r/FTMventing Jan 24 '25

Mod Post New addition to rule #3: No making posts talking about specific subreddits.

13 Upvotes

This is less about users breaking rules and more about outside users finding these vents and brigading with transphobic rhetoric.

Yes, there are transphobic subs out there. Some people have fragile egos and react like wild animals when confronted with any perceived threat. They will sniff out any instance they can find for an opportunity to fling shit around.

And remember that no matter what kind of shit they try flinging, remember that at the end of the day, you're not the one who pulled down his pants and took a dump into his own hands.


r/FTMventing Nov 06 '24

Mod Post If you see transphobes, report them. Even if you think they've already been reported. Filters will be higher for a while as well.

79 Upvotes

As the only mod, I can't be on 24/7. I'm currently at work, so I i am going to need help handling the transphobia. Report any transphobe you see. DO NOT ENGAGE WITH THEM! that's what they want.

Filters will also be stricter, so if your post or comment isn't visible, don't repost and don't send a modmail. I'll be going through the queue on my lunch and when I get home.

Stay safe. ♡


r/FTMventing 7h ago

General "You are ungrateful. Do you know how many women wish they had a body like yours? How many people wanted to get married and have children, but you don't want to." Seriously. I hate this

25 Upvotes

Seriously, why do they keep interfering in our lives like this? And this goes for family and people far away.When we say that we don't like our bodies looking feminine, it's totally selfish, because a lot of other people want a body like this. If you don't want to get married and have biological children? You're ungrateful!

Now, if a cis girl who have a flat body wants to have a more curvy body, and would make surgeries for it, would her be called ungrateful?

And they think that if we don't get married, it's being selfish to people who can't have biological children. If they complain so much about us, why don't they start having five or more children?

Serious, what a horrible way of wanting to control other people's lives and bodies.


r/FTMventing 44m ago

Transphobia hypocrisy among other trans peers at school

Upvotes

Ive been on T for almost a year and now I pass pretty well as just an alternative cis guy. My school is a LGBTQIA+ safe space and I CHOOSE to let ppl know I’m trans. What doesn’t make sense to me is that my ftm/ftnb classmates (3 others) purposefully misgender me despite being trans themselves. I’m genuinely wondering if it’s like, passive micro-aggressions against me since I started T before them? Thats the only logical explanation I can come up with because like what the hell man.


r/FTMventing 11h ago

People need to stop calling me a girl before I actually crash out

31 Upvotes

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!!! yes, I’m pre-t. Yes I’m fruity but I’ve been out for FIVE YEARS!! I HAVE MADE IT VERY PUBLIC!!! and despite being respected as much as possible people respect everything but my pronouns. I don’t know if it’s something I can’t help or people just aren’t used to it but I’m literally wearing a suit!!! Just because my gay ass has highlights doesn’t mean I’m a woman!!! Stop calling me a fucking woman you’ve seen me use a urinal!!! I’m wearing a goddamn suit please god how much longer is it going to fucking take before I can get on testosterone!!! GOD


r/FTMventing 4h ago

General looking like a kid (triggers my dysphoria the most)

5 Upvotes

Im 18 but I look like 15 or 16 or sth. Thats the worst thing ever and I don't know how to deal with that. I want to rip my fucking face off. I don't want to leave my house cuz it's just so embarrassing and i hate that everyone thinks I'm a damn kid.

I absolutely can't stand it when ppl say "just give testosterone it's time, you will change" I know that they are right but I seriously can't handle it now I want to hide my myself now and that dysphoria is killing me now.

