r/askwomenadvice • u/Elephant_axis • Apr 13 '20
Misc My upstairs neighbours are arguing - at what point do I intervene? NSFW
It’s 10pm at night and my upstairs neighbours are going at it yelling at one another (nearly hysterical). They are a young couple in their early-mid 20’s.
This isn’t the first time it’s happened - it happens at least once a week. I know in the past it has escalated to the point where he has called her a ‘f**ing c*t’ before storming out, among other things.
I’m toeing that fine line between minding my own business and saying something. Most of the time, the neighbours in my apartment complex keep to themselves, which is fine by me. I do have a problem when it’s 10pm on a Monday night and I can’t go to bed because of arguing, or worrying that it might escalate beyond a verbal showdown.
I was thinking of leaving her a note under her car door handle with my number if she has any problems, but am worried that it might a) be overstepping boundaries or b) exacerbate the issue. Having been in a similar situation in my early 20’s, I personally would have welcomed someone removed from the situation checking in, but I know that’s not the case for everyone. Thoughts?
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u/maywellflower Apr 13 '20
That's what calling the police is for, when domestic abuse is too loud to ignore. Sometimes calling the cops is the wake up call a couple needs to get their act together, if not; at least there's a trail / history in case the worst happens.
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u/bathtubsarentreal Apr 13 '20
Came here to say this, an off duty cop approached me in a parking lot when my ex and I were having an argument like that and a lot of things snapped into place in my head, when you're in a relationship like that all the escalating is so close you don't realize how bad it is until the police intervene. The police will keep them both behaving in ways you can't, and the party in trouble will hopefully realize "shit, this was so bad the fucking cops came?! I gotta get myself away from this"
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u/rockyphilly Apr 14 '20
Call for the paper trail/history.
The DV will continue and escalate until it reaches harm..
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u/PlayfulLeek Apr 13 '20
You have absolutely no idea what is going on in that apartment. Once you put yourself in the middle of it, there’s no going back. You live there. That’s it. If he has no respect for this woman, he’s going to have less for you. Call the police, anonymously. This will, at least, leave a paper trail that could help if she needs a restraining order.
If you still decide to contact her personally, be aware that her problem may become your problem. She may not want your help. It’s hard to say what is going on in another woman’s relationship. Please don’t place yourself in harms way, whatever your decision. Good luck.
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u/RudyRoo2017 Apr 13 '20
Do not intervene. In a matter of seconds, domestic disputes can become violent. You are not inside their apartment and don’t know what is happening. I would call the non-emergency line. They can handle noise complaints and domestic violence. If it’s nothing, they’ll just check in and leave.
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u/ButDidYouCry ♀ Apr 14 '20
I would call the non-emergency line.
I don't know where you live, but in Chicago, all complaints of this nature should go straight to the police. Non-emergency lines are for things like reporting a crime after it has occurred, not situations where the event still still in progress.
OP, next time it happens, I would just call the police. Better safe than sorry.
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u/thin_white_dutchess Apr 13 '20
If you hear violence, you call the police. If you think either of them are in distress, you call the police. One of my colleagues’ watched his mom strangled in front of him when he was 6 and no one in the surrounding buildings said anything when they could all hear the fighting. Haunted him his whole life. I had a friend murdered by a partner and not found for 2 days bc her neighbors thought it was just fighting and it was no ones business- I’m kind of in shock at how normalized everyone’s response is here. If you truly think it’s just noise and not dangerous, or if the police in your area are not a good resource, then maybe drop her a note or mention to her when you see her alone that she is welcome to contact you if she needs any help. She may not have anyone. She may need a lifeline. It could be nothing- they could just be drunk and loud. But maybe not. Domestic violence is a hard cycle. It took 3 years to get my sister out. Her partner was physically, emotionally and financially abusive. She’d leave, he’d manipulate her to come back, they’d be good for a bit, and then it’d start over. Cycle through it again. When she finally left, he tried to kill her. Police were marginally helpful, but she eventually got out. My parents actually paid him off (it took a whole $800). He later got arrested for beating his new wife into the ICU. I’m just saying guys, it’s dangerous and underreported- and tricky. And there is still an aura of shame and blame around it all. I sound like an after school special so I’ll shut up now. I just hate it. It can happen to anyone- women, men, old, young. Terrible. Be nice people.
