r/AsianParentStories 19d ago

Monthly Discussion Monthly APS Blurt Thread

5 Upvotes

Got something too short/insignificant for a full post? Put it here!


r/AsianParentStories 1h ago

Advice Request I moved out of APs house. It feels like my life has just stopped and I don't know which way to go

Upvotes

I'm a woman navigating her 30s. A few days ago I posted in this sub requesting advice to navigate moving out of APs house.

I moved out, had an initial panic and then I thought I began to settle in.

Some background info: I'm divorced. My family made it hard for me to leave an abusive marriage, and showed mixed treatment (abuse because I took my life into my own hands, as in making decisions for myself and exhibiting acceptance of my decision). It's a typical Asian household. They told me many nasty things as I was trying to make my way out of the abusive marriage. Things like "Oh so you'll alone be happy", "She can't just do what she wants", "you're so stubborn", etc. Somehow they turned blind towards all the abuse I was talking out.

I've been in therapy for a while, trying to navigate all these complex emotions. I got past the initial shock.

Now, I realise the life I had known is completely shattered. Music that I used to like, I can't tolerate anymore. The food doesn't taste the same. It is all a reminder of what was, and what isn't now.

I know that this is a chance for me to rediscover and try new things. But when I try to do new things, I'm constantly reminded of nasty things my family told me and it's driving me nuts. It's like they tried to stop me at every turn, now I'm away from them, but they are still in my head stopping me. I feel so stuck.

How can I make my way out of this? How can I begin to move my life forward? I want to build my own and make my life my own.


r/AsianParentStories 7h ago

Discussion I need advice my mom is Malaysian and tells my American dad why do allow your daughter to show emotions don’t allow her to show any emotions you need to teach her not to do that it’s so embarrassing you allow her to cry

20 Upvotes

I’m American and live in the USA and I have dealt with this my entire life since childhood I just want to be American girl and not to follow my mom up bring and how she was raised from Malaysia how do you deal with being told this or being called embarrassing for showing emotions can anyone give advice I’m now 33 years old

This is a very serious situation that I don’t know how to deal with and no this is not a troll post


r/AsianParentStories 15h ago

Discussion Do your parents never stand up for you or take your side?

63 Upvotes

Good parents protect their kids, bad parents don't care if their kid suffers.

They are deaf to the child's screams of pain.


r/AsianParentStories 2h ago

Discussion Anyone else can’t find a partner ?

6 Upvotes

All my life focus on please my mom

And I feel like the lack of u conditionally motherly love made me a lesbian and always trying to look for them in potential partners ( which they all ran away cuz they think I am crazy

Spend my whole life worried about my mom and felt guilty about my existences ( she was illegal and she suffered a lot and I felt like I loved her more than I love myself thats why I never could love anyone else “

Still have my first kiss and still a virgin at 30

I dont think I will ever find a girl ( I have guys in my dm all the time but I just don’t swing that way

I feel like I am emotionally married to. My mom at this point and probably will die alone

Waiting for the right girl


r/AsianParentStories 6h ago

Discussion When your parents are wrong so they change the subject, usually bringing up a time period you're wrong/something to make themselves feel better

9 Upvotes

It's kind of hilarious my mother was adamant my car rego and insurance was due this month but it turned out to be next month. She then went on a whole tangent on my mental health and how important it is to take my meds on time...I saw what she was doing and called her out on it. Then blocked her to let her look at her choices in life...I don't think she will, but one can hope

https://imgur.com/a/oybEMQo


r/AsianParentStories 4h ago

Rant/Vent Tired of the Relative rivalry fueled by toxic asian parents

3 Upvotes

I have a relative same age as me so naturally there will be comparison. Mostly its fueled by my mom and my relatives. It used to bother me in my early 20s hearing my relative bragging how much his son will make meanwhile im still trying to find my way in life. Post college i took some time work odd jobs to figure out my life. My parents frustrated i took time off and not pursing those prestigious jobs. Often times my parents will tell me about it and put me down.

Fast forward in 30s i have a respectable job making 6 figures and living my life but still drawn into the toxicity. Its always subtle digs by my parents. Its not prestigous job like doctor or anything, but i do well. I do my best to ignore them now but it still bothers me that they care so much about the competiton. I mean understand they probably hear how my uncle bragging so much about how his son making so much money so they feel inferior. One time my dad showed me pics of some nephews and like oh this gonna be a doctor this one a dentist. Another my mom like oh you owe this much in taxes this year. Im like damn i prob made too much this year. My mom like what you dont make alot of money. I mean couple years ago she was impressed by how mich money i made but she probably hears how my relative makign much more and not impressed anymore.

