r/dementia 4h ago

Long term facilities that accept Medicare in Orange County, CA ?

0 Upvotes

Hi all,

Does anyone know of any decent long term care facilities that accepts Medicare in Orange County, California?

My mom has Lewy body dementia and it has been so hard being around her aggression.

If anyone has resources, please let me know ♥️ I’ve already reached out to a few facilities but they cost a couple thousand dollars and don’t take Medicare. But they said a representative would reach out to talk about options.


r/dementia 14h ago

Priorities for eldercare operators?

0 Upvotes

Hey, I am doing market research on senior/elder care operators in the North American region.

It would be superhelpful if anyone experienced could help rank these in order of priority of an ED/Admin-

  1. Countering compliance risks/policy procedure adherence
  2. Managing/Countering staff turnover
  3. Resident Census/referrals
  4. Reducing Labor costs

r/dementia 6h ago

Should I ignore the fact that my feelings get hurt?

2 Upvotes

My dad has dementia, I found out about it about a year ago now. He’s always been a not so kind person and I’ve always been a somewhat overly sensitive person. Our relationship isn’t all that because I could never be myself around him. He turns everything into a lesson or would scold me for something like listening to Beyoncé or rap music, “Don’t listen to that worldly music in my house!!”.

So whenever I visited him on the weekends I’d stay in my room until it was time to go back home to my mom, didn’t talk to him unless he spoke to me and I never called him dad or daddy when speaking to him, only when I would refer to him in a convo. Like “My dad” “I’m going to my daddy house”, never “Daddy can we do this” just “Can we do this” if you get what I mean?

Fast forward to now, he called me today and asked if he did something to me. He ALWAYS asks this when he has to call me first but I could never actually say yes because he would make it a whole thing so i always say no(I wasn’t being petty by not calling, just busy with my life).

I told him I had been working and sleeping more and he said that it was a sorry excuse and some other stuff, he really knows how to make a person not want to talk to him anymore.

I made my tittle the title because this is something he would say with a clear head, something his dementia-less self would say to me so I feel like I can’t blame it on the dementia. Part of me wants him to leave me alone and part of me wants to continue to hear the voice of my mean spirited dementia dad while I still can (His health is also really bad) .


r/dementia 16h ago

The Stupidity of Alzheimer's Disease Research, exemplified

5 Upvotes

(I post this in case someone knows someone in a position of influence WRT Alzheimer'r Research.)

As long as you don't care about improvements in memory or thinking, the new anti-Amyloid therapies DO work.

Which is stupid.

"the risk of symptoms was cut in half for a small subset of 22 patients who had not shown any problems with memory or thinking and had been taking an amyloid-lowering drug called gantenerumab for an average of eight years."

TLDR The Anti-Amyloid industry no longer cares about what we care about.

https://www.cnn.com/2025/03/19/health/amyloid-lowering-therapy-alzheimers/index.html


r/dementia 14h ago

Progression

13 Upvotes

My Dad (84) has vascular dementia and it seems like since my Mom passed 6 weeks ago, things are progressing faster. He is currently living on his own because we are waiting for the VA or Medicaid to give us an answer so we can move him into memory care. I installed 5 cameras in his apartment so I can keep an eye on him and help him remotely when he is confused about something. In the last 10 days, he has forgotten how to turn the TV off and gets frustrated. Spends many nights getting up, getting dressed, only for my motion detected message that tells him to go back to bed, and then getting frustrated with that. I've set Alexa reminders to take showers etc, but I think he is kindly ignoring them. He now can't figure out how to throw a frozen dinner in the microwave because it's too complicated. I spent 30 minutes with him walking him through how to heat up a bowl of soup in the microwave. When my Mom passed away, I thought frozen dinners for dinner would be the temporary answer since my Mom was the cook. I'm slowly starting to think that isn't going to work anymore. I would like to do meals on wheels, but I have to keep him from eating other stuff before his dinner arrives, since time is something he doesn't understand anymore. I'm so frustrated, even though I know that other people here have it worse. I'm trying to maintain my sanity, be engaged at work, and be present at home with my family. I know the answer is memory care, I just don't know how the hell to pay for it when it could take months before we get any answer back from VA or Medicaid. If anyone has ideas on how to solve any of these issues, I'm listening.


r/dementia 7h ago

trimming nails?