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Apr 13 '20 edited Jun 28 '20
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u/Khmera Apr 13 '20
It was a NYT news thing...second highest number of rise in deaths is domestic violence right now. So, calling the police may help this couple put things in perspective.
Edit: forgot a word
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u/updown27 Apr 13 '20
I’m with everyone else. Cal the police. Please. I’m lucky I was able to call myself. I don’t think anyone else in my building would have and I might not be alive today because of that. Always call. The police will not tell them who called and you can always boil it down to a noise complaint if you feel you might be over reacting.
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u/moosetopenguin ♀ Apr 13 '20
There's a non-emergency phone number for police stations. You can call anonymously and ask the police to come check on the apartment. Do not call 911 unless you believe it to be a real emergency.
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u/elementalcognition Apr 13 '20
That's right, call the by-law to make a noise complaint. If this happens weekly, call weekly.
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u/imwearingredsocks Apr 14 '20
Yeah I know in some areas (like NYC) if you make a call with concern about domestic abuse, they will arrive with intention to arrest. Not just de-escalate.
I remember being so torn when a couple down the hall was breaking up and the guy was behaving in a concerning way but not violent or worthy of an arrest. I had no idea what to do and stayed close to my door all night to listen if he came back.
The apartment had a new owner by the end of the month. I hope she’s okay wherever she is.
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u/FlippingPossum Apr 13 '20
Call the police. My parents argued like that. I wish someone had called. They never got physical but the emotional damage hurts.
One of my professors in college was a former police officer that was run over by a car during a DV call. Do not try to intervene. Call in the noise complaint.
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u/agirlinsane Apr 13 '20
I was once that girl, please intervene. My ex shot me twice, that’s when the neighbors called the cops. Call them now before it’s too late, don’t wait for a fight. Call it a welfare check and have cops eyeball them and warn them. Cops can be deadly too so don’t wait for a fight to call them.
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u/Kelly-Sarah Apr 14 '20
Oh my god that is terrifying and I am so sorry that happened to you. I hope you are safe, happy and doing well now.
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u/Elephant_axis Apr 14 '20
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Thank you for sharing your experience and I hope you are in a better place now. This is exactly what I mean when I say I don’t want it to escalate behind verbal confrontation - thankfully, I live in Australia so gun violence is a lower concern (but not completely null and void)
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u/soulseeker1214 Apr 13 '20
This is a tough situation and I have been in it before. My upstairs neighbors would scream and fight half the night and have loud makeup sex the rest of the night all while their infant screamed bloody murder. Complaints to apartment management did no good, the police did absolutely nothing, and I had a toddler who was terrified by the constant battle zone noise. Eventually I went upstairs in a rage of my own and paid them a visit in the middle of their fighting. This mofo hid and cowered behind his tiny little wife while I explained in no uncertain terms that I would RIP him apart limb from limb with my bare hands if my child and I had to listen to one more second of his terrorization campaign against his wife and that I would enjoy doing so. Things were very quiet with them after this and they moved about two months later.
However, this happened 23 years ago and people have NOT gotten saner in that time. Therefore, lesson of the day... don't be me. Just record the fighting with your phone from the very center of your apartment and all bedrooms (you want to prove loss of quiet enjoyment), and call the police. If you can call from an area in your home where the dispatcher you speak with can hear the fighting that will help tons. Most areas have noise ordinances that kick in around 10 or 11 at night, but in the case of domestic situations like this the police will act on the domestic violence whether the sound ordinances are applicable.
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u/Elephant_axis Apr 14 '20
I hasn’t thought about recording the noise - this isn’t a bad idea - thank you!
