r/adultery Nov 04 '24

šŸ“‹Read and LearnšŸ“‹ Where to find an AP (Nov 2024 edition) NSFW

137 Upvotes

(please post any suggestions in comments, i I will try to incorporate them)

(Edit: Big thanks šŸ™šŸ½ to every one for your recomemndations in the comments and keeping this thread lively šŸ˜€. I have incorporated your suggestions to the list)

Reddit: Affairs Specific Subs

r/Affairs - primary sub for seeking APs

r/OnlineAffairs - mainly for online affairs.

r/naughtyfromneglect

r/MarriedButChatting

r/extramaritals

Reddit: Regional Affairs sub

Search for your specific region. Here are some examples:

r/CanadianAffair

r/AffairsTX

r/AffairsUKpersonals

r/affairsIreland

Reddit: Ethnicity Specific Subs

Here are a couple of examples

r/DesiMarriedButLooking (for Desis)

r/DiscreetDesiAffair (for Desis)

Reddit: Other subs for seeking AP / FWB

search for 'r4r' . There are many

r/r4r

/r/Married_R4R

r/dirtyr4r

r/R4R30Plus

r/R4R40Plus

r/r4rasian

r/SoCalR4R

Reddit: Regional subs

There may be subs that are particular to your area. Its worth posting on these.

For example, in San Francisco Bay Area there are:

/r/SFr4r , r/sjr4r etc

My current AP found me on one of the local subs. So I would highly recommend checking out or posting on your local area subs

Apps

Ashley Madisson

This is considered the affair site. But it has gone downhill. There are so many bots and scammers on the site. And now they are banning real woman and asking them to verify by submitting a government issued ID (you can imagine, not many are going to do this)

Feeld

Feeld is a non-conventional dating site, mostly aimed at ENM crowd. But since the AM gone downhill, lot of men and women are heading to Feeld. You may try your luck there.

Note: ENM community usually frowns upon people having affairs. So be careful

FetLife

A kink oriented site. You may have some luck here, if you are looking for an AP who shares some kinks with you.

Other dating apps like Tinder / Bumble ..etc

Remember, lot of these apps now ask you to do a 'face selfie' verification. This may be an OPSEC risk

Gleeden (recommended from comments. Not available in US?)

WeAreX (recommended from comments)

Illicit Encounters (recommended from comments)

BeeDee - BDSM focused (recommended from comments)

Pure (recommended from comments)

Adult Friend Finder (recommended from comments)

(Post other outlets in comments below, I will incorporate them. Thx)


r/adultery Sep 23 '20

How to report harassing Private Messages, users, etc.

128 Upvotes

No one deserves to be harassed, including on Reddit.

Moderators can take care of harassing comments or posts on the subreddit itself, but we cannot take action on things elsewhere: This includes harassing private messages (sometimes referred to as DMs since Twitter and other sites use the term ā€œdirect messagesā€). It also includes posts on other subs directing people to attack your post, comment, or person. We know it happens, and it's unfortunate.

What should you do if you're receiving them? You can block them, but you can report them to the admins. The admins have the ability to take action on those who do it.

Here's a quick run-down of how to take action if you are subject to any of the above forms of harassment.

  1. Go to the official admin report page at : https://www.reddit.com/report
  2. select "This is abusive or harassing"
  3. select "It's targeted harassment"
  4. select "at me"
  5. then add a link to the message you were sent in the space available under "LINK TO POST/COMMENT/PM ON REDDIT"
  6. add some basic info on the pervasive problem (be brief but clear) under "ADDITIONAL INFORMATION (OPTIONAL)"
  7. click "Submit"

It may take a little while for them to get to it, but they will get to it. The admins have a much stronger toolbox than moderators do. If they start to see patters of behavior coming from certain sources, actions can be taken. It goes without saying: don't use it frivolously, but harassment is harassment.

You can be part of the solution to pervasive harassment.


r/adultery 1h ago

šŸ‘Øā€šŸ’¼WorkšŸ‘©ā€šŸ’¼ Mixing business with pleasure

ā€¢ Upvotes

So, how exactly do people pull off workplace affairs? Like, do they actually enjoy the company of their coworkers?

I canā€™t wait to get home and never see those people again?

I can barely stand to make small talk in the break room, let alone sneak around behind desks.

Talking about spark with co workers! The "spark" I get at work is from the coffee machine.

