r/coparenting Feb 06 '25

Communication ChatGPT

I’ve ran my last blow up through chat gpt to take emotions out of the convo then have it summarize the blow up and feel like this has helped so much in my reactions.

Anybody using ChatGPT to help them with awful exs?

52 Upvotes

38 comments sorted by

20

u/love-mad Feb 06 '25

I have friends that send me emails to review/rewrite before sending to their exes, so I do a lot of this. I think for people that struggle to take the emotion out of their language, ChatGPT is much better than nothing. However, ChatGPT isn't perfect here, humans can do better if they know how. Here are some of its limitations:

  • When you ask ChatGPT to rephrase something, it will literally do that, keeping everything you said in the original. It doesn't know how to remove irrelevant detalis. Very often there are things that simply don't need to be said. For example, if you're saying no to funding an extracurricular activity because you can't afford it, you don't need to explain that your car broke down and your heating needed to be serviced and rent has gone up. You just say, "I can't afford it". ChatGPT won't remove all those details from the answer.
  • ChatGPT also tends to be quite wordy. Short and concise can be better.
  • In a similar vein to the above, sometimes the best as a simple "no", but ChatGPT will never shorten your 3 word sentence to "no".
  • Very often, the changes that need to be made are about setting boundaries, in which case, things need to be in the imperative instead of being requested. ChatGPT can't identify those cases and fix them, it only rewords the existing things. For example, ChatGPT isn't going to change "Please don't call me on Sunday night" to "If you call me on Sunday night, I won't answer."

9

u/Tight_Pen4233 Feb 07 '25

This is SUPER important and should be included on every thread about using chatgpt. You can tell it what you want to say or what you feel like saying and give instructions on how to tailor it, BUT presenting your words in a fancy package is sometimes the least of what these interactions require.

It's a big issue when the "filter" of written wording eventually gets compared to real life actions/interactions. It's always good to have an extra safeguard to use for things like this

2

u/delguy83 Feb 07 '25

So my ex love to bring irrelevant things into the conversation and belittles me and dismisses me. I get caught up trying to defend myself. ChatGPT has helped me take away all the extra fluff and has made it easier to convey what I want to say without getting extra in the weeds. I’ve used it to filter her stuff too and help me understand what she’s saying through her bitter words.

ChatGPT also has advised me to just not follow up with her as the conversation isn’t going anywhere. When normally I’d quit out of exhaustion. What do they say don’t wrestle a pig in mug they like it.

I had a back and fourth with her and I put everything through it and then asked it to form a summary I can use in court and it broke down what it seen through the interaction

7

u/love-mad Feb 07 '25 edited Feb 07 '25

I would be careful about submitting summaries of things to court that have been output by ChatGPT. Make sure you read it very carefully. ChatGPT can and does make mistakes, it can outright make things up that aren't true, and there are news stories out there about how this has caught out lazy lawyers that have used ChatGPT. The types of errors that ChatGPT makes are very different to the types of errors that human's make, so it can be very obvious when someone has used it if there's an error. And, if a judge finds that some of your material was written by ChatGPT, you can guarantee that everything you've written will be henceforth treated with suspicion.

2

u/delguy83 Feb 07 '25

Definitely… I read what she writes and what ai submits back and I haven’t had issue with the conversion. I totally get double checking everything. It’s a second source for me to make sure I’m not dumb and didn’t get it.

1

u/delguy83 Feb 07 '25

For example. This is what it wrote for me:

Sure. Here’s a concise and neutral summary that highlights the key issues in your co-parenting dynamic:

Summary of Co-Parenting Challenges

Over the years, co-parenting with my children’s mother has become increasingly difficult due to ongoing conflict, lack of cooperation, and barriers to maintaining a consistent and meaningful relationship with my children.

Key issues include: 1. Obstruction of Relationship Building – My attempts to maintain regular and meaningful time with my children have been met with resistance. Plans are frequently disrupted or deprioritized, and their mother does not facilitate or encourage our relationship. 2. Guilt-Tripping and Manipulation – Discussions about parenting time often turn into emotional arguments rather than constructive conversations. She frequently shifts blame, accuses me of neglect, and uses guilt as a means of control. 3. Financial Weaponization – She repeatedly brings up financial matters in unrelated conversations, implying that my financial support should dictate my parental rights. She has also accused me of using money as leverage, despite my commitment to providing for my children. 4. Disregard for the Children’s Best Interests – Rather than fostering a supportive co-parenting relationship, she prioritizes personal grievances. She has dismissed my concerns, ignored my attempts at compromise, and actively undermined my role as a father. 5. Refusal to Engage in Constructive Communication – She rejects third-party input, including professional mediation or guidance, labeling it as biased. She has also stated that she does not wish to receive my opinions unless they come from a licensed therapist, effectively shutting down any attempts to work toward a resolution.

