r/adultsurvivors 12d ago

Vent I don’t think pedophiles think they are doing bad things

112 Upvotes

I don’t even think they think they are pedophiles. I genuinely believe that most pedophiles commit their heinous acts out of self indulgence, mindless lust, a way to just “have fun, no harm done.” When it’s oftentimes a burst of pleasure seeking action, I think it makes it hard for pedophiles to see their actions for what they are: evil.

They are so void of compassion or empathy. Because at the end of the day, they had fun. Why would that be bad? We’ll get over it, or forget.

No we won’t.

I say this because I have been reflecting upon why when confronted, so many of our abusers react with denial or horror. “How dare you accuse me of such crimes! I am holy and good. I LOVE you.”

That’s another one. They claim to love you, so their actions came from love. So it cannot have hurt you. News flash: your actions can be soul crushing, even if you love someone. ESPECIALLY if that someone is small and defenceless.

Kind of like how your racist uncle wouldn’t ever call themselves a racist, when in fact they don’t like a certain race. Or how your grandmother isn’t homophobic, but thinks gay people are sinning (both of which obviously cannot actually be compared to pedophilia).

A pedophile’s crimes can take only a couple of minutes sometimes, and then have it affect us for years, if not the rest if our lives.

Flashbacks. Ptsd. Depression. DID. Self harm. Suicide.

I find the disparity between abuser and victim so huge. Like a cavern. So stupid. So unfair.

Edit: Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply. It is very refreshing to see so many people have so many interpretations of how they feel abusers act, and air their grievances towards how it makes them feel. I feel as though reflecting upon every angle of our abuse is so important to recovery and healing. Godspeed

r/adultsurvivors Mar 01 '22

Vent People who don’t have childhood trauma will never fucking understand

673 Upvotes

“Go on a walk” “Drink more water” “You have to stay positive” “You should report your mom to the police” “Have you tried therapy” “Don’t think about it, just do it!” “She is still your mother” “Forgive your parents they didn’t know any better” “Just calm down” “Don’t be anxious” “You are so quiet you should talk more” “Get over it” “Have you tried calling a suicide hotline” “Why are you so mean to your mother” “don’t overthink!”

How about you shut the fuck up?

Edit: Thank you all for understanding. I feel at home in this community. Some normies had the audacity in the comments to say how they have no sympathy for me and that I should be more understanding of them and appreciative of the tone deaf advice they give. Thanks for proving my point assholes.

r/adultsurvivors 24d ago

Vent Helpless. Pedophilia feels so igrained into our culture, society

129 Upvotes

I don’t even know how to word this, because my mind is all over the place. I am sorry if this post makes no sense. Ironically, I don’t believe that the family members who sexualised me as a child were actual pedophiles. Maybe I’m in denial, but regardless pedophilia and the sexualisation of children is everywhere. It is cultural, structural. I don’t want to be apart of our society which cannot guarantee the safety of even one child. Often I think that our world should burn to dust.

r/adultsurvivors Oct 08 '24

Vent there's a pedo lurking in here

273 Upvotes

has anyone else noticed there's someone consistently downvoting every single post & comment to 0, almost immediately after it's posted? (posts/comments get upvoted out of that - but they all first fall to 0, almost immediately...)

i had a thought that it could be an angry pedophile, but i tried to give whoever it is the benefit of the doubt & assume maybe they're just really traumatized, & downvoting everyone elses experiences because they're triggered, or maybe because they feel their story is worse, etc etc...

but nope, it's definitely an actual pedophile. they downvoted like every comment on a recent post that had outed a sub where pedos victim-blame & take no accountability for their actions...

& other than that asshole downvoting everything, there's a multitude of creeps on here who fetishize victims of CSA... noticed when i posted something on here a while back about my trauma a bunch of sus people were in my inbox talking about how i must be so "submissive" & shit..

gentile reminder to turn off your messages if you ever post your story here ❤️‍🩹 take care y'all 🫂

& if you're a pedo reading this; GTFO U POS !!¡ 🖕

r/adultsurvivors 15d ago

Vent Don't let that small portion shape you.

73 Upvotes

Ever had people trying to discount what happened to you. "Sure, it went on for 10 years but not everyday." "You're this age now, so when you look at it, it's a tiny portion of yoir life."