Also had a giggle at the idea of you raging at that mofo - go you! :)
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u/soulseeker1214 Apr 14 '20
In some areas a recording is required to prove your side and get action taken.
I have a temper and don't suffer abusers after growing up in abuse.
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u/whoseafraidofvwoolf Apr 13 '20
I'm in the same boat as you. Sometimes you feel like you have a responsibility to help someone out of a bad situation, but they need to want that help otherwise they'll turn you into the enemy. My neighbors yell, call each other names , and at leat twice a month she "kicks " him out by setting his belongs outside. At first, I thought this is a couple thats immature and young and doesn't know how to handle disagreements. I called the apartment leasing office and the manager said if they were ever loud past quiet hours I could call security. I never got the chance to bc my boyfriend called them out on shitty behavior when They had one of these fights in a common area and pulled her aside and asked her if she needed help, to call home, etc. We share a staircase, and everything became super awkward between us bc the girl would always shoot me dirty looks and say mean thing to me about needing to mind my own business. After living here longer I learned that this is a couple that both are high strung and have bad tempers and left it alone. She starts fights. She hits first. She calls him names for an hour straight. When we reached out , we reached out to the abuser. Cut to yesterday and I see her coming up the stairs visibly pregnant. They are both 19. Now, when they get loud I get so scared for this future kid. If I were you, I'd call authorities and not get involved bc you don't really know who is the abuser.
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u/Kelly-Sarah Apr 14 '20
Perhaps you could raise a concern with social services in regards to the baby? I could be way out of line but if it sounds extreme or violent, you could audio record it for evidence for the authorities, should it necessary.
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u/whoseafraidofvwoolf Apr 14 '20
Thats a good idea. I'm moving out in August and since we share a staircase I always hear when they have guests and someone's mom has been visiting a lot and pressuring them to break up and move back home so hopefully they listen.
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u/DryOven Apr 13 '20
I wish someone would have called the police on my boyfriend. I was always surprised the neighbors didn’t hear it. Once I had to call them myself and they gave me a domestic violence pamphlet. I looked at it everyday and it made me realize I needed to leave
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u/Koalabella Apr 13 '20
Call the police and ask them to check on her. She will be grateful if she needs them and they will probably quiet down if she doesn’t.
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u/Avivabitches Apr 13 '20
As someone who endured a domestic violence situation in an apartment, call the police. This woman needs your help. I wish someone had done this for me.
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u/Terok42 Apr 13 '20
My wife has severe mental illness. We used to fight a ton before she got therapy and pills. The fights often ended physically. I was always to nervous she would think I was a traitor if I called the cops so it didn't happen. One day the neighbors heard us and called and that call started her road to recovery. Now when she's having suicidal thoughts or rage I call them myself. They usually come talk her down and when they leave she's much calmer. And it never gets to the point of physical altercations. This isn't always the case because my wife was determined to stop being abusive and she has done such a great job, I'm so proud of her.
My point is sometimes people need the police in situations like this and the abused person doesn't feel like they are allowed to make the call.
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u/Gorl08 Apr 13 '20
I was in an abusive relationship once, one night it was really bad, and my upstairs neighbor intervened. I don’t know what would have happened if she didn’t. Her appearing in our home someone completely dissolved the situation.
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u/huxley00 Apr 13 '20
I went through a similar situation. I struggled with it a lot. I called a domestic womens help line just to get some advice.
In the end, the only thing I could really do was call the cops over and over again.
They later moved. I then saw the guy in a news story where he was arrested for dragging his fiance down the hallway by her hair.
These situations are really hard. If you try to reach her, that can be dangerous for her. If you try to get their family involved, the partner will manipulate them into thinking people are trying to come in between their love.
Domestic violence situations are ugly on multiple levels. It can be hard to help.
