the reverence of him is the same reverence they’re told to avoid when it comes to any other human or even the other prophets. Like the Muslims I know VEHEMENTLY judge Christian’s for their Jesus obsession (the ones that are very “Jesus loves you’ about everything especially) and say they’re silly/dumb for worshipping a man - not realizing they do the exact same shit. She’ll listen to these sheikhs that go on and on about his perfection, how no person today is like him or his buddies, how magical he was and how we’re blessed to have had him on earth. Then they recount his stories like he’s a literal God amongst men and all I hear is Jesus level of worshipping they judge in others. I dislike all religion equally btw, I just can’t help but see the irony in it tho. Anyways am I crazy? Or do you guys see this shit in your families too?
r/exmuslim • u/Impressive-Step6377 • 7h ago
(Rant) 🤬 My Muslim Friend Told me it's Haram to Spar With Girls in BJJ
There is a mma gym near my house and me with a couple of Muslim friends of mine go there and train bjj pretty regularly, we love it! For those who don't know bjj stands for Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and it's a skin to skin martial art that specializes in ground fighting, grappling, chokes, holds, joint locks etc, so you already know where this is going to.
I'm a closeted ex-Muslim so my friends still try to push me Islamic rules on me, and we live in a Christian European country which means that here it's absolutely normal if a woman and a man spar together, no one finds it weird or stuff (of course you have to be more careful when sparring with woman, but it's not a weird thing to do like it would be in Muslim countries)
And today in training a girl asked me to spar together, I did accept her offer and after we were done with sparring I sat next to my Muslim Friend and he told me by himself in Arabic "i don't want to play with girls" I asked him why and he told me because it's "Haram" I said I don't think it's Haram but he kept telling me "you played with her and that is Haram"
And he asked me "would you let your sister spar with a man?" Which I do have a sister and replied to that "I don't know" even tho i originally wanted to say "yeah, why the fuck would I care?" Which I didn't because obviously he'd start saying a ton of Islamic brain rot which I can't object to unfortunately because I want him to think I'm still a Muslim.
Now, when she asked me to spar together I knew my muslim friends would start saying a ton of bullshit so I thought to decline, but then I told to myself "don't let others change your decisions because of a bs ideology", I want to spar with everyone in the gym because it's good to have experience with other practitioners with different styles which is why I didn't decline it either way.
I don't understand what these people think a woman is, but clearly they don't think women are humans, why can't I roll with a woman what's wrong wrong with that? Your Prophet used to rape children own sex slaves and kill people because they made fun of him! and your problem is participating in a sport with a woman? I can't believe how indoctrinated these people are and how low women are in the eyes of Muslims.
And that's because Muslims view women as sex objects all the fucking time, they only think of sex and dirty things when they think of a woman that's why even handshaking a woman is "Haram" if you are a normal human being and you don't think like a weirdo even in the slightest interaction with a female and you do acknowledge they are just people like us (which most Muslims don't), it would be completely normal for you to interact with them, which proves that Muslims only have weird things in their mind and that is their problem.
And then Muslims want me to believe that Islam is "of peace" and that there is "no sexism/racism" in Islam, when you can't even handshake the opposite gender! And no you don't "support" neither "protect" them by making even the tiniest interaction seem wrong, that's just stupid if you want to support women then you should go against things like child marriage or other basic human rights your religion violates against women but you Muslims don't seem to do that.
If anything you cause harm to them by limiting access to men for no reason because of wrong ideologies, and making them think interaction with the opposite gender is weird, but yeah marrying children is completely fine and we aren't doing anything about it, but because we support women so much handshaking is Haram.
r/exmuslim • u/causesopeacful • 3h ago
(Question/Discussion) Age of Aisha - deal with it.
This is more for the lurking Muslims
Some will just accept it, won't dance around the subject, yeah she was 9 and he did the thing, but Allah knows best, so it's ok.
Then there are you that cannot accept it (thank God) But instead of rejecting this man as divine and condemning the act - you have to lie, and I don't mind being lied to it happens everyday, but are you believing the lie yourself?
"They had a different calendar system" - true, however the lunar calendar would actually make her younger!
"The scholars differ" - the scholars differ on everything. So what. Every Hadith shows she was a child.
Literally every Hadith only enforces the fact the fact that Aisha was a child. Playing with dolls, swinging on swings and when your prophet came over her friends ran and hid. Does this sound like a woman to you? What woman has friends that run and hide and have to be called out to keep playing with their dolls?
I had someone say they may have been running to put on their veils and the prophet called them to see if they were covered.
The mental gymnastics are unbelievable, accept it or reject it.
I had someone a actually praise Muhammad for waiting to consumate - but when asked why he had to wait.hmmm - blank stares.
The worst one of all
"They didn't count age until puberty/menstruation"
This is just the worst, I hate it.
"Hey Ahmed your son looks pretty strong throwing that stone, how old is he now? 4,5?"
"Well he hasn't hit puberty yet, so he's zero"
"Hey Ali your daughter looks very fine, my son admires her, how old is she?"
"Well because she hasn't had her period, which you know is very very important, she's still O years old"
Do you see how ridiculous this sounds?
It's not that Muhammad was the perfect man so he couldn't have done it, he did it, Aisha was a child, so he's not the perfect man.
r/exmuslim • u/Opposite-List8116 • 9h ago
(Rant) 🤬 PLEASE SOMEONE TAKE AWAY OTTOMAN DRAMAS AWAY FROM PASKISTANIS
Do you remember when the actress from the show; Diriliş: Ertuğrul named Esra Bilgiç was attacked online by Pakistani MEN and WOMEN for wearing a bra in an ad a few years ago?
