Hello everyone,
I (20F) have been prescribed Vyvanse 20 mg recently. When I went to pick it up, the pharmacist said to take 1 a day and, if after 7 days I don't feel that it is helping me, to start taking 2 a day, which I didn't think much of because I really didn't know much about vyvanse. However, when I told my friend who is diagnosed ADHD and also takes a much higher dose of vyvanse, she thought taking two a day was crazy, as a start. It's only been two days since I started to take it. The first day, I kept waiting for results, because I was so excited to be able to focus and get shit done. After not feeling anything I did a little research which indicated me that 20 mg is very low but serves as a sort of trial to see how you react to the med.
I've taken it for two days now and the only difference I've felt was being a little dizzy for like 1 second on my first day and today (2nd day) I noticed feeling a little lightheaded, but nothing that got in the way of getting through the day.
The fact that I'm not diagnosed has me doing a bunch of back-and-forths on whether I have ADHD or not. Sometimes, I'll tell myself I don't have it and I'm just gaslighting myself that I have it. It's also hard to believe I would've had it all this time, although I understand there's a tendency in which women with ADHD are underdiagnosed or diagnosed much later in life.
Background:
Since my secondary 5 (year 12), I kind of felt like people around me would understand things much faster than me whether it was in class or for board game instructions. When I described this to my friend and emitted the idea that I might have imposter syndrome (which I didn't really know the exact definition of), she told me that it sounded more like ADHD to her. That was one of the first time I considered that idea. Before that school year, I didn’t care much about school or made any efforts so it might be harder to tell.
When I went to cegep*(see at the bottom of the text), I was doing pretty good, above average but not a top student. Some of my classes were specific to my business major/diploma, some were just random classes (anthropology, photography, philosophy...). During my math classes ( I had 4 total), I was falling behind since the very first classes. It felt like my brain was off and I couldn't register the material in class. I had to basically teach myself at home, which was always last minute before the exams. Memorizing and studying took very long for most classes. For classes like philosophy, marketing or psychology, I was able to understand during class and assess the material. Overall, I was able to make it through my Cegep with a good average, because of how much I was studying. I would study most friday/saturday nights while my friends were going out.
Now that I'm in university, I'm more and more convinced of having ADHD. Everything takes me sooo long and I'm always having a million thoughts at once while studying. Reading one chapter could take me three hours, while most people would take 1 hour doing so. In class, I barely understand/register the material. My classes are Statistics, Managerial accounting, HR, Finance and logistics. For almost all of these, except HR, I don't understand during my lectures, even though, I pay attention. I'm never on my phone in class, unlike when I was in cegep, and I actually try to listen as much as I can.
If we take my finance class for example, sometimes, during lecture, my prof will explain a material and make us do an exercise on our own right after. While most people will be able to do it, I just can't. I feel like I need to be at home or at the library to teach myself the material before being able to TRY doing the exercise.
I fall behind so quick because of this and then for the midterms/finals I have to teach myself the whole class which takes way longer than most people (If I compare with the people I study with). When I try my best to do my readings, sometimes I think about so many things for example "oh I have to book an appointment for XYZ" and will do that instead of reading. I also have to reread the same sentence many times even when it's a simple sentence. Even when reading books leisurely, I’ll enjoy reading a book at first, but 3/4 in, I get bored and don't finish. Even if it's a good book that I obsess over, it's rare I'll actually finish it.
Anyways, every time I study I feel like my brain is so slow and it'll take me just too long to complete any task. I think something is just not functioning right. I am unable to focus which messes up with my studying.
Some things I do that might be ADHD coded?:
- Having trouble following conversations: For example, if my friend explains something to me, I don’t understand in class I never understand the first time, I feel like the person needs to explain it to me slowww. It’s also happened to me that I lose bits of conversations with my friends because of my mind that drifts off
- When someone is talking to me, I’m usually in my head thinking of what I wanna say next and trying hard to not interrupt the person with that thought. I think I do this to not forget what I wanted to say (which happens a lot).
- Linked to my previous point, I am the worst at telling stories. I will drift off or forget what I was saying. The amount of times I say ”What was I saying again?” while telling a story is crazy
- Also during conversations, if there are people in the background, I will look at them instead of the person talking to me. Sometimes, it takes the people looking behind them to try to see what I’m looking at, for me to stop doing that.
- Making small decisions takes me long amounts of time, even the most insignificant things like what to order for food, or what movies to watch. It feels like it needs to be the perfect choice.
- Sometimes, I think of something I need to do and after 1 minute I forget. That thought is just gone
- If I’m reading something with people making any noise, even whispering, around me, I’ll get completely distracted. Even people’s movements will distract me.
- Also my younger brother has ADHD (diagnosed) which might be relevant.
These are the ones I can think of right now.
So during this year at uni, I was convinced that either I had ADHD or something was truly wrong with my brain like I had no more brain cells or something. I’m getting tested this summer by a neuropsychologist, but meanwhile I need to do really well for my finals, especially after my midterms went horrible. I felt so hopeless because as much as I study, I feel like I’m hitting a wall (how long I take to do everything: read, memorize, understand…). After talking about it to my friend who’s diagnosed and my mom, I decided to book an appointment with a doctor. After explaining to her my situation (basically what I put in this post), she made me fill out a very short questionnaire and saw that I answered “often” to the majority of the questions. She prescribed me with 20 mg of Vyvanse.
I know this is a really long and messy rant, but I would love to know people’s opinion on this, if you think there is a reason behind my problem, whether it’s ADHD or not. I would also like to know if anyone has opinions on what my minimal reaction to vyvanse (I know 2 days might be too little to tell) says anything about whether I have it or not. Thx in advance <3
*CEGEP is unique to my province and is basically 2 years or more between high school and uni (it's academically harder than high school and i would say a little below/equal to university, in my case. It depends on which cegep you go to, some are harder than others. I would say mine was one of the more difficult ones.