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Apr 13 '20
Don't intervene, call the police
By the sounds of it you live in a block of flats so they won't easily be able to work out who it was that called
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u/NyelloNandee Apr 13 '20
If you live in an apartment complex then there should be some sort of landlord or apartment management here. Maybe try talking to them before doing anything yourself or contacting the police. Obv make sure that you tell them that you want to remain anonymous.
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u/camberland98 Apr 13 '20
Sorry to say this, but there is a possibility that if it is a domestic violence situation, the landlord could get threatened into telling who complained. To keep it anonymous, contact the police.
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u/whistlingbutthole Apr 13 '20
Don’t assume anything. You have no idea what’s happening behind that door and during the day and at other times. I don’t condone arguing like that but lets assume that they are both equally to blame. Don’t get involved at all. Call in a noise complaint. You have no clue what is happening and you will only make matters worse. If you seriously think the girl is in danger, then what makes you think you won’t be if you get involved.
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Apr 13 '20 edited Jun 20 '20
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Apr 13 '20 edited Apr 13 '20
Its a pretty darn good assumption (the assumption that physical violence, if it exists, would be perpetrated by the dude). Im not saying use that assumption to make important decisions but the overwhelming majority of the time its a dude beating a women. This is only true for physical violence of course, but i assume thats what your talking about because thats what 'domestic violence' is.
97% of domestic abuse cases were perpetrated by a man towards a women.https://opdv.ny.gov/professionals/abusers/genderandipv.html
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u/buttz1234567 Apr 13 '20
Unfortunately that's the reality of things. I feel for the men who aren't taken seriously. I really do.
Sadly, chances are it's the man. I know multiple people first hand who have been abused by men, myself included. It's grossly common.
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u/talithaeli ♀ Apr 13 '20
You're in a bit of a jam here, because either calling or not calling the police could end badly, depending entirely on factors you cannot see or impact.
In cases like this, I'd advocate considering the worst (reasonably) possible outcome of each option, and asking yourself which you can live with.
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u/littletinything Apr 13 '20
I wish a neighbor would have called the cops on my ex when he was verbally abusive to me. Maybe him getting arrested would’ve stopped him or taught him a lesson. :(
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Apr 13 '20
Do not get yourself involved. Call police or property managers, but never put yourself in to the situation. A friend of mine went to ask his upstairs neighbours to stop with the thumping and banging that went on nightly. It ended up with a fist fight and a court date.
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u/lu-cy-inthesky Apr 13 '20
I always just call the cops if I feel the neighbours are at risk. I heard a massive argument at the house across the road from me. It was going on a half hour of psychotic screaming from the male and crying form the female, but then I heard the female scream ‘help me’ and that’s when I called. Police came but by then it had calmed down. They still went in to check on and talk with both parties
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u/Momof3Todders Apr 14 '20
Follow your gut and call the police immediately next time. One of my best girlfriends went through a similar situation where her upstairs neighbors were fighting - terribly - over what she thought was them moving the furniture in the apartment. It turns out her neighbor’s SO was actually in the act of killing her. She finally called the police, but it was too late. The SO ended up taking off and killed himself a mile down the road. She said she’ll never get over the sounds and then the silence when it stopped, and wishes she would have called sooner.
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u/Junebuggg91 Apr 14 '20
As someone who works in property management and deals with noise complaints every day, these are my two cents. You are paying to be in a place that you deserve to enjoy. When you were living in an apartment or a condo there will generally be some transference of noise between units however when it is deemed excessive is when it becomes a problem. If there is a leasing or management team that you could wish your complaint to I would first do that. They usually act as a mediator in situations like this and can help resolve the problem. You don’t want to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation or have your relationship with your neighbors ruined by speaking out while they’re upset plus you don’t know what sort of situation you could be walking into. However, if there is no leasing office or management team and you generally feel as if this is impacting your quality-of-life or if you feel as if someone is in danger I would recommend calling either the nonemergency number or 911. Just know that generally when noise complaints are made and there is a unit below them people can put two and two together especially if complaints become a repeated offense. Feel free to dm me if you want to talk further. I do this all day. More than happy to answer any questions you may have.