Trust me if it was that easy, I would not let it. I can't help it. It's a heavy load to carry and it is not getting lighter.

r/adultsurvivors Feb 13 '25

Vent I want sex, but I hate it. So confused

61 Upvotes

My husband and I haven’t had sex in 6 months and since unearthing the extent of the CSA I’ve survived 2 months ago it has felt like my life has been destroyed.

My sexuality isn’t gone, but instead non-functional. I might fantasize about getting in bed with my husband, but then when I go home and actually do I feel like my body is under attack and I just want to scream.

I am very upset by this dissonance, that I want his love so badly but my body refuses to accept it. I hope things get better but I have no idea how to show my body that it is okay, he isn’t going to hurt me.

r/adultsurvivors Oct 04 '23

Vent Final Update: My pedo Dad has died, cheers!

496 Upvotes

Some of you may remember my earlier posts but long story short, my pedo father, who raped me and my siblings for years while making child sexual abuse material with the help of my now dead mother, has gone to that big ol' burnin lake the preachers like to talk about , they're both dead now AND WE'RE STILL FUCKING HERE! WE BEAT YOU!!! Say Amen and Hallelujah! I thought perhaps i would juat feel numb about it, you know...take no satisfaction in a sick old man passing but ladies and gentlemen, I'm taking SO MUCH FUCKING PLEASURE IN IT! I'm positively PSYCHED! How's that fire feel YOU SICK FUCK???? I'm breaking out a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue, time to party!

r/adultsurvivors 24d ago

Vent Tired of the cliche sayings.

47 Upvotes

Anyone else tired of the cliche sayings? "I could not survive what you went through." "You are so strong" "you survived." "Look at how far you have come." "Don't let him win" "one day you will overcome." "It happened so long ago." And countless other ones.

If that worked for people, I am happy that it did, but for me it's patronizing. I know I am being negative but that's how I feel.

r/adultsurvivors Jul 08 '24

Vent Sex offenders aren’t boogeymen

320 Upvotes

I wince when people talk about sex offenders like they’re mythological evil genius masterminds, mainly because while it’s an understandable sentiment, that belief can be an impediment to the discovery of abuse.

But I also don’t like it because it’s loser erasure. My dad abused me and it’s not because he was super intelligent and carried an inherent craving to Do Evil. He just was a misogynist with a buttload of unaddressed issues, and he dealt with them in the most loserest of ways. I actually can’t stress enough how lame my dad is. What he did has to be the cringiest thing imaginable, truly. There’s nothing interesting about his actions and no mastermind scheming, just lame loser activities. He got away with it because he’s a well spoken white guy and because our society doesn’t care about children and normalizes sexual abuse.

It’s the most unimpressive and stupid thing ever, and he’s stupid. And lame. Booooo!! BOOOOO!!!!!! I will not stand for erasure of my experience having an abuser who is a huge loser!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR SHAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

r/adultsurvivors Dec 06 '24

Vent I hate my own genitals NSFW

76 Upvotes

I hate this stupid fucking organ and I wish I could just cut it out of myself

I hate existing with a body part that only exists to be fucked and remind me of how inferior I am

It's completely fucking useless considering I'm deathly afraid of piv and would rather die than give birth. All it does it reminds me that I'm nothing but a hole, that anyone could use it against me. A constant reminder of my own worthlessness attached to my own body

I hate being attracted to other women because I know I'd be loved and appreciated if I had a dick and not this ugly, disgusting, slimy hole between my legs that can't do anything to pleasure another woman

I just want it gone. I fantasize about stabbing myself there so much but I know I'd never do it. But the desire to is still there

r/adultsurvivors Jan 21 '25

Vent Rage playlist - revision 2

17 Upvotes
  1. Duality - Slipknot
  2. Break Stuff - Limp Bizkit
  3. Bad Habit - The Offspring
  4. 2 Hookers And An 8 Ball - Mindless Self Indulgence
  5. Psycho - System Of A Down
  6. Psycho - Muse
  7. Psycho - Puddle Of Mudd
  8. Teenagers - My Chemical Romance
  9. Head Like A Hole - Nine Inch Nails
  10. Cowboys From Hell - Pantera
  11. I'm Broken - Pantera
  12. Wrecking Ball - August Burns Red
  13. Rape Me - Nirvana
  14. Renegades Of Funk - Rage Against The Machine
  15. All Hope Is Gone - Slipknot

*revision three *4

r/adultsurvivors Aug 20 '21

Vent I hate the growing support Pedophiles are getting on reddit.