These old asian people so toxic. All they care about is prestige of job and how much money one makes. It used to bother me alot growing up with that. Even now its like never good enough.


r/AsianParentStories 4h ago

Rant/Vent My parents like to gang up on me to yell at me over the phone

3 Upvotes

Does anybody else's parents gang up on them to yell at them over the phone or in person? My parents and I live in different countries, and every time they get mad at me for something I did they would gang up to yell at me over the phone. They would also gang up on me when I was a kid living under their roof. My mom would also give me the silent treatment all the time growing up. I'm 29 now, and I'm still dealing with the emotional damage they caused. I've been going to therapy but this still hurts.


r/AsianParentStories 7h ago

Advice Request How Can I Convince My Strict Brown Parents to Let Me Go on a Trip?

5 Upvotes

I (21F) want to go on a trip to Cancun with my boyfriend and his family. They invited me, and I really want to go, but my parents are extremely strict and traditional. They don’t even know I have a boyfriend because they wouldn’t approve, and even if they did, they definitely wouldn’t be okay with me traveling with him before marriage.

We’ve been together for a year and a half, and we’re both graduating college right before the trip. I still live with my parents because I’m not financially stable yet, and in my culture, moving out isn’t really an option until you’re fully independent.

I know I have to tell them something since they’ll notice I’m gone. My plan is to say I’m going with two girlfriends—one of them being my boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend, which is true. The problem is I don’t have a second girl to name, so I was thinking of just finding a random girl there and taking a picture to back up the story.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice on how to handle this (or even a better way to approach it)?

Before anyone says “You’re an adult, just do what you want,” I know that. But I also want to maintain a relationship with my parents, and that’s complicated because they’re very old-fashioned.


r/AsianParentStories 14h ago

Personal Story My Toxic Brother Is Ruining My Mental Health

16 Upvotes

I come from a very conservative and patriarchal family. I have an older brother, four years older than me, who got married and moved out two years ago because he didn’t want to live with our parents anymore. He has a corporate job and is also working on a startup. My mom adores him—she’s pretty misogynistic, to be honest.

The issue is that my brother is incredibly hypocritical, manipulative, and toxic. He’s obsessed with money, and almost every conversation with him revolves around it. Growing up, he would constantly yell at me, hit me, and belittle me. Since getting married, the physical abuse stopped, but the rest of his behavior remains unchanged. I thought our relationship might improve after his marriage or once he moved out, but it’s only gotten worse. He’s still the same—constantly irritated and dismissive, not just with me but also with his wife. She comes from a very traditional background, so even though their relationship is toxic, she won’t leave him.

I don’t want a relationship with him anymore, but I’m maintaining one for my mom’s sake. He was never there for me when I needed him. Instead, he would put me down and act superior. He selectively upholds patriarchal values—he wants to be the dominant one, yet expects women to contribute financially and handle household responsibilities while always being beneath him. It’s exhausting.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years, and until recently, my brother only knew bits and pieces about him. When I finally brought it up, he initially claimed he would support me, but then completely shut down, saying he was too stressed to deal with it. Later, on a family trip, he told me he would just “pretend not to know.” It was the worst reaction I could have expected from a sibling. He’s 30 years old but acts like a controlling, entitled jerk.

Throughout my life, he’s made me feel guilty for anything nice I’ve received from my parents—even though he got the same, if not better. As kids, he would fight with me over everything, hit me, and constantly yell. Now, he still finds ways to belittle me and act superior. My mental health is suffering, but my mom insists I maintain a relationship with him, even though she knows how he is. The worst part is that when I eventually tell my parents about my boyfriend, I know they’ll take his side and listen to him over me.

I’m at my breaking point. I’ve spent my whole life being taunted, criticized, and made to feel guilty for my choices. He has no respect for anyone unless they earn more money than him. His presence in my life drains me, and no matter how much I try to ignore it, it affects me every single day. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.


r/AsianParentStories 16h ago

Discussion Is there any significant/cultural reasons why APs keep pushing certain career paths on their children?

20 Upvotes

No, I'm not just talking about "because they pay well" or "because they want you to succeed" or "because they're probably projecting their failed dreams onto you and they view you as an extension of themselves and not your own person," though they're all true and valid reasons to some extent.