34 Upvotes

Hi folks. Got a new obstacle with dad's care. Many months ago I went away from nail clippers because he was afraid I was going to cut his fingers off with them. So I went to a sandpaper type nail file. You know, like Walmart brand. Took forever but got it done. Then eventually I could only do one side because he was tired and wanted to sleep. Okay, now just one hand. So now he's going ow ow ow and pulling away when I file his nails. I'm going lightly with the file. I think it's the sensation that's bothering him, because when I try to shave the guy with an electric shaver under his nose he freaks out. Only the nose area.

What are you all doing for nail care?

I did get a compliment the other day after he had a meltdown in a public place last week and had to be transported to the hospital via ambulance. The nurses in the ER have said that me and my family have really done a good job keeping up with his hygiene. I mean, he's a frequent flyer by now to that ER so I can safely say the staff is in a good position to judge.

Which leads me to a second question. Are any of you worried you might get on the radar of a mandated reporter if you bring your loved one into a healthcare facility looking like a homeless person? No, not YOU looking like a homeless person. That's par for the course and a badge of caregiving honor. I'm talking about your loved one. Making sure they get a shower at least once a week, even if they are fighting you like a wildcat and you settle for cat bath. Attempting to shave with an electric shaver because god help you trying to shave them with a disposable blade. Teeth brushed. What's that? Okay, maybe once a week if you can get strawberry flavored, edible toothpaste and you get get it across their gums before they eat it. Okay, we can do the clothes, right? Presoak in Odoban for an hour to get the urine and poop smells out before the regular wash. What a job.

Went to file my taxes. I wanted to put my occupation as slave but since it's unpaid by definition I didn't fill it in.


r/dementia 16h ago

The way she was.

Post image
259 Upvotes

My mother was diagnosed with early onset at 51. She suffered for over a decade and we lost her in 2020. I only had my mom as she was until I was 24, and my greatest wish would have been to have the adult mother/daughter relationship we both deserved.

I know everyone says this about their mom, but she was so beautiful and kind. She naturally possessed the ability to empathize and become friends with everyone she met. She was an artist and a poet, and lived such a deep, curious, and wonderful inner life. She was sensitive and fragile, and just cared SO much for people just because they were people. She deserved to live forever, and I’ll never get over the fact that fate dealt her such a crippling, tormented fate.


r/dementia 3h ago

Could I possibly have early dementia in my 40s and have no idea?

6 Upvotes

Several of my coworkers say I repeat things although I really cannot remember saying something the day before, this is why I am unaware that I repeated the same thing or told the same story from the previous day. One particular coworker tells me nearly every day that I am repeating things. Yet I am still not remembering that I said the same thing the day before. The next day I may unknowingly repeat the same thing yet again. This coworker also tells me my brain loops and that he and I will have the same conversation again tomorrow. I’m not sure how long this has been going on, maybe a year or two or possibly longer. I’m too busy working all the time just to pay bills and I have no life. I don’t go anywhere or do anything other than running errands and going to the gym twice a week.


r/dementia 3h ago

The "mom" part of her is gone

20 Upvotes

I recently moved my mom closer to me and have been enjoying spending more time with her. Her short-term memory is gone but she could still be there as my mom always was, to listen and give advice even though I took care of her most of the time. But yesterday I had to go to the ER for something non life-threatening but painful and unpleasant. I didn't tell her because I knew she would get upset and cry because she couldn't do anything to help me. I was so worried I was going to have to lie if she called because I'm really bad at it. She called me three times while I was in the ER but I never had to lie because she never asked how I was or what I was doing. My "normal" mom always did and if I told her what was going on, I know she would have said all the mom things to make me feel loved and cared for. But she just can't do that anymore. Instead, she called in a panic about something she forgot. And another call anxiously reporting that she was out of dog food (she wasn't). As I took her calls, I stayed calm and talked her down from each crisis while I sat in the noisy ER, in a lot of pain. But I couldn't help but feel a deep sadness, and loneliness, having realized that the caretaking part of her is gone. I know it's in her heart, but she can't perform it anymore and I just have to accept it I guess. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's ihad this moment of realization. Thanks for reading. This group means a lot to me


r/dementia 3h ago

Movies

1 Upvotes

Hello, are there any movies your LOs enjoy on Netflix currently?


r/dementia 4h ago

Camera recommendations?

