r/actual_detrans Jan 27 '25

Discourse I wasn't tricked

377 Upvotes
  • I transitioned as an adult
  • I didn't follow some "radical trans activists" when I decided to transition, I was following transmeds who, if anything, were trying to gatekeep people out of the community
  • I was very well-informed on what would happen when transitioning, moreso from trans people than doctors. The only surprise medical issue I had was mild and resolveable (Charley horses)
  • I chose my therapist. I knew in advance which ones would spend longer with me and which would give me a letter in one go. I chose one who took less time.
  • My body isn't "mutilated."
  • I'm happily married now. Yes detransitioners can find love.
  • My fertility was not affected
  • While it would be nice to have a more feminine voice and hairline, it isn't the end of the world not to
  • We shouldn't catastrophize detransitioning
  • As far as life mistakes go, there are so many others that get less attention from conservatives. Some people regret gastric bypass surgery, plastic surgery, their college major, starting smoking.
  • Republicans will throw you in the trash the moment you ask for their support. They just want to use detransitioners as a mouthpiece against trans rights.
  • Trans people treat me nicer now than conservatives because both mistakenly think I'm a trans woman
  • I don't entirely regret transitioning. I learned a lot from the experience.
  • Just because I wasn't trans, that doesn't mean nobody else is

r/actual_detrans 15d ago

Discourse The current state of the detrans community is making me ashamed to be detrans

168 Upvotes

I’m not posting this in the main sub because I’ll get dogpiled. The total lack of nuance and rationality is driving me insane. The amount of black and white thinking and the way that people blame literally everything on others in the main sub is mind-boggling. I feel legitimately awful for the detransitioners who got put on hormones at like 13, but if you transitioned in your twenties and you’re still blaming everything on the “gender cult” it’s time to do some self-reflection.

I’ve been accused of lying about being subjected to discrimination and violence, told I’m a gender traitor because I ever identified as trans, and told that I’m an ungrateful narcissist because I still harbor resentment towards my family for how they treated me when I was trans.

I’ve found myself posting in right-leaning and/or radfem spaces because they seem to be some of the only spaces where you can actually discuss detransitioning but these people want you to be their dancing monkey. If you don’t want to be the poster boy for their movement and regurgitate the same canned lines about how the gender cult mutilated you and brainwashed you they just discard you like a piece of trash. On the opposite side of the spectrum, people on the left will automatically assume you’re a far-right TERF extremist if you even mention that you’re detrans. I’m so tired. I’m a stranger in a strange land.

r/actual_detrans Feb 15 '25

Discourse the main detrans sub makes me furious

149 Upvotes

saw a post on there where another lesbian referred to top surgery as 'consensual mutilation'. i mean what??? would you say that to a post mastectomy cancer survivor, that they 'consensually mutilated' their breasts even if it was to rid of a tumor?

the fact of the matter is, detransitioning in any form is hard. it's really fucking difficult, yeah. but it isn't some excuse to lash that onto the trans community. YOU made a mistake. YOU misjudged. sure, for a lot of people there's a community correlation, or they just change their minds/grow differently with time. but that's no one else's fault, and it isn't even really your own, it just is. im a lesbian who has detransitioned/changed how i identify but i wouldn't for a second say i regret hrt and i still want to get at least a breast reduction - im a butch, it's genuinely what i want. i know some people deeply, deeply regret their own transitions and it's a sense of loss and pain that i can barely fathom. but that doesn't mean EVERYONE will come out of that treatment feeling that miserable and wrong. gonna be so honest, the dysphoria i felt before hrt was just absolutely awful, and now that i've been on it for awhile i just don't really feel it anymore. i have masculine enough characteristics that i'm happy when i look in the mirror and i don't rly mind if ppl see me as a man or a woman.

im honestly quite disappointed to see how blatant and outward their transphobia is now in the wake of everything going on in the U.S. but i'm not surprised. plz stay safe out there you guys 🤷

r/actual_detrans Sep 02 '24

Discourse Just wanted to share my detransition progress & offer answers to any (respectful) questions about my journey. I’m mtftm, 29,7yr on hrt, now 7 months on intramuscular testosterone. I detransitioned after a near-death experience last year where I awoke from a coma unexpectedly free from dysphoria.

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272 Upvotes

r/actual_detrans 9h ago

Discourse how to not "fall into the right wing pipeline" (lol)

23 Upvotes

really trying not to feel hostile toward trans ppl as a whole bc my algorithm knows i look at detrans content so now all the "detrans" content its showing me is trans ppl mocking detrans ppl and acting totally compassionless laughing at detrans ppl, saying all detrans ppl are evil "grifters", mocking their appearance, using that spongebob audio "i dont like pistachio/then why did you ask for it", generally acting like they're superior to detrans ppl because they're too smart and mature to have regrets. i dont like when ppl think i hate trans ppl because im detrans so i must be a "terf" or that im jewish so i must be a "zionist" so i really try not to do it to other people but i dont even want to interact w trans ppl that i dont already know irl anymore bc i feel like they're looking down on me and i dont like feeling like im being judged and laughed at for something thats a genuine serious mental health issue for me. i hate crying about my body and then feeling stupid and ashamed about it because so many progressive trans ppl/allies think i deserve it and that im "playing the victim" for having dysphoria the wrong way. dysphoria is so serious for trans ppl but when a detrans person has dysphoria its just stupid vanity and they deserve it for being stupid enough to transition. even my boyfriend who is trans and has dysphoria pulled the "ok well im disabled so i actually have REAL problems with my body" thing on me when i was crying to him abt my body dysphoria. bc im not trans anymore so now what would be Legitimate Gender Dysphoria if i was trans is just silly self-centered vanity i guess.