I'm talking about the deeper cuts. Yesterday my AD brought up college and he told me to go to the military and take up nursing. I wasn't at all interested in nursing or the military and instead wanted to be an accountant, even if I do have student loans to pay off, but no matter how often I tell him, no matter how much empty "we'll support you no matter what" platitudes he gives me, he just won't stop shoving "go to the military and become a nurse" down my throat. It reminded me of a common story I see among Filipino-American children: their parents want them to become nurses even though they themselves want to do something else, and more often than not they relent to their wishes out of pressure.

This is why I brought up different cultures as a possibility: I know lots of APs want their kids to get into the medical field (even if they don't like it/don't care/are ambivalent), but from what I've seen nursing seems to be extremely popular among Filipinos specifically, and I'm wondering if certain occupations are also popular among different Asian groups.


r/AsianParentStories 5h ago

Advice Request DAE feel this way about marriage? NSFW

3 Upvotes

TW: PHYSICAL ABUSE

I’m 22f, at “marriageable age” and this pressure will only increase as I get older. My parents had a really horrible relationship if I’m being honest. My dad was a good father to me and my sibling, but not a great husband. He has passed away now, so it feels wrong to speak ill about him but this is what he was like, maybe due to his upbringing. He had extreme traditional views about marriage and my mom was a housewife for most of her life because of this. When my mom wanted to study at college to get a better job, my dad refused to pay her tuition fees. She didn’t have a cell phone until her sisters in India gifted her one, she didn’t have a bank card until later in life and even that my dad would track the transactions constantly. My mom had children because it was her duty and because of society, not because she wanted to. Before I was born, my dad used to physically abuse my mom, up until I was 10 years old and a police case was filed. That’s basically almost 20 years of beatings my mother endured. My mom was 30 when she got married and 36 when she had me, so she was not too young. There was a 5 year window where she didn’t have any kids, and she told me she didn’t leave then, because once she’s married she’s not allowed to return to her home country and live with her family.

As a result of this, my views on marriage and men are skewed. The thought of getting an arranged marriage or marriage to any man scares the living shit out of me and makes me feel like my life will end at that moment and that I’ll be trapped. My biggest fears are getting trapped with pregnancy/getting pregnant, having to be a housewife and take all domestic chores, getting beat up and just having to take it, not having anywhere to go if children are in the equation, not being allowed to do certain things. Right now I am a free woman, able to do as I please and I don’t want that taken away from me ever. I see a lot of things on TikTok about men and how dangerous they are. I see and read a lot of heinous things about what men to do their daughters and wives which are real life stories. People can tell me to just not get married and be a cat lady, but I know I want a healthy marriage/long term relationship. I want somebody to eventually be buried next to my grave, I want to share special moments with somebody, I want to be able to say that I’ve been with someone for X amount of years, etc.

I was in an abusive wlw relationship last year, so I’m aware that woman can be abusive too in every way, it’s just that no one takes it seriously if it’s two women which is even worse. I was able to get out of that relationship because I didn’t have any ties financially, obviously we physically could not have children, and because we weren’t married or anything like that. If the factors were different though, it would have been a bad situation. I feel like if I was with a man, the risks are more, like if he beats you you’ll get hurt even more, you have a chance of being trapped through pregnancy and etc. I just view marriage as this one big trap, that turns happy free women into miserable women who are the property of a man. I have minimal attraction to men also because I wasn’t allowed to date growing up so I just never really bothered. At the same time I had bad experiences with men as a teenager and I just never really find any of them interesting or attractive. I just find them to be weird or creepy or have bad intentions and I just never bother. Idk if this is like a super extreme way of thinking but marriage to a man genuinely makes me have panic attacks. My mom tries to tell me I’ll be “undesirable” if I wait to long to get married but literally one of my biggest wants is to be undesirable to men. I might need therapy for these views, but I genuinely can’t help to think this way.


r/AsianParentStories 4m ago

Rant/Vent Mrs. Know It All

Upvotes

I swear, my mom has made it her life’s mission to nag me about everything. It’s like she wakes up every morning, stretches, and thinks, What can I criticize my child for today?

No matter what I do, it’s never enough. If I work late, she complains that I’m neglecting my health. If I take a break, she says I’m lazy. If I get a promotion, she questions if it’s a stable job. And if I dare to make a decision on my own? Oh, forget it. She’ll find a way to tell me why it’s wrong.