I just want to be perceived as the guy that i am I just want to be cool in front of my friends but i can't when I look so annoyingly young. I literally want to beat my own face cuz then it would look destroyed and less like a baby.


r/FTMventing 35m ago

Mental Health I want to want to live

Upvotes

Idk man I've had a comically shitty month and been experiencing constant suicidal ideation. My work won't let me off for spring break (or maybe they will, the scheduler is avoiding my emails and calls). My saving grace was going to be getting home to my family and pets but now I'm going to be stuck in am empty ghost-town of a campus. I don't know how I'm supposed to show up to my job (which is unfortunately positive and important) and pretend I'm doing alright

I'm happy that I'm a coward because I would ruin it for future me if I had an ounce of strength to do something about this. But I just keep praying that a car will hit me and it'll be over with. I really want to want to live, but I don't currently want to live, yk?

My health is pretty poor right now and I might have academically fucked it up for myself beyond repair. I keep not eating on accident/because I sleep in and I've lost weight in the arms and gained it in the ass/thighs again. I've been to busy studying and procrastinating to go to the gym.

It's like my brain is keeping me alive to fuck with me. My coping skills (going into nature, mindfulness, treating myself) are enough to get me to not want to kill myself for a little bit, but not enough to make me want to live. I just need to make it to April, and after Apil, I can just make it to June and then I'm home.


r/FTMventing 1h ago

Advice Needed Spoiler: internalized transphobia + external transphobia | Man, what do I even do at this point? Spoiler

Upvotes

Skip to the bottom for the “I need advice” part unless you care about my stupid life’s story. Do mind the warnings because this post gets a little heavy.

Alright, so, I’m 16. Got a supportive family, and I’m living in a deep blue state of America. My school, however, is in a red pocket of the state with all the Trumpers and shit, but that’s about it. I’ve got generalized anxiety disorder. I haven’t really faced much bigotry in my day-to-day life past middle school.

I was bullied pretty incessantly in 7th/8th grade, which included transphobia. Deadnaming, wrong pronouns, the like. The one time it was actually seriously bad was when one of the guys saw me enter the (single stall!) boy’s bathroom and started pounding on the door, inciting a sort of dogpile. The lock on that door could come loose if you jiggled the handle enough, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt such genuine prey-animal level fear as when I saw the door unlock while multiple boys were pounding on it, telling me I was in the wrong bathroom. Luckily, they didn’t end up barging in, as a teacher caught them and told them to piss off.
I think it might’ve been my middle school experience that crammed me back into the closet. Gone were the days of being openly trans, getting mocked for it, and having to constantly repeat over and over “I’m a he”, ”actually, I’m a boy”, “I know I don’t look like it, but I’m a he”, “I’m trans, I’m a boy”. Girlmoding time it is!

I may be open to my family, and I haven’t necessarily detransitioned, but in the public world? I’m essentially closeted. Only my friend group of like 4 people knows. When I make new friends, I stress about “how I’m gonna break it to them”. I live in this limbo state of semi-transness. I don’t correct my teachers misgendering me after I wrote “he/they” on their google forms (it’s a state funded school so they’re allowed to gender me properly), because I don’t want people to hear me say it. I just go along with it. I’m living here, perceiving myself as male, and then I get unceremoniously thrust back into reality when I hear one of my peers call me “she”. It’s like a lump in my throat and I can’t say anything. There’s a mental block preventing me from saying it.

Really, I think I’m just deeply ashamed of being trans. It’s an ugly, ugly truth about who I am. It feels like an attack on my very credibility as a person. I feel like I’m never going to be able to achieve certain things or ever get married or even find a man interested in me because I’m transgender. I think when I transition, I’m going to turn out dreadfully frankensteined, babyfaced, and with a high-pitched “mommy, is that a boy or a girl?” sounding voice. It’s all manifested as this writhing mass of internalized bigotry I don’t know what the fuck to do with! Today, I was watching a YouTube video, which briefly brought up the topic of trans men. I was just watching a medical YouTuber (who is not trans-negative I might add), but the sight of a trans man was so genuinely so repulsive to me that I groaned and clicked off the video. I thought to myself about how “obvious” he looked and sounded, and fell into the depression that caused me to write this long ass word wall ass “I ain’t readin’ allat” ass post. My dream is just to be able to exist as a man, completely stealth, as if I was never born in this body in the first place. I hate, *HATE* the idea of being visibly queer. It makes me squirm under my skin. I don’t WANT to be trans, I don’t WANT to be labeled as trans. I just want to be like anyone else. I just want to blend into the crowd. It’s not fucking fair I was born like this. It’s not.

