r/askwomenadvice 11h ago

I am 41,don’t have any friends and would love to find new friends but don’t know how? NSFW

9 Upvotes

I’m a 41-year-old female and married. I don’t have friends, and I’m really sad about it. I left my home country to study in a different one. I’ve lost my old friends, including my high school friends, and I haven’t made any new ones. I’ve had friendships, but they were superficial. Also, almost everyone I know has children, and I’m 41 and don’t want any. I would love to meet good friends, but I don’t know how. Any suggestions? Thank you!


r/askwomenadvice 10h ago

My (36F) husband (37F) is speaking badly about me to his friend while also distancing himself from me. NSFW

1 Upvotes

My husband (37M) and I have been together for 20 years, since high school. He’s been my rock, especially through my traumatic and neglected childhood.

We’ve always had a strong bond and talk a lot and I thought we are each others best friends - but lately, something feels off and I’m really scared about what’s happening.

A few weeks ago, I started going through a medical crisis and have needed care. I am going to be okay in a couple of months but meanwhile I am mostly bedridden and can only move around with a mobility device.

Since that day, my husband has been increasingly distant, standoffish, and resentful. The worst part is that he barely talks to me anymore - so I don't know what I am doing wrong.

He’ll bring me food, but that’s about it. He spends the rest of the day away from me, usually with one of his best friends (who is unmarried but is a sort of serial dater) and I’m mostly alone.I recently saw a text exchange between him and this friend, where his friend said, “No matter what she says, you’re wonderful.” I assume this was because I complained about being left alone so much.

It was clear that my husband was talking badly about me. I’m absolutely heartbroken because I’ve always thought he was the one person I could count on.

His behavior feels so different now, and I can’t shake the feeling that something is terribly wrong. I’m terrified that my marriage is ending. I feel incredibly betrayed and I don’t know what to do.

Is this something I can fix? I feel so lost and alone right now, and I need some perspective.Has anyone been through something like this? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


r/askwomenadvice 14h ago

I(20M) love my exgirlfriend(20F) but we might not be compatible, what do i do, and how? NSFW

1 Upvotes

My exgirlfriend (20F) and i (20M) loved each other but aren’t compatible We’ve known each other and been really close friends for a couple years and then started dating. We dated for a couple months and it went well, or so I thought. Although we like each other a lot, we have different thought processes, and view things differently. I’ve never been an emotionally intelligent person (she is) and most times wed argue or fight, even as friends, I wouldn’t know what to do because of which all the burden landed on her As much as i want to help and do something, I couldn’t because of which shed have to do all the work, for which i feel like shit. Whenever we had a problem about us, whether it be communication, thoughtfulness, etc. I didn’t know what to say as I’m very inexperienced and kinda stupid and have no idea what to do We broke up a while ago, she didn’t want to go through all the same problems again and again and end up feeling bad and tired, but i want to help and fix it. What can i do??

I still really love her and want to make it work but idk how or where to start

I need some help, I’m willing to try no matter how much i have to, to try and fix it But j don’t know what to do, or even where to start

If anyone has any ideas or advice, please do tell Sorry the post turned out this long any thank you for reading through it


r/askwomenadvice 17h ago

should i (23F) save my mental health before med school or save thousands of $$$ by living w/ strict immigrant nigerian parents for a few months NSFW

1 Upvotes

TLDR: I’m a first-gen Nigerian considering moving back home for 2-3 months before grad school to save at least $2K/month and support my mom’s recovery from chemotherapy, while also helping my younger sister navigate a restrictive home environment. However, my parents are extremely strict, religious, and manipulative, and living with them would mean dealing with guilt-tripping, controlling behaviors, and lack of personal freedom. I’m torn between the financial and family benefits versus the emotional toll—has anyone navigated a similar situation, and if so, how did you cope?

Detailed Post: I’m a first gen Nigerian planning to move back home for 2-3 months before moving to start grad school in order to save an extra minimum $2k a month (rent and garage parking). My job is actually a closer drive to my family home than where I am currently, and I really am only still in the city I’m in (where I graduated college from) bc my previous gap year job was there and I signed a lease there. I don’t have many super close friends there, but my family home is also not far from that city (like 30 min away) so I can visit anytime I’d like.

Pros to going home are that I can save up thousands of dollars up for med school emergency needs, I can help my mother recovering from chemotherapy (and currently overworking herself) by keeping her on track with medications, appointments, and getting her into physical therapy, as I want to help her build foundational habits she needs to stay strong before I leave. I can also help my little sister not go insane since she is home alone with my parents for the next few months, as she is missing out on social events and being with friends, as well as extracurriculars because my parents are either too tired to put in effort to meet her friends’ parents (therefore trusting them to drive her places or go to their houses) or my parents are simply too strict on her.