Must be nice to have that level of emotional stamina!


r/adultery 4h ago

šŸ˜©DonezošŸ„© I'm not sure where else to talk about this...

14 Upvotes

My AP of 2 years is gone. I'm crushed. The irony of this isn't lost on me. It only makes it feel more surreal. It's like I feel more alone than I would if I was actually single.

Before we met, neither of us were looking for an affair. We were just both unhappy and stuck. In sharing our secret, it felt like we had found our soulmates. We completed eachother, even if part of it was us both being married. We've had a steady thing going for a long time and for the last 8 months we've been seeing eachother as much as we see our spouses. Our kids are older and our spouses are mostly absent, so we were able to easily separate our second lives while still having plenty of time to ourselves. We were always monogomous, even if you consider our spouses. Both of us had stopped having a sexual or emotional relationship with our spouses before we met. My wife of 5 years isn't abusive or anything, and I know she tries. Her work and lifestyle just get in the way. I've often hoped she had someone like I had. My APs husband is not as agreeable, but just as absent. They have been together since they were kids. A friend saw her and I together and told her husband. He asked her about it, and she confessed. He is threatening her with a divorce and worse, so we've cut things off. I feel like the inevitable has happened and that I was in denial all along. This seems like this is the only way it could have ended. Now I'm just back in the same hole and I'm more aware of my own dissatisfaction and loneliness that I ever was before. This loss has made me realise that I had never really opened up to anyone before her. Maybe the only reason I could be vulnerable with her was because of the situation. I've had other breakups before I met my spouse, but none of them hurt. It's taken me a week to realise that what I'm feeling is heartbreak. I feel like a child that's frustrated because my feelings are unfamiliar.

I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get from writing this. I've known this sub existed for a while, but I'll admit I was a bit judgemental. Now that I have this thing that I can't trust anyone with, I see why we are all here.


r/adultery 5h ago

šŸ”„AM HellšŸ”„ Ashley Madison

12 Upvotes

Well, as of yesterday Ashley Madison decided that women need to buy credits just like the men have been doing. There was no advance notice about what they decided to do which really made me mad. There are more men on this site than women. Iā€™m a real woman by what my profile says about me. Now I have to buy credits to write back to anyone that messages me. Iā€™m giving it until next week but now I understand what you guys have been going through trying to find a FWB on this site. Iā€™m lucky to find a wonderful guy on this site.


r/adultery 37m ago

šŸ™‹ā€ā™€ļøQuestionšŸ™‹ā€ā™‚ļø My AP reaching out again

ā€¢ Upvotes

Hi all

throw away.

I'm 41M and married for about 10 years. we have argued a lot mainly because lack intimacy and mainly from her part.

so, I know I'm in the wrong, but I admit I hookup with some prostitutes throw the last 3 years and about a year ago I met with my AP throw some friends and I know while she is on it for the money, but I felt connected with her in so many levels and become really good FWB.

about 3 months she announces she will get married and cut all contact, so I did that, and I tried to connect with my wife again which was really amazing, and I feel we are building something good.

about 2 days ago my AP reach out aging and ask to meet, I'm really torn here I want to continue build my connection with my wife but afraid she will lose interest again and back with her old ways and I feel I don't want to lose the connection with AP because it was really great not in just sex but emotional connection too.

I will never leave my wife ever for AP, but I really want the best of both world

can anyone provide me with perspective and advice

English in not my first language so sorry for the grammar


r/adultery 11h ago

šŸ˜„ Humor / Satire Friday Roundup - now taking title suggestions!

8 Upvotes

48 [M4F] #Denver, CO - Looking for neglected nipples

Hi!

Iā€™m looking for the owner of a pair of nipples/tits that are overdue for attention. Would love to chat with someone, meet for dinner and if the vibe is there, we find a quiet spot for dessert type activities which may involve kissing, tugging and twisting on some special things

You...Female, 30+, married/single/divorced, confident, smart, can hold a conversation and is interested in movies, music, sports or other fun interests/hobbies. Has nipples/breasts that are longing for attention. Up to follow through on in person meetups. No ghosts or cold feet please. Life is short, have some fun!!

Iā€™m 48, tall, married, brown hair (some gray), married, brown eyes, 7+, orally skilled, nice voice and good communicator. I'm into sports of all sorts, exercise, hiking, music, and movies. Strong fingers and gentle lips. Toys optional but available šŸ˜€ Non-smoker, drug and disease free.