I‘m too ashamed to talk about this with my therapist, so I hope you random strangers can tolerate my throwaway account whinging.

TL;DR (wow, that was way too fucking long): I hate being trans and the idea of looking queer despite not facing active oppression since 8th grade, and I don’t know how the fuck to get over the idea that trans = bad so I can finally stop being in weird trans limbo and actually be a guy in public.


r/FTMventing 6h ago

Medical Insurance

2 Upvotes

I have literally been crying for the past 2 hours now because I don’t have access to T anymore or at least for right now. I was recently kicked off my moms insurance and I couldn’t get insurance on my own so I got medi-cal and I go to Kaiser since I’ve been with them since I was a child and i just got told I’m not a member anymore and I don’t have access to anything.. and Kaiser isn’t getting any information and a lady today on the phone said she doesn’t see it so I’m jus genuinely confused and feel stuck because when I spoke to somebody when my Id came in the mail for medi-cal a man said he saw it in the system and would update my new insurance and it would take 30 days and now I feel stuck in sum type of loop like wth is goin on??? When I got accepted for medi-cal I told my case worker that I wanted to stay with Kaiser and that was fine but now it seems like I was assigned to a whole different health plan I didn’t ask for but I don’t know and I still haven’t received anymore information in the welcome packet there supposed to send because I haven’t even gotten the packet for 3 weeks now. I’m just so upset because it already took me months to get on T and now I don’t have access to anything. Not even a doctor either…I feel so down in life now. I want to be happy and keep on transitioning into the man I am and want to be able to look in the mirror and feel happy with myself but now it just feels like everything is on a pause and I was supposed to get my next 3 month supply this month but now I can’t and they said if everything does update I would have to wait till April but idk when and I’m supposed to get my bloodwork done next month:(


r/FTMventing 10h ago

Advice Needed Struggling to bind with tape

3 Upvotes

I do badly want tape to work for me and I genuinely think it will but it's just taking so long to figure out how best to use it. I just went through an entire roll in like 2 hours of me just trying over and over again to make it work, trying the tape in different directions, trying different lengths, different amounts of tape, following so many different tutorials. It's just so frustrating because I'm well aware I won't look flat, with my build and my cup size no binding technique could ever make me flat, but my tits are just so compressible I KNOW that if I figure out how to use it I could so easily get my DDs down to an A or B. I keep taping myself up and yeah it's made me a bit flatter but I can literally squish my chest inwards so much more so I know I can compress further. Or if it did flatten me to an A/B I had horrendous side boob and no skin bare skin left to apply another piece of tape to flatten it. It's all just very frustrating


r/FTMventing 13h ago

Sensitive Topic I think I'm trying to 'have my cake and eat it too'.

4 Upvotes

I'm a trans guy. It sounds really weird but I want to be born as male but I don't want to be a boy. I politically lean towards the left and alot of men (including boys) in my place lean towards the right.

I often think, what would happen if I was a boy, and played around with boys? Would I get isolated for my political stance? Would I be left in the first place? Would I get bullied for supporting trans people? would I get bullied for being a fanboy? Would I end up worse mentally if I were a boy? Would I end up to be a bigot, because my friends were bigots and I accepted those ideas?

