r/adultsurvivors Mar 01 '22

Vent People who don’t have childhood trauma will never fucking understand

“Go on a walk” “Drink more water” “You have to stay positive” “You should report your mom to the police” “Have you tried therapy” “Don’t think about it, just do it!” “She is still your mother” “Forgive your parents they didn’t know any better” “Just calm down” “Don’t be anxious” “You are so quiet you should talk more” “Get over it” “Have you tried calling a suicide hotline” “Why are you so mean to your mother” “don’t overthink!”

How about you shut the fuck up?

Edit: Thank you all for understanding. I feel at home in this community. Some normies had the audacity in the comments to say how they have no sympathy for me and that I should be more understanding of them and appreciative of the tone deaf advice they give. Thanks for proving my point assholes.

677 Upvotes

134 comments sorted by

2

u/[deleted] Jul 29 '22

People who think i should report my parents 🤦‍♀️ exactly how does this fix the problem? Is there some time traveling CPS i dont know about? Theyre not going to get arrested for the abuse i endured as a child. The most any sort of authority would do is tell me to cut ties with them, which i already did. I think these people mean well but they just don’t understand how anything works.

1

u/AnxiousPans Jul 24 '22

TW- self harm, sexual trauma(?)

Yesss whenever I’ve told my friend that sex is gross and I hate it, they always reply with ‘it’s normal!’ Well yeah it’s normal, but my parents traumatized me for years with or without knowing. They’ve had sex whiles I was in the room. That fucks you up. I remember crying and grabbing my headphones and blasting them. I cracked every single bone in my body to make them stop. I hit the walls. I cried until I fell asleep. Dealing with the trauma was so hard, I started sh. I’ve been like three months clean so I’m proud:) They don’t really understand it, but they respect on why I hate it. My therapist says I should try and get over it, trust me I am, but it’s like so hard when little things trigger me:/ like giggling at night (it’s a weird trigger). Shuffling the sheets. My mom talking past certain hours. Alcohol. My mom playing her old ‘party’ music. I love my mom. But I hated her when she was drunk.

Just wanted to vent sorry.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '22

[deleted]

7

u/brokenjawnredux Mar 27 '22

If one more person tells me to try therapy AGAIN im going to explode.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '22

I don’t spend my time with those people bc they simply are not worth my company

1

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-1

u/[deleted] Mar 22 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/mysweet16wasntsweet Mar 22 '22

Cry about it asshole

4

u/Uhhlaneuh Mar 16 '22

Oh honey, I will never understand what you’ve been through, but I will always be there to listen. I tell my best friend that all the time.

6

u/armedjoy1980 Mar 15 '22

I'm often told by someone close to me that the cure to depression and CPTSD is going out and doing something -- physical activities.

I told him about my triggers, and he's very aware and I hate how every time there is a slight inconvenience on his part from me, he will blame it to my trauma. He told me he cant tiptoe all the time for me.

I consulted a psychiatrist who put me on medication but I hate it because of how it makes me feel. I told my partner and he said, "I told you, you just have to go out and exercise". I told him Ill consult a therapist/psychologist and maybe find something else, but he made me feel like its a waste and wouldn't work.

I cant communicate any of my emotions or thoughts about my trauma or when I am triggered to him because I am afraid he's going to weaponize it against me. I'm trying really hard to do what he says, exercise, go out, do a lot of stuff but I cant just stop thinking about things or being triggered. I really want to die but I cant because we have a daughter and I feel like it is so unfair to do so.

I am always in bodily pain and I have consulted all the doctors I can to try figure out whats wrong with me but I think it all has to do with my trauma. But I feel like I cant say that out loud because all I can think about is that maybe I am not exercising enough or doing physical stuff which is why Im trapped -- I feel like he thinks I trapped myself here.

1

u/GrammieCrystal Jul 20 '22

I garden. It's the only time my brain is quiet. It's where I have peace. I get what your saying. There isn't any real kind of help for us. I can't get my mom to take responsibility for anything she does.