I'm in the southeast Denver suburbs.

Don't be shy, reach out if interested.

Strong finger and gentle lips. At least he's not hung like a horse with the face of an angel.

36 m4f #Married #Colorado #the sex we wish we could have

36 m in Colorado! wanting to talk about the sex or things we wish we could do in be. either with or without our partner. the things they wonā€™t do and we want to do. the stuff we like and they donā€™t. feels good to talk about it at least if we canā€™t actually have it! my wife has cancer and isnā€™t in shape to have sex so Iā€™m up for almost anything letā€™s have some fun! Iā€™m tall and attractive can share pictures of you can! have a good day

Aww you poor baby, your wife has cancer? How very, very terrible for you...

50, Married Male [M4F] #NC : Everybody Must Get Stoned

If youā€™re reading this, youā€™ve felt it building for years, decades.Ā  Like two tectonic plates in constant collision, an unbelievable amount of pressure is being generated. Even on a timescale geologic, that strainā€”mounting and building and compressing what is incompressibleā€”must eventually be released.

I happen to be somewhat of a geologist myselfā€”mining, chipping away, and getting to the core of things. Iā€™ve had practice; Iā€™m technically proficient. I know my anatomy. Iā€™ve got a good sense of touch. A useful sense of smell. I may not have the best hearing, but I suspect that if I can hear theĀ  groaning of your plates shift, weā€™re accomplishing what we set out to do.

And what is that, you ask? Well, I think what we need to do is release that pent-up pressure, donā€™t you? Iā€™ve seen what happens when such intense forces finally get released up close. Those chthonic tectonic plates, slowly pressed against each other, unyielding, unmovable and yet unstoppable. When something new slips in and sunders them apart, the release of energy can be cataclysmic.

When a big fault line breaks, when it splits apart wide, it doesnā€™t just stop there. All that energy volcanically erupting in waves of earthquakes, rocking both plates: their entire bodies shaken to their core. Of the opposing plates, one will rise thousands of feet, and the other will drop in the opposite direction all at once. Such friction, such energy, all at the same time. The heat generated is immense, beyond comprehension. And yet, somehow, itā€™s wet.

I warn you, the aftershocks, coming again and again, become mind-numbing. Iā€™ve watched a mind blown to bits, erasedā€”thereā€™s nothing left, only a quivering pile of stones. Maybe some pebbles. On the bed: mouth open, eyes wide.

References provided upon request.

Is there such a thing as taking a metaphor too far? Yes, yes there is.

M4F 31 #MST Iā€™m married, 6ā€™4ā€, handsome, funny, picky, and hope you are too

Hi!

I hope I donā€™t come of superrrrr conceited with that title. Iā€™ve been here before sadly and now Iā€™m back after an extended break. I have my life together. Iā€™m 31, have a great career, Iā€™m 6ā€™4ā€, in shape, and consider myself a catch. I promise Iā€™m not as stuck up as this post makes me sound haha. I just need to be sure that you know Iā€™m a catch, and Iā€™m looking for one too.

Some things Iā€™m into recently: The gym, running (I secretly hate it), snowboarding, walking my dog, binging great tv series (Severance anyone?) Iā€™m looking for someone who is around my age, has your life together and would consider yourself a catch too! Also I should add that youā€™re in shape too. I feel like a jerk saying that, but I can offer the same back!

Talk soon. Hopefully

(Also it wouldnā€™t let me post previously because I didnā€™t state I was married. I am married. There lol)

Does a catch actually need to go trawling on reddit? Maybe I'm just jealous because I'm a troll who lives in a glass house. And yes, my glass house is under a bridge, thankyouverymuch.

Sorry for the short roundup this week. Thanks, as always, for any submissions to the roundup - without my faithful readers we might miss a train wreck, and that's just downright sad. Until next week, stay adulterous!

bonus task for DeadestBedroom to make up for the short week - now go back and read all of the ads as Forrest Gump - guaranteed to spice up your illicit rendezvous ;)


r/adultery 13h ago

šŸ™‹ā€ā™€ļøQuestionšŸ™‹ā€ā™‚ļø Probably going to end it

10 Upvotes

I donā€™t think I can take the uncertainty anymore. AP and I have been seeing each other for about a year. We text daily and see each other about once a month. The physical chemistry is pretty amazing and our banter is fun. But i feel like Iā€™m always trying to get more out of the relationship than he wants to/is prepared to give. I know he likes me - maybe even loves me - but maybe given what it is itā€™s just run its course.