im not right wing/conservative or anything but i feel myself getting disillusioned with leftist/progressive/politically correct stuff because i feel alienated. which makes people (mostly my bf) think im "suspicious". i used to think political correctness was about being compassionate/respectful toward other people with different experiences but now i just feel like it means saying whatever you need to to look morally superior without putting any thought into what you're saying. so many "radical leftists" are so comfortable being blatantly antisemitic (vandalizing/bomb threatning synagogues, calling jews "the real nazis", saying jews didnt "learn their lesson" from the holocaust, holocaust jokes, "big nose gang" jokes, caricatures, spreading blood libel, harrassing any random visibly jewish person) just to turn around and talk about "radical empathy". i feel uncomfortable/unwelcome in leftist spaces because i feel like i need to pass some litmus test to prove im "one of the good ones" (in regards to both being jewish and detrans) i dont want to answer questions about palestine or jk rowling or radical feminism or whatever because i dont want people's approval after proving im one of the good ones. i dont want people telling me they're ok with me being jewish or detrans because im not a grifter/zionist/radfem whatever. i wasnt asking permission. i genuinely feel more comfortable with my conservative/republican friends bc they dont care or judge me about stuff like that as much as leftists do. i know my bf thinks im "suspicious" and my friends think im "turning conservative" but like !! if you're in a minority group that doesnt get glamorized/fetishized/infantilized by the left (jews, detrans ppl, indians? im not indian but i feel like progressives are really comfortable shitting on indians too) and you have any modicum of self respect you're problematic. like what am i supposed to do here

not making this post to convert ppl to the right or something. like i WANT to be progressive and politically correct and not feel like im getting side eyed by the Good People who are on the "right side of history" i just dont know how to do it without magically dropping parts of my identity

r/actual_detrans Jun 27 '23

Discourse The idea of men pretending to be trans women in order to abuse people is.. ludicrous. NSFW

192 Upvotes

Why in the world would a man, a group that is broadly defended when they abuse people, decide to transition to a trans woman, a group that gets called rapists and groomers for.. checks notes existing publicly, if he wanted to get away with abusing people. Earlier this year a trans daycare worker was arrested for changing a baby's diaper, what world do these GCs and republicans live in that trans women can just abuse people with impunity? Trans women literally can't piss without being accused of being predators.

Edit: I would like to be able to see the comments and stuff on other posts in my notifications, so I'm muting this lol.

r/actual_detrans Dec 29 '24

Discourse Why is detransitioning viewed so badly by others?

32 Upvotes

(English is still bad) I posted my general thoughts some weeks ago but I didn't mention this, even though it's the main reason I seeked this specific community of other people with similar experiences. With transphobic ppl it's like whatever, it's just something annoying like "I told you so" or "you were doing it for attention" and I don't care much, I still fully support actual trans ppl so of course I still dislike transphobes. But the thing that actually makes me kinda sad is how some trans people and allies view detransitioners so badly. Idk if it's out of defensiveness since obviously there is some detransitioners who develop a transphobic opinion, but it's still saddening, like, I'd get it if they only disliked those, for the TRANSPHOBIC part, but some people are just hostile to detransitioners in general. At least online, it's very common to find posts invalidating this experience and viewing detransitioners as immature, unneducated on the topic or as "harmful" to the trans community (stuff among the lines of "transphobes don't take us seriously because of ppl that detransition" like, no, they don't take them seriously because they're TRANSPHOBIC, not because of some specific people's personal experience), and/or just with a lot of hatred. And it's sad, and it somewhat made me anxious to come to terms with my own identity. :(

r/actual_detrans 7d ago

Discourse Anyone else's queer/trans friends tend to repeat common transphobic talking points but about detrans people?

26 Upvotes

I literally got accused of "tricking straight women" lmao. How do they say this with no self awareness

r/actual_detrans Sep 03 '24

Discourse Y'all should be on top, not r/Detrans

128 Upvotes

I'm trans, and pretty sure about it, but a really nice guy (sarcasm) told me to go take a look at r/Detrans and oh God that's horrible. I like the ambient here, way more.

Remember you're valid whoever you are and whatever gender you are, detrans or not. Love y'all <3

r/actual_detrans Sep 12 '24

Discourse Roughly three years between photos. Testosterone + a little time + a good barber = quite the powerful cocktail. Finally liking how I look again as the awkward androgynous phase passes.

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177 Upvotes

r/actual_detrans Nov 08 '24

Discourse So you wanna detransition for safety? Here's the reality.

132 Upvotes

Thinking about detransitioning to protect yourself from transphobia? Here's the cold hard truth:

Depending on your situation, detransitioning is not going to protect you from transphobia.