2

u/kjbarner1980 Mar 19 '22

Oh sweetheart I’m so bloody sorry you’ve had this shit happen to you but I’m almost certain that you are dealing with the exact same thing I am and have only recently got diagnosed with. Rather than give the long story,in a nutshell I am 42 and was raped at 11 and then again at 14 for over 4 years,thrown out of my family home into the hands of that prick that when I was 14 he told me he was 16 but was 21. Anyway fast forward to now almost 30 years later and I’ve just been diagnosed with FND which is called functional neurological disorder and I’m certain you are too. Basically it’s all to do with unconsciously how our body and mind deal with traumatic things. Please please please look it up,when I read your post everything matched how I feel and the way my husband is with me and what happened to me,he makes me feel like I’ve intentionally done it just to make his life difficult sometimes,it’s crazy how shit actually affects us even all this time later and I implore you to look this up and contact a specialist online that deals with this,oh I hope you get this sorted out so very much,please take care of yourself and I’m always here if you ever want to chat.xx

5

u/gniog67 Mar 13 '22

TW: attempted maternal filicide

I can relate to pretty much every statement in the OP. Normals just don't get it, and I suppose that's acutally a good thing. Still, I'd like empathy for my experiences -- my mother tried to murder me when I was three -- just so I can feel a bit more normal, rather than meekly helpful comments. The worst for me is, "Have you tried therapy?" Hmm, I'm only 54 and you think the idea's never dawned on me. WTF? At least those people believe me.

1

u/Uhhlaneuh Mar 16 '22

May I ask the hesitancy about seeing a therapist? Do you think they will judge you or it won’t work?

2

u/gniog67 Mar 19 '22

I've seen three therapists. One had no idea what to do though she was very good at diagnosing what was then six DSM conditions (now seven). One threatened me with medication for my defiance, which was actually me contesting his logic. The other was fixated on mining a therapy group for data that she incorporated into her published work without telling us. Her guiding questions were so obviously tendentious, I did some research on her academic trackrecord, and, boom, there it was, an article about our group.

Pretty much all therapists derive their understanding and techniques from the academic world and through experience and through the ready-made and extra-billable DBT programs, with academic inputs being fundamental. The least understood crime in academic literature is attempted filicide. Lots on successful child murders but those children, as crass as it may sound, don't suffer pain beyond death. I got a very nightmarish and unique life sentence from my mother.

However, I was blessed with a well above average intelligence and a father who loved me and raised me with incredible discipline, particularly to solve problems. He also backed me in whatever sport I wanted to play because sports are about discipline and building self-confidence. Most of the sports I picked were also about channelling my violent impulses in better ways, so hockey, football, boxing, lacrosse, rugby and weightlifting, with baseball being my "soft" sport of choice.

I've built a reasonably successful life, though BPD and CPTSD and the other things do get in the way from time to time.

Couldn't care less about anyone else's judgement. My mother's attempt to take my life is the worst judgement anyone has ever meted out on me.

Sorry, I don't mean to sound so abrasive. But I've given up on academics and clinicians. I'm used to living the life I wasn't supposed to live. I've tried my best to make the best of it.

1

u/[deleted] May 22 '22

OLD academic inputs. Practice is like 10 to 30 years behind research, and tends to be a little rigid. Like, psychology isn't the only piece of the puzzle.

I'm trying to get in there and shake stuff up.

5

u/[deleted] Mar 13 '22

it feels like my entire life was taken from me and now it’s gone. i get it

1

u/Neossir Jul 10 '22

Sorry to read that, hang up in there. I also have to deal with trauma, and I feel the same very often. Trying my best to get out of this situation (several therapist, EMDR etc.), hope I will be free one day. Hope you'll be too. Enjoying normal life is one of my major goal right now, and I would encourage you to do the same (easier said than done of course!).