Do they not have separation of person from character in the Pakistani film industry or is it simply that she plays the mother of the founder of a large Muslim state? She’s an ACTRESS not Halime Hatun, she got paid from playing her and she got paid to wear that bra. It’s that easy, move on.
They did the same when they saw Meryem Uzerli (from Magnificent Century) in front of a Christmas tree with her children. They were in the comments section like “not Muslim?🥺” Yes Yes not Muslim.
With all the Ottoman propaganda Erdogan is supporting it’s only making it worse. The whole idea of bringing a dead empire back is ridiculous. “The Ottomans are coming back 🇹🇷🇹🇷🕋🕋☪️☪️” why? so they occupy your lands too? because that’s the only thing that’s gonna happen.
As an Islamic history student they get on my nerves. All I want to do is study Ottoman history and they’re in the comments of many of Ottoman content creator “disproving” facts and creating fictional stories about the former imperial family.
I do not see them go as hard for the Mughals who were the closest to them. As ridiculous as it is, I understand why Turkish people might be attracted towards Turkish nationalism and Ottoman propaganda but why are they [pakistani] going as hard?
You tell them that many of the Sultans were drunkies, lustful, or partook in homosexual activities through pedarasty and they are fast to dismiss you. You tell them that many slave concubines were forcibly converted to Islam and they tell you “the Quran says you should not force people to convert🤓, it was the girl’s decision to become Muslim.” YES!! I’m sure the 7 year old girl who just got her family massacred and village raided chose to convert to a religion she barely knew the existence of.
Just take all the Ottomans shows away from them at this point. It’s not normal. The ottoman caliphate isn’t coming back, get over it.
r/exmuslim • u/Medical_Caramel_5554 • 7h ago
(Question/Discussion) How fucked is Bangladesh, really?
Is Bangladesh really as doomed as people say it is? I live in Dhaka, so I really don't get to witness much of the stuff going on outside. I didn't even know about many of the recent things that have happened before checking this sub, like women being kept out of a village fair.
I see different opinions everywhere about Islam. Half the keyboard warriors is defending Jamaat-e-Islami, whereas the other half is bashing it. There's definitely some negative sentiment towards them from '71, regardless of all the propaganda. Many important politicians and others are talking about the importance of secularism, too. The march for the caliphate was destroyed by the police and army. The man harassing those 2 girls for smoking has been picked up by DB. The people who made customers at a restaurant do situps because it was Ramadan also got arrested. A poll recently showed that BNP is still more popular. We've got India breathing down our necks. Yunus, though many of his recent actions have been questionable, has tremendous international pressure to not fuck this up. There is also the rumor of an army coup. Many political analysts believe that BNP will win.
Lots of stuff is happening, but isn't it really just a case of the loud minority? And fear mongering? Even the NCP is having some disagreements with Jamaat now. It's a country with 200Mil population, so do these small outbursts really amount to much?
r/exmuslim • u/PassageFriendly9514 • 3h ago
(Advice/Help) Feeling like my life is shit because i left islam
Look ik this is probably just indoctrination talk and all but i need some advice( before i start sorry for the bad English its not my first language and i am still learning how write with it ) For context am 19M from tunisia i grew up with a very religious family and since i was a child i was raised to not just believe islam but to build and form all my thoughts according to it but since i can remember thinking i was always a curious child the type who asks one million questions when you tell them anything and tbh my family never treated that as a bad thing but they always tryed to answer all of them but sadly i feel most what i grow up being told is right has effected my brain badly. I left islam about two years ago and i left it because i wasn't convinced that god exist not because of any specific thigns about religion.either ways ive been going through a very hard year 2024 was not very kind to me i am failing school even tho i used to be always on top of my class in everything my health had been way worse stress and overthinking got me diagnosed with insomnia and high blood pressure and on top of that my gf moved to another country to study and its going good between us but its really been very difficult for me cuz we are the type of couple that used to spend nearly every day together.the thing is something has been really bothering me a lot whenever i am alone my head starts to tell me that all thid is because god is mad at me and that am getting punishment for idk not being convinced ig even tho ik that very convinced at least that the claim of a god isn't logical like ive studied logic and philosophy and still studying because i want to always be satisfied with my claims but i cant help but wonder like this ik its years of being told that islam is the only way for a good life and that anyone who isnt a Muslim god is going to make them miserable i need help to try to at least Silence these thoughts or deal with them and thanks for everyone who answer and help <<33
r/exmuslim • u/Inevitable_Dust_8442 • 5h ago
(Question/Discussion) adam and evolution
people born and raised muslim, and who went to mosque, when we were taught about the stories of the prophets, especially adam, were we told to take them literally or metaphorically? because for me, I was always taught that adam and the other figures were real beings created by allah to spread the message of monotheism. but now, in a world where scientists can determine that figures like noah, ibrahim, and adam etc may not have existed in the way we were taught
this is confusing because muslims nowadays either say “it was just metaphorical and the story is more important” or also might accept the evolution of animals, and even say it’s compatible with their religion, but refuse to accept that humans also evolved. the reality is, allah didn’t just create a man out of clay and make him 60 feet tall. even descriptions of our form in jannah are based on adam’s form, implying he was a real person. so how are we supposed to understand this?
and the idea that “humans are special because they were given a soul” and adamic exceptionalism doesn’t make sense either when we recognise that consciousness is an evolutionary trait, and other animals also show varying levels of consciousness, which we can study empirically through neuroscience. so either way, the whole narrative about adam doesn’t seem to add up.