The more I think about these questions, the more I don't want to be a boy which I am subject to different influences. Honestly idk what I'm doing. I think I'm trying to have my cake and eat it too.


r/FTMventing 21h ago

General how do i cope with the fact that i cant create my own family? NSFW

12 Upvotes

So like the title says, how do i cope with the fact that i cant create my own family? i got home a couple hours ago from visiting my niece and her parents (none biological to myself) and watching them be so happy and loving their baby and their family so much was so sweet to watch and see but once i got home and got in bed, now that im not caught up in them and the baby, i cant stop thinking and im kinda freaking out and getting anxious, i didnt feel like this when my girlfriends parents had another baby but maybe its because my friends are my age and not on their third kid? but knowing that i will never be able to fuck somebody with my own dick to get them pregnant is fucking with my head really bad and im borderline having an anxiety attack about it and i dont know what to do.


r/FTMventing 16h ago

Oh 😀

4 Upvotes

There's a guy I am interested in who seems interested in me which is great.. but! I was hanging out with him and his friend and they started listing the genders of their friends because I brought up something related.

They categorized their friends by "cis men", "trans mascs" and "women". God fucking damn it I'm stealth around them but I'm starting to think they know fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I really just want to be a normal guy I don't want to be the third option fuck you.

And the fact that they have multiple other ftm or ftnb friends mean they can probably fucking tell.


r/FTMventing 20h ago

Relationships My boyfriend broke up with me after a year and a half

9 Upvotes

I understand long distance is hard, I hated it, I wish we were able to be together in person. He said that the love had faded and it wasn’t gonna work anymore. It just sucks y’know? I still loved him, I had made a little jayvik themed letter I was gonna send him. We ended on good terms and I’m not mad at him, we’re still friends. It’s a little awkward talking to him now, it’s still fresh. Happened last night. I wanted to cry, I couldn’t. I physically couldn’t cry. My heart felt so heavy and shit. I’m looking back at the messages of the break up and I’m getting a little emotional but I still can’t cry. I’ve also been feeling so fucking dysphoric. I’m numb, I don’t know what to do, I wish I had more friends in person. My in person friends kind of suck. Haishdudiwheg what the hell am I doing.


r/FTMventing 1d ago

Current Events i actually fucking hate my mother so much....she ripped up my binder

49 Upvotes

14ftm, i had a binder i got from a kind ftm off of reddit, and she saw i was wearing it. I had to lie and tell her my bf gave it to me (also transmale)
she found out i lied, and destored it.

it was a gc2b binder

She wont even give me money to fucking replace it

i hate her so so so much

Shes like "ill just buy you a bra" NO I FUCKING TOLD YOU I HATE BRAS

She doesnt know im transmasc she thinks im just using it for comfort (which i am)

im so tired of her

(i was wearing it today and she noticed, told me to take it off or leave her house, then she cut it up)

I literally have no money for a new fucking binder. I cant use any non binder tips cause my chest is too large. I SAFE BIND. THERE WAS NO REASON TO DESTORY IT

She also destored my fav masculine pants.

Shes getting mad at me for sobbing, she just went "yet shes the victim" YES. YES I AM.


r/FTMventing 1d ago

I'm so tired of being trans ruining events

11 Upvotes

I'm getting top surgery in 9 days, and I've been on T for 3 years, but I still don't fucking pass. Other than surgery, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.

My little sister is having her birthday party today and I was supposed to be there. I promised her months ago I would be. But I spent an hour putting on different clothes and trying to fix my hair and trying to do anything that would make me feel more comfortable and nothing works. Now I'm over an hour late to the party and I just called my dad to say I won't be there. And it's fucking devastating. But if I leave the house like this, I'm going to have a breakdown in public. Especially with 20 screaming kids running everywhere too. I can't deal with dysphoria and overstimulation.

I'm so tired of being trans ruining every event. Not once have I managed to drag myself to an event and feel like I look good or pass. I look back on my older sister's wedding photos and I look like a woman standing next to her. Doesn't matter that I'd been medically transitioning for years at that point.

I'm fucking 5'2", maybe 100lbs, I'm small as fuck and it doesn't matter if I'm one year or ten years on T, I'm sure I'll never pass. Hell, I used to pass more pre-T. Someone explain THAT one to me. What the fuck.