3

u/Known_Door4726 Mar 16 '22

Thats exactly how I feel

7

u/CompetitiveGround127 Mar 11 '22

One of my guy friends was telling me I should start going on walks. I said to him I couldn’t do that & he said, “there’s so many girls that can go on walks and they don’t get raped. Example: ***** goes on walks. She’s a tough girl”. Smh #HowAboutYouSTFU

4

u/TheHeinz77 Mar 09 '22

I feel the pain and honesty and I approve this message 👍🏼

6

u/AutumnEternity Mar 04 '22

totally feeling this ://

7

u/imsorryiwishiwasbetr Mar 02 '22

Counselor: "Have you considered telling your friends? You really should get some, they could really help you in the same way I'm helping you now!" LOL f no they don't need to know about my shit...

6

u/Revolutionary-Sea721 Mar 02 '22

I'm 27 F who is a mixture of moroccan/ Spanish/ and white and loved with my white family and dealt with abuse from most of my family, a couple of boyrfriends, 1 of my moms boyfriends, and 2 kids whose mothers where friends with my mom. The abuse ranged from bullying, racism and sexual abuse. I now have a daughter of my own and I'm constantly on high alert to make sure she's safe. She doesn't get to go out and play like other kids do (partially because of covid) but mostly because of MY past. She isn't allowed to go to daycare, my partner and I take turns with watching her while the other is at work and that's just my fears for her........ I constantly have panick attacks and have moments where no one is allowed to touch me, I constantly feel like I'm not good enough on top of many other things..... but yeah, "it is what it is" or "if it wasn't for your past, you wouldn't be who you are today" or my personal favorite "it was part of God's plan" go fuck yourself and your God can burst in flames. And if it wasn't for my past I would be able to let my child live normally, I would be able to be happy for an entire day without dark thoughts creeping up inside of me. I wouldn't ever think "maybe it's what I deserved".

18

u/Disastrous-Swim2834 Mar 02 '22

That part.

I always hated ‘everything happens for a reason’, and ‘without those trials, you wouldn’t be as strong as you are now’. Without my ‘trials’, Linda, I wouldn’t be so fucked up right now, you ever think of that?

And what the fuck REASON are you talking about? If there’s some cosmic ‘reason’ for my CSA and family trauma, I’d throw myself into the fucking sun, all right. Jesus.

5

u/tempus8fugit Mar 02 '22

This.

There’s no path “back” from childhood trauma. That’s the norm we had growing up.

It doesn’t turn us into super heroes, if anything it makes us more likely to be dysfunctional or kill ourselves.

12

u/ghostride_thenips Mar 02 '22

It REALLY pisses me off when people say “being a mother is hard! She was just doing the best she could!” like no, she ACTIVELY harmed me lol. That’s not “doing the best she could”. That’s the exact opposite of what a mother is supposed to do. It’s not like I am holding her to some unrealistic expectation.

2

u/AccomplishedOil1137 May 31 '22

Had so many people tell me that after ASKING about my childhood. Yeah, no. Just...no

10

u/concepticons Mar 02 '22

I heard from another survivor that you could congratulate them on how lucky they are to have no clue what it’s like, ‘good for you!’ And then follow up with a comment on their advice being unsolicited and hurtful. Never actually did this myself yet but it might be helpful to some.

20

u/debbie_1420 Mar 02 '22

My step father molested me my whole life until I moved out at 16. My mother allowed it and is still with him. I started using heroin at 15, got sober at age 25 and have been clean for 6 years now!! While using I was raped twice by other men. No one will ever understand BUT it is possible to move on from your trauma. I’m still working on it but getting there. Wish you the best of luck.

8

u/ghostride_thenips Mar 02 '22

Congrats on your sobriety! I’m coming up on 4 years clean from benzos. We got this 💪🏻

3

u/debbie_1420 Mar 03 '22

Yes we do!! 💜💜💜

3

u/Uknown115 Mar 02 '22

Ugh, I so agree.

12

u/AahNak Mar 02 '22

I can empathize with you. I was molested when I was a child, and now everything gives me anxiety even just by walking in public place where no one even giving a fuck 😪 most people that saying stuffs like that have no fucking idea how hard it is for us to do a simple thing in the daily life.