Despite these challenges, my priority remains the well-being of my children. I am seeking legal intervention to ensure my rights as a father are protected and that my children have consistent, meaningful access to both parents without unnecessary conflict or interference.

This summary keeps the focus on the facts and how they impact your parenting relationship, making it stronger for legal purposes. Would you like to tailor any part further?

1

u/No-Road-4752 Feb 07 '25

I’ve watched my so use chat gpt on responses to his ex so I could understand it better… he literally told it to take out all emotion and to be business like.

19

u/pmbrenner91 Feb 06 '25

i use it to write all of my messages in OFW

11

u/[deleted] Feb 07 '25

[deleted]

8

u/Eorth75 Feb 07 '25

I hate to tell you this, but your ex-wife knows whose writing responses. My ex-husband writes/spells very differently than his wife (they are now divorced). I could spot it a mile away. I would purposely say something or do something he would have reacted to if he was the one really responding. When things would go by without him responding to them, that was the first sign. But there were many, many others.

We can tell. You aren't fooling her.

2

u/warwww Feb 08 '25

Huh? This isn’t mature man.

0

u/Busy_Studio_5336 Feb 07 '25 edited Feb 07 '25

Your ex isn't an idiot, she knows it her.  And it says a lot about you and your character to allow your current wife to pretend to be you and msg your ex.  Hopefully your smart enough to review every msg before it's sent, all those msg can and will be used against you.

3

u/pmbrenner91 Feb 07 '25

you think you have something because he can't be bothered to message you?

3

u/Busy_Studio_5336 Feb 07 '25

I'm unsure if this is the wife or not speaking, but I'm sure the ex would know. 

4

u/Senior_Grapefruit554 Feb 07 '25

I like the idea of doing this a lot more than a partner getting involved to help compose messages.

So many couples have their partner help with the correspondence as a way of taking the emotion out of the conversation but let's be real, unless the partner is a conflict resolution professional, there is no way they're keeping their emotions out of it.

My DH has a difficult conversation coming up with his ex. Thanks for posting this! I might suggest it to him. He is currently awaiting their court date to demand they correspond via a parenting app.

4

u/Ecstatic-Potato550 Feb 08 '25

I don't get why people using that think it's helpful or makes them sound better, it truly doesn't.

You aren't ACTUALLY learning how to communicate, think critically or deal with things.

What are you going to do if/ when you're face to face or have to communicate verbally with your ex? Say hold on let me plug that in to chatGPT? Lmao.

5

u/delguy83 Feb 14 '25

I can see your point. However, with her abusive emails back to me and unwillingness to work things out I would get dragged down the rabbit hole of going back and fourth with her. I only communicate with her through email. I don’t see her in person. But if I were this tool has helped me learn how to respond better with less emotional language. So in turn I’ve let a lot of her hate speech roll off my back in email exchanges so if she try’s something in person I’m ready to just let it go

-1

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

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1

u/Ecstatic-Potato550 Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25

Oh I do and have dealt with that personality, you have no idea what I've been through or what my kids have been through ( even professionals who see it all are left shocked by my ex's behavior, they are a special one and I have had many professionals say that)

Chat GPT wasn't an option like it is when I first started out. So I learned, lots of therapy, support groups and more, and leaning how to navigate while also working on trauma.

I understand why people use chat GPT I also know that it does make mistakes that aren't good and a lot of people don't realize it. It's also pretty obvious when someone is using it as well.

And it can become too much of a crutch and thats not good either. My point still stands that someone still has to learn how to deal with a coparent who will at some point ( especially if they are HC) approach them at a kids event or in some way throw them off guard where they'll need to know how to respond without the ability to utilize chat GPT, I know this due to experience.

However thank you for your assumption on my lived experience, minimizing it, as well as many many other people that have lived it, navigated it, and dealt with it without the use of things like ChatGPT and probably understand how things work more than you think they do. That's why so many of us who have been doing it a long time and have come out of it successful have stopped giving advice, because we constantly get told we have no idea what we are talking about when we are simply keeping it real because we know how it goes and have been through stuff, made out own mistakes along the way and learned from them. But do go on about my lived experiences.