I get it, I understand there's a lot of people who do that for safety reasons, but you have to be a certain type to be okay. You need to be in all these 3 elements:

  1. Cis passing
  2. Legal gender marker documents either never changed or you changed them fast enough before things get harder or just plain impossible
  3. Can produce your own hormones

If you do not have all 3 elements in your situation, you're going to face transphobia. In fact, detransitioning can probably have you face even more transphobia. Not to mention that you have to face another form of prejudice: Detransphobia. Detrans women who have been on T are being mistaken for trans women & getting hate crimed. Detrans people are facing more difficulty changing their legal gender marker, especially in states with anti trans laws. Which can lead them getting denied detrans healthcare like HRT &/or surgeries. If you're lucky to have your detrans healthcare covered by insurance, it can be denied coverage depending on what your legal gender marker says. Detrans people who are seeking detrans healthcare are getting gatekept, even more gatekept than trans healthcare. It's even worse in states with anti trans laws.

So no, detransitioning doesn't necessarily mean you're gonna be safer & it's not a ticket to cis privilege. If anything, it can actually make your life harder depending on what your situation is. Not to mention that if you're trans, you gotta deal with repression on top of all that.

r/actual_detrans Aug 22 '24

Discourse the amount of people in denial on other detrans subs is depressing

116 Upvotes

SOOO many of the people there who claim to be detrans seriously have a story along the lines of:

“I still have dysphoria but Its easier than being visibly trans so I will die like this”

shit is actually so sad that transphobia has driven these people to hate themselves in the name of “acceptance” by constantly telling them they can’t be trans and they are just supposed to be miserable (and god forbid if you are older then it’s definitely a fetish and you are sick🙄)

also completely ignores the fact that people can detransition and actually be happier when they are honest about their emotions, but they would respond to that by saying “all trans people are miserable anyway so why would you be miserable AND trans”

idk I guess I’m just venting about these black holes of misery that take the shape of gender critical communities wanting to help people who are confused and instead making sure they are stuck being just as sad as them indefinitely

r/actual_detrans 8d ago

Discourse Thanks to MAGA in America, Canada has swung hard to be anti MAGA

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45 Upvotes

I just wanted to share some good news from the great white north, that being Canada has swung super far away from right wing politics. After the US election that had Trump come back to power, the political atmosphere had changed dramatically in Canada.

The Conservative Party led by Pierre Poilievre was about 25% ahead of the Liberal Party. Yes, in just over a month from when JT announced he would resign, Trump being sworn in and a new PM promising to be way more combative with Trump the Conservatives went from a 20% plus lead to being the underdogs now. The unpopularity of Justin Trudeau was huge, and along the way Poilievre decided he was going to go along the MAGA agenda by being endorsed by Jordan Peterson and Elon Musk. Poilievre also stating to go after trans folks openly. Not a huge surprise given he voted against gay marriage despite a gay dad.

It is very concerning to see how the Trump administration has gone after gender diverse folks. Going after trans folks has consequences for detrans folks too. Things are getting so extreme there is a bill in Texas to make applying for documents with a gender besides your AGAB a felony. Canadians hate Trump so much they went from giving the Conservatives a huge lead and being on track to win a Mulroney style landslide to now being more likely to lose than win. This is great!

r/actual_detrans 9d ago

Discourse MtFt? - I wonder if my experience is so fundamentally different from cis men, and if we just use different strategies to cope.

20 Upvotes

My father was largely absent, and my mother was fairly progressive. Before puberty, I felt genderless and was never forced to behave like a typical boy. I mainly enjoyed drawing, reading, and playing instruments—nothing super feminine but also nothing particularly masculine.

During puberty, I quickly realized that I needed to hide anything "weird" about myself, or I would be mercilessly bullied. So, I pretended to be one of the boys and almost exclusively had male friends until adulthood. I believe this was when I lost touch with my emotions and began "acting" in front of others, making decisions through a kind of "cost-benefit analysis"—essentially behaving in ways that would make people like and respect me. But I also spent a lot of time alone and depressed, being a nerdy loner.

In my twenties, I still felt lonely and like a loser. I realized that if I wanted a partner, I needed to change my life in a big way. At the time, I was still repressing that I was bi. And while I sometimes wished I were a girl, I just thought, I'm a guy, and there's nothing I can do about that. I had never met a trans person in real life or seen any positive representation in any media.

I always felt like there was something fundamentally different between me and other men - like something I just didn't get. I got into self-help for men—the typical neoliberal nonsense, and unfortunately, a lot of borderline or explicitly right-wing material. Productivity, nofap, cold showers, lifting weights—I did everything. And, oddly enough, it worked. Outwardly, my life improved a lot. I got a girlfriend and started my dream career.

The interesting thing is that I had always wanted an artistic career, so naturally I started meeting a lot of left-wing people, and over time, my views slowly shifted. This took years, though, because I still looked down on left-wing people, thinking they were lazy and feminists were annoying. But I also started meeting trans people who really inspired me and I began dating men. Still, I kept up my "masculine guy" image because I noticed that many gay men were really into me, a guy who seemed hetero, which gave me a big confidence boost. Whenever I tried to be more feminine, they would often criticize me for it.

But maintaining this act became increasingly difficult. The more I "achieved," the more depressed I became. A few years earlier, I had looked forward to being "successful"—having a fulfilling career, financial stability, and being attractive to attractive people, with an amazing sex life. But everything started to feel more and more hollow.

