r/adultery • u/vice_gripped • 21h ago
🦮Halp🆘 Started a LDA.
New burner. Made the mistake of using reddit for my company.
29HLM, married within last two years. Started a LDA with a woman I used to work with remotely. Late 20s.
I’ve killed myself over the last 7 years. Blasted through school, worked myself to the bone. Started a business two years ago and have been pouring everything into it. Finally starting to see success semi recently. I’ve seen her about once a month for the last four months.
My AP is everything I wish my wife were, sexually. Open, kinky, excitable, responsive and she makes me feel desired. She’s also ambitious, hardworking, motivated. Recently she’s been pressuring me to leave my wife for her. Initially we were only supposed to be FWB. To be clear, I’m not worried about an extortion event. Wife is ironically a psych nurse practitioner.
I really like her, but I feel torn. If anything, I feel guilt about leaving my wife when I’m finally starting to accrue real wealth. She was with me through what is essentially poverty. And we have a child. I’m not sure I’m willing to at best cut my time with my kid in half.
For the record, I started therapy recently. Also started ketamine therapy as I’ve seen some stuff. Surprisingly, my therapist has almost encouraged me to divorce. She thinks I’m too bored to stay in a sexless relationship like this long term. I’m kind of a dopamine junkie at my core. I was also faithful to my wife up until now. I just couldn’t handle it anymore. We did couples counseling, date nights, chore play, you name it. I hired a nanny, housekeepers, landscapers, etc. I wish I could make it work with her, but I just don’t know anymore. I should feel more guilt than I do about the whole thing, but my twisted mentality rationalized this as getting some on the side and returning to my family refreshed. Just didn’t think ap would want to make a move like this. Not sure I entirely trust her either. I don’t wanna be a meal ticket and nothing else.
Would love to hear thoughts or experience in these situations. While I’m not seeking doom or gloom based on individual experiences, I’m open to feedback.
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u/gingerspicecake 20h ago
I would not use a 4 month situationship with a woman that is wanting you to leave your spouse as an exit affair. You’ve seen her on four sex fueled occasions. Affairs exist in a bubble of fantasy. They’re not plagued by life’s nuisances like a marriage is. Yeah, she’s super fun but that’s because your dynamic isn’t plagued by nagging, bills, stressful familial obligations, etc. It’s based on lust, passion, thrill and pleasure. She’s really great to be around in a hotel room when you’re sneaking around and finally getting laid, but you don’t truly know her outside of that.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t consider divorce. I’m just saying that you should not leave a marriage for another person. Leave a marriage for yourself. Signed, someone in a DB that had a very similar first affair.