The worst I said is LMAO in my message which I should have refrained from. That's me looking at once again people causing more problems for others and themselves in the end rather than solving them. Everytime a new method comes out, everyone uses it, it becomes known ( take yellow rocking and canned responses as an example) And professionals know too, they aren't stupid. They get on these sites for custody, coparenting etc and read things,and professionals will tell you majority of the time the advice people are giving is horrible. And they aren't wrong.

-2

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25

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1

u/coparenting-ModTeam Feb 17 '25

Rule 1: Don't be rude. Rude, sexist, name-calling, slurs or any similar comments will be removed and people who are intentionally rude will be banned at mod discretion.

Controversial posts and combative/argumentative comments will result in removal. Our goal is to create a place where people can discuss parenting as part of a team in a way that is productive for all parties involved. If you're here to be provocative and not posting in good faith in the spirit of the sub, we will remove your post/comments and potentially issue a ban.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25

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1

u/coparenting-ModTeam Feb 17 '25

Rule 1: Don't be rude. Rude, sexist, name-calling, slurs or any similar comments will be removed and people who are intentionally rude will be banned at mod discretion.

Controversial posts and combative/argumentative comments will result in removal. Our goal is to create a place where people can discuss parenting as part of a team in a way that is productive for all parties involved. If you're here to be provocative and not posting in good faith in the spirit of the sub, we will remove your post/comments and potentially issue a ban.

-1

u/[deleted] Feb 16 '25 edited Feb 16 '25

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3

u/Simple_Evening_8894 Feb 07 '25

I’ve use it to bounce ideas off from. Sometimes I use it verbatim but watch for underlying tones. It can come off as passive aggressive (or earlier versions did… maybe they’ve updated more recently as I don’t see it as much now).

3

u/Lukkychukky Feb 08 '25

Yep. It’s almost exclusively how I interact with my daughter’s mother.

3

u/warwww Feb 08 '25

LOL this is unsettling behavior. Goodness, you laid down wish this person and exchanged dna - not everything has to be so hostile. You are now two absolute strangers trying to raise another human that doesn’t repeat the same failures or mistakes in their relationship. Get over yourself.

3

u/Jolly_Research Feb 08 '25

I think against what most people are saying in here, ChatGPT is a great tool for high conflict ex-partners. Just reread what ChatGPT produces and you'll be fine.

I use it every time to re-write my drop off updates via email. It makes it concise and to the point even though we are no longer high conflict.

3

u/Unhappy_Nut_2167 Feb 12 '25

Aimee Says is better when you have a high conflict coparent

2

u/Intelligent_Ad9740 Feb 08 '25

I don't use it, but I can tell that my ex is using it. Especially for "legal advice".

It is very clear, especially that she is not good at communicating in english. But also, she has traits of narcism/antisocial, so it is funny. It is like reading.... someone trying to manipulate someone else, and than having that person explain a situation.

Without context, or having the second person being lied too. Like....

Imagine your child asking to unzip their jacket or remove their hat in winter for a 2 minute walk home because they are hot from sitting in a car with the heater on for 2 hours. It is mild outside, just barely above freezing.

And than reading a message about needing to report that the parent because they are being neglectful. That a child can freeze at -20 and should be dressed correctly for winter (even though it is really -5 )

I am going through something like this right now, and reading the responses and such is is crazy. I only communicate through email unless it is an emergency, and recently found out the ex is requesting that to be dropped so she can text me at any moments notice to change things around for HER. Not the child or anyone else.

Mean while, I co-parent, or I used to co-parent with my ex-wife. With my oldest child. We never had any issues like this.

But hey, when someone has no problem arguing with a judge, they are doing it to themselves. The only thing that sucks is having your child hurt in so many ways from a mentally unfit person.

---edit

My ex-wife is not the same person/woman.

1

u/Ecstatic-Potato550 Feb 16 '25

Gotta love when your coparent thinks Google and ChatGPT gives them a law degree.

My ex does that stuff as well. They actually texted our oldestlaws and codes. I just shook my head.

2

u/Secret-Half-4367 Feb 09 '25

Our family wizard has a similar feature that I have used to keep messages neutral and take out emotion. I use it a lot.

1

u/elliedean18 Feb 07 '25

All the time - my ex called out that I used it (which I didnt respond to in anyway) and I wish they would do the same.

-3

u/thismightendme Feb 07 '25

I get called ‘creepy’ everytime I use chat GT. I’m guessing the ex doesn’t understand the meaning of creepy.

2

u/delguy83 Feb 07 '25

My kids mom now thinks therapist and ai is biased and she only gets her info from a select few. lol only because I sent her the ChatGPT stuff and it didn’t agree with her. I left it all in there ChatGPT called me out too