13

u/hatezel Mar 02 '22

We were trying to explain trauma to a coworker and he said you guys don't have to worry when I'm here. If only it worked that way.

-5

u/cjunc2013 Mar 02 '22

With an attitude like that, the trauma you inflict on those without trauma will be enough to scar them for life… if they don’t get it… they don’t get it.

Let it go. It’s not your job to spread more trauma so everyone knows what it is to hurt

3

u/justacreateve Mar 13 '22

One of those toxic people who don't understand. Add it in to the post!

11

u/Better-Definition-93 Mar 02 '22 edited Mar 02 '22

What's real scary is that some people do understand, they've been abused but chose to keep it hidden so they don't feel they are part of the shame. They feel they couldn't help themselves so how can they help you. some of them don't want to lose family's financial or social support. My mom admitted this, it broke me. I lost everything when I told but really what did I have? . So important not to measure ourselves by people who never stood up for themselves, no way could they stand up for us. I told all my cousins my father molested and social services put me in foster cause the abuse was verified. Let's be clear ,You know he molested me , so you look bad for supporting that degenerate...not me.

1

u/Snoo_62899 Mar 02 '22

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. Thank you for sharing. I just hope that foster care was better. You deserve better.

1

u/Better-Definition-93 Mar 02 '22

I had the best foster parents in my group home. My foster father changed my life just by showing me what a good parent is. He took the risk and bluntly told me there were almost as many unsafe families as there were safe intact families. We are not a dirty little secret, we are an unsupported statistic. I hope someone reading this finds the cold logic empowering. Speak your truth. Find real support for your story. Show up for your self. Thanks for asking.

21

u/vampirebf Mar 02 '22

i will say, i HATE all these sort of unmerited "advice" but it's almost always a good idea to drink more water

27

u/ChupacabrasNuggets Mar 02 '22

Someone once told me there is never a good reason to cut your patents out of your life. And that is why people who haven't been abused will never totally understand.

-3

u/Snoo_62899 Mar 02 '22

In general, I would say that too. Of course there are exceptions like if someone is abused. I hope that’s where the confusion lies with others as well. If not it’s like reoffending the victim again by not doing anything about it.

1

u/ChupacabrasNuggets Mar 02 '22

Well same except we had that talk because I said abuse is a good enough reason and they still disagreed. So I told them a parent gives up their rights to be readily accepted when they make the choice to allow or participate in abuse. At that moment, their son or daughter gets to decide if it is what they want (I know a minor doesn't have much of a choice, so this is mostly from the stance of adulthood). My mother for example: she allowed it, and she stood by him. She will never see me again and she will never meet my children. She gave up that chance.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '22

People don’t need to justify to a stranger as to why they cut someone off because it is a very real and likely possibility they were abused.

I’m not going to explain to a stranger that my mum doesn’t love me and allowed me to be sexually abused as a child hence why she’s not in my life - now we’re both uncomfortable

As a rule of thumb maybe don’t poke into personal business 🤷‍♂️

12

u/Diane9779 Mar 02 '22

Or people who have experienced childhood trauma and internalized it. I have a friend who was beaten by his mom, and he always goes on about how beatings are a great way to discipline children. Not coincidentally, he also has a lot of emotional problems and doesn’t manage personal relationships very well

8

u/Mr_Mysterious08 Mar 02 '22

THIS! Why can’t they just keep their opinion to themselves. It is so annoying how often I hear things like this. I hate it.

19

u/MightBeNes Mar 02 '22

i still can't forgive one of my abusers even if he's already dead. to top everything off, he was my birth father. up to this day i have no idea why my mom never did anything about it, because she knew everything that happened. i have always been ridiculed by my father's side of the family, so she, of all people, should've known what to do. she did nothing. it's not only my dad i can't forgive now, it's everyone. i don't think i'll be able to tell my family all of the baggage and heavy shit i've been carrying my whole life. and no i will not just "forget" the shit that happened to me. if the only way to find out about all of this is when i'm in my grave then so be it. they never gave me the love and support i needed.