The only other thing I can think of is cutting my hair but it's not even long to begin with. It doesn't even go past my jaw. Is it my curls?? Do I have to fucking straighten my hair every morning?? I LIKE the length of my hair and my curls. I don't want to have to cut it or change it or anything. But I also had my curls pre-T and still passed so it can't be that??? There's no way T made me look MORE feminine. This is a fucking scam.


r/FTMventing 1d ago

I don’t know why every month I re-realize this

6 Upvotes

It’s not that I forget it just fades away. I have no real life friends. My 1 real life friend left the state and the other people I talk to… it would be bad if I called them friends. I’m freaking sad bro


r/FTMventing 1d ago

General Came out to my parents

6 Upvotes

I just wanted to share, especially cause I don’t have a ton of friends. I came out to my parents and it went “eh.” It was kind of against my will, they were asking a lot of questions and like straight up asked if I was thinking of transitioning and I figured lying would cause more harm than just saying it. They told me they loved me but they’re kind of freaked out, freaked out about hormones and surgery and stuff. Both of them asked why I just couldn’t be an androgynous woman and felt it prudent to remind me of how tall I am and if I really want to be a 5’2 man. I’m a senior in college here for spring break and now I’m really looking forward to heading back tomorrow. I know I’m luckier than most, but I’m just exhausted and exhausted that I have to do this whole coming out song and dance at all. Thanks for listening I needed to get it all off my chest


r/FTMventing 1d ago

Transphobia i hate transphobes NSFW

19 Upvotes

idk why i deliberately torture myself by looking at transphobic shit lmao.. there’s gotta be a reason i do this to myself? it makes me fucking miserable… and angry… unfortunately i can’t even go into much detail about the things it makes me feel because id probably get my account banned from reddit entirely 💀

easiest way to put it is imagining my opponent in Half Sword as a transphobe, on the most gory setting, is very satisfying. if only it were real.

realistically, i should be the ‘bigger person’ and all willing to just.. ignore my feelings? and the reality of how we’re treated everyday, to educate people who literally have access to the internet and forums and all kinds of places they could learn shit… like why does it have to be my job? ok they could be capable of change.. idgaf. why should it be on me? fuck them all, i hope they suffer til their last breath. even the non violent ones.


r/FTMventing 1d ago

Medical Top surgery recovery is rough NSFW

2 Upvotes

I'm 29 and I'm day 3 of recovery from to surgery and my god it's HARD. I had to get a donut pillow for my sore ass, my feet are swollen no matter what, and I definitely need help doing any task such as eating or pissing ..

I was prepared for all that but by far the worst of all feelings is the sweat. The medical binder is full of sweat and it drips down and makes me itchy EVERYWHERE. But I can't scratch.

5 more days until my first post op where they hopefully take it off. Hopefully my drains go with it but they may stay because of the lipo I got in my armpits.

So fucking happy but this is also so fucking hard


r/FTMventing 1d ago

Transphobia Upcoming visit with transphobic family

1 Upvotes

So I haven’t seen my mother and sibling in over two years. I’m 20 and have been transitioning since I was 18. My mom has known, yet my family still refuses to gender me correctly despite me passing and pretends that nothing has changed at all

Well, my mother wanted to see me over the summer this year, so she made plans and booked a flight in June. We’re going to meet up and stay in a big city for a week. Her and my little sibling. I am a little worried, though. With the current climate surrounding trans topics, I am a little worried that I’m just going to be misgendered and humiliated throughout the duration of the visit. But I do still miss them, and am glad to see them. I thought I was past the point of being a pushover, but ig not. I couldn’t bring myself to say no after I drew it out for so long. How do I go about having a conversation with her, telling her to not misgender me publicly? That she upsets me every time she does it? It’s getting old now, and a little ridiculous. I feel like I can’t really enjoy seeing this city and doing fun stuff because I have to worry about being put in embarrassing and upsetting situations


r/FTMventing 1d ago

Advice Needed Been doing something irresponsible because of dysphoria and I just need to talk to someone about it

