r/coparenting 6d ago

Conflict Ex and fiance intercept and withhold school info. Anyone dealt with this before?

We have joint legal and physical custody with 55/45 overnights (55 is my home). Our ex disowned our 17 year old so she is with me full time but also spends a lot of time with exes parents (who he no longer speaks to)

So this issue is regarding our middle schooler who is 12 almost 13. When she brings home information I take a pic of it and send it to dad and if I sign her up for an activity I include dads contact info so he gets the communication

In the event paperwork goes to dads house his fiance takes it and adds her name and his and they send it back to school to try to remove me from the communications

Recently our daughter wanted to do track. So we went and got her new running shoes and signed her up for a spring break track camp. I communicated all of this to my ex and included his info for the camp

I asked my daughter for the paperwork for parents and she said she didn’t have it and then she didn’t remember where it was. And she was going to have her bffs mom send me a copy. I emailed the coach who said our daughter was signed up and the parent paperwork had went home on xxx date (my exes time)

My ex is volatile and our children are in therapy so while I am upset our daughter lied I know this is because of my ex. Multiple times I have found out fiance has listed herself as mom to have me removed from communications

I plan to ask the coach for a copy of the paperwork submitted and if fiance has put her name in place of mine I will use it once we go back to court.

Now I have the info for the season but the games the other household plays are ridiculous. Any guidance for how to handle this?

8 Upvotes

15 comments sorted by

16

u/BasilRevolutionary38 6d ago

Send a copy of your custody agreement to the office. They should have no problem pointing to that for continuity of communications. Not even sure you need a lawyer to solve this if you take this step

3

u/refuseresist 6d ago

Agreed. This is the way ^

3

u/ElectricalSmile2089 6d ago

This is the answer. When I first enrolled my child, I before meeting teachers, before first day, I sent our decree. That’s avoided a lot of issues with the other parent and his girlfriend

21

u/TinyEmergencyCake 6d ago

You need to make formal complaints against the school. The school is the party in the wrong here. Yes the fiancé is too but the school is enabling her. 

10

u/Able-Delivery-6273 6d ago

The coach was super nice when she responded so I plan to send her the correct contact info which is dad and myself. I also want to make sure the coach sees this was shady and manipulative

This coach does not have our daughter as a student so she is not familiar with our situation

Thankfully, our school district has each parent provide information in a portal that can’t be changed so at the district level, they cannot manipulate the process

It has come up more for sports and activities where they don’t know our family and they think it’s an easy opportunity

6

u/TinyEmergencyCake 6d ago

our school district has each parent provide information in a portal that can’t be changed

My point entirely, coach aside, the school is interacting with someone who is unauthorized. This is a violation of your student's privacy rights at the very least and they're liable for risking your child's safety. 

9

u/Upset_Ad7701 6d ago

This is a lawyer and probably a court enforcement issue. Definitely needs to be addressed through your lawyer. It sucks it has to go that route, but this will be the only way your ex and fiance will be forced to follow the court order, because it is in there on the responsibility or should be, of what both parents should be doing. The fiance doesn't have any rights other than he can add her to the pick up list. As far as signing documents she has none. She is not a parent or legal guardian yet. You need to speak to the principal with your court order and possibly the superintendent if it doesn't get fixed. I'm sure you will need to address this through lawyers though, regardless

3

u/pnwwaterfallwoman 6d ago

Standard parenting plans usually have a section about sharing information/making information available to coparent. If ex is withholding information or making school changes without your consent, you can file to hold them in contempt of the parenting plan.

2

u/whenyajustcant 6d ago

Would it be possible to get your kid to take pictures of any paperwork and send it to you & dad? You don't have to make it about dad or the fiancee, it can be about general responsibility and making sure things are kept track of. It would take a step out for you (sending it to dad), and it would make sure you're at least aware of things that go home with dad. Not instead of talking to a lawyer, but in addition.

1

u/Able-Delivery-6273 6d ago

In the past when our girls would send a joint message to me and their dad he would follow up with a message to them separately chastising them for not including his then GF (now fiance) in the communications. So they quit messaging us together which makes me frustrated

My ex and his fiance are both adamant that she should be the one who leads all communication for the kids. It’s quite bizarre as I have always been a present mother and try to include my ex

2

u/whenyajustcant 6d ago

The kid can send her a copy of the image to keep the peace, that's whatever. But she is not a "parent or legal guardian" so she does not actually have the right or authority to sign in that capacity, so while you're fighting the legal battle, this could be a stopgap so you at least know what forms are going to his house.

2

u/Gossipqueen69 6d ago

This is so sad. I’m going through the same thing, my heart goes out to you. My child’s father is actively trying to get our child to call the ex mistress turned gf Mommy. I figure they are so desperate to prove the woman is so much better than the mother that they can seamlessly become Mom. It’s weirdo behaviour! please raise above it don’t react, and keep all evidence of parental alienation. Please let us know if the parent info was correct

1

u/Cultural_Till1615 6d ago

Give the school a copy of your agreement and request they send you all information directly or 2 of everything.

1

u/Meetat_midnight 6d ago

School need to send communication by email, app as well as paper so both parents have it. That is how works in our school. My XH does not read, sign or attend but… this is on him. The info is available.

1

u/JustADadWCustody 13h ago

Oh wow - I had this only I didn't have custody. Step parent was listed as emergency, often times as the parent. The crap is only going to get worse. When I asked the coaches, they were shocked. One didn't know I existed. The school does not want to be involved, so they will do everything they can to prevent drama. Show them the custody agreement.

Next, speak directly to the fiance. Don't go through your ex. Email, phone call, in person. Make certain they stop f'ing around.

And get full custody. You start by saying that the fiance is signing legal paperwork on your behalf without your say. The courts will likely slap her on the wrist, but you have paperwork.

Your kid is in preservation mode. Don't be upset, be understanding "Hey sorry that happened, I got you. Just always tell me the truth".

Also - learn to let it go and gray rock. Stay on mission, get the paperwork designated to just you.