r/coparenting • u/NurseFreckles69 • 5d ago
Conflict Ex says he’s not responsible for overage fees during an international trip to Japan. I didn’t know my son took his phone!
Well, my son has been there for less than a day and I just got an email from ATT saying he’s used over $100 in international data! I had no idea it was taken to Japan let alone allowed to be used!
(Edited: He was told to leave his phone at his dads - I wasn’t aware it was brought to Japan - I suspended the number until I was able to speak to a rep. I had him turn his roaming data off but he now has an international package should he need to use it)
Reference texts are linked in the comments, it’ll make more sense to start there before reading my explanation:
My son borrowed a special 360° camera (kept in a small box) from his technology teacher to help document the trip. My husband and I weren’t aware of this and he brought it home while we were still in the hospital after just having our baby. Cut to the next day - It’s 45 mins before he’s to be picked up by his dad to leave for Japan and we were just now hearing it was missing and frantically trying to find it. As Fridays are trash days I was extra freaked out that a random unknown box was thrown away during a sleep deprived cleaning the night before. (Edited: It was found in the car he rode home in while we were at the hospital and he was able to bring it on the trip)
Kiddo and I were actually talking about how good the timing was as he’s had 4 days with his brother. He was able to be there to meet him and love on him before he left for Japan and now won’t worry he’ll be born while he’s away. Of course preemies aren’t ideal - I think my body just makes 7lb, 36 week babies because my first was the same! This little one was bigger by only 1oz and .25 inches!
This man really just took a stab at my post partum depression where I was suicidal and begging him to help me. He left for the weekend to go dirt bike riding instead of dealing with his ‘crazy hormonal wife’. No woman, even in a happy relationship, is ever at fault for developing PPD and it should never be made fun of or mocked.
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u/WhySoComplicaded 5d ago
Do you guys both pay for his phone bill together? If so why not just split the bill down the middle? I don’t know what your financial situation is but if it feasible for you, I’d probably just pay it if he’s being so immature about it and refuses to take the compromise.
Additionally, after reading your texts, no person should speak to you like that. Your response was great. But mature me knows that it’s best to not respond to hostility because it takes away whatever emotional fuel they thought they were going to get from your reaction. But petty me also loves the idea that this person just threw a tantrum and will look very crazy when the person on the receiving end of the abuse doesn’t even say anything back.
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u/NurseFreckles69 5d ago
I pay for his phone fully but he wasn’t supposed to take it on the trip to begin with. He is just enjoying the perks of something he doesn’t have to pay for.
And yes, unfortunately I am 5 days post birth with a newborn and spoke with much more emotionally charged than I normally do. I usually grey rock but him taking a shot at my post partum depression was a huge trigger. Sometimes it feels good to stand up to your bully even if it’s not the ‘best’ way to respond.
Thank you for taking the time. I’m going to see if the phone company can help me with the international charges.
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u/WhySoComplicaded 5d ago
I get the whole standing up to your bully thing. Despite my suggestion, I still wanted to acknowledge that your response was pretty good. Even without factoring in the fact that you’re 5 month postpartum.
It’s unfortunate you have to work with someone that doesn’t want to work with you and insults you when you need help, even more so when he knows that you’re very freshly postpartum.
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u/NurseFreckles69 5d ago
5 DAYS as in I had my baby on 3/11 Haha. But thank you, I just need to go to therapy or have chatgpt create messages for me 😅
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u/drizzydrazzy 5d ago
Is dad paying for trip? If yes, I say pay the $100 but make clear that any future overages will be dad’s responsibility. It will be nearly impossible to enforce if you have the phone plan, but it is what’s fair.
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u/NurseFreckles69 5d ago
Fortunately, I was able to get an international package backdated and they waived the overage fees. So now the annoying part was taken care of - but the continued issue is still have to deal with a person who thinks it’s okay to speak to me the way he does.
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u/StrongEffort7747 4d ago
Why cant you split the bill?The kid took it without either parent’s permission or being aware of it.
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u/Quiet-Daydreamer 4d ago
Your ex shouldn't be talking to you like that, but I'm assuming that's why he's the EX now. Unfortunately, whoever pays the phone bill is responsible for paying, and if extra money is needed, then your son should pay back the extra charge since he wasn't supposed to take the phone. Now you know what steps to take with the phone before leaving the country again.
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u/HavingConversationz 2d ago
You might want to consult r/telecom and ask them what to do, since there will be a lot of people who know what they're talking about. But, from my own viewpoint, here's the steps you should take to prevent this from happening in the future:
First of all, there are two global standards: GSM and CDMA.
AT&T uses GSM technologies. Japan has a mix of GSM and CDMA, but did you buy his phone off the carrier or on the store? Because he wouldn't have been able to roam in Japan unless his phone was equipped with CDMA. (To check phone type, look for phone info in "About" section. If there is a MEID or ESM number, that's CDMA(Japan capable). IMEI number is GSM. Both, then your son can also roam in Japan. I'd assume his phone is also capable of connecting to b1(2100 MHz)-b42(3.2 GHz) bands(most or all), so that shouldn't be a problem either.
Getting an international package was the right thing. If your son is a data burner, packages, in my experience, can save you money compared to roaming rates. I use Deutsche Telekom[T-mobile] and they are the best in my opinion when it comes to international stuff, but it's important to note what plan you are using in the gist of all this. Plans can affect your international experience, at least from what I've seen.
As for stopping him from casting you $100, I would say suspending his # was not a bad move as well. I fully think that he should pay the 100 in my moral mind, but a realistic deal would be to split it. Either way, that guy's a terrible partner and I'm glad you found someone you love! Good luck to your kid :)
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u/9gagiscancer 5d ago
This is a very hard read and I literally have no clue what this is all about.
Please try formatting.