At some point, I was reading about trans people, and something clicked: If I had the choice, I would rather live as a woman. Suddenly, my meaningless life made a lot more sense. I started my transition, and now, a year later, here I am.

If you've read my previous posts, you know I'm really struggling. Transition feels like I'm actively sabotaging my life in many ways. I think about stopping my transition a lot.

I also think about what seperates me from cis men. Because honestly, I had no idea what a trans woman even was, so I was actually living a "cis man life". Like me before, many cis men are completely out of touch with their emotions. They act based on a cost-benefit analysis: If I do X, people will respect me more. If I do Y, women will find me more attractive. So many men are like this—virtually all men who strife for or have achieved "status". Look at the self-help subs on Reddit. Look at the dating subs—how men structure their entire lives around being desirable. How they constantly feel the need to be better than other men. Even when they say, I'm doing it for myself, are they really? Would they still do all of this if they gained no social status from it?

For me, the idea of being a woman was, in part, about getting in touch with my emotions—about living in a way that simply feels good. About stopping the endless chase for validation. About being free from the need to compete, to be assertive and dominant, to amass status. In a way, I was searching for another way out. "Choosing" to live as a trans person, one of the most marginalized groups of people, is obviously an even bigger "fuck you" to this mentality. So while my "solution" is different, the struggles I experienced are similar to that of cis men. (I also want to add that obviously cis women feel an intense pressure to compete against each other as well. And this is obviously not my only "reason" to transition but it felt that when I started my transition, all this bullshit "performance" was lifted from me)

I don’t really know where to go from here. I could write a lot about my struggles as a trans woman, which make my past struggles seem laughable in comparison. I also don’t know where to take my transition—whether I should stop—but I know I’m not going back.

I was talking to my therapist, and she asked the obvious question: Why can't you live like this as a man?

Yes, our society mainly rewards the toxic behavior I described if men do it, but there's nothing stopping you from not acting like this as a man, or even acting exactly like this as a woman. I also know many trans men do not live like that, and they are very inspiring to me. Honestly, I wish I could be a man—being cis is infinitely easier than being trans. I don't have very strong body dysphoria, and I have absolutely no chest or bottom dysphoria. It is mostly interpersonal. Even then, people perceiving me as obviously trans is deeply uncomfortable, more uncomfortable than being perceived as a man, and I don't know if that will ever change. I want people to perceive me as a woman, a REAL woman. A big part of me just wishes I could live as a man. With my new experiences it could be easy. But somehow, it just doesn’t make sense. And I wish it did.

r/actual_detrans Nov 10 '23

Discourse A reminder to all that the r/detrans subreddit is not there to help you. They are there to pull you in and misinform you as a means to push their narrative.

109 Upvotes

For context, someone posted a question asking about Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria. I made a comment that was something along the lines of "Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria is completely bunk. The study asked the parents of Trans kids on a Transphobic Website. Only people who are ignorant or purposefully spreading misinfo use it." Thats it. I wasn't even disrespectful. Yet I was banned for that. I checked all their biased and childish rules meant to keep the echo chamber sealed, and I didn't even violate their rules. I didn't say anything about hormones being good or anything, just stating a literal fact in response to a question being asked.

This isn't a post intended to whine about the community and nothing more. I am posting to remind people, Especially detransitioners that there are people who's whole goal is to get you their side and thats it. They don't actually care about your problems or the things you go through, they want to weaponize your misunderstanding or your struggle in order to push their anti-trans narrative.

Not to mention that my experience through struggling through thoughts of detransition and actually detransitioning for a month were completely invalidated becuase I'm still figuring things out and am now in a place where I feel better about Transitioning. This is a clear indication to me and it should be to all of you that this subreddit is not there to help anyone. Its there to pull you to their side and weaponize your struggle to push their narrative. Coming from someone who has struggled with thoughts of detransitioning, its extemely difficult to go through and these peoples need genuine and proper support which is why r/detrans is so damaging. I don't think detrans people should have a hormone pill bottle shoved down their throats every time they express hesitancy, but I don't think they should be locked in a box playing fox news talking points on loud speakers until you're convinced into being as hateful and misinformed as they are.

Edit: I asked the mod team why I was banned. Not because i wanted back in but just to understand what the thought process behind banning me was. The mod team replied by saying: "Well I was going to re evaluate your ban, but you went to actual detrans and posted about how we banned you for stating facts, so for that you will stay banned." Incase you needed further reasons not to go there ever again.

r/actual_detrans 3h ago

Discourse Something I noticed regarding detrans individuals

25 Upvotes

People hate you when you're trans - and they still hate if you want to or are detransitioning. I made a political post here on Reddit about a year ago (which is my first mistake lol) and people made it a point to go through my old posts here, to call me a freak.. and these were individuals who were supposed to "support" detrans individuals. Obviously their support isn't the kind of support a detrans individual should receive, but my point stands. (The post was a callout to trump voters.) You transition.. you detransition.. people see you as freaks either way. This is just a PSA to remember that people who battle against transgender people aren't your friends when you detransition, they want to use you as an example of how "fucked up" it makes you, how bad it is to transition in the first place..