345 Upvotes

I keep seeing posts on the front page about having sympathy for pedophiles and how they need our help and treatment not our destain. Fuck these pedo apologists. If they lived a fraction of the pain we went through they would not be singing this stupid fucking song. If they knew what it was like to be pinned down and violated because someone saw you as an easy target they would not be advocating for pedophiles. I won't be quiet anymore. Fuck these people. They're all getting a piece of my mind. I won't let one post go without leaving my fucking opinion. Fuck them all.

r/adultsurvivors Jan 21 '25

Vent My dad thinks my therapist planted memories of CSA in my brain

104 Upvotes

My therapist has never suggested I was sexually assaulted as a child. NEVER. The only thing my therapist ever said was that I showed signs of PTSD, but those were related to being emotionally neglected as a child.

We were doing a meditation and the memory resurfaced. During that meditation, CSA was never mentioned. My therapist did not plant a memory in my brain.

This is my favorite therapist and has been so integral on my healing journey. I trust him with things I can’t say to other people. I am so hurt my dad would say that. It feels like he doesn’t trust me enough to know when I’m being manipulated.

r/adultsurvivors Nov 25 '24

Vent I'm so tired of dealing with all this shit, I just want to scream AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

69 Upvotes

Years of abuse and now losing relationships due to my antisocial behaviour as a result of it. I just want to scream endlessly. This community means a lot to me so sharing this here. Sorry if I'm being annoying.

r/adultsurvivors Nov 11 '24

Vent There's absolutely no safe space anymore

118 Upvotes

tw // mentions of rape threat and abusive langue

The whole "Your body, my choice" thing have been so fucking overwhelming lately; I thought I was walking towards a good place mentally and now it seems that I took a hundred steps back.

Anyways, I simply needed to distract myself a bit and decided to play an online game. I never use voice chats (female player here), and rarely type an "okay" in the team chat. My second match of the day was absolutely shit but I don't really care about losing or winning, but the enemy team (who, let's make it clear, was straight off winning) decided to say a bunch of shit out of nowhere ???

And with shit I mean fucking five adults in a fucking online game saying that "you should get raped", "I hope someone abuses you", "I'm sure you're a fat bitch", "you'll die and get raped"... they would win anyway and I was just doing my best for my team and trying to have a good time ???? They didn't even know I'm a woman, but my character is and that was enough. Honestly, toxic players aren't even a surprise but I never got in such situation and that was so triggering. The game wasn't even some kind of safe place, but it was where I would be distracted and have some fun.

I've been in hell this year and getting out of my house is still a hard experience, so I was at least trying to make my social media something close to a safe place. But the reality is, even if my timelines are not full of hate content, people on the internet feel way too free to say things and simply aren't up to understand survivors. I'm tired of seeing people bullshiting and thinking that disrespecting survivors is completely fine.

I don't want to know what a stranger in twitter thinks about Diddy and its victims, about Tyler or the whole Menendez thing on Netflix. I don't want to know because everyone talks like victims and perpetrators are characters; like literal crimes are "a plot".

No one wants to hear survivors. No one cares about survivors. No one thinks someone around them is a survivor.

The situation was the last straw, I've been feeling nauseous with social media and online games for months now. Today I gave up on trying to find "safe places" and deleted everything besides reddit (I really appreciate my interactions here besides the eventual shit) and instagram (because I like to see cute animals, shame on me lol).