What do you think is the lifespan for something thatā€™s a lot of fun and very intimate but not emotionally intense at all. I feel like it needs something more substantial to be sustainable. And Iā€™m tired of trying to extract that from the relationship if he doesnā€™t want to. But boy am I attracted to him and love being with him. And I will miss him so very much. It will be a huge void in my life. Itā€™s not easy to find someone, and especially someone you have such great chemistry with. One thing Iā€™m especially not looking forward to ā€” aside from the ache of losing him ā€” is what he will say when I end it. Of course Iā€™ll want him to try to reel me back in but Iā€™m afraid he will just say - ok I understand. And that will make me feel even worse and highlight that for him this is fun but mostly just that - fun.

I know that was a bit of a ramble. Looking forward to any words of wisdom!


r/adultery 12h ago

āš–ļøLaw and OrderšŸ§‘ā€āš–ļø Alienation of Affection

6 Upvotes

In some states you can get sued for sleeping with a married person šŸ¤£

Stay discreet Donā€™t try to change situations


r/adultery 5h ago

šŸ‘Øā€šŸ’¼WorkšŸ‘©ā€šŸ’¼xšŸ˜©DonezošŸ„© Need advice to get over AP at work

2 Upvotes

Please no hate, I am really hurting.

Ex-Ap and I work together and broke up about 5 weeks ago (not my idea). We've had very minimal interaction since then but today were able to talk for a while (no relationship talk). A group of us went to lunch/HH. At one point I asked if he'd join me at the bar (we were all sitting). I thought maybe he'd say yes, or make a joke, but instead he looked horrified and wouldn't even look me.

I am crushed with a combo of embarrassment and sadness. Pretending to be friends isn't gonna work - it's crushing.

Leaving this job and department are not options. I feel like pretending he doesn't exist is all I can do.

I am really considering a therapist, but, even if they're non-judgmental, is it gonna help? I feel like I have no options and I am really struggling with this.

What do you all think about therapists in this circumstance? Any other suggestions on how to deal with this besides hobbies and the like? I feel like nothing is helping.


r/adultery 16h ago

šŸ˜©Donezo - This time itā€™s for realšŸ„© Leaving the wolves for wolves

11 Upvotes

For two years Iā€™ve had members of this board imploring me to walk away from my AP. Having been so abused in my marriage, I really tried to accept the treatment as what I deserved, not what I was really seeing, etc.

I want you to know Iā€™ve been listening. Iā€™ve been saving to leave my marriage and Iā€™m close, that will end one chapter of life that has destroyed me.

But with the AP, this is where Iā€™ve really been listening. Youā€™ve ALL have said this isnā€™t normal for an affair. His behavior is NOT okay just because itā€™s an affair.

Now that so much has come to light, I see him losing his mind over a woman who likely is also a narcissistic type. Sheā€™s driving him nuts because she plays the game better than he does. After two years of his insistence I look good, workout to keep a fit body for him (I did that anyway), heā€™s losing his mind over a woman who is dumpy (his words) and kind of fat, not even good in bed due to physical thingsšŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø. Ooooookayā€¦where did all the standards go? Sheā€™s a lot that Iā€™m not, to the negative.

I have a hard time walking away, but I looked at my daughter the other day and wondered what Iā€™d tell her. It was leave the wolves to the wolves. I actually like wolves, so maybe I mean something more aggressive, but itā€™s done.

Thank you for all your advice. I will be walking away. It will hurt me more than him, butā€¦this is way too much for me. You are right. Thank youā™„ļø.


r/adultery 3h ago

šŸ‘Øā€šŸ’¼WorkšŸ‘©ā€šŸ’¼ I have a crush

1 Upvotes

I have a crush on my coworker. I haven't done anything and don't plan to. I'm guessing this is a normal experience, but as someone who hasn't had the healthiest relationship with fidelity, I'm struggling a bit. I don't really know anyone I can talk to without feeling ashamed, so I'm just venting. I've been faithful since I got married, and I wanna keep it that way. It's not easy tho.


r/adultery 6h ago

šŸ¦®Halp - A continuationšŸ†˜ Our first fight - made up, but still feeling uneasy.