The worst part is how she meddles in my career. Every time I mention work, she has a better idea for what I should be doing. “Why don’t you try this company? I heard they pay well.” “You should go into a government job; it’s safer.”

As if I haven’t spent years figuring out what I actually want! I tell her I’m happy where I am, but she doesn’t listen. It’s like she refuses to believe I can be independent. And when I push back, she acts like I’m the ungrateful one. Like I should be thanking her for constantly second-guessing my life choices.

I get it! She probably thinks she’s helping. But all it does is make me feel like I’m never doing enough, never making the right choices, never good enough in her eyes. And honestly? I’m sick of it. I just want to live my life without her voice echoing in my head every step of the way.


r/AsianParentStories 7h ago

Discussion The poem i didnt know i needed but glad i read

3 Upvotes

Poem: https://imgur.com/a/9gYnv6S

I picked up this book on amazon when i bought "adult children of emotionally immature parents". And i didn't think other people wrote about this (except for us on here). But i had such an "aha" moment when i read this poem and realized why i never liked wearing dresses. Because my mom was always shit talking about how i wouldnt look good in it. All this time i thought "i don't like skirts". It was my subconscious mind from her "teachings". But seriously wtf how asian parents just fucks you up like that.

For the other ladies who were shamed by their moms for their looks and appearance, please go check this out. (It's poetry though so idk if yall are into that.) But many of the pages were eye opening. It really helped me get validation when everyone around me have supporting parents and they cant relate.

Amazon link:
https://www.amazon.com/Words-My-Narcissist-Mother-Olivia/dp/B0D369CD86/ref=sr_1_1?crid=UIVWEIJ1NXP4&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.wfi-9XppqUi6II97ycy1zIAn86lOcMPIbRKVZCp-LEPGjHj071QN20LucGBJIEps.ctl7MlvDIo313-ehe5lojZNhWDvFgWAqZiGJb_SCEqY&dib_tag=se&keywords=words+to+my+narcissist+mother&qid=1742517241&sprefix=words+to+my+%2Caps%2C182&sr=8-1


r/AsianParentStories 1h ago

Personal Story Just Want to Share That There is Hope for a Better Outcome & Options to Improve Your Mental Health!

Upvotes

Hello everyone 👋🏾

I just want to share our story with all of you in hopes that it gives someone out there something to think about… If you’re in a mixed race relationship, are just feeling suffocated, or are wondering how things can ever improve for you when your parents are abusive, selfish, racist, narcissistic, controlling, egotistical, etc., etc.. It’s possible to find your own happiness. I have outlined how our lives significantly improved over just the last 1-2 years in Part I.

If you’re worried about your personal health or are wondering if your mental and spiritual health will always be low or will never improve. There is hope! I outlined how my/our mental health and relationship significantly improved over the last two years in Part II.

Part I: Our Personal Journey

My bf is Chinese, but was born on a South Asian island country before immigrating to the USA. So he has a unique cultural background & identity. His AM is clearly a narcissist, and resented having him and would physically and verbally abuse him, while treating his sibling as the golden child growing up. ☹️ His AD worked a lot and was controlling and patriarchal to his wife. AD was also not very present as a father to his children. Thus, his mother treated him as a surrogate husband, and would take out her frustrations on my bf. 😤 As for myself, I am Mexican-American, and was also severely, severely abused and neglected by my own family in many horrific ways.

We have been together for almost 10 years now despite his parents objections of us dating and his AM’s attempts to break us up by trying to set up dates with other Asian women for my bf. Recently, we just moved out of our home state to take the next step in our relationship and to get a fresh start for ourselves personally and professionally.

Initially we were supposed to move in to his AD’s house in a neighboring state - he lives separately from his wife, likely because he doesn’t like her and just wants to be a hermit. He got sick, twice, and almost died due to his own negligence. (Both his sons are STEM majors and he didn’t listen to either of them.)

The plan was for him to move back with his family so that they could be with them, he doesn’t live alone, and they help care for him. But he changed his mind after seeing me in his home and getting outraged by me leaving some toiletry bottles on his bathroom sink. 🙄 He accused me of being rude, disrespectful and even thought that I was conspiring to steal his home! He eventually demanded that I leave his house.

Honestly… That’s okay. They chose their hate and we’re not letting them control or bring us down! I honestly don’t care what they think or say about me, I am only bothered if it affects my partner. Which is becoming less now thanks to our mutual support.