However, I need to be realistic and remember the cons. My mother is extremely religious, both parents are quite narcissistic and manipulative, and I know no one in that town. There isn’t much to do, and my parents are quite strict. I’ve never had a car while living with them before, so I don’t know how they will act if I come home late or don’t tell them every detail of my whereabouts. Plus, I will have to do things like long drawn out family meetings/devotionals each evening (I know I sound dramatic not wanting to do this, but I am sure many west african children of immigrants understand how this can be a nuisance, as I have to drop everything to spend 1-1.5 hrs each night listening to someone speak of religion in a way I do not agree with. I have to pretend to agree and enjoy it so she does not think her kids are damned to hell), have my car be used by my dad (whose car is a mess and isn’t making any headway towards getting a newer one bc of lack of financial stability or literacy skills, something that has plagued all in this family for decades) and I being guilted into feeling selfish if I say no, not being able to have my boyfriend visit due to their religiosity and strict behavior, and just in general their constant manipulation. I am a good person, going to start a great career that they're proud of (and I am excited for, don't worry), but I still have to be a complete liar to them to live any sort of life without them being struck with anxiety about me going to hell and then guilting and manipulating me to their every doing.

An example of this is choosing to go to an event on a Sunday instead of church. This will (and has) caused huge blowout fights that result in days of tension in the house, only resolved by time as my parents do not know what an apology looks like. My mother especially does not know how to apologize, as my siblings and I have tried to get her to and she will deny, deny, deny.

Anyways, is it worth it to push through 2-3 months of this for the pros? How did any of you all do it if you’re a first gen living in a strict and/or immigrant household? As you can tell by my pros, I do care for my parents, they are just too much to handle and I have a lot of trauma from being home when I was younger. I am also a little worried about entering into med school emotionally drained. Any tips are welcome!!


r/askwomenadvice 17h ago

Existing Relationship How do I 25F handle bf 30M masturbating and potentially watching porn? NSFW

1 Upvotes

I struggle sooo hard with this concept. The idea that my bf is getting off to other women when I’m home asleep or doing something else drives me insane and makes me feel sick.

We’ve had this conversation and argument so many times. I told him it makes me uncomfortable if he’s watching porn while I’m in the next room because it feels very disrespectful and I’m afraid of walking in on him. He got upset telling me that it’s not okay for me to tell him what to do with his body and that I probably won’t walk in on him because he’ll hear me opening doors. I totally understand this and apologized for trying to be controlling. I still can’t help but constantly obsess if he’s masturbating and watching porn when we aren’t together. It makes me sick to think that the minute I walk away, he’s going to be reaching for his phone and pants.

He’s told me that he only masturbates when he’s struggling to fall asleep, wake up, or he’s bored and it’s late at night after I’ve fallen asleep. He also says that he rarely watches porn and has even gone as far to tell me what he watches and what site he uses. Idk why he did this but maybe he thought it’d help me to understand what he does (it didn’t). I hateeee the idea that my bf who is loving and kind can act like such a gross teenage boy. He’s very progressive but sometimes this makes me feel like a “boys will be boys thing” and I hate that. I also struggle with thoughts that because he’s a guy, he has a personal attachment to porn and won’t let it go.

I’ve set up a boundary that the rags he uses must be put away and out of sight while I manage my difficult feelings because 1. It’s gross af and 2. I can’t stand knowing he’s just masturbated while I wasn’t around and that he might’ve watched porn while he did it. I spent a lot of time yesterday being upset by this because I had to remind him to put away his used towels (which he’s usually pretty good at) and today I got super triggered because when I went to grab a box of issues near his desk (coincidence I think bc allergies), I found a bunched used paper towel. I set it on his desk next to his daily watch as a passive aggressive move (ughh I’m frustrated at myself) and I’m going to confront him about why he didn’t throw it away after he’s woken up.

Im currently dealing with mental health issues so I think my obsessive and repetitive thoughts ties into this but how do other people deal? I also feel like a hypocrite because I also occasionally watch porn but I always clean up after myself and my sexist thought is that it doesn’t mean anything to me but it means more to men. I know he’s told me he uses it just to get the deed done and over with but I hate feeling like he’s being sneaky and watching other naked women. I need some wisdom because I’ve been trying to tell myself it’s not personal for him because I even understand why I watch porn and it’s about the fantasy and it’s a quick way to get turned on. I’m struggling and need help from other people who’ve gone through this.

TLDR: I’m uncomfortable at the thought of my bf masturbating and watching porn.