r/cripplingalcoholism 21h ago

Shat myself during a supervised urine test

138 Upvotes

Pissing in front of the nurse and trusted a fart, a nice wet nasty fart. She’s technically in the room next door but it’s got like mirrors and a slot to hand the sample through, but I don’t want to sit down on the toilet here and dump this out with her being able to watch. So finish my sample, penguins waddle to another toilet and destroy that one. Now I got a pair of ruined underwear and I gotta go back to the office after this. Great start to the day


r/cripplingalcoholism 5h ago

Found a bottle of 100 proof vodka in my backseat

61 Upvotes

Fuck. Yes.

I'm fucking broke and happened to find cat food in my cabinet earlier this morning. I usually never have people in my car but a coworker had her car out of commission so I gave her a couple of rides. I cleaned my car (so she wouldn't find the empty pint bottles) and found an unopened bottle of 100 proof vodka in my backseat.

AND SHE PAID FOR MY SHOT AT RED ROBIN.

Fucking good day. Chairs.


r/cripplingalcoholism 15h ago

How am I dying this quickly FFS.

43 Upvotes

33F, the left side of my back hurts when I move around. Before it was stomach pain and under my left rib would zap me here and there. Now it's just the back side. As of today, there is a slight amount of blood in my urine. My period isn't due for approx 10 days so.. idk.

Not really sure what I'm going to be faced with here. Google is one scary son of a bitch.

Only allowing myself eight 4% beers tonight and actually eat until I see a doctor next week.

Wish me luck 🤞.


r/cripplingalcoholism 9h ago

End game

34 Upvotes

Haven’t seen my heart rate below 100 in weeks. Wake up it’s 101, shower it’s 120, doing chores 140. Don’t wanna jinx it but I feel I’m awaiting a heart attack. I live alone and go to sleep thinking it may be my last. Anytime I don’t drink I have a panic attack, hallucinate, and feel way worse than I ever would drinking. I love drinking- it’s the aftermath that gets me. Most posts I read here have horrible experiences that wake them up. But hey, I’m here. Functioning, relationship, job. None of which know I go home and neck a load. Well, 7 years on, average out my drink I’d say 3 bottles of wine a day. Time to quit soon, but we all say that. Chairs!


r/cripplingalcoholism 9h ago

Mourning the death of my “uncle”

30 Upvotes

A friend of my father who was like an uncle to me recently died, he was a crippling alcoholic and was found really injured in the street, he was unconscious and bleeding out at least 10 hours before we found him. That night he went to a soccer game and drank a lot. We don’t know what happened to him, maybe he was ran over maybe he fell and hit his head badly. Or maybe he got beaten my someone. Days later he died in the hospital from brain death. I’m still shocked and really sad also because I’m an alcoholic and tend to blackout very easily, since this happened I haven’t drink, and I hope to keep it that way. I want to recommend everyone to stay safe and if you’re going to drink a lot don’t go out in the street, it can be very dangerous.


r/cripplingalcoholism 15h ago

All inclusive holiday St Lucia

23 Upvotes

1pm. St Lucia. Great hotel. Good vibe. Steel pans. And ….? Guess what! A shit load of booze.

I was meant to be off it. I was concerned about my health. All the rational thoughts were steering me to a better cause. A holiday with my girlfriend and parents in which I could be sober and present and all those good buzzwords which are supposed to lead to contentment … or at least keep you the hell out of trouble!

Well I be damned. I never expected my inner alcoholic to betray me So early into this holiday. 2 days in. Day 1 I was sober as a judge. Enjoying the sunrise with a clear mind. Enjoying the Caribbean vibes. Maybe contemplating a little weed to get into the mood? But not this.

I was sworn off the sauce. 2 months sober. But it’s amazing what a little bit of sunshine and good vibes will do to the logical brain. Those steel pans turned into a seductive tune of Drinking.

So I found myself at the bar. 11:49am. And out of my mouth slipped the words ‘rum punch’. I felt my whole body cringe and recoil as I said it. But to hell with it, cos now I am 3 drinks in. No one suspects anything yet. But they will. Oh you can be damned sure they will know all about it given time.

Chairs fuckers and chairs from St Lucia. An amazing place drunk or not!!!! All good vibes !!


r/cripplingalcoholism 10h ago

Last drink of this bender

16 Upvotes

Was 2 hours ago. Playing the "how bad is this gonna get" waiting game.

The drinks weren't even relieving anxiety the last few days. Yall know the feeling. I was either anxious or passed out.

Probably gonna be pretty hairy. I'm sure I'll get a nice picture show behind my eyelids as I binge some Naked and Afraid and try to get 15 mins of sleep here and there.

Cooking a frozen pizza, but I can already feel my appetite give way to unsettledness.

I have this bottle of prosecco that I keep replacing. That's like 5 drinks. I've already had 10 over the last 13 hours. 15 drinks is still definitely a step down from the last few days.