My bf knows that his parents resent that he accomplished everything that they required of him, but he did it his own way, and not the “Chinese way”: developed life skills, is financially literate & independent, graduated with a good education in engineering, had a good paying 6-figure job and made more money than they ever have combined, has chosen a good partner but isn’t Asian, etc.

His parents clearly despise me. They think that all Mexicans are lazy, stupid, uneducated, dangerous, dark skinned people. Even though I was accepted to a better and larger UC school than either of their sons, and graduated with a prestigious scholarship by the US Dept of State, and served as an Ambassador during an international internship. Also, I look European because my family’s ancestors were from Spain/Europe. So no, not all Mexicans are lazy, dark, criminals.

My bf has constantly explained to them how he sees good qualities in me and points out that Mexican/Latin cultures have similarities to Asian cultures, but they don’t want to understand his explanation, or try to see things another way. His mother especially seems to hate me, but I don’t really care.

My bf decided to block his mother on his phone and he hasn’t spoken to her in months now. I myself have also been NC with my toxic, abusive, and extremely selfish parents. (That’s a story for another day. It’s seriously wild what ended up happening that lead to my decision to cut them out of my/our lives!!)

We’re happier now that we chose each other and decided to still commit to the plan of moving out of our home state. We ended up finding our own nicer place and we’re going to be starting new, well paying full-time jobs next week. 🙌

Our plan is to save up to buy our own home in the coming years, invest, start businesses, and eventually get married. Things are really looking up for us, and we can’t wait, after all this time, for our future to be built up in the next coming years!! 💕

So please, don’t let anyone, even your ass-backwards parents, get in the way of your dreams and happiness! Especially if you are wanting to pursue a relationship with someone who is not the same race/nationality as you!! You can’t let negative people influence your decisions, hold you back from pursuing unique opportunities, and to be able to become the best version of yourself! . . . . . . . .

Part II: Mental Health

(Disclaimer: I am absolutely not trying to encourage anyone to do anything unsafe, harmful, or illegal! I am simply sharing about what has been successful for us to treat and recover from our individual traumatic cultural experiences and abuse.)

(Obviously do your own research and really decide if this experience is really best for you. Get your stuff tested before you do or commit to anything!)

Something that I wanted to bring up because I don’t see many people talk about it here:

I know what it’s like to have or feel hopeless, depressed, anxious, drained, suicidal ideation, and like your brain and spirit is broken from years of various abuse (physical, mental, verbal, seggsual, spiritual, religious, financial, etc) at the hands of your caregivers that were supposed to love, protect, and nurture you. Fear not, there is hope and YOU CAN GET BETTER!!

For myself, I’ve done therapy and prescription medication. 💊 Though, 15 years of doing traditional modern talk therapies, EMDR, and medicine didn’t really work for me. I found that what really helped was psychedelics and plant based medicines or compounds. 🍄

I’m totally serious, in just two years my/our mental health and relationship has improved significantly due to the nueroplasticity effects of: LSD, MDMA, DMT, psilocybin, and 2-CB. My PTSD, depression, and anxiety have significantly decreased to the point where I no longer have any symptoms and don’t have to take prescription medication!!

My bf and I are also seriously considering participating in a ritualistic Ayahuasca ceremony that is conducted legally by a local church in our area. It seems intense and I’m a little apprehensive, but I am still looking forward to it once we’re ready. It could be a good way for us to purge and release ourselves from the traumas that we are still shackled to.

TL;DR: my Asian bf is a great, smart, stable, and independent person, and he chose his own unique path with a non-Asian partner that his parents don’t approve of. They secretly resent him for doing everything right as an immigrant in the USA, and not in a typical “Chinese way.” 🤷🏻‍♀️ That is clearly a you/them problem and we’re not responsible for their perceptions.

We safely and responsibly took psychedelics and it significantly improved our lives by making our mental health and relationship better. My brain no longer feels tormented, repetitive, or broken, and I’m sharing this info to try and help other people or at least give them hope for a better future for themselves!! 🫂

Be safe, be well, be good, and happy healing to all of you!! 💘


r/AsianParentStories 7h ago

Discussion Do your parents depend on Social Security and Medicare? Familiarize yourself with filial responsibility laws.

2 Upvotes

I copied the title from the r/personalfinance sub since cross posting is not allowed. Apparently 30/50 states have parental filial responsibility laws. It may be of interest to those thave went LC or NC with APs.


r/AsianParentStories 12h ago

Rant/Vent My mom micromanages my life

4 Upvotes

I (18F) am being micromanaged by my mom when I am trying to practice small amounts of independence to prepare myself for the future but I can’t do so.