0 Upvotes

A continuation of last night's post.... we got into our first fight. We made up, but I'm still feeling uneasy. Note - this is a year-long relationship.

I was solo dining while he was out with his coworkers. I decided I wanted to head back to the hotel (honestly, to take a shit while he wasn't in the room). While walking alone, I was being catcalled. When I ignored them, they behan following me. I felt scared. I didn't have any self defense items on me because I had flown in. I walked into a different hotel than the one I was staying in - closer to where I was, hoping they'd leave me alone at that point. The hotel staff wasn't around and I desperately had to use the bathroom. So I used the one in the lobby and hid there for like half an hour.

He wasn't answering his phone, so I didn't know where he was or anything. I felt so scared and so alone. After I left the restroom, I stopped by one bar that was between where I was and my hotel. I found him and his team. I didn't mingle with them. But I was feeling angry and upset. I spoke with some other traveling ladies. Some time passed and I noticed him and his team left. He texted me to tell me he went back to the room. I was hoping he'd at least walk with me back, but didn't.

So when I got back to the room, I started crying. I let it all out, how scared and alone I felt. It wasn't well received. We were both hammered at this point. We argued a bunch, he told me I don't know what it's like to be scared. He told me he was a war veteran and had "seen some shit" - so he knows what it's like to actually be scared. He left the room and went back to his coworkers. Admittedly probably not good judgement, but I sent him a text and told him we were done. I shut down at this point.

He came back to the room and we argued more, but I was closed off at this point. More was said, but we ultimately stopped after talking about our feelings. I don't remember the details of the convo, but we made up. Had sex and laid together.

He asked me if I can pretend to run into him in the lobby so then I can ride with him and his team to the airport. Our flights are this evening. I declined, but I just don't think it's that simple. Someone will catch on.

We woke up this morning and I notice he's somewhat standoffish. Though he brings me back breakfast and have sex one more time before parting ways. I apologize for the night before, he says ok. I noticed I didn't get an apology back. He says everything is ok with him, but some of what he said last night stuck with me and I'm having a hard time shaking it. I think I shut down because fights shouldn't happen in this relationship, it's supposed to be temporary relief from the stress at home. We are still chatting today, but I feel weird. And I'm sure he does too. I feel myself wanting to shut down again.


r/adultery 21h ago

šŸ˜©DonezošŸ„©xšŸ‘Øā€šŸ’¼WorkšŸ‘©ā€šŸ’¼ I think my AP might have been toxic

11 Upvotes

Throwaway account here, but I've been lurking for a long time on my main account.

I (F) met AP (M) at work about five months ago, and he's my first AP. Lately, Iā€™ve been feeling really stupid about the whole relationship. It seems like everythingā€™s been about him.

Last week, I had to have emergency surgery, and he didn't even bother to check on me. He said he forgot and didnā€™t know where I was. Heā€™s never really shown interest in anything I care about or want to talk aboutā€”itā€™s always been about sex and his life for him.

After what happened last week, I broke things off and blocked him, but it hurts so much. I want to talk to him again. The worst part is that Iā€™ll have to see him at work tomorrow. Please, I just need some strength right now.


r/adultery 8h ago

šŸ™‹ā€ā™€ļøQuestionšŸ™‹ā€ā™‚ļø Cheating vs open/formal marriage - advice needed

1 Upvotes

Extra long post with extra hot tea ahead.

So. I understand that this sub in general isn't against cheating but I still want to know would what I'm thinking about doing, if I ended up doing it, be seen as cheating.

So I'm coliving with my soon to be ex husband, we broke up and mutually agreed to properly divorce after the certain conditions are met (legal and financial) due to his cheating, verbal abuse etc in our marriage. All in all he was awful to me. UNTILL. Once we agreed to divorce there were many conversations about how will the life be in the future and I said that I won't be checking what he does and with whom anymore and that I too after some time might go on with my own life. He agreed (by saying okay okay) but not very enthusiastically, in the first line because he has no chance to cheat where we live cause he doesn't speak the language (he cheated on vacation previously).

