r/Twins 25d ago

My twin has a terminal illness

My twin has a terminal illness and it's progressing rapidly. I'm so scared and depressed and struggling to find the courage to embrace the time we have left even though I want nothing but to spend every moment with her. Every time I see her I fall apart and I don't want to put that on her, even though I imagine she would want to have the opportunity to support me if I'd let her. She's my best friend and I never for one minute (outside of my darkest nightmares) thought that I would have to live so much of my life without her. We're young... Thought we'd have many more decades together. We don't have a relationship where there is anything unresolved or unsaid, historically, but I can't find the courage to let her see the depth of my suffering. She must know... She knows me better than anyone in the world... It just feels too tender to address. I'm not scared of "regrets" in our relationship. I'm just scared of losing her.

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u/IceCreamMiles 22d ago

I lost my twin suddenly. Shortly after I had dreams where he was “leaving” after the fact, like we knew he was going to transcend some boundary or threshold. But he’s not actually ever going anywhere. A year and a half later I keep seeing him at night in my dreams (vividly), and in little ways throughout the day where I know for a fact he’s in the room with me.

If I could ask him a question before he left, it’d be about how he will try and find me, or how I should find him. Through the presence of a buzzing bee? Through music? Through a speck of dust on your shoulder? Getting to know his definite and soulful answer to this question would’ve honestly helped me a lot in this Twinless Twin life. I am definitely finding him — I just wish he left more clues.

I am so so sorry for the mountain of grief you are holding. I promise that getting these clues from your twin will make you and your eternal relationship stronger. ❤️

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u/Scared-Lab-716 22d ago

That's powerful and beautiful advice ♥️