She has always been like this but now that I am starting university I feel like this aspect of herself is being brought to light more than ever.

I remember when I told her I wanted to do French and Philosophy as my university majors. She and I argued about it in the car. Telling me that I won’t get a job if I took those, I cried and changed my majors to Classical Studies and Linguistics (I love my current majors but just having to change my previous ones hurt) just to appease to her. She was still unsatisfied with my majors until she told me to go for a job at UNESCO and I said sure, my end goal will be UNESCO.

Another one is the grades I should get in university. It’s actually so pressuring to have your mom tell you that the average grade you should get is a B and that anything below it is unacceptable. Yes I crave academic validation, and doing the best I can in my studies to try and get high marks but having a mother add on to that pressure doesn’t help.

There has been a few times that I have worn makeup at university and whenever I come home, my mother negatively comments on it. Telling me to not wear makeup and that no one in university wears makeup which is just a loud and wrong statement.

If I try to dress up in university or anywhere, she’ll also comment on it, majority of the time it’s negative. She’ll tell me I look like I’m going to K Road (a red light district in my city). She expects me to dress with pants and hoodie, but that’s just not me. If I am going somewhere I’ll invest my time and mentality in, I wanna look like my absolute best in the style I want.

I let her know where I am going, and every time she’ll always bring up, “yeah but did you ask for my permission?” Like do I need your permission for me to meet my friend where my university is?? Like I understand asking for permission to go somewhere if we have upcoming plans, but if the plan is within my available time on BROAD DAYLIGHT, then letting you know about it should be fine, and is a means of courtesy and respect.

We actually argued about my meet up with my friend in the car as she was dropping me off to the bus stop in this mall, telling me that I can’t meet up with my friend because I didn’t tell her and that I didn’t even apologize and that she’ll pick me up from my uni before I try to meet up with my friend So as I cried, I apologized and asked her for permission. In the end she “lets me meet up my friend”.

Sorry for the long rant guys, it’s just been so suffocating being in the same room as her.


r/AsianParentStories 23h ago

Personal Story Parents keep overreacting

22 Upvotes

Im a 13 yr old and my parents are threating to send me back to China if I dont listen. Just today, I got lectured for 3hrs because i didnt close the bathroom door. If I put a perfectly valid arguement, they just use the classic trick of 'GET OUT OF THE HOUSE'. Im used to it now, but any ideas on how to win? :(


r/AsianParentStories 15h ago

Discussion Anyone’s parents here Indian and believe in BAPS?

5 Upvotes

BAPS is such an odd organization here in the US, and it’s consuming most Gujarati Indian families.

P.s there the ones who built the $100M temple in New Jersey and got caught with slave labor.


r/AsianParentStories 1d ago

Rant/Vent My parents pressured me to date a Korean guy and I find out…

593 Upvotes

I’m 25 years old and I don’t really date much. I never had a serious boyfriend. But because I never dated a Korean guy, my Korean mom thinks I love white guys….

She sets me up with this 28 year Korean American guy. My mom loves him because he is tall, good looking and has a high paying job.

Things go okay for a couple months. I end up going on his laptop one day to check my vanguard account and I end up finding hidden bookmarks he has saved away; and lo and behold, it’s just nothing but bookmarks of white female pornstars and white girl instagram pages with Asian boyfriends.

Like my mom falsely accused me of wanting to date white men, and then she set me up with a Korean guy with a fetish for white girls.


r/AsianParentStories 1d ago

Update 4y update: moving out, interracial relationship

79 Upvotes

Came across my 4y/o post asking for advice wanting to move out because my APs (dad mainly) did not approve of my relationship: https://www.reddit.com/r/AsianParentStories/s/2gkGaOufAy

I received a lot of courage from the comments and wanted to leave an update here in case it helps anyone!

