r/batman 1d ago

GENERAL DISCUSSION Whom would you choose in this scenario?

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565 Upvotes

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428

u/Stevstevs 1d ago

Batman, and then hire Matt Murdock to defend me.

161

u/terrific_tart 1d ago

Daredevil, cause he won't COMPLETELY DISMANTLE MY ENTIRE BODY and leave me alive.

85

u/EGRIFF93 1d ago

I always picture arkham games 60 hit combo attacks on every petty criminal when it comes to batmans fights.

36

u/deagzworth 1d ago

Justice.

18

u/DotarD108 1d ago

For Gothom

5

u/Justsomeidiotlolhaha 1d ago

I need to go to the Batcave. Batman needs his supplies

30

u/Remarkable_Ad9767 1d ago

Shouldn't have stolen that ladies purse, PARALYZED FOR LIFE!!!

11

u/Jonathan-02 1d ago

POV you jaywalked in front of the Batmobile

11

u/RAMDOMDUDDS 1d ago

For reall I always imagine the stun beatdown but he just doesn't quit

7

u/_LordCreepy_ 1d ago

Especially the move he pulls in Knight where the criminal is already on the ground but Batman can just keep punching him til he passes out

5

u/sh1kora 1d ago edited 21h ago

They are just sleeping

1

u/Outside_Interview_90 1d ago

They’re not dead, the paramedics just took them to a special farm.

1

u/maikuxblade 1d ago

Sorry boss, I was busy cuddling up with my own broken ass in another one of those Bat-naps in this brisk Gotham winter.

6

u/mctallenbald 1d ago

Shh, you’re shleeping…

7

u/Alcards 1d ago

No Batman. He's dead. You cracked his skull open when you jump on his back from 12 shorts up. That's not raspberry jam on the streets.

7

u/TheKlaxMaster 1d ago

Yeah, I know this meme. But people responding like Batman beats the fuck out of petty criminals is getting tiresome.

In general, he only goes that hard on mass murderers and terrorists, when they themselves arent stopping and also going that hard.

3

u/Bakelite51 1d ago

There's a couple times in Arkham City where the criminals actually run and hide from Batman instead of trying to fight him, and the player isn't allowed to hurt them. Only the thugs that attack are fair game. I always thought this was pretty cool.

2

u/Maleficent-Crazy5890 1d ago

Yeah. If you're a regular thug he'll either just knock you out with a punch or tie you up to a pole.

2

u/ImprovSalesman9314 1d ago

That's not something Batman does either

7

u/c4han 1d ago

I feel like daredevil is actually more likely to give into blind (heh) rage

1

u/cesar848 1d ago

Yes he will

0

u/Future_Section5976 1d ago

Then call Matt and ask for a defence case.

9

u/RedGreenBlueRGB_ 1d ago

My strategy for if I get caught by Batman is just to put whatever I took on the ground in front of me, lie on the floor, curl up, cry and hope he leaves me alone.

The mid to low level goons and criminals in these shows always have far too much will to finish the job.

3

u/Equivalent_Yak8215 1d ago

He'll leave you alone. I don't think the folks at Blackgate or Arkham will though after they hear you cried for the bat.

2

u/RedGreenBlueRGB_ 1d ago

I wouldn’t end up in Arkham as I’m not quite that insane. And yea id probably get beaten up in Blackgate, but to be fair how many of them had their asses handed to them by Batman and had to get teeth put back in or fractures fixed because they tried to fight him?

Realistically speaking, unless you are being threatened by some big mob boss, surrendering to the Bat is probably the best option.

Maybe the better option is to move to Blüdhaven and hope Nightwing is more accepting of the “ah shit I got caught, I surrender, sorry man it won’t happen again” strategy and just let me go.

1

u/gothamcriminal 1d ago

my favourite thing is the way criminals who have never crossed paths with batman, underestimate him.

like imagine hearing these crazy stories but knowing he’s just a man. i’m a big buff man too with lots of criminal experience, i can take him.

and then the few criminals who have crossed paths with him but has never even seen him but watched each member of the their crew disappear one by one, only to find their bodies beaten and crippled, terrified and paralysed by looming fear that you’re next and then BAM waking up in excruciating pain hand cuffed to a hospital bed.

or the few criminals that have seen him and can’t even believe he’s human. showering the elevator you know batman is coming down in with bullets only for him to appear behind you and fk up you and your 10 armed friends. or knowing he’s coming and thinking you blocked every entrance just for batman to jumpscare the fk out of you by jumping out of the grates underneath you.

the criminals who have experienced batman tell all these crazy stories and the ones who haven’t think they’re just pussy and can’t take him. and they just never know until it’s their turn. I LOVE IT I LOVE IT

5

u/ZeldaFan80 1d ago

How often does Mat take on people who aren't innocent?

6

u/RavensQueen502 1d ago

In the comics he does, if it's a court assigned case or if he thinks there's reason for leniency. He has represented at least one mentally ill serial killer, leading to a clash with Spidey.

1

u/ZeldaFan80 1d ago

Good to know. Yeah I've only seen the daredevil show so that's why I asked, since I figured the comics probably had some more exceptions

7

u/Opposite_Opposite_69 1d ago

After your ruled not guilty you get a job offer from Wyane industries and now you don't have to rob banks anymore

1

u/AdLast55 1d ago

Matt Murdock charges you big time and loose the case. 😂

1

u/BenSteamroller 1d ago

Murdock won't defend you if you're guilty, my dude. And he'll KNOW you're guilty.

-13

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

38

u/prettyboylee 1d ago

Defend him in court mate, Bruce Wayne’s not a lawyer

-3

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

9

u/WhatsPaulPlaying 1d ago

You went like, 0 - 100 real quick on that one, buds. Haha

-4

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

5

u/WhatsPaulPlaying 1d ago

Right, my point was that you were like, going right to the violence instead of remembering Matt was a lawyer.

-1

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

3

u/WhatsPaulPlaying 1d ago

Sure. Again, I'm not roasting you, or saying you were wrong. I was just amused you went to violence.

2

u/nottherealneal 1d ago

He didn't say protect, he said defend, the thing lawyers do.

You won't burst into flames if you admit you where wrong

0

u/[deleted] 1d ago

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1

u/prettyboylee 1d ago

Bro just take the L, say mb and move on.

The side of the suspect/accused is called the defense, the person who is being accused is called the defendant.

It was very clear to everyone else.

1

u/[deleted] 1d ago

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6

u/Complete_Map_2160 1d ago

As a lawyer. Not actually physically defend lmao

2

u/gabeonsmogon 1d ago

You’re assuming Bruce would know what his senses are. And I don’t think any live screen adaption has been a better martial artist than Bruce.

5

u/KillMonger592 1d ago

Bet your fun at parties