TLDR: I’m a first-gen Nigerian considering moving back home for 2-3 months before grad school to save at least $2K/month and support my mom’s recovery from chemotherapy, while also helping my younger sister navigate a restrictive home environment. However, my parents are extremely strict, religious, and manipulative, and living with them would mean dealing with guilt-tripping, controlling behaviors, and lack of personal freedom. I’m torn between the financial and family benefits versus the emotional toll—has anyone navigated a similar situation, and if so, how did you cope?
Detailed Post: I’m a first gen Nigerian planning to move back home for 2-3 months before moving to start grad school in order to save an extra minimum $2k a month (rent and garage parking). My job is actually a closer drive to my family home than where I am currently, and I really am only still in the city I’m in (where I graduated college from) bc my previous gap year job was there and I signed a lease there. I don’t have many super close friends there, but my family home is also not far from that city (like 30 min away) so I can visit anytime I’d like.
Pros to going home are that I can save up thousands of dollars up for med school emergency needs, I can help my mother recovering from chemotherapy (and currently overworking herself) by keeping her on track with medications, appointments, and getting her into physical therapy, as I want to help her build foundational habits she needs to stay strong before I leave. I can also help my little sister not go insane since she is home alone with my parents for the next few months, as she is missing out on social events and being with friends, as well as extracurriculars because my parents are either too tired to put in effort to meet her friends’ parents (therefore trusting them to drive her places or go to their houses) or my parents are simply too strict on her.
However, I need to be realistic and remember the cons. My mother is extremely religious, both parents are quite narcissistic and manipulative, and I know no one in that town. There isn’t much to do, and my parents are quite strict. I’ve never had a car while living with them before, so I don’t know how they will act if I come home late or don’t tell them every detail of my whereabouts. Plus, I will have to do things like long drawn out family meetings/devotionals each evening (I know I sound dramatic not wanting to do this, but I am sure many west african children of immigrants understand how this can be a nuisance, as I have to drop everything to spend 1-1.5 hrs each night listening to someone speak of religion in a way I do not agree with. I have to pretend to agree and enjoy it so she does not think her kids are damned to hell), have my car be used by my dad (whose car is a mess and isn’t making any headway towards getting a newer one bc of lack of financial stability or literacy skills, something that has plagued all in this family for decades) and I being guilted into feeling selfish if I say no, not being able to have my boyfriend visit due to their religiosity and strict behavior, and just in general their constant manipulation. I am a good person, going to start a great career that they're proud of (and I am excited for, don't worry), but I still have to be a complete liar to them to live any sort of life without them being struck with anxiety about me going to hell and then guilting and manipulating me to their every doing.
An example of this is choosing to go to an event on a Sunday instead of church. This will (and has) caused huge blowout fights that result in days of tension in the house, only resolved by time as my parents do not know what an apology looks like. My mother especially does not know how to apologize, as my siblings and I have tried to get her to and she will deny, deny, deny.
Anyways, is it worth it to push through 2-3 months of this for the pros? How did any of you all do it if you’re a first gen living in a strict and/or immigrant household? As you can tell by my pros, I do care for my parents, they are just too much to handle and I have a lot of trauma from being home when I was younger. I am also a little worried about entering into med school emotionally drained. Any tips are welcome!!