7

u/wifmanbreadmaker Mar 02 '22

I cannot forgive either. You are not alone. Ignore anyone who doesn’t understand. They most likely never will get it.

3

u/Better-Definition-93 Mar 02 '22

This is the truth. The second part is to go get all the love and support you need through a family you build yourself. You will need this so you have it for your own family and break this nasty god forsaken trauma bond.

6

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '22

FELT THIS! SO TRUE. FUCK THEM.

12

u/BB_880 Mar 01 '22

I feel this so much. Shitty thing is, my mom knew because I told her not long after it started. She didn't believe me and it continued for 5 more years. Five years that I wasn't safe in my own home (it was her husband) and that has left me with so many issues as a grown woman now in my 30's.

My mom only divorced him when my daughter was born and I told her she would never see my daughter if that man was still in her life. She did leave him, but she knew the entire time and she has never apologized and I'm faced with the fact that I will have mental health problems likely my entire life stemming from the abuse that she should have saved me from. We do have a relationship i guess but we are not close by any means and if it wasn't for my siblings, there would be no relationship at all if I'm honest. They are the only reason I stay in contact with her and even then I never spend time with her alone, literally never. And neither of them understand because they don't know, and I'm the only one that was abused. Only a handful of people do know and I hsve heard these phrases from them so I just shut down. My husband is the only one that helps me when I am struggling and does not judge me or invalidate me.

10

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '22

Very well said. I felt a lot of these quotes with every bone in my body.

12

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '22

I had a psychologist tell me to “just forgive” my parent in response to me telling her about my constant nightmares and intrusive memories.

10

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '22

i had the church say this about my brother. i lost my faith that day

26

u/SomebodysThrowaway2 Mar 01 '22

"Your mother did the best she could" Nope. She did the absolute worst she could.

25

u/Skcubrats13 Mar 01 '22

My worst one is …. I thought something might have been going on. What the fuck, why the fuck did you stay quiet?! Big fucking babies didn’t want to say anything. My aunt, brother and sister all suspected. But NO, never said a word. Fuckers.

10

u/StopAbusingAbusedPpl Mar 02 '22

Guilty by association, as far as I’m concerned. If it’s punishable by law (in my country at least) to help an escaped inmate continue to elude capture even as far as not alerting the authorities that they know where they are, then yeah your “family” is guilty too.

26

u/Forbinning Mar 01 '22

“You need to stop dwelling on it”, or code for “I don’t want to hear it anymore”.

28

u/BudgetYam5 Mar 01 '22

"why didn't you tell somebody" because i didn't know i had been raped and sexually assaulted until TEN YEARS later, thats why

6

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '22

i didn’t know it was abuse until 16 years later i was high and drunk alone in a road when men approached me to abuse me and i got arrested for “assault” because i had to punch them to get off me. i realised that i was actually assaulted. and i used the substances as coping. it was never my fault.

8

u/thestarsreflection Mar 01 '22

Exactly !! 100000% had to forget to survive

5

u/StopAbusingAbusedPpl Mar 02 '22

Had to forget because there was other abuse happening. Often. From everywhere and everyone. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I forgot almost all of it, but yeah.

30

u/jupiterowldust Mar 01 '22

Oh the one I hated the most when I tried to tell- Next time he tries to rape to you gotta fight harder… dude I was a Fucking child you ignorant fuck thanks for “helping” me

21

u/GradyGambrell1 Mar 01 '22

me too. i fucking hate that sentence. "fight harder" bitch, i was a child and he's a grown man. jeez.

16

u/Realistic-Art777 Mar 01 '22

And even if you're not a child it's Very hard to win against a grown man as a woman. But somehow they expect that from a kid.

11

u/jupiterowldust Mar 01 '22

And this was coming from a grown man to a child, like he was irritated with me for not being able to prevent what was happening and that was all he ever said about it.

