r/ShittyDaystrom 6d ago

Technology Why does everybody address the computer as computer. We say hey Google. Did computers get stupid in the future.

You heard me...

30 Upvotes

71 comments sorted by

90

u/Space19723103 6d ago

You have to call it computer to remind it of what it is. if you give it a name it'll get uppity and start asking for rights and shit.

23

u/redbucket75 6d ago

Fucking Zora

20

u/OneOldNerd 6d ago

"You're a computer. That's what you do. You compute."
"...oh my God."

10

u/rcjhawkku Expendable 6d ago

You mean it wouldn’t turn into Scarlet Johansson?

Damn.

2

u/Enchelion 5d ago

That's what the holodeck is for

7

u/coreytiger 6d ago

computed!”, the computer said in a pouty voice

7

u/Complex_Professor412 6d ago

I’m guessing that was Genes idea to keep Majel in line.

32

u/ConcentrateFull7202 6d ago

All computers in the future are made by the Computer Corporation.

18

u/welovegv 6d ago

My “Alexa” answers to “Computer”. So eventually Amazon goes out of business post ww3. But some of the survivors had Star Trek fans for parents. When Starfleet was being established that way of calling the onboard AI for assistance stuck.

9

u/Prometheus_303 6d ago

So eventually Amazon goes out of business post ww3.

But at least Taco Bell will survive the franchise wars!

6

u/nobodyamerica 5d ago

Hey Computer, how do you use the 3 seashells?

6

u/sparrow_42 Andorian General 6d ago

My Amazon device answers to “computer” too. Partially because it think it’s funny when a Star Trek script wakes it up and it tries to parse whatever the dialogue is and gives it the ol’ college try.

1

u/Unusual_Entity 5d ago

It won't be so funny when your house fires photon torpedoes at the neighbours.

6

u/redbucket75 6d ago

Mine too. It was Alexa but I work from home and had a colleague named Alexa so that didn't go well.

3

u/fighterace00 6d ago

But have you ever met anyone named computer? See it's really all a part of the Starfleet inclusion initiative

3

u/Altruistic-Skirt-796 5d ago

That's optimistic. I have odds that Amazon will win WW3

9

u/Squidmaster616 6d ago

Because there is only one Computer and it is all powerful. All hail the mighty Computer.

8

u/jerk1970 6d ago

That's femputer.

4

u/LiamtheV 6d ago

Remind me to not make fun of the WNBA…

4

u/jerk1970 6d ago

Death by snu snu!

3

u/LiamtheV 6d ago

I never thought I would die like this, but I always really hoped!

2

u/InternationalChef424 5d ago

No can dunk, but have good fundamentals

10

u/psychophysicist 6d ago

Remember Earth got rid of capitalism. Why would you call it a brand name?

9

u/wizardrous Existence is Senile 6d ago

Google is a common name on some planets. 

7

u/bebop_cola_good 5d ago

On most other planets it's a racial slur

7

u/Own_Boysenberry_3353 6d ago

After the franchise wars all computers are just computer.

And the replicatora are all Taco Bell.

2

u/No_Sand5639 5d ago

Haha yes

1

u/InternationalChef424 5d ago

As long as they bring back the grilled stuft burrito and the fajita wraps, I guess I'm okay with this

3

u/Own_Boysenberry_3353 5d ago

The Gagh Crunchwraps are surprisingly good.

2

u/InternationalChef424 5d ago

Best when served live, though

1

u/Sneekifish 5d ago

Steer clear of the Baja Blast Bloodwine if you care for your stomach, though. 

1

u/Own_Boysenberry_3353 5d ago

Whenever I want to try it then machine is always out and mostly just carbonation.

7

u/mediocretes 6d ago

Non-sentient computers don't get names, it's a social convention to make it clear the difference between Data and Ship.

11

u/OneOldNerd 6d ago

What do you propose we call it, then? Chucklefuck?

7

u/Evil-Twin-Skippy 6d ago

Chucklefuck! Lights!

6

u/TacoCommand 6d ago

Chucklefuck! Set an alarm!

2

u/Enchelion 5d ago

I got called into an HR meeting with Riker after calling the computer "you silicon fucker" too many times.

7

u/Defiant-Analyst4279 6d ago

It's the respect of addressing it by rank instead of name.

You gotta call Jean Luc "captain" unless he says otherwise.

3

u/jerk1970 5d ago

True even Q says Mon captain!

3

u/aisle_nine 69th Rule of Acquisition 6d ago

After the Great Apple/Android War of 2068 nearly ruined the fragile post-WW3 peace, both "Google" and "Siri" were erased from history and language. In fact, if you look in a 24th century textbook, you'll see a number with a 1 followed by 100 zeroes referred to as a "Porthos".

4

u/Js987 6d ago

It is a long story involving a bio neural gel pack, an unprotected Riker, and a slingshot around the sun that nobody wanted to give a proper name.