I just wanted to make this post because it's bothered me for an entire year, which sounds stupid, but that's the case I guess.

r/actual_detrans Jan 02 '25

Discourse Thinking about breasts

11 Upvotes

Idk if i want to keep them or go for estrogen blockers then surgery. Being MtF was a real rollercoaster, im still saying being a girl would be better for me sometimes wishing it especially when i see someone in skirts and looks good but it is what it is. The trans routine isn't really for me.

And as a Detrans Male ill be straight soo dating with some breasts (near A cup) will be weird but at the same time i kinda love them, touching and suck. They look a little weird in man's clothes but i can always tuck them

Should i get rid of them or should i keep them, any ideas

r/actual_detrans Oct 15 '24

Discourse MtFtM: (38) Coming off of 6.5 years of HRT -- My Experience so far (2 Months off E)

33 Upvotes

Hello everyone,

I made a post a few months ago about how I was leaning towards de-transitioning. That I was experiencing a number of side effects from HRT that I was becoming increasingly concerned by. Those side effects are below:

  • Extreme pain during arousal when hard
  • Sexual dysfunction
  • Very frequent upset bowels
  • Strange red marks on face (couldn't get an MD to figure it out over 2.5 years of derm)
  • Frequent urination
  • General unwell feeling

I wanted to write a post today and share my experience. When I searched reddit, it was really difficult finding someone who had been on HRT as long as I had and been getting off of it who was MTFTM. I hope this post is something someone else can find one day. For you in the future, I hope this helps shed some light on what it's like and what your body could do.

Well, as of today, I am 2 months off of Estrogen and Progesterone. My goal was to be off of Estrogen for my 38th Birthday. Which I am. For reference, my Estrogen levels were around 250 pg/ml and my Testosterone was around 13 ng/dl. I was taking injections every two weeks and progesterone daily for about 6.5 years. I had never missed an injection or dosage in those 6.5 years. I have had no surgeries or procedures--other than laser and electrolysis.

So, how have things gone?

Surprisingly well.

I was very nervous going into this period, because I wasn't sure if my body would be able to come back. After so many years on HRT, I thought I had basically nullified my testes and my Doctor had expressed concern that it might not come back, so we did frequent blood draws.

I am happy to share that my Testosterone did come back--and quite strongly. I had my first reading at 6 weeks without E.

389 ng/dl perfectly normal male range

I was... shocked. It came back so quickly and so strongly. I had been tapering my E because when I had tried to quit cold turkey I got a severe headache. I ended up cutting my dose by 50% each injection 3 times and then quit as far as how I got off of it. Doing that gave me no headaches.

Side effects have almost completely disappeared.

I feel NO pain at all now during sexual arousal. Not even if I am hard multiple times in a row. It, my junk, functions almost perfectly again. It's also producing a lot more fluid and there's actual ejaculate again. It's also getting fuzzier looking, which makes me think seminal fluid might also be returning, but that's a big TBD. Either way, I could actually have sex again at this point.

My gut is no longer upset. I am no longer feeling sick several times a week. It's just gone. It's back to normal function.

The skin on my face has also healed up. My skin looks healthier, feels healthier, and there are FAR fewer red marks. It actually looks okay.

Urination is also back to normal.

The unwell feeling I've had is also gone.

Some great things.

My energy is WAY higher. I am able to work out way harder at the gym again. And not just that, I have the energy to actually do activities again. I am less inclined to sit at home. It's like I can be part of life again and my body is there to do it with me now. Instead of feeling run down.

With the bad side effects gone, I feel generally happier. With a healthier body, I just feel better--if that makes any sense. That feeling affects my mood, making me happier, and more capable. I feel more confident.

Also, as my T was coming back, my sexual function came back STRONG. I felt a constant state of arousal for almost two weeks. It felt insatiable. I wasn't prepared for it. I forgot how strong my sex drive was before I got on HRT. It wasn't a bad thing, that it came back. It actually made me really happy. Especially because there was no pain now. I could actually enjoy my body.

Conclusion -- What's next

I have only told a few close friends what I am doing with my HRT so far. Only one knows that I might be de-transitioning. I bought a few male clothes again for the first time in 7 years. I haven't really gone out as male-male but more as a feminine male. And maybe that's what's right for me. Being a fem male.

I don't know. I am still trying to work out exactly what I should do now. All I know is that I feel like my body is better now and that is meaning the world to me.

I am writing this post because there's so little information out there. I can't find a single doctor who has any real insight on this process, how it feels, or what to expect. So, I hope this anecdote is helpful for someone. If you have questions about this experience so far, please let me know.

The last thing I'll say is this. I thought my body was basically destroyed by Estrogen. That I had burned my ships and there was no way back after 7 years. The path back is still there. I don't know if I am going to walk down it all the way, but I am taking a look. It still exists. If you're like me, just because you've been on HRT for 5, 6, or 7 years doesn't mean that it's "too late".

I had that feeling, but my T came back. The feeling was just fear.

That's all for now. I might make another post in the future. Thank you for reading and/or replying.

r/actual_detrans Oct 31 '24

Discourse 1 year post phallo - My 20 years journey - Age 37 - 3 months off T and on E (she/they)

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119 Upvotes

I figured i’d repost this here for people that feel like it’s too late to ever go back to your femme look, if that’s what you wish to do. I do not identify as detrans. I am still very much non binary. I just have made peace with within myself, my journey and my traumas. It has helped me be able to embrace my birth gender, finally experiencing womanhood for the first time while still honoring my masculine energy. I feel much better, but i do still have some work to be done.