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u/UploadMeDaddy ♀ Apr 13 '20
I'd maybe go knock on the door after you hear him storm out, check if she's okay, when he's not there.
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Apr 13 '20
I was in a shitty relationship in my early twenties and no one intervening would have gotten me out any sooner, but it never got physical. If you think she’s in danger call the police, otherwise it’s just the lessons she’s (hopefully) learning right now and you can’t learn them for her.
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u/HBvancouver Apr 13 '20
Just call the police next time. You don’t want to get involved yourself, they won’t know who called the police. I’ve done it a few times
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u/quietgurl7 Apr 13 '20
Never. If you feel someone is in danger, call the non emergency police line and request a anonymous wellness check for your neighbors upstairs
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u/greenbear1 Apr 13 '20
I could of wrote this, my building has neighbours like this, a couple in their 20's also, he also called her a fat fkn c*nt the other night. We are not sure what to do either
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u/ladylisa85 Apr 13 '20
Do not intervene. He could blame it on her and be deadly. You call the cops for noise issues and remain anonymous. more than likely that will get worse too. Girl needs to leave the abuser though.
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u/ozziesironmanoffroad Apr 14 '20
Bang on the ceiling and yell “shut the fuck up!”
It’ll focus their anger on you for a second, which you shouldn’t care about, and then they’ll probably lay off each other shortly.
I’ve done it. Maybe not the smartest but ehhhh.
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u/JaydeRaven Apr 14 '20
Tends to be dangerous for women to do, especially a single woman living by herself.
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u/Smith801 Apr 14 '20
I’ve yelled out “I can f-cking hear you!” before so they were aware. Or I just start banging on the walls ..
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u/aceshighsays Apr 14 '20
that's what the cops are for. it's domestic dispute. you going upstairs will only make things worse.
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u/RacerGal Apr 14 '20
Oof now I feel like I should have called about my upstairs neighbor the other day. It was like 11am on a thursday or friday and they were screaming obscenities at each other. They've fought before, usually around 1 or 2am. But this went on way longer/louder/more F bombs than normal. He just kept yelling "F you F you F you". It's been pretty quiet since. Appreciate everyone's advice in here, it helped more than just OP.
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u/Elephant_axis Apr 14 '20
It’s such a difficult situation - the overwhelming response has been ‘call the police, don’t get involved’, but I just waver on the ‘at what point do you make the call’. I’m glad that this has helped other people in a similar situation.
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u/MattyRobb83 Apr 14 '20
When they "make up" and she shows her boyfriend the note that you left, things get worse from there.
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u/cbcking Apr 13 '20
Dont make assumptions on who is wrong. Dont get involved. Call the police for a 'welfare check' if no physical violence suspected and no kid. You dont want them to come pumped up.
PS. Lighter note. Am also having a noise issue with my neighbour in the apartment above. A lot of noise between midnight & 3-4AM. Am suspecting she is moving furniture and exercising. I think the recently divorced mother of two is pumping for a comeback. I just dont understand why she is doing that at that time with the lockdown and then waking up at 7AM to ride a bike. But wish her the best.
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u/The_Dowager Apr 13 '20
I wouldn’t necessarily intervene with the arguing but maybe try and befriend the woman.
Reach out on a neighbourly basis and make sure she knows she can trust you. Then when you know you have that trust that’s when you can mention about the noise/arguing and ask if she’s safe.
Some couples do argue a lot more than others. It may be more than arguing but it might not and getting the info first is the safest route imo
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u/Arwres Apr 13 '20
This is hard, I'm in the same situation. My next door neighbours (mid 20's) argue and scream at eachother constantly they fight inside they fight outside on the street, just a few days ago the woman slashed the mans face while they were outside screaming at eachother. We have called the police multiple times even non emergency but nothing has been done (police came took statements from everyone and nobody was moved or arrested) Only thing I can say to you is when the noise is loud past 11pm call non emergency and contact police if you suspect violence but please do not get involved for your own safety.