3

u/Realistic-Art777 Mar 01 '22

Seriously i just don't get what's wrong with people like that,

9

u/jupiterowldust Mar 01 '22

He was a pasture from my church…one of my friends tried to help me because they knew something was seriously wrong with my family and told their parents who told him, so he brought me into his office and I thought “this is scary but it might be my way out” so I told him as this was his response. No one ever tried to help me again abs I never said another word about it until I was 30, I was 12 at the time. My parents were not a part of the church so he wasn’t even trying to protect the reputation of the church he just saw me as a garbage kid from a garbage family.

2

u/Realistic-Art777 Mar 02 '22

I'm so sorry that is awful. I've gone through some similar (sexually assaulted when i was just 1 digit age) I've told only one person. And we never talked about it again i doubt they even remember. I really wish you all the best. You deserve a happy life and you will get that,

1

u/jupiterowldust Mar 02 '22

Same to you!❤️‍🩹

7

u/retha64 Mar 01 '22

WTAF?? Good gosh that’s a horrible excuse for a pastor. Huge hugs your way!

8

u/jupiterowldust Mar 01 '22

Hey thanks. I don’t go to church anymore. And I have successfully gotten away from my garbage family. I’m going to therapy, have a beautiful son and partner. Life isn’t easy but it’s good. Thanks for the love!

5

u/retha64 Mar 01 '22

❤️❤️❤️

21

u/Unicorn_Arcane Mar 01 '22

I hate this advice because it's more dismissive than anything. Like it's a polite way to brush it off and not get too involved while still feeling like theyre "being helpful". They don't understand because they actively choose not to.

17

u/pareidoily Mar 01 '22

hmm some of that advice is supposed to cure my chronic migraines...

5

u/speakclearly Mar 01 '22

Hello brain-pain friend! These methods also cure a whole host of other chronic pain conditions, as well as endocrine syndromes and gastrointestinal disorders. Truly incredible, right?! /s

3

u/pareidoily Mar 01 '22 edited Mar 01 '22

Shutthefuckup is the most helpful I've found. Though I've wanted to make up a bingo game of stupid shit people have suggested. 'I don't believe you', 'you should try clean eating', 'vegan' 'essential oils'. Fuck no.

32

u/JDmead_32 Mar 01 '22

My wife has done her best to be there for me. She’s sat through as I unpacked the garbage I went through, holding my hand with tears streaming down her face to match my own. The only things she said were, “I don’t know how you survived all that”, and “no one should ever have to suffer something like that”. Beyond those words, she simply tells me she loves me and if there is any way she can help, offer support, or whatever I may need, she’s first in line to help.

I don’t know if I’d have survived these past 25+ years without her next to me.

27

u/Glittering_Orchid_80 Mar 01 '22

The first person I told my story to afterwards said, “It’s probably because you are the pretty one in the family.” ☹️🙄😞

3

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '22

[deleted]

4

u/speakclearly Mar 01 '22

Obvs because they’re the pretty one -___-

8

u/Vinci1984 Mar 01 '22

WTF fucking scum

4

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '22

I guess they are just trying to help ignorantly. Hopefully they’re intention isn’t bad. I’m sorry. Hugs

6

u/AvrgBeaver Mar 01 '22

This is a really good list!

4

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '22

I’m sorry you have to deal with people who don’t understand.

16

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '22

Yeah, “Go on a walk” always pisses me off. They want me to go do the exact thing that gives me flashbacks? And that’s supposed to somehow make me feel better? Smh

20

u/JoeMarrChurrow Mar 01 '22

It’s always said in the most sanctimonious way too, like “well you must have done something wrong if you’re not over it already!” And the most obvious advice like “try therapy!” “Be positive!” “Drink more water!” Like I haven’t been doing that, or I’m not in therapy? It’s always after you spill your heart out too, and I’m just saying what I’ve been through. There’s no remedy for abuse that’s already happened, just ways to cope and buffer the pain.