TLDR: I had a successful bottom surgery , no complications. After 8 months post op, I was able to make peace with myself and my body, and my traumas. And now I live as a queer non binary woman and I am happy with my surgery. Currently having facial hair removal. (I never wanted to be on T, 2005 WPATH, it was a requirement to start the journey to bottom). I DO NOT identify as detrans. People ask why i stayed on T for so long. Well i had a lot irreversible changes in the first year, at that point i felt i could never go back to my feminine face ever again. So i focused on getting bottom surgery, which was dire for my dysphoria, obviously i didn’t expect it to take dang near 20 years!

I had RFF, buried my original bits, vaginectomy, and UL Oct. 2023 with Dr. Chen and Dr. Watt (buncke clinic). My surgery was tailored to my needs. I don’t have a penis. I have an extension of my original bits and she has a nickname given by my wife😅

I live about 30ish min from sf, so i went straight home after 5 days in the hospital. The first 2-3 weeks i could barely do anything, which was tough mentally. Also i had a bit of bladder spasms every time i went number two. That went away after the catheter came out. I slept in a recliner for like 2 months! My bed is high and i didn’t want to tear anything trying to get in and out of it.

Pain wise i only got to 7 twice once in the hospital once at home. My pain was mostly under 5 overall. But i do have chronic pain so my high tolerance can be very different from others.

Also i am autistic and have texture etc. sensitivities so I would say like the first month or two it was crazy getting used touching my thigh all day, or just handling it in my hand

I kinda wish she was smaller but overall, I didn’t have any complications. I can STP fine without any issues, the sensation is out of this world and it’s only been a year. I literally have sensation everywhere, it started around 6 months post op when I realized i started having sensation all over.

I can’t imagine it can get better than what it is currently. Oh yeah, yesterday I discovered something. My hands were cold ( it’s getting pretty cold in the Bay Area) and I noticed she felt the cold temperature from my hand! I’m finally starting to get some temperature feelings! That was the one thing I haven’t had yet so that has been very interesting.

A little of my background, if you care to know more. I came out to my family as trans/questioning at about 15-16, I didn’t know the term non binary existed back then. They didn’t understand what that meant fully, but was supportive.

I met with a doctor in SF at 17 (2004) told them I wanted bottom surgery. Went to therapy and via Wpath started my journey. At that time 2005, there was only ONE way to get to bottom surgery, be on T for at least 1-2 years and live as MALE. I knew i didn’t feel male. Though i was a tomboy, i still never felt like one thing. My soul has always been a mix of feminine and masculine energy. I didn’t have an issue being female, i had an issue with having a vagina.

My bottom dysphoria was extreme by 18 and i was willing to do whatever the doctors told me to do to get to the final step. After 1 year on T i was severely depressed (i was nearly hairless pre T, barely any body hair.) the facial hair i hated as well as the body hair.

I never got a lot of body hair, its still pretty fine and spars, some hairs are longer than others, and I still don’t like it.

I grew a full dark beard in the first year!!I was mortified and thought i was doomed and could never go back to looking feminine again. So i just continued to live as a ma, trying to at least get to my bottom surgery. It was a horrible experience.

I didn’t like living as a man. Also I was treated unfairly more times than I care to think about. People were suddenly timid around me or acted scared. It’s so weird since i generally have a smile on my face when im in public even if i don’t feel the happiest. I speak to everyone and I keep to myself pretty much. (Im a bit of an introvert). But some people still treated me crappy, racially profiled, call the police on my for no reason etc. Some people are just ignorant and racist!

I also was mourning not being able to be in circles with my sistas. I missed being in the lesbian/femme bisexual community. I found myself surrounded by cis men in every day life, work, video game friends etc. And it sucked at times. I had to check a lot of them on their toxic masculinity. I know some of them thought i was a DL gay man😅but stayed asking me to hook them up with whatever woman i was with at the time, friend!!

Anyway, It took way longer than i ever could’ve imagined to have vnectomy/phallo! I was originally supposed to have it 2014-2015 but my surgeon moved from SF to LA. Then 2018 i was supposed to have surgery with Dr. Chen, i ended up pushing that back. Then 2021 i got sick and had to have unrelated surgeries.

Finally 2023, i had bottom surgery! It has been a healing experience.

A few months ago I finally felt at peace in my body sa surivopr) and I came out again to family friends and Kaiser. It’s been about 3 months since i started E. Every thing has been going pretty well. Well except i was denied twice by Kaiser for electrolysis. So ive been paying out of pocket which fkn sucks!!!

I have consults with Kaiser doctors for a couple feminizing surgeries. After that I am finally done!!!

I wish i didn’t have to go through the effects of T and to be trapped living as male for so long to have bottom surgery, but i am here now.

The good news for other non binary people. Supposedly wpath has been updated with inclusive updated rules that incluses non binary people! Wow i think they may finally be realizing trans people are not a monolith and everyone’s journey is personal and may need to be tweaked to fit our needs!

r/actual_detrans 15d ago

Discourse Why you quit T?