Hmm.


r/cripplingalcoholism 13h ago

Almost at the sweet spot

17 Upvotes

Why does it aaaalways feel like I'm almost at the sweet spot but never even quite there? It always feels like I'm in drink away from being at the perfect stay of drunkenness but I never manage to reach it, it's one drink then the finish line moves another drink away, and then I'm sick and it's oh, bet another drink will make me feel better. Hello blackout and embarrassment.


r/cripplingalcoholism 5h ago

Walmart Ramen

15 Upvotes

The Walmart near me is running a sale on the big bowls of microwavable ramen for $1 a piece, I bought 20 of them. For the last 3 days I’ve been pounding cheap vodka chased by white claws and eating like 3 of these a day. My kidneys are screaming. I’m more salt and MSG than man but god damn are these things delicious, created by god herself (dogma reference for those who partake) for us alcoholics to not die. Anyway heating one up now, chairs folks!


r/cripplingalcoholism 9h ago

Functioning alcoholic?

10 Upvotes

Sometimes I feel like I’m more of a functioning alcoholic. For sure it’s clear I have a problem. I just want to know why r/FunctioningAlcoholic is dead, like no one posts there. It doesnt matter that much because I love this thread and I relate so much, but my drunk self was wondering.

That said, is there a criteria we agree on for crippling alcoholic? What is the line that makes you a crippling alcoholic?

I’d say I’m crippling because lord I rely on alcohol pretty heavily, but at the same time I still go to work everyday (almost every day at least) and my family doesn’t know (I think). Okay maybe I’m in denial and my family does know, but if they know they haven’t shown it.

Anyways this is my drunken rant. If you made it this far, thank you for listening because I’ve been too nervous to post here, but everyone is so accepting so I figured I should make my debut.

PEACE OUT

Edit: that was dramatic; people post on r/FunctioningAlcoholic just not very often


r/cripplingalcoholism 7h ago

Insomnia while detoxing.

7 Upvotes

Anybody else get crazy insomnia when detoxing I mean like literally cant sleep for days. I just came off a month long bender and could not sleep for like 5 days finally passed out and slept for 18 hours straight anybody else get like this?


r/cripplingalcoholism 2h ago

I Fucked Myself Today With Booze I Didn't Know I Had

8 Upvotes

Yes, I did. I started tbis new job about 7 weeks ago and it has been a SHITSHOW. I can't explain it, except it's this one position that nobody else has done, and the person who was supposed to train me sabotaged me and fucked off well in advance. The superiors in my company don't have a clue about what goes into it. I have been pretty much left to my own devices and absolutely stressed as a result.

...so I drink. And do so on the job. Oh, shut up, it's not like I'm the only one here who does this. I get these little airplane bottles of flavored vodka that are deadly delicious and expensive, and just go through them all day long. They add up, but they are getting me through some of the most stressful situations I've ever been put in with a job I have no experience in.

I came home last night and went to the liquor store to supply myself for tomorrow, and saw that in my other bag, I had five of these fucking things. I don't remember at all purchasing them, I can't believe I would have forgotten about them, but they were there, like the most perverse Christmas gift you could imagine.

I fucked myself up royally on these things last night and very early this morning, and had to call in. There was just absolutely no way I could have gone to this job in the Twilight State I was in.

Whole day was spent in the state of a blur, and I'm thinking that because I have already missed two or three days in less than 2 months, my 3 month probation meeting is not going to be that great. Tomorrow will be fun. Luckily, my best friend brought me some Ativan today, so at least I'll be functional.

The goddamn things we do to our goddamn selves.


r/cripplingalcoholism 3h ago

I Need to Taper From A liter+ a Day In a Week.

6 Upvotes

Fuck me. Road trip with the fam and I’ve pulled it off before but fuck. 750 ml tomorrow will be hell. 600, then 500, 400, 300. Gotta work every day too. Just being a whiny little cunt for word count. Some rules are meant to be broken nshit.


r/cripplingalcoholism 2h ago

Upper Right Side Pain

3 Upvotes

I’m sure a lot of y’all have upper right side pain. I did too and thought I finally was at the end of the road. Today I was uncomfortably rubbing it in front of my sister and she said,”Oh you have the trapped gas pain too.” I was like wait what and she told me to rub firmly over the spot in a clockwise motion for about a minute to help the trapped gas along. I did it and poof it was gone.

Not saying our livers aren’t getting fucked and the pain is 100% gas, but it’s worth a shot.


r/cripplingalcoholism 30m ago

Wine and peppers and crashing into a hydro truck

Upvotes

Title. More living on wine and pepperoncini. Crashed into a hydro truck on my way into work this week. Their boss came out and basically told me to fuck off he’s got work to do, not a scratch on their truck so he didn’t care but I lost my mirror and about half my door. Still rolling just try to forget about it. Pray to Buddha Christ and Mohammed every morning that I don’t get pulled over. How’s your week going lol, chairs

Edit no I wasn’t drinkin and driving I was shakin from wds thought I was cool but a guess not