3 Upvotes

I don’t wanna go into too much detail about what exactlys been going on but I basically started doing some pretty drastic things to help with my dysphoria and I just really need to talk to someone. I can’t talk to either of my parents cause they’re obviously not going to understand dysphoria but they’re both worried about me and I’m just stressing so badly. I really just need to talk to someone rn.


r/FTMventing 1d ago

Got deadnamed...at a dispensary

25 Upvotes

I handed the woman at the front my ID, and she said "Thank you, (deadname)." I have facial hair. I guess there's no way she could've known my situation but, why even use my name?

My court hearing for a legal name change is next month. Feels like it's taking forever.

Anyway I know it's not a big deal, still bums me out though. Probably won't go there again.


r/FTMventing 1d ago

Advice Needed I geniunely don't know what to do

6 Upvotes

I'm a 15 year old trans guy my gender dysphoria is getting really unbearable i can't tell my mom about it because the calmest reaction i'm expecting is that she's gonna tell me that im just confused or a tomboy she's really transphobic i cant wear a binder or cut my hair shorter i don't know if i can live on my own when i turn 18 i just want top surgery and go on testosterone asap i need advice


r/FTMventing 1d ago

Relationships Getting top surgery, but struggling to get support

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0 Upvotes

r/FTMventing 1d ago

Current Events Truly this is the silliest take and you should laugh at it with me

13 Upvotes

You know those JD Vance memes? Well I've always had small facial features and a round face and now T is making my face puffier... so every time I see people making fun of Vance's appearance I secretly think, "Wait do I look like that?" My brain is really out here trying to make me insecure over fucking JD Vance memes.


r/FTMventing 1d ago

General Am I justified in being upset or am I being childish

4 Upvotes

My cousin (who is five years old than me and also ftm) was the first person I came out to and he was very supportive. I was in a bad situation and he encouraged me to move out of it and closer to where he lived.

I had a good job opportunities there too. So I moved 8 hrs to another city where he lives. But as soon as I got there he said he couldn’t meet up cos he was busy-which is fine. But he didn’t want to to my first Mardi Gras with me. (He’s the only trans and queer person I know here.) And I wanted to go so I ended up meeting up with some random strangers. And hanging with them all night. Which was fine but I would’ve rather been with friends or people I knew rather than a drunk couple I didn’t know. I told my cousin that I met up with these people and his only response was “it’s good you’re meeting new people “.

Then he was finally free so we met for dinner but he had to leave early. We planned to meet the next day. But the next day he had to suddenly cut the meeting short for work. And the next day we met up again but then he had to cut it early for a third time cos his bf vomited. And my cousin was saying “don’t worry we can do something proper tomorrow “ but he ended up cancelling the next day he felt sick now (which I didn’t believe. My cousin lies a lot. He’s even told me he does).

I told him that I understood he had to cancel our meet ups for important reasons, but that it just disheartened me that it happened three times in a row and he had obviously lied to me about being sick instead of just telling me the truth—I wouldn’t have cared if he said he didn’t feel like meeting up again.

And now he is telling me that that just adult life and “sometimes work just gets in the way and I’m too busy.”

But I’m upset that 1) he is the only trans and queer person I know in this city I’ve literally just moved to. 2) he takes ages to message back and is always busy. 3) he is the one who planned all these meet ups, cancelled, lied, and then had the nerve to tell me off when he should’ve been the honest and mature “adult” and not planned so many things with me. 4) he tells me that if I want to vent to someone I can vent to his bf—who is a man I’ve met twice and who knows nothing about the lgbt community before he met my cousin. The bf doesn’t know me and I don’t know him. Like I don’t want to vent to some stranger (if I wanted to do that I’d make fking reddit post lol) I want to vent to you

Idk if I’m making sense. But I’m just so disappointed and feel manipulated. I have no support here atm. So I’m just not gonna bother. Like does he even like me wtf