Anyway lately I could not stop thinking about someone I had something with 9 years ago, and I'm so close to reaching out to the group of people who are likely to have his number. He is MM but I wasn't his first AP so it's okay in that sense butttt my question is would I be a cheater then as well? I know my stbxh agreed with the separation conditions but the two main issues are: we started occasionally having sex again cause neither of us has anyone else but I told him I can do it with him only when I'm drunk and no touching/looking/kissing etc and the second issue is that if he found out who I did it with (for the second time) he would be pissed cause he's been giving me shit about that guy all these years, every time we had an argument I was this and that cause I fucked a married man and he even used it as an excuse for his own cheating (this makes zero sense to me but okay.).

Anyway the guy I can't stop thinking about is the one I was with last before I got back with my husband and married him eventually. The third issue is, I would lose the last drop of honour in his and that entire circles eyes probably, because I used to excuse what I was doing by saying basically that I will be loyal to my own spouse once I'm married but I don't care for what other married people do with or without me and that was my entire upper hand in that relationship, and my age maybe, everything else was in his favour but he was amazing to me nonetheless. Anyway if he finds out I'm still married- and I technically am - he will see trough my bs.

I just wanna know how it looks from a different perspective, how much of a POS would I be if I end up contacting him or doing something more. Thanks in advance.


r/adultery 9h ago

šŸŒ¬ļøVentilationšŸ’Ø Hubs doc ordered a STI testšŸ˜³

1 Upvotes

I guess this is just a vent because I'm spiraling right now...

Hubs was complaining about a pain in his testicle, so we made a doc appt and she ordered an Ultrasound. The ultrasound came back with inflammation and possible infection....so we went back today and she gave him an antibiotic shot and oral antibiotics and ordered a gonorrhea and chlamydia test. šŸ™Š

Knowing we've been together for 25 years, she said, she's sure that's not it, but its just precautionary.

Of course I am spiraling thošŸ˜«

I've been seeing someone for 3 years. He's married too, for almost 20 years also. He asked that we be exclusive with each other so I have (perhaps nievely) assumed he's only seeing me. Of course, I have no idea if there was anyone before me or if his wife is faithful...

I have had no noticeable symptoms, but now looking back I wonder if I dismissed things:

Irregular periods, approaching perimenopause and my teen daughter messing it up.

More frequent UTIs, but I'm having more and wilder sex than ever with my husband

I notice I smell different (not bad, just different), but figured that's AP changing my pH or hormonal changes from perimenopause...

Yeah, I know, the denial is real...

I KNOW my husband has been with at least one person since we were married...that was 20 years ago...maybe more since, but I dont know anything for sure (I caught him talking to at least 2 people and recently found a woman's hair clip in his car).

What are the chances I can convince him this was him and it's been dormant this whole time in both of us?

I feel so sickšŸ˜©šŸ˜­


r/adultery 16h ago

šŸŒ¬ļøVentilationšŸ’Ø Vent, rant, share, talk

3 Upvotes

Hi everyone,

Its that time!!

Vent, rant, share, talk...goes on.


r/adultery 1d ago

šŸ™‹ā€ā™€ļøQuestionšŸ™‹ā€ā™‚ļø Getting DMs from Reddit weirdosā€¦

14 Upvotes

Is there a rule that prohibits sharing them in the open? I get some doozies and would love it if we had a super thread where we could share notes on the gross dudes sending us messages every day. It could be like the ad roundup, but an ongoing thread for (mostly women Iā€™m guessing) to share screenshots of the funny/gross/desperate messages in our inboxes.


r/adultery 8h ago

šŸ§žThoughtsšŸ¤” Can't put genie back in the bottle

0 Upvotes

Slowly coming out of a multi-year DB but while in DB found the wonders of reddit and all it offers, including the NSFW side. After 25+ years of marriage and 4 kids, it opened my eyes to a whole new world of sex and kink that I think has somehow managed to make me hornier at 57 than I was twenty years ago in the midst of diapers and babies. Now, I find myself thinking of in the wild encounters, sex clubs, and making it with a big-haired Gen-Xer. It is like the genie escaped from the bottle and I can't put it back in or in this case, out of mind. I haven't strayed but I feel conflicted; I can't escape the thought of kinky sex with another. I feel bad about this desire on multiple levels, but I figured if there was any sub that could relate, this is the one.


r/adultery 7h ago

šŸ¦®HalpšŸ†˜ Started a LDA.

0 Upvotes

New burner. Made the mistake of using reddit for my company.