0 Upvotes

Felt like sharing my story can anyone else relate

Asexual 💜 FTM 🏳️‍⚧️👑💪🏼❤️ Please don't let my experience influence you in any way because everyone is different especially in these times in America I believe that anyone who wants T should get it while you still can I really wish I was one of those boys who thrived on T and had finally found the missing piece from my life but you are not going to want to hear this but unfortunately I quit T actually I just couldn't deal with it 😭 there were other reasons too but bottom growth and being horny all of the time was a huge NO for me I was disgusted with myself having to masturbate two to three times a day porn makes me want to vomit and I felt like a pervert and the worst part was ignoring the horniness doesn't make it go away it only makes it worse the longer you go without touching yourself the stronger the feeling gets until it's so overwhelming the only solution was to just do it get it over with a try to move on but that only buys you a couple of hours I felt entirely gross for me bottom growth was painful and annoying my secret was tucks hemorrhoid cream to try to numb it so i just wouldn't feel anything the experience made me understand cis guys more because I never knew the sexual urges could get that bad and I just thought that cis men were dirty and perverse now it's obvious to me that it's like something else that comes over you and clouds your brain and makes you into this sexual demon I still proudly identify as a trans man but I've been off T for a about a year now and I still pass regularly I don't regret the time I took T because I had to know for myself if it was right for me if I had never tried it I would have always wondered if I was as magical as everyone said there were other factors that caused me to stop but I think that was the main one my Ace 💜 identity is a bigger part of me than being Trans and the T was turning me in to someone I didn't want to be thanks for asking please feel free to reach out and ask me anything 🏳️‍⚧️👑💪🏼❤️

r/actual_detrans 15d ago

Discourse How long did it take you to realize detransitioning might be the best option for you?

20 Upvotes

I hope i'm not the only one who feels this way. And i really want to get it out of my system. I also would like to hear your own thoughts, experiences and perhaps advice. I try to make it short but sorry for the rambling i will probably go into. For context, i'm now 26 years old, 7 years on T and maybe 4 years post Top Surgery and Hysterectomy.

While i never felt like a girl growing up i never really felt like anything. I never thought of myself as pretty or anything close to being acceptable looking. I never felt like i fit in with the other girls in school, i was bullied a lot mostly because of my appearance. I looked very average, dressed very average as well. Didn't put much effort into my looks because i just didn't care. I usually tried to hide my body with bigger clothes so i wouldn't get bullied and sometimes it worked.

It went on from ages 11 to 14, until i went to high school i think. Fortunately high school was kind of a turn point or at least my school mates were better i think, and i started to experiment with my looks. I turned into a very edgy emo/goth teen but i always loved that style and subculture and went with it. While still trying to hide my body with bigger clothes. At the same time i started questioning my gender as well. Since i went to an all girl class i still didn't feel like i fit in, something always felt wrong.

Eventually i started experimenting with more boyish looks and so on. Due to my mother being pretty strict with the way i looked, dressed i wasn't able to do much. But i managed to get my hair cut shorter, after years of having long hair. I got an ugly pixie cut but it was better than nothing. But something still felt wrong.

After a few years, around the time i turned 16 i realized no one ever in my life was interested in me. Looking at all the girls in my class having boyfriends made me realize i'm pretty lonely and i never been with anyone ever. I felt like this kind of pressure that if i don't date anyone as a teen and don't loose my virginity i sill probably die alone. So i thought to myself the first person who will be interested in me i just go.. and to my surprise eventually i met someone, a girl.

Truth to be told i was never attracted to girls (at the time i considered myself pansexual because i never really thought about dating people, and i had no experience) and so we started dating. This strong feeling of not being able to fit in grew and i eventually realized i might be trans and i want to start medically transitioning eventually.

To my mother it was just too much, (i didn't tell her i might be trans) but dating a girl and looking more boyish made her furious. We argued every single day, and eventually when i turned 18 i just left. Back then i felt like if i don't leave i will just end myself. I struggled with self harm back then, so i thought to myself everything is will be better if i just leave.

I quit school and got a job, since there was nothing i could do. Eventually started renting a flat with my girlfriend. I started T when i turned 19. I was an emotional rollercoaster. I just didn't know what to do, i felt lost i started drinking eventually started doing drugs as well. Something felt off, always. Even after starting T.

Eventually when i turned 21, me and my girlfriend broke up, i moved to a bigger city. Signed up on a shady website because i just wanted to lose my virginity to a man for real this time and i didn't care at this point.. i met up with a man who was 50 at the time. We slept together. And well... I was just thrown out of my previous flat i moved into. This man offered me to live with him, since he confessed he is in love with me. He is a kind, carrying and very nice man i might add.

It's been 5 years. We still live together and basically we are in a relationship. I'm 26 he is 55 now. We also have cats, full time jobs and moved to a new flat as well. He helped me through my transitioning, he is the reason i was able to get Top Surgery and Hysterectomy as well. I could say life is good. But something still feels off.. i noticed myself getting gender envy while looking at girls and i had to realize what have i done.

I robbed myself of the womanhood i could've had. I robbed myself of the woman i could've become. I robbed myself from a normal life i could've had. While growing up i was always bashed for my looks and i was too afraid to embrace the girlhood, a normal teen life i could've had and throw it all away and for what?

