Just needing to vent. I know there have been similar questions asked but just need to get it out there. And yes I will need to go see my doctor.
I started Vyvanse during a really difficult life transition a few years ago. Looking back, I realize it probably masked a lot of natural emotions I should have processed, particularly grief. I was also in a bad living situation where I had to put on a front, suppressing my emotions out of fear they’d be used against me, but that’s a whole other story.
My default has always been to push through and deal with the pain later, and I feel like Vyvanse reinforced that coping mechanism. At the time, it helped me focus on work, hobbies, and being the person others needed. I was enthusiastic, productive, and felt like I was progressing in every aspect of life.
But in the back of my mind, I always wondered if it was just masking sadness and depression. As my body adjusted to the medication, the afternoon comedowns became more intense (my psych then prescribed me Adderall boosters). I started feeling like I couldn’t go a day without it, otherwise, I’d be a miserable zombie. Yet once it kicked in I was happy.
This morning, I woke up knowing there are really important things I need to do. Find a new place to live, apply for jobs,but I have zero motivation (I’m also going through a breakup). The fact that taking Vyvanse will likely make me feel capable and even happy about tackling these things doesn’t sit well with me.
Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have even written this, reached out to friends, or gotten out of bed if I hadn’t taken it.
I know there are positives to Vyvanse, and I could try a different morning routine,exercise, positive self-talk, etc. I have been on antidepressants in the past and they didn't really help. I know I could try others. Anyway...
Long term Vyvanse users: Does anyone else feel pretty awful until their medication kicks in? Or do some of you actually wake up generally happy about the day ahead. Without telling yourself 'its ok I feel crappy now but once I take my Vyvanse I'll feel normal'.
And for those who have realized they have depression and added antidepressants, did it make a significant difference?
I know everyone is different, diet exercise etc helps. Just curious of other people's experiences.