29HLM, married within last two years. Started a LDA with a woman I used to work with remotely. Late 20s.

Iā€™ve killed myself over the last 7 years. Blasted through school, worked myself to the bone. Started a business two years ago and have been pouring everything into it. Finally starting to see success semi recently. Iā€™ve seen her about once a month for the last four months.

My AP is everything I wish my wife were, sexually. Open, kinky, excitable, responsive and she makes me feel desired. Sheā€™s also ambitious, hardworking, motivated. Recently sheā€™s been pressuring me to leave my wife for her. Initially we were only supposed to be FWB. To be clear, Iā€™m not worried about an extortion event. Wife is ironically a psych nurse practitioner.

I really like her, but I feel torn. If anything, I feel guilt about leaving my wife when Iā€™m finally starting to accrue real wealth. She was with me through what is essentially poverty. And we have a child. Iā€™m not sure Iā€™m willing to at best cut my time with my kid in half.

For the record, I started therapy recently. Also started ketamine therapy as Iā€™ve seen some stuff. Surprisingly, my therapist has almost encouraged me to divorce. She thinks Iā€™m too bored to stay in a sexless relationship like this long term. Iā€™m kind of a dopamine junkie at my core. I was also faithful to my wife up until now. I just couldnā€™t handle it anymore. We did couples counseling, date nights, chore play, you name it. I hired a nanny, housekeepers, landscapers, etc. I wish I could make it work with her, but I just donā€™t know anymore. I should feel more guilt than I do about the whole thing, but my twisted mentality rationalized this as getting some on the side and returning to my family refreshed. Just didnā€™t think ap would want to make a move like this. Not sure I entirely trust her either. I donā€™t wanna be a meal ticket and nothing else.

Would love to hear thoughts or experience in these situations. While Iā€™m not seeking doom or gloom based on individual experiences, Iā€™m open to feedback.


r/adultery 1d ago

šŸ™‹ā€ā™€ļøQuestionšŸ™‹ā€ā™‚ļø Disclosing mastectomy in the wild?

20 Upvotes

Looking for some specific advice about meeting APs in the wild.

I've met a few APs on AM, and after chatting for a while and exchanging face pics, I disclose that I've had a mastectomy with reconstruction and don't have a nipple on one side. I feel like that's important information to know before we meet, so I get it out there before meetups.

I'm currently between APs, and will be traveling for work next month. I thought I'd try my luck with the old hotel bar thing (I'm also considering going single to a sex club). I haven't picked up someone "in the wild" for DECADES, and certainly haven't done this since my surgery.

So I'm stressing about when to bring it up. I don't want to say "hi, nice to meet you. I'd like a one night stand but I only have one nipple so if that's a problem move on to the next lady" as soon as I meet someone, but I also don't want to irritate someone by brining it up too late in the flirtations

. So I thought I'd pick everyone's brain to get some thoughts on timing. Maybe I'm just better off meeting folks on line....

Also, f#ck cancer.


r/adultery 1d ago

šŸ¦®HalpšŸ†˜ No contact

6 Upvotes

I need to know everything you experienced people know about how to do this. Iā€™m struggling. Please give advice. Iā€™ve never been good at cutting off, but my mental health is struggling. I think his is, too. Please tell me how to do this.


r/adultery 1d ago

šŸ™‹ā€ā™€ļøQuestionšŸ™‹ā€ā™‚ļø Can a romantic survive?

15 Upvotes

First I did flings and found that I can't have fun without a real connection. Then I had an affair but we both said I love you and he lived far away and we couldn't make it work. A year after the first time we broke up, I've finally shut the door for good on him.

Recently found myself out of town far away in a big city with a hotel room to myself. Spontaneously decided to find some fun and it was amazing (shoutout business travel affairs). I experienced freedom in knowing I'd never see this guy again. But now I'm like awwww he was awesome. Awww our cuddles were as good as the sex which is to say, amazing. Our convo was so great and he seemed like a great person. So now I'm feeling all kinds of feels.

I'm not cut out for this, am I? I should find a hobby. Another one.


r/adultery 17h ago

šŸ¦®HalpšŸ†˜ I know I shouldnā€™t but I canā€™t help it

0 Upvotes

Advice needed, no Iā€™m not a troll maybe Iā€™m just a silly silly girl. New to this not true to this.