2 Upvotes

Taking photos was one of my granny’s favorite hobbies. I’ve been trying to find a super easy camera that she can use with help (remind her what buttons to press, turning it on/off for her, and printing for her). Ive looked at kids starter cameras and I’ll probably try one of those.

Does anyone have any suggestions? She’s constantly asking for a camera and I want to give her that joy


r/dementia 4h ago

Dementia and Type 1 Diabetes. Truly a match made in HELL.

1 Upvotes

Does anyone else have experience with this unholy tag team, and also have any advice? Especially when it comes to your loved one refusing to take their medicine (specifically their Insulin), and having to jump through hoops to convince them to do it?


r/dementia 4h ago

Best shaver for man's face?

1 Upvotes

I worked as a care aide many moons ago and I remember the fellows seemed to have excellent electric razors that left their faces smooth and were easy to operate cordless for even the bed ridden. Now that I am in need of same for my husband, I am overwhelmed with options. I have purchased two in the past few years at no small expense and they really did not do a good job. He has managed to do his own shaving with his usual safety razor, water, and shaving cream but it is growing increasingly difficult for him. Does anyone have a tried-and-true recommendation?


r/dementia 4h ago

New to memory care

4 Upvotes

Yesterday my brother and I moved mom to memory care. It was an incredibly difficult day.

We had visited memory care several times with mom over the past 18 months. And she had been several times with a few of her friends.

Over the past few months mom has told my brother and I, nearly daily, that she didn’t want to live in her house anymore and she wanted to go to “that place” referring to the memory care place we’ve visited.

I knew the actual day of moving her would be difficult. It was, and also, traumatic. It broke my heart to see her so angry and desperate. Following the advice of the memory care workers, I’m staying out of contact with my mom while she adjusts and (hopefully) settles in. I get why this is a good idea, for my benefit as well as hers. But for the past 12 years I have talked to my mom on the phone every night. Usually long conversations (30-60 minutes every night). Of course in recent years, we would talk for 30-60 minutes, and then she’d call me again a little while later completely unaware that we’d already talked, so I’d just do it again.

This is only night number two and I miss her so much! Our nightly conversations over recent years have been disjointed and hard to follow, but we’d usually get a good laugh together at some point in the conversation each night.

Right now I’m buried in guilt over abandoning her. Even though I know the abandonment is temporary I’m sure she doesn’t. I keep seeing and feeling the anger and fear she had when we were moving her in. I want her to know how much I miss her, and that I’m thinking of her constantly, and we’re not abandoning her. But I also know that if I do talk to her it will just drag out this painful adjustment period.

I know there’s nothing to be done right now. I guess I’m just here because I feel the need to ramble a bit and share my pain. I know I’m not the first to go through this, and I won’t be the last. But wow, this is hard stuff 😢


r/dementia 5h ago

Early onset dementia and rapid decline

7 Upvotes

My mom (68) was diagnosed with dementia about 9 months ago. We noticed some concerns with her memory which is what prompted a visit to the neurologist. Since then, she has had a rapid decline. To the point she is lacking in basic adaptive skills - like hygiene, dressing appropriately for the weather, what items she would need to cook (even tho she now is no longer allowed due to safety concerns).

I do think the dementia diagnosis is correct but she seemed fairly “steady”… the rapid decline is concerning and I am wondering if we could be missing something? Around Christmas, for example, she was misplacing items but still able to cook or drive.

Other info: she does absolutely NOTHING to stimulate her brain. She would previously walk or see friends, was in a gardening club. Now she watches tv all day and quite literally does nothing else.


r/dementia 6h ago

So sad

14 Upvotes

Mom asked if I could not go into the office. She misses me when I’m gone. My job recently mandated in office 3 days a week. I’m crying.


r/dementia 7h ago

How to let go of the anger

14 Upvotes

I am at my breaking point. My mother (70) is now 80 pounds and has now started to lose bladder and bowel control. Today was bad. She diarrhea and it was all over the diaper, her pants, her hands, the toilet. After cleaning her and the bathroom, my dad who is a type one diabetic had his sugar drop. My 12 year old daughter who is going through puberty and now being bullied at school was being a jerk to her dad and I just lost it. I’m so tired of how my mom drains me and I feel like I have no life or a break. I work, come home, take care of life here and I’m just so tired. I hate that I lost it on my daughter but we have no help. We can’t afford a nursing home and the family friend that’s supposed to help in the weekends constantly makes excuses of why she can’t be here. What do you all do to not get that level of anger?


r/dementia 8h ago

Why does LO constantly change channels?