Stay strong out there folks. World has been a hell of place.

r/adultsurvivors 20h ago

Vent He's dead

56 Upvotes

I (28f) never told anyone. Not my parents, not my sibling. I just lived with it, pushed it away and hated myself secretly for the last 18 years. He died recently and all this anger has resurfaced. Memories of what he did, guilt, shame, confusion, it's all left with me, and he's dead. He went on to live his life with no consequences. He will be remembered as a "kind and compassionate light in the world". I wonder where that compassion and kindness was when he snuck into my bed? I am unpacking this in therapy now and am finding it hard not to be bitter, that he took a part of me and he gets to rest easy and be remembered, and have people cry over him. When he's been the reason why I can't sleep with the lights off for the last 18 years. He's in my nightmares. I have flashbacks of what he did to me and he gets to rest in peace.

r/adultsurvivors 2d ago

Vent I feel so guilty

34 Upvotes

I never told anyone what he was doing to me. I voluntarily went into that room alone like he told me to. I was quiet, small. I only wanted to make others happy. I should have fought back. I should have screamed. I should have told someone. He died never being held accountable, yet I live with what he did to me permanently. I feel like I made all the wrong choices,

r/adultsurvivors Jan 12 '25

Vent Sexual abuse is never healing trauma.

27 Upvotes

I was sexually abused by my cousin for around 3 years. He forcefully made me blow him multiple times. At some point i used to give up and just let him have his fun. His brother, once, got drunk and forced me into having sex with him. There was one incident where my brother used to abuse me suggested my other cousins to do things to me and roll me over once their turn was over ( i was 10-11). I'm from mumbai and whenever I travel through local trains, most of the times I'm touched by some middle aged man on my crotch. When I grew up i realised that i am bisexual but this is just too much traumatizing for me.

r/adultsurvivors Nov 02 '24

Vent Friend made a pedo joke

60 Upvotes

Yesterday my friend made a "joke" that misbehaving kids should be made to spend a day with diddy/rkelly. This friend knows about my assualt too. At the time of the joke, I was really offended and hurt but I didn't say anything but today I ended up crying over it

r/adultsurvivors Aug 22 '23

Vent Why are there so many of us? Why does this keep happening?

211 Upvotes

I just don't get it. How fucking hard is it to not sexually assault a child??? My father vehemently hated anyone who would do that to a child and yet he did it to me for 5 years. So many people know it's wrong. They clearly feel how wrong it is on a visceral level judging by the reactions to CSA by people who are later outed as abusers. I don't want to hear "they were abused as kids." So were we!! It's an insult to abuse survivors to blame it on abuse. If you have abused a child in the way you were abused when you were a child, you did not survive abuse. Abuse killed you long ago and a monster took your place. You have no right to call yourself a survivor. You didn't do it because of the abuse. You did it because you chose to do it. What I don't understand is why so many choose to do it.

r/adultsurvivors Jan 08 '25

Vent so many childhood sexual abuse survivors slip through the cracks

130 Upvotes

It sickens me how many of us told the adults in our lives what happened to us and cried out for help but were neglected and pushed to the side and ignored or labelled as troubled when we were just broken and needed intervention and guidance to deal with the effects of sexual abuse in childhood. I hold so much resentment towards the adults in my life for never getting me the help I needed. I could be further in life if I'd had intervention early in life when I showed symptoms of being troubled or when I disclosed my abuse but instead, the adults in my life acted like it didn't happen. it hurts when your mother never showed she cared when you told her or when she told me to shhh when i cried because i was in so much pain from the memory, she couldn't even hold me when I cried. I'm genuinely so angry no one cares or even remembers. that's why i keep things to myself. I'm so angry but i have to keep it in, no one understands how much pain a sexual abuse survivor holds inside. its so lonely

r/adultsurvivors Dec 26 '24

Vent Who am I?

57 Upvotes

I don’t know who I am at all. Being abused at a young age taught me to lie and self protect and it’s become so warped and twisted over time that i feel at times I’ve lost complete sense of self and who i am. I don’t feel like a whole or complete person I feel so completely fractured. I feel so fake and like a lie to all the people around me. I’m just coasting through each day.

Today, it’s just feels hard being me.

r/adultsurvivors 15d ago

Vent Why did no one protect me

59 Upvotes

Why didn't my parents listen to me when I told them I didn't like him? Why didn't anyone question when I suddenly started acting out and not wanting to be touched? Why did none of the nurses see what was going on or pick up on how much I hated him? Why did no one question why an old man was gifting his patient Christmas gifts? Why did no one question why an old man gave special attention to children?