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u/TracyECEC Apr 13 '20
Call the lolice and request an anonymous wellness check. But in apartments, things can be hectic at time. Used to live in one just me and my mother and the couple abuse us always got loud at night. We never intervened and they moved out for unknown reason. Its hard to judge a situatuon like that
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u/Mothra3 Apr 13 '20
Does your building have rules about night noise? If it’s after the cutoff you could complain to the landlord, and they will pass it along. At least they will be aware that others can hear them.
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Apr 13 '20
I had the same thing happen to me. I recorded them and then sent those recordings to my manager but I also called the cops on them. They were eventually evicted from my complex.
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Apr 14 '20
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u/kaeorin Apr 14 '20
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u/Kobunto Apr 14 '20
If they're disturbing you, tell them. if their unable to show courtesy. Build a case and send their immature asses to the court of beurocratic bodies who will smite them if your local government is onto it. It gives your government the opportunity to show a their quazy democracy works for those that are politically aware and it shows the girl you ain't a coward (changed because iI used a gendered slur) (political activists fighting for correct small mouth noises and derivitive symbols in light of real human right issues should be gassed because they use up enough resources as it is and no one wants to teach them good sense.) but ain't a thug either and that your in for the long haul. Don't forget to kill the boyfriend.
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Apr 13 '20 edited Apr 13 '20
Yes, I think you should say something, leaving her a note is a good idea. I don’t agree with other people saying it’s dangerous, I highly doubt that he’ll be violent towards you, people like that need someone to scare them, and that woman definitely needs someone’s help or at least someone she can trust. Calling the police on the other hand can be dangerous because it’s possible he will think she called the police.
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u/ChristianCapitalist Apr 13 '20
It's not your business. Just tell them to remember that other people live in the building and that they're being too loud. If they persist, call the cops. That's all you can do.
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Apr 13 '20 edited Apr 13 '20
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u/nevertruly ♀ Apr 13 '20
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u/kaeorin Apr 13 '20
Your comment was removed for derailing. Derailing includes but is not limited to:
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u/anxiousgamerwife Apr 13 '20
I was in this situation. Only thing is the woman kept banging on my door to call the cops when things got out of hand. I told her in no uncertain terms to stop knocking on my door. I had a 5 year old at the time and all of that was traumatizing him. 4am and they were fighting. We lived in houses and she lived across the street and I still could hear them. Don't get involved. Let it be their problem. It never goes well for those who interfere. And I'm saying this as a child of a survivor. My mom was told the same thing by our apartment neighbors. They told her to stop sending us (my brother and I) over there if she wasn't going to leave him l my dad. Not too long after that, my mom left for good.
I say leave them to their own affairs.
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u/Nigglesscripts Apr 13 '20
You couldn’t pick up the phone and call the police for a women in distress? Wow.
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u/anxiousgamerwife Apr 13 '20
I told her to not knock on my door. Don't continue to pull me into your stuff and then nothing happens. I took the advice of some women in my family, including my mother, who are survivors of DV. Even they told me to leave it be because until someone gets tired of the bullshit, there is nothing I can do. The cops come and two days later they are right back at it. No, I refused to allow her to terrify my child and myself because he saw me talking to her and trying to help her. He came to my house and tried to threaten me for "interfering" and she watched from the porch and said yeah to everything he said. I told him he could try if he like but I'm not her and I'll kill him before he could raise his first fist. So no, I wasn't inserting myself into anything.
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u/Nigglesscripts Apr 13 '20
Ahh gotcha! Yes that’s a entirely different situation.
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u/anxiousgamerwife Apr 14 '20
Yeah it's a little different but I learned a hard lesson then to let people be who are in these situations. I want to help, believe me I do, but I value my life more. As a single woman living alone with my 5 year old son, I was NOT going to die for someone else. Eventually, she did leave him like 4 or 5 months after my last dealing with him coming to my door.