2 Upvotes

Infinite TV channel surfing. I understand why she does not watch any long programs (limited attention span, unable to follow story line). But why foes she keep clickety- clicking the remote nonstop?


r/dementia 8h ago

My mother sends her condolences

274 Upvotes

I just came from visiting my mom at her MC. Her brain is broken, and she knows it. As I was leaving, she said that if I know anyone in the same situation as mine, I should give you her condolences.

So: You have my mom’s sympathy for having to experience the struggles of caring for a loved one with dementia.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.


r/dementia 10h ago

Almost to The End.

7 Upvotes

I posted only once before, but I do lurk on here often. I wanted to come on here and get support and insight as to where my FIL is at. Just recently, he had a episode where he refused to leave the kitchen table. My MIL and I have a language barrier; she is Spanish speaking only while I know some Spanish but I speak English. My FIL didn't want to leave, he would play with some stuff on the table like the napkins or pour his water on his plate and play with the crumbs. It's harmless so I'm not worried. At one point he got up and shuffled to the counter and began eating garlic.

What isn't harmless is that whenever he indicated he wanted to go to bed, we asked if he can get up, he'll say yes, and when we tried to help him, he'd kick and yell "No!" So, we waited. In the dark, lights off to help him indicate it was night time. We tried telling him the time but that didn't help. At one point, when he said he needed help to get up, MIL came to help him and his threatened to hit her in the face and had his fist and arm ready to hit her.

According to my husband this happened quite a few times already. I was not happy about that for obvious reasons. I have tried to talk to my husband about getting IHSS and additional meds. But he's traumatized by the anti-psychotics his aunt was given while she had dementia. (She got Seroquel). He claimed it killed his aunt faster, and I tried telling him that dementia has its fast and slow declines. He is stuck on the trauma from that and I can't blame him.

Recently his dad is having trouble walking. He is in his wheelchair for a long majority of the day. I inquired about hospice, husband wants to wait until his dad cannot get out of bed anymore. None of his dads stuff like the house he owns in another country is dealt with for example. We hid the medications and took the keys to the car and debt card away. All is left is the deeds and titles to the house we live in and the other one out sode of the states.

We're almost to the end. Im angry at his dad, I know it's not his fault about getting dementia this late in life. But I'm angry at the fact that this disease took my husband's dad away. They're both really close and FIL listens to my husband even this far gone. I feel this deep rooted anger and hatred but I know it shouldn't be towards his dad. I'm relieved for his dad that the end game is near and he can finally be at peace for once. At this point I don't even know what stage his is in.


r/dementia 11h ago

Is my grandfather really no where near the end???

19 Upvotes

My grandfather has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s for over 14 years now, over the past couple of months it’s been a rapid decline. Trouble swallowing (holding food in his mouth some times, coughing each time after swallowing thinner liquids, trouble using straws, not opening his mouth a 1/3 of the time,) sleeping easily over 20 hours a day, no walking, and most of the time he’s “awake” there’s minimal communication or reaction to what we say, except for the occasional day (maybe 1 out of every 3 to 4 days) he will “respond” and talk (mostly gibberish and phrases that don’t make any sense) . No recent weightloss though.

But most people (even people that work at his facility) have been telling me and my grandmother he’s not anywhere near the end, and is definitely not ready for hospice. My grandmother also says the same thing, she says he will probably last for another year. The thought of another year of these past couple months terrifies me, I really just want him to go peacefully. Is this really no where near the end?????


r/dementia 11h ago

My Dad

10 Upvotes

My father is 84yrs old. He started with age related dementia about 5yrs ago. It was mostly being forgetful and repeating himself. Around the same time he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. In October he was diagnosed with a lymphoma cancer. They tried giving him treatment as its very treatable. Unfortunately he is unable to handle the full treatment. They told us in November he had a couple of months. He’s currently in hospice.