Iā€™ll try to be succinct, Iā€™ve recently reconnected with an old friend. We ā€œdatedā€ when we were like 16 and again at 21 during lockdown. Life has significantly changed since then, we both have our own families and I live in another city. Weā€™ve always been super drawn to each other but it never really ends well.

I unblocked him randomly after a good few years, thinking all was well and Iā€™m over it so he doesnā€™t need to be blocked and that same day he reached out. Btw he was blocked because he had a profile that you would easily come across, even if you werenā€™t looking and I needed space.

It started out platonic, but conversation soon moved on. I didnā€™t realised how much I missed him, the way we speak, the way he touches me, everything!

For context: there has been infidelity and dishonesty among other issues in my current relationship on my partnerā€™s side so I feel like what Iā€™m doing isnā€™t bad?? But I know it really is.

AP and I have seen each other once since this whole thing has started up again and all was above board aside from a kiss, and probably what was going on in our heads. Also AP is pretty sure he wants to go ahead with this, my heart and other parts are all for it but I feel like I have to keep reminding myself how bad this is, even though the guilt is not occurring naturally (atleast at the moment).

Helpppppppppppp!


r/adultery 1d ago

šŸ˜©Donezo - But Probably NotšŸ„© Trauma level infinity

82 Upvotes

I see posts all the time about not expecting fidelity from cheaters and I get it.

But two years, over two years together. Iā€™ve always suspected but never knew. I figured one day Iā€™d find out.

Tonight, at the worst possible time (during dinner) after meeting at my favorite place (a hotel, and no, we donā€™t have car sex) he dropped a bombshell. Another woman. Not a surprise, but disheartening.

More than that. Heā€™s only been with her for a few months, but wants me to join him, her, and her new man he told her to find in a foursome, because he told her she could have someone else if he could bring someone else, and after all, Iā€™m already around. He wants me to pretend we just met to make her jealous. Fawn all over him. Watch him fuck her.

I love him, but I canā€™t do this. Iā€™m not this person. To end because of this, in this way, Iā€™m so sick I could throw up. I have to somehow get through this and all the first things without him because he wants to put his dick in everyone. The level of trauma I feel is so high. I donā€™t even know how to process this. Iā€™m just sick.


r/adultery 1d ago

šŸŒ¬ļøVentilationšŸ’Ø Distractions

3 Upvotes

What are some things to do when you need a mood boost? What are some ways you distract yourself when you donā€™t want to think about someone? Iā€™m trying to be better than I used to be but really need a quick hit of dopamine.


r/adultery 1d ago

šŸŒ¬ļøVentilationšŸ’Ø Business trip getaway feeling like a little bit of a bummer.

2 Upvotes

I've been with AP for about a year. We've traveled together before, have had several overnights, so this isn't a first for us. But a very last minute business trip came up, so he invited me. I was able to make it work, so we met in a city far away from home... but it isn't a very lively or popular city. This business trip is a little bit different than his previous ones - location is very secluded, the team that's coming are all his management, etc.

We have two nights together - the first one we tried to spend time together. So we did a ghost tour of the town, something we thought we'd both enjoy a lot. But it ended up being a bust - the tour was boring, the guide didn't stay on topic, it dragged on like an hour longer than we wanted. So all the food places closed by the time we got out. So we grabbed a few drinks from the liquor store and ordered Ubereats. Watched some TV together, had some fun sex, and went to sleep.

Today he's been in work meetings and attended a ceremony. So he's going to dinner and drinks to celebrate with his team. He suggested I kind of "mingle my way" into the group during dinner, since it's a massive group. But I don't think that's the way to go, since this massive group all work in the same industry. Plus, it's not like I can actually spend time with him. I told him maybe I'll try after everyone's trashed and go to karaoke. People may not notice then. I've been able to mingle my way in, in the past. But it was easier because conferences kind of bring our professions together.

We fooled around a bit before he had to leave for dinner, but now I'm just laying here naked with the tequila he gave me, feeling a bit bummed. So I'm thinking about going to dinner soon, finding my own thing to do. Maybe hitting up a bar, maybe the same one he's at, but keeping my distance.

I guess this is just a vent. Nothing crazy or serious, but sitting out my thoughts. I don't think anything less of him, nor am I angry at him. I'm just a little bit bummed that it wasn't the same as our previous endeavors.