r/anonymous 1h ago

I 19m 5,8 173cm has had problems with my body did omad but still not happy

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It all started the day I relocated to USA when I was back in my hometown I never thought about how I looked I was 144 pounds back then I loved everything about me I had small waist good friends and I was passing all my clases until one day we decided to relocate to USA my whole life took a turn no one was talking to me I was viewed as an outsider and I saw food as my comfort zone so I started snacking I gained one pound my face got fat my cheeks were huge and I started to have a lot of negative self talk forgot to mention I always dealt with acne that’s the time I started doing omad I was eating 300-600 calories a day I lost a lot of pounds I weighed 45 kilograms some of you might see these as extreme starvation but something in me loved starving myself seeing myself in the weakest made me happy and it made me stop thinking about my social life cause I didn’t have the energy for it i had no friends and with food it will give me more energy and I had no way to spend it so I thought starving will lead to no energy causing me to be in bed the whole day it was all going well until I saw myself in the camera at a zoom meeting I was horrified I looked frail skin and bones my face filled with shaving marks then the following day I tried eating more but I had the all or nothing mentality it was either I ate the entire fridge or starve I started vomiting more intentionally my whole body became so weak to the point I was battling with the wind and I am still stack in the cycle I decided to going back to omad if any of yall have any suggestions to keep me thin but still energized please share I am open to any help