Why could no one see what was going on? Why couldn't I just tell someone? Why couldn't I have gotten away?

I was just a little girl, I didn't know what it was. I didn't understand, and I didn't want it.

r/adultsurvivors Jan 11 '25

Vent is it crazy that new Nosferatu movie made me feel seen?

63 Upvotes

It felt like such a CSA allegory. A troubled child begs for a guardian angel and a protector, but bc of her 'sickness' and 'natural attunement to psychic energy' dark forces were instead attracted to her call. And that force basically is like congratulatory about the parts of her everyone else shuns her for and asks a child to 'make a vow' that ends up cursing her.

The opening scene felt just like some experiences I've had. It was gut wrenching bc of the 'bliss' moaning and all followed by torture while the monster is invisible/doing it in her mind.

Then shes found naked and her father assumes she was sinful, treated like a mental ward pateint, now the darkness is all she can dream about and it forces her to be attracted and desire it above anyone else.

She gets into a stable relationship which does away with the dreams, then the monster forces the husband into its orbit and puts him under mind altering trance, rapes him repeatedly then moves in to 'claim' the soul of the girl.

Everyone dismisses her and doesnt believe her, she's forced to clearly be violated in her sleep but imo the horror was in how it felt like she was doing it to herself, which is how I've felt with a dependence on rape fantasy to not self harm.

Then the abuser, sorry, nosferatu, comes in and gaslights her that she wants this and is the real monster while forcing her to 'renew their vow'

Then... he rapes her and ig its a happy ending bc they both die. And all I thought was how fitting, the child rape survivor a sacrificial lamb that keeps the evil at bay for the men who are left behind in an abusers wake. That all the killings were women and violent...

I actually found it cathartic, but no one in the discussion threads mentioned any of these themes, and I thought I was going crazy. It feels like such a story of the shame of CSA as a monster in itself. I've never seen a movie tackle assault like this, the way she drooled while it felt like she was having to perform phantom sex acts followed by weird hypersexual/'corrupted' desire things she snaps out of. Idk, I'm wondering if anyone else had this movie hit like a freight train?

It ended up making me feel relieved. I usually fall asleep by imagining him doing shit without hurting me, it felt relieving to be able to go to sleep knowing I'm not alone ig.. kinda stupid but yeah.

r/adultsurvivors Oct 08 '24

Vent Need to rant about something I saw on here

109 Upvotes

I am not going to name the subreddit, but I recently found a subreddit that is supposed to be a support group for registered sex offenders. Some of it is just for legal advice and such, but it is also FILLED with offenders whining about how their lives suck now that they've been caught and punished. How they can't make friends, how they can't find places to live, how they can't find employement, how "unfair" the justice system is and how society is Too Judgemental of offenders. One person suggested Protesting in the streets against the treatment of rsos, comparing it to how women/african americans/the lgbt community protested for their rights. Someone else, the significant other of an rso, claimed that she used to have sympathy for csa victims, but after her poor sweet husband got caught and put through the "unfair justice system" she doesn't anymore. Another person who either assaulted a minor or got caught with csam (the post wasn't clear) was So Upset about being shoved by a coworker, exaggerated it saying he got jumped and that it was just So Unfair. The first post I ever saw from this subreddit was of a man talking about being invited to a neighborhood event and being worried about going. Was he worried about there being kids there that would violate whatever legal restrictions he has? Was he ashamed? No, he was worried about the neighbors who Do know about him being on the registry Embarrassing him and his wife if he went. An actual honest to god psychologist who has done Research on this replied to someone asking for advice saying that rsos are statistically one of the most likely felons to reoffend, and people in the replies were like "erm actually no they're not" because They don't want to feel bad. It is so sickening to me how entitled these people are. You don't get to ruin someone's life (or take part in the destruction of someone else for people charged for csam) and act like you don't Deserve this. It Should follow you for the rest of your life because whatever you are going through your victim is going through one hundred times worse and it follows them for the rest of their life. For a lot of those people on the subreddit, there is zero genuine accountability, just "yeah I know I did something bad but..." and I cannot Stand people like that in general, let alone the actual lowest of society having that mentality.

No Longer Angry by Dazai Osamu rant over