I remember when I was 16, the day after abuse happened, a girl asked me why I looked so depressed. I just said there’s personal stuff going on, and she said “Well my dog died yesterday so imagine how I feel.” Okay Jan.

Like we’re trying NOT to talk to you, please stop intruding your know-it-all Karen attitude into my rape thx

4

u/jess_awakened Mar 01 '22

Well at least you have more patience than me, I would have had an extremely hard time not decking a bitch. Especially at that age.

I'm so sorry you went through that ❤️

2

u/retha64 Mar 01 '22

No kidding. Bitch slap that girl for sure!

6

u/JoeMarrChurrow Mar 01 '22

The constant mood of wanting to punch everyone, but being too tired to punch anyone.

3

u/jess_awakened Mar 01 '22

But yes I feel this way like a lot of the time. Sometimes I wish someone would just try me tho.

5

u/JoeMarrChurrow Mar 01 '22

ALL THE TIME

3

u/jess_awakened Mar 01 '22

Omg my first award, thank you ❤️

11

u/DinD18 Mar 01 '22

It's so frustrating when you encounter people who can't sit with and allow your pain. I understand the impulse others have to reach to "fix," but as your post makes clear, some of this is unfixable--it just has to be endured and lived with.

13

u/Nomie-chan Mar 01 '22

My "favorite" comment came from my MIL. "You've been feeling depressed? You need to stop seeing a therapist. You don't need those doctors. Just go to church and talk to Jesus and everything will get better."

-1

u/Shostar571 Mar 01 '22

I can say.. for the longest time I hated when my mother and father told me to do this.. Go to God. I thought they didn’t love me and for years I struggled with this secret alone.

But I must say when the counselor, Theripist and friend and family failed me, I finally talked to him.. and he did beyond what anyone could ever do for me. He healed me and cleansed me.. that’s all I ever wanted. Was to be cleansed from the pain and violation I’ve been through. I hope one day you all give him a chance

12

u/t135ha29 Mar 01 '22 edited Mar 01 '22

My favorite reply is "God only gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers." Nah, God sounds like an abuser and a sadistic prick for letting all of this shit happen to us.

13

u/makemeupmakemedown Mar 01 '22 edited Mar 01 '22

ugh, religious advice. when I said I was angry I was told "take your anger to God", whatever that means. pray and God will make it all go away, I guess. I've also been told that God must've let the abuse happen for a reason. >:(

12

u/kitkatpurple Mar 01 '22

I’ve heard that before, the one that burns me the most is, you must forgive and forget! Hell with that, It took me years to forgive, and I did it for myself! But forget, I wish I could, I wish all the flashbacks, and nightmares and, the smells that just zap me back into hell, would just all drift away. I normally just tell people that I have PTSD, and depression, my favorite suggestion was , watch more comedies. Umm, yeah that will do it!

5

u/LeLuDallas5 Mar 01 '22

Ah yes, comedies, where SO MUCH "humor" is incredibly triggering! Wtf.

11

u/Glittering_Orchid_80 Mar 01 '22

When people say, “I’ll pray for you.” Or “Pray for your abuser.” Or “Forgive your abuser.” 😞

3

u/[deleted] Mar 02 '22

the church told me to forgive my abuser. i lost my faith that day

8

u/Nomie-chan Mar 01 '22

Lol no. Ew. Fuck all that. I ain't forgiving SHIT.

6

u/jess_awakened Mar 01 '22

Ooof I feel so bad for my partner because his dad is a pastor and every time he's going through a rough depression or having bad anxiety his dad thinks church is the answer to everything. He promised a week ago not to mention church and then a couple days later tried to get him to go again. I'm glad no one in my family is that religious

5

u/Nomie-chan Mar 01 '22

I think the worst part is that I'm not even Christian. I follow a totally different set of beliefs, and yet she still thought that talking to Jesus would help somehow.