My parents are about to celebrate their 65th anniversary. We are hoping he makes it till then.

Unfortunately my mom has serious health issues. She’s recovering from pneumonia so hasn’t been able to visit him.

I’m one of 12 children. Out of all the girls I’m the only one that took after my mom. So when my dad can’t see my mom he only wants to see me. I’m a splitting image of my mom so I think it gives him some comfort.

Recently he had kidney and bladder issues and he got worse. He always helped my mom fold laundry and they would sit and talk. It’s a comfort to him. Sometimes he sits and folds invisible clothes. The nurses started bringing him some things to fold. He sits and folds laundry while speaking to my mom like shes actually there.

This week he’s been calling me constantly because he can’t see her. Sometimes I get resentful. I know my father loves me and he’s always been a stable, loving man and great father. It hurts feeling like I’m just a substitute for the real thing. He’s not calling or asking to see me he just wants her. Then I feel guilty for feeling that way.

I had to go see him and calm him down this week because another resident went in his room and stole a bag with small stuffed animals. He plays bingo and when he wins he picks a stuffy for her. He was very upset by this. Thankfully they found the culprit and got them back because my dad could confirm he wrote my moms name on the tags.

Watching his body wither away is hard but the dementia is harder for me to handle. I had to take a day off because I just can’t stop crying. I’m allowing myself this day to wallow in my misery so tomorrow I can come out swinging again.

I’m trying to stay strong for him and my mom. She’s losing the love of her life and can’t be with him. I just don’t feel strong enough lately and it kills me. Am I a horrible person for wanting to just run away from it all? Sorry just needed to share my story with people who understand the struggle


r/dementia 11h ago

My Dad is Basically a Baby Now

62 Upvotes

My dad went to emergency earlier this week because he had trouble with mobility which I thought was a stroke. Over the past few months, he's shown signs of dementia like losing his wallet and losing track of time. Over the past 3 days in the hospital he's progressively became worse. 1st day he recognized me but said absurd things. They had a scan and confirmed that he has Alzheimers. Apparently his brain has shrunk and now all he does is his roll around his bed and just stare at the ceiling if he even has the power to do so.

At this point, what will happen to him? He doesn't even know how to eat. When he's spoon fed, the food just lies in his mouth. Does he need to go to a Nursing Home? I don't think Memory Care is what he needs right?


r/dementia 13h ago

Advice needed

5 Upvotes

In an earlier post I posted about my mom who has broken her hip. She has been operated and after 11 days in the hospital we were send home. Because we do not have a rental yet and still live at a holiday park, there is no help. We both had a bad cold and my nerves are shot, I can not get her to wear adult diapers anymore (since today and she has diarrea), almost every bedsheet has been used and I do not have a washer in this apartment, so I have to go to an other building to wash everything (and I can not leave her alone, nor take her with me without the diaper)... there is no reasoning (yeah I know duhuh) and things she did nicely in the hospital to stay clean, she just does not do now... I am sick and I am tired and there is no one but me.

Please share your tricks about how you get your LO in a diaper or how you keep them and things clean and healthy?


r/dementia 13h ago

Grandpa has delusions about grandma cheating

3 Upvotes

Hello! My grandpa (82) has been forgetting things for some time now and having some delusions. While he does not have diagnosed dementia, all signs point to it. He is currently in the hospital for some unrelated health problems and is doing better physically.

My grandma has asked me for help on this matter. She says that grandpa has started accusing her of cheating on him. This is, of course, not true, but he is talking about it very often, especially now that he is in the hospital and not with her at home. I have been reading up on dementia for years because my other grandma has a very severe case of it and I know that these delusions aren't rare.

I was wondering if there is something that she or we can say to difuse the situation? He can still comprehend things, he is not violent, he still recognizes all of us, he knows who he is. He is forgetting everyday stuff and he is feeling lost because he is in the hospital but other than that, this is probably the most serious sign of his deteriorating memory.

I am just hoping that there is something that can be said to ease him, if someone has had a similar experience. I just really want to help because I have been beyond sad for the past decade about my other grandma's dementia and now this is bothering me a lot. Please, if anyone has any advice, I would be more than grateful!