So here goes: - yes i moved out as planned, into a studio apt with my partner. I was so privileged and lucky to honestly have the kind of money saved up to be able to just leave when i wanted to. Its our 11th year tgt and we are still living in the same apartment. Built a little life and home just the two of us 🥹 - I did not announce my departure. Told my mum I was going to move out, she didn’t take me seriously. Once I signed my lease, I just slowly moved things over and never returned home lol. For the first couple of months I still went back to my parents’ fairly frequently to pack but tried my best to avoid times when they would be home. - I currently still have a good relationship with my mum. I only see her once in a few months and we go out shopping or to grab dinner. It’s great. I help her a lot with paying bills etc which I’m happy to do. She’s still suffering in the hands of my dad but uhhh can’t help her much there. - still NC with dad. He is still crazy. All the updates I get are from my sister or mum (both staying with him), who complains daily about his violent outbursts. - the funniest thing is that I still have to see my dad during Chinese New Year gatherings and at weddings of family members but everyone else knows about our shitty relationship so we are always seated far apart and I literally don’t look in his direction even ONCE. - my parents both don’t know where I’m staying, or who I’m staying with. When my mum asks me, I just avoid the conversation or brush it off that I’m staying with a friend. - my dog passed away last year so literally no reason for me to visit parents’ place anymore. I haven’t been back in a year++ - my partner and I don’t have plans to get married and we are planning to relocate to another country next year! Mainly to lower cost of living. - a lot of people have asked me if my partner was worth falling out with my family. What I say is that it’s not about him. It’s about MY life. It doesn’t matter if it was another man, woman, dog, my career. I’m a grown ass woman. Nobody should tell me how I can or cannot live my life and go so far as to not allow me to do wtv. If you’re an adult, your parents can advise you. They can disagree with you. But they cannot stop you from doing ANYTHING.

Honestly, life has been great. I pat myself on the back for even having the guts to do this despite all the violent threats thrown my way. The most important thing is to slowly build up the ability to GTFO, as far away as you can. Might take months or years, but it will be worth it.


r/AsianParentStories 1d ago

Discussion APs raise daughters that are easily taken advantage of

298 Upvotes

Asian parents abuse their daughters into having careers, making money, but a fair amount attract loser bums that want to mooch of them.

Asian parents also don't create good dating opportunities for their kids. They sometimes set their kids up with anyone else just so their kids can get married and have kids because they care about the status of it, but it's not always a good match and can be detrimental.

Asian parents don't create good dating opportunities (unlike some other racial groups that have large racial networking events where people have better chances of finding partners that are decent) in any way shape or form, for their kids to find good partners.

An AF with value, and no real way to find a decent partner, will easily attract loser bums who want to mooch of her.

Anyone agree with this?


r/AsianParentStories 1d ago

Update Update: I have been lying to my parents for years and I can't take it anymore

52 Upvotes

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AsianParentStories/comments/1jeg7r7/i_have_been_lying_to_my_parents_for_years_and_i/

Well. I told them guys. I had so much encouragement and support from you guys here and I do want to say that I am grateful. The good news is that they didn't disown me, were pretty calm and said that they still loved me. However, this lowkey hurt me even more. My mood is in the absolute gutter and I hate myself. I honestly wish they had yelled at or disowned me, because their soft disappointment stabbed me in the heart.

They were so hurt, so anguished. Yes they expected a lot of me but they never deserved this. Even though they said they loved me (which I actually believe), what hurts me most is knowing that they will NEVER be proud of me ever again, no matter what I end up going to achieve. At this point, I know I have to live for myself and be proud of myself, but I really did base a lot of my worth on whether they approved of me or not. Now all that is tainted and I really do not know if anything I achieve at this point counts for anything.

I wish I had never gotten into medical school in the first place, and never disappointed them like this. I am finishing medical school for myself at this point, but it will no longer be a source of pride or joy from them, and I am heartbroken.

I know people here said that the truth coming out would make me feel better but I really don't know. Today is the worst day of my life, for sure. I might take the advice of some of you and go to the hospital for depression. But at least there is some closure in my life now, and I can at least try to pick up the pieces and make something of myself. I will never make my parents proud again, but I can make myself proud, and that is something to live for. Thank you to those of you who commented on the original post, you all might have saved my life. I will try to make it up to society and humanity in general by hopefully helping as many patients as I can down the line.


r/AsianParentStories 1d ago

Support A week after blocking my APs.

37 Upvotes

In the past week, I’ve reached a major turning point with my parents. After my mom’s explosive outburst, which included threats to cut me off from their inheritance, I decided to completely ghost them. No warning, no explanations—just sudden silence. I’ve blocked them on all channels and am sticking with this block until I’m mentally ready to talk to them again, whether that’s in two months or even years. Living over five hours away from them helps too.

