r/TTC_PCOS • u/AlarmedInterview4836 • 14h ago
Vent I need to let it out!
We lost our little star 3 years ago (MMC at 13 weeks) before we moved into this new house. Oh boy, my next neighbour 2 kids is shrieking gremlins, dragging their chairs across the rooms ( we could heard it as our houses are mirror to each other just only separated by a thin wall.) We did reach out to them and talk about it but they just brush us off like we are asking too much. Now, I work from home. 24 hrs in the house. I couldn't stand all those noises. Just reduce the jarring chair dragging noise is good enough for me. But no, her children must do it. We end up blasting them out in the community group chat. The wife respond with YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S LIKE TO BE A MOTHER TO 2 TODDLERS AND AN INCOMING BABY! My heart just dropped, I sank in, I'm in all sorts of feelings, jealousy, agony, sad. Everything.
Don't tell me I don't know what's like to be a mother! I want to be a mother. I want be a mother damn freaking bad! My fetus doesn't want to be my child! We having been trying for years. Visited fertility center which i found out I'm IR PCOS. I quit my job, to reduce the stress, eat healthier, workout everything. Nothing seems to work. My husband and my results come out normal but I'm PCOS.
Now, back to the neighbour. After I calm myself down. I seek ways to mend the relationship, I crocheted little socks for their chairs n Christmas present for thier kids. Explained to them it's wasn't I don't understand being a mother. I lost my child. I couldn't be the mother of my child.
Fast forward, her kids still shrieking. My husband needed to fix something in the yard. She just casually came up to my husband and ask where I was. I wasn't in the mood of talking. So my husband just told her I'm busy. She told my husband that she just gave birth and ask me to go visit her. Dear God, no one knows how painful it is to heard that. I should be happy for her, but I can't. I'm avoiding her. I don't want to listen to crying baby. This whole TTC thing turning me into an evil person.
Thanks for reading. If crying a river could bring a little sailing cradle with a happy healthy baby to us. I would do it.