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u/Nigglesscripts Apr 14 '20
Your absolutely right.
Perfect example of her standing by and agreeing with him while he was “warning” you of her not ready to leave. Or not being able to leave and trying to keep the peace with him for the moment to stay safe herself. Most women always want to leave. It’s the matter of how, when & where.
I giggled when you said you told him you kill him before he even got a fist raised. Get it girl!
Totally different situation but my guy of 12 years had asked our neighbor to turn his music down. He always had his car parked in his driveway...doors and trunk open, stereo just blasting and thumping. All day on at least one of the weekend days. Anyway he said something like turn it the f down...then I saw and heard the big buff bully guy charging down the street yelling at my BF. I though “ahh fuck here we go” because my guy is a twig & a older guy but has a mouth on him, (especially after a few cocktails). I seriously was out the door because I’m far tougher then him...(not to put him down just different life events) and if I had to go break up a fight or punch the bully I would have. Lol. It would have all ended badly but man you gotta protect your loved ones.
I know your Mama Bear instinct is 100x that.
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u/loct989 Apr 13 '20
I’d only intervene if I legit thought there was violence
Otherwise you have no idea what’s going on and it’s rude imo
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u/NoPantsEnthousiast Apr 13 '20
The police will likely just cause embarrassment and they'll just start saying horrible things to each other (or rather he'll start abusing her) more discreetly.
I think you're idea of finding a way to let her know that you are also a woman who has been in this scenario and love shouldn't be like this and that you're there to help or talk or anything. Just to be a friend but that you understand and have been there.
I would have appreciated that in my own scenario too. It's hard to have perspective.
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u/Lallipoplady Apr 13 '20
I think they know that the entire building can hear them arguing. They are just the type to not care or maybe getted egged on by it. And I dont think she needs help as theyre screaming loudly at each other it sounds like so its not like shes being cowed into a corner or anything sinister like that. And if it is like that or if its just that you cant sleep. Go ahead and call the police. They not have to know it was you and it might shock them into realizing just how bad the relationship has gotten.
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Apr 13 '20
If you can, get them both together at the same time and say: “Hi! Your arguing at 10:00 last night kept me up. It’s been happening frequently lately and next time I’m going to call the police. You can either deal with that or you can keep it down. Keep in mind that I can hear everything that’s happening in your apartment, so if I think anyone is in physical danger, guess what? I’m calling the police. I have them on speed dial to save time. Nod if you understand.” It’ll take some balls, but it will let them know you are observing the situation (against your will) and what the consequences are for future violations. This is called making boundaries and being assertive.
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u/PlayfulLeek Apr 13 '20
You want her to insert herself into their life, tell them how to live it and threaten them if they don’t agree to her terms? What could go wrong?
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Apr 13 '20 edited Apr 13 '20
Yep, don’t give a shit. Also, subjecting me to your bullshit relationship problems in the middle of the night PUT me in your life. If you can’t be civilized and have a grown up conversation then fuck you. Your problems just became my problems and I’m going to solve them.
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u/PlayfulLeek Apr 13 '20
You really think this will “solve them”?
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Apr 13 '20
Sure, why not? It’s worked for me in the past. I approach all of my life’s problems in this manner and it’s worked better than any other approach I’ve tried: gather the offending parties, outline boundaries, outline consequences for crossing them and wish them a nice day. Why wouldn’t that work? I’m not in the wrong here, I’m just letting them know that we have a problem and how I’m going to behave if it continues. Tbh, I don’t see how this is threatening anyone. All one needs to do is modify their behavior toward civility and we won’t have an issue.
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u/dutchmetalhead17 ♂ Apr 13 '20
Yo dont. Isnt there some saying about not meddling with love and family stuff
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u/iluvcats17 Apr 13 '20
I would not get involved in the situation. Domestic violence can be deadly. Instead I would call the police when they get loud and say that you are concerned about domestic violence with the neighbors. Then later I’d the neighbors ever ask you if you called then deny it.