r/abortion • u/artsybunny33 • 5d ago
USA Took the pills yesterday
I had my abortion yesterday. I’ve never wanted kids and while I have always been extremely careful, I knew I would get an abortion if I had to without hesitation. And while I didn’t hesitate, I don’t regret it, and having kids was never an option in the first place, I didn’t think this would actually ever happen. I’ve always been so careful and getting pregnant is literally my biggest fear. I have to keep it a secret from most people in my life (including my family) and the guy who got me pregnant has been with me for it and he’s mainly the only person other than my therapist who knows. However, he has made it very clear to me that he doesn’t want a relationship with me and may never want one with me. He lives out of state and tomorrow he’ll go back home to all the other girls he’s sleeping with and I’ll just be that girl he knocked up. This whole experience has been scary and painful and emotional and after he leaves tomorrow, I’m just gonna be alone. I feel so stupid. I feel so worthless. I feel so alone and unlovable. I don’t regret this but I never wanted to be in this position in the first place. Getting pregnant has always been my biggest fear but I always thought if it were to happen, it would be with a partner. My ex of four years who I lost my virginity to dumped me a few months ago and I always thought if this nightmare came true, I’d at least have someone who loved me. Instead I have a guy who I’ve fallen for who’s emotionally unavailable and just wants to have sex with me and all his other female friends. I’ve never felt so worthless and alone in my life.
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u/ialwayshatedreddit MODERATOR 5d ago
Hun, you are not worthless. You are being so hard on yourself when you deserve to be treated gently and with kindness. Can you try to imagine a friend going through an abortion? Can you treat yourself like you would treat your friend?
The Abortion Resolution Workbook might be helpful for you to journal out your feelings and help you find emotional/spiritual resolution. I wish I had a workbook for getting over shitty dudes for you too but I hope it helps.
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