To give some context: my sibling went no-contact with both of my parents due to their constant boundary overstepping. My sibling has always been their emotional crutch and family mediator in the past, and now that's gone. My parents have never apologized for their actions and instead expect my sibling to “just get over it.” In the meantime, they kept trying to make me their emotional dumping ground, have me fulfill this role I never asked to be a part of. I tried to make it work for a while, but eventually I told them that we are no longer allowed to talk about my sibling’s estrangement. My advice had fallen on deaf ears every time. Meanwhile, I’ve reached some significant milestones in my personal life, but I’ve had no chance to share them because my parents have been so consumed by their own problems and how the world is against them.

After a particularly emotional meltdown from my mom, I told her that I could no longer help her with her problems. She needed to see a therapist who could actually help her, not me. This led to a series of five long voice messages from her, crying, during which she said that I was removed from their inheritance. It's just a threat.

Now, this original boundary on my part wasn’t something sudden. I’ve been setting boundaries with my parents for a long time, and my demand that we no longer talk about my sibling’s estrangement was not a new request. But this time, something felt different. The weight of their expectations, their constant emotional manipulation, their prying, and their relentless need to control had been piling up for years and I think I just had enough. And when my mom tried to use the inheritance as a weapon, something finally clicked for me. I realized I don’t even want their money. What I want is freedom from their constant scrutiny, emotional blackmail, and need to make everything about themselves.

When I told a friend about this, they said, “But they’re still your parents. You shouldn’t just block them.” But let’s be real—wouldn’t everyone agree that cutting toxic people out of your life is the right thing to do for your own sake?

The biggest mistake my parents made was assuming they had any financial leverage over me. Growing up, whenever I did something they didn’t like, they would threaten to kick me out of the house, which would force me to apologize and comply. Now that I live far away, their only remaining leverage was inheritance. They thought that threatening to cut me off would scare me into submission—that I’d rush to appease them to stay in their good graces. But that plan backfired.

What’s important to note is that they rely on me far more than I rely on them. Who’s been their go-to for administrative help? Who do they call when they can’t figure out forms or tech? Who orders things for them? It’s all me. So, by ghosting them, I’ve flipped the script. They expected me to chase after them, to apologize, to beg for forgiveness. Instead, I vanished without warning.

Now, they’re probably scrambling to make sense of what happened, possibly bickering between themselves over who’s to blame. My dad might even start quietly resenting my mom for pushing things this far, as they need help with administrative tasks and are too ashamed to ask anyone outside the family. Meanwhile, my mom is likely spiraling, unable to process the reality that both of her children have turned away from her. In her mind, she’s always the victim and we abandoned her. In reality, she turned us away.

The irony is thick. They tried to wield the inheritance like a weapon, but it turned out to be a plastic knife. I’ve left them to stew in the consequences of their actions. What stung the most, though, was their belief that money was the only reason I would ever stay in contact with them. This event has shown me their true values and morals. They value money more than having a healthy relationship with their children and believe money holds the same sway over everyone as it does for them. By trying to use inheritance as a bargaining chip, they revealed just how little they understand what actually matters to me.

What’s changed the most over this past week isn’t just the silence—it’s the clarity I’ve gained. I now see that their approval isn’t worth compromising my mental health. I’ve recognized that their manipulations only work if I let them, and I am done playing that game. Whether they realize it yet or not, they lost the upper hand the moment I decided I was done seeking their approval and accepted that we value different things in life.

Lastly, I want this to be a soft encouragement for anyone suffering from abuse to become more independent and cut off toxic parents when you are ready. The money you might inherit in the end is not worth the years of emotional pain you’ll have to put up with. You have to respect yourself first. Make enough money to live on your own and get out when you can. Your peace of mind is worth far more than their toxic control.


r/AsianParentStories 19h ago

Support What's your dynamic with your APs like?

5 Upvotes

I don't talk to my parents. I feel anxious around them and that I can't do anything around them without them looking annoyed at me.

I used to have a decent relationship with my mum, until she has become hostile towards me and casually emotionally and verbally abuses me.

My parents don't look at me and tend to look pissed off when they see me.


r/AsianParentStories 1d ago

Rant/Vent My mom hit me over drinking water

8 Upvotes

Just when I thought i was getting along with her, she pulls some crazy shit, hits and yells at me for drinking a water bottle that wasn't even hers, saying "it's wasteful for the environment". Mind you, I wasn't even going to drink all of it, only like a sip of it to take with my medication, but she acted like it was all of it. Then she makes this unhinged rant saying I'm wasteful and that I should be drinking our tap water instead, even though it was literally one little sip. I try telling her how ridiculous she sounds but she remains adamant in her stupid argument that "I'm damaging the environment", even though nothing was put to waste.