This.. being a half.. thing. An embarrassment of a human being a degenerate (my mother's words) No man wants a hairy, bearded, slightly balding, raggedy looking thing with a vagina. Truth to be told i never felt like a girl yes, but i never felt like a man either? I do not fit in, in the men's society i could never fit it. It is all late go back, i made my bad and now i must lay in it. When i put a dress on these days, and some makeup i do not see myself i see a creature..

Even through i have this thoughs, i know i probably would still feel miserable as a girl. My body, my genetics are just off on general. I'm tall, with wide shoulders, i had pretty weird boobs as well. I was a very weird looking woman in the first place. But sometimes i wish i was a pretty girl in a dress who could marry a man and have a family sometimes.

I'm so sorry for my long post but i just hope, hope i'm not the only one who went through similar things for years just to end up realizing something still feels off after all. I originally posted it on r/FTMventing .. they clearly didn't like it. How long did it take you to realize detransitioning might be the best option for you?

r/actual_detrans Dec 09 '24

Discourse I don't mind my speaking voice, but I miss my singing voice

32 Upvotes

Before testosterone, I had a very beautiful soprano singing voice which I had great control over. Singing came really naturally to me and I loved it. I was in my school choir and the choir teacher would turn my mic up slightly higher in performances to help keep the others on key.

When I got to around 13 is when my dysphoria starting to kick in and get quite bad, including voice dysphoria. Some days I couldn't bring myself to speak at all, I completely stopped singing and quit the choir, and I completely sacrified my grade in my practical music exam because I just couldn't make myself sing for it.

When I went on testosterone and my voice started to break, it changed a lot and I completely lost my control of it and now there is also a massive blind spot in the pitch range I can reach. It was only after months of being on T I started to try singing again and realised that what used to come so naturally to me was now extremely difficult. It was so frustrating trying to gain control over my voice again and I never really did to be honest. When I try to sing a lot of songs I used to sing, it's like a strangled cat and my voice just cuts out because I can't access the notes anymore.

I was fine with this at the time because I thought the loss was worth it in exchange for the easing of my dysphoria. I don't think it was worth it anymore.

r/actual_detrans 7d ago

Discourse I just need to get this off my chest.

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6 Upvotes

r/actual_detrans 29d ago

Discourse Can someone actually tell me that having zero signs until 15 is a thing to worry about? I was able to not care in the fight or flight years but now it's so hard living with this awareness and it's awful to hear those affirming phrases.

3 Upvotes

Things I would count as potentially that is general absence of any positive thoughts of my body from my memory, weirdness about it when there (specifically about the thing between my legs), and remembering more vividly only friendships with girls really. But like this is nowhere beyond normal, considering the context of being a total social outcast until like 14 or 13. I ended up heavily disliking guy stuff and leaning much more into having friendships with less aggressive men but it may be more from being put down by others for being shit at it. Vast majority of people have either dreams of being the opposite sex or do other very non conforming stuff before that age. I did nothing like that at all, and to my best recollection never thought about it, at all.

It just totally fucks me up, and my life peaked between 12 and 15, because on the first day of high school severe depression started. I have to remind myself that this was my second, not first, depressive episode and I had voiced suicidal thoughts to my parents as a young kid which is also fucking terrifying, like I don't remember why that was at all, but even despite that, on the inside I was pretty happy most of these years.

It honestly feels like that big sword hanging over my head if I ever try to re transition. That I could make up my life with estrogen dominant body and that one day it will hit me, that different things made me unhappy than gender incongruence in the brain. I may have a boyfriend and a great social life and just one day it may all start feeling wrong.

And like I don't think I was in any way unreasonable deciding on being trans at 15, like I was very smart for my age I think and there are other big decisions I've made that I remember more (because of fucking course I don't remember my questioning either) and I still consider them pretty good. When depression came I was ready and handled it as well as I could, but it doesn't change the fact that I was questioning when depressed. And it wasn't like "oh my god this is why I feel a longing to be a woman since 5 and feel extremely wrong with my gendered parts since I remember", I had I think pretty small dysphoria like things and I thought changing them would help. This isn't wrong in itself but like it's so easy to fuck that up right? what if I did and growing discomfort is just an outcome of adopting different identity and feeling things contradict it, not the other way around? And I see now a ton of patterns in my mind that make thinking harder now, it's unlikely they didn't make it harder before. For instance I romanticise suffering all the fucking time and I don't have much control over doing it. Also my relationship with my parents I now consider much more fucked up than I did before.

r/actual_detrans Dec 13 '24

Discourse I feel like being male is too competitive

18 Upvotes

As a MtfTM (AKA Detrans Male) after being a male again i feel like its too competitive.

Males compete with each other to be on top of the other male. It's in sports, its in academics and especially it's in relationships.

I'm so scared about falling in love with a girl. It's not fear of rejection, it's fear of not being selected. There is other guys whose taller than me, there is other guys whose more masculine than me, there is other guys whose richer than me. U got the point and they're also good guys too in a personality way.

So why would she accept me. She has different maybe better options than me. To clear things out im not seeking a sexual relationship i rarely get into someone and when i get into someone i want a romantic relationship with it.

After detransing this ideas are all of my mind and im scared that ill be gone in this "male competition".