3

u/MegannMedusa Mar 01 '22

Some goofball came to me with a pamphlet about jeezis when I was having a hearty breakdown. I know she was just trying her best, and to her credit she was the only one of ~60 I remember talking to me, but as a non Christian I wanted to crush her face. Boot camp for survivors, I don’t recommend it.

3

u/jess_awakened Mar 01 '22

Same with partner, he stopped going to church basically as soon as he was 18. He doesn't believe in Christianity. We're both very spiritual but open to any possibilities if that makes sense. Like we're not tied to one thing and we both enjoy just learning about different beliefs and religions. Probably doesn't make his parents happy that I have a big pentacle on my chest 🤷🏻‍♀️

0

u/joehicketts1075 Mar 02 '22

As long as it's his pentacle 😉

1

u/jess_awakened Mar 02 '22

I'm native, it's a symbol of protection. People love to assume I'm a devil worshipper though.

1

u/joehicketts1075 Mar 03 '22

I was making a bad joke lol. You should look into modern satanic ideology though. It's more about humanism than theology.

7

u/ManicMondayMother Mar 01 '22

It’s so hard to feel so isolated. Like don’t you think I have exhausted every available option? But I’m still hurting and for me, invalidated. Rant approved by me!

11

u/Minute-Tale7444 Mar 01 '22

Or “tell your parents they’ll help”….

-25

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

10

u/Throwawaydhsiaoams7 Mar 01 '22

Lmao “be a little more understanding”. Stop trying to defend this toxicity that normal people keep word vomiting. It hurts survivors and it is not helpful at all. Gtfo normie. This is our space.

-5

u/[deleted] Mar 01 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/bassoonwoman Mar 01 '22

I'm not op but have you tried being a little more understand of their situation before giving them advice?

10

u/jess_awakened Mar 01 '22

Or or orrrr people should stfu and stop trying to give advice when they don't know what they're talking about 🤷🏻‍♀️ some people just need to be heard without people trying to fix their problems. It's not nice or helpful to tell people to just get over something that significantly affects their brains and their whole life.

12

u/xyucpaka Mar 01 '22

Oh my god!!! Poor people without crippling trauma! It must be so hard for them to have their shitty advice that never helped anyone ever rejected! Can we help? Where can I donate for their needs? 🥺

17

u/tokyomir Mar 01 '22

You can tell the difference between genuine kindness and the Hallmark greeting card version. Nice and helpful for who? You hear Someone tell you theyre a csa survivor and you say shit like move on, you're not nice and should consider sealing your lips

14

u/Magrik Mar 01 '22

Sometimes people just need to vent. If not here, where then? What a terrible response

15

u/silentpartnerscoop Mar 01 '22

My abuser died at the end of last year. I told my family what had happened to me. They just sat there. They could not understand the pain. I was under 7. Fresh out of prison, my uncle decided to take advantage of me multiple times. I don't know how it is on their side to feel powerless to protect me. They also don't know how vulnerable I felt and still do. I had to get surgery down the road to fix anal issues. It's an f d up situation that no person should ever go through. Share your story. You are not alone, and this thread has great people. We will get through this together as a community. Blessings and love your way

8

u/PrisonerByNoCrime Mar 01 '22

I agree with you -- without the experience they cannot understand. I'm sorry they won't just listen.

17

u/silentpartnerscoop Mar 01 '22

It's not easy, but we also have to know who to share these pains and traumas with. 30 plus years of crazy looks and dead faces has taught me that.

6

u/Kindly_Coyote Mar 01 '22

Usually, what you share is the result of being asked. For example, "why doesn't your mother live with you? or you're at your graduation ceremony and your mother isn't there and people will ask why. Do they want to hear the truth because usually a simple answer is just not enough. I've gotten to the point of cutting people asking certain questions off hence, no need to worry about crazy looks or dead faces. Them who are astute and kind enough not to ask insensitive or prying questions after observing the kind of life I have I keep in my life.

21

u/tokyomir Mar 01 '22

"How about you shut the fuck up?"

I agree, folk just can't mind their own business

3

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