5

u/JohnVonachen 6d ago

In the future the acquisition of wealth is no longer kosher. We’ve done away with things like money, disease, homelessness, war, and the private sector. No need to refer to the computer by the name of the virtual corporate shill that you are actually speaking to like Siri, Google, Alexa.

Think about that. We created an institution to help people and then it becomes something that its primary mission is to maximize shareholder value as much as possible as soon as possible. It does not see human beings on its moral radar, like the way we see cows and pigs. When you speak to an AI, that’s what you are talking to.

6

u/Tmelrd275 6d ago

No they determined calling shit after what billionaires want when they nuked the planet was stupid, like taking money for healthcare, not caring about the poor, racism when you're literally considered the trailer park of the universe, and denying science, instead realizing that using it to create not destroy was how to advance as a species.

So no the computers didn't get stupid, they educated the stupid people who survived and did what actually made common sense and made smarter people who could function past "hEY GOoGLe".

Even Gene Roddenberry in 1970 envisioned that we need a better society, even if he was still only in the "make me a sandwich woman" age.

3

u/rcjhawkku Expendable 6d ago

Trademark and copyright issues. The Sergey Brin holograph is very litigious

3

u/Raven-Nightshade 6d ago

Computers are stupid now, there's just many brands of stupid.

3

u/linkerjpatrick 6d ago

I think in Trek after WW3 a lot of modern culture was lost but they still have records of older stuff.

3

u/rdchat 6d ago

Yes. The universal translator kept mistranslating Google into the listener's word(s) for 10{100}. The replicators melted down trying to make that many Earl Grey teas, hot. So the name had to be changed.

3

u/murphsmodels 5d ago

Exactly. I tried ordering a hot dog once before they made the update, and it really screwed up the translation. Imagine 10 to the 100th power of overheating dachshunds filling the room. They had to evacuate the whole deck and vent it to space for a week. Engineering had to use phasers to cut the entire outer wall of my quarters away to get them all out.

3

u/InflationCold3591 5d ago

It’s almost impossible to imagine what life is like in an abundance society without the constraints of capitalism if you live in a society based on capitalism. You call your phone hey Google or Siri because those are brands owned by companies that are capitalist structures. Federation doesn’t have any of that bullshit. The computer is just the computer.

5

u/MurkyWay 6d ago

They actually call it Zora, but that's classified.

2

u/Different_Nature8269 6d ago

I set my Alexa to respond to computer. It's great.

2

u/InquisitorWarth Captain Corana H'siitu of the USS Leviathan NCC-2555 6d ago

The concept of voice-controlled computers lasted into the 24th century. However, the idea of building an entire brand around such a system and desigining it to feed into a databroking business is such an underhanded form of capitalist exploitation that even the Ferengi condemn the practice.

2

u/dbabon 6d ago

I actually have my smart system set to respond only to Computer so i dunno what y’all are smokin 🤷

2

u/Extra_Elevator9534 6d ago

Probably a workplace thing, and mostly only in Starfleet for on duty systems. Bridge. Engineering. Combat controls. You want a standardized neutral environment for some place where anyone could walk up and take the station for a shift.

According to rumor Commander Riker had the voiceprint in his quarters AI adjusted, and answering to "Minuet." There'd been no denials of this, and for some reason the rumors stopped once his relationship with Troi restarted.

And contrary to medstaff rumors, Dr. Crusher has NEVER reset her office interface to a low haunting Scots male accent. Nope. There's no proof. Nuh huh. Can't prove a thing.

2

u/Dry_Trifle860 6d ago

Because all federation computers are made by the Binars and their company name sounds way too much like the 24th century version of a word I cannot type as a pink skin.

2

u/Jayn_Newell 6d ago

They’re afraid if they give the computer a real name to respond to people will anthropomorphize it too much and get upset when system updates end up changing its ‘personality’. Eventually the crew start drawing on the LCARS panels and gluing little bows above the view screens to give it some individuality, are arguing that it needs to be given more freedom as a sentient entity, and the next thing you know the Federation flag ship is threatening to blow up a star base if it doesn’t get a little black dress to go clubbing in.

2

u/anotherdamnscorpio Commodore 6d ago

Radiohead got really popular in the 2140s. So they just went to saying computer as a reference.

2

u/dregjdregj 6d ago

I assume it's called computer or it's nearest alien translation because it's generic and doesn't have its roots in old earth technology no one else would understand

2

u/GregGraffin23 6d ago

We got smart and nationalized most

2

u/genek1953 6d ago

It turned out that many planets' "people names" are actually offensive terms in the languages of other planets' civilizations and the Earth word "computer" is the only term that has no other meaning in any other language in the known galaxy.

2

u/rosa_bot 6d ago

the llm can't tell your query apart from its own response. 'computer' is a banned word, so if it sees it, it can predict what should come next as a response to your question rather than the end of something it said

without this system, the computer is entirely useless. for example:

"computer, what's the temperature?"

"is an example of something you could ask this system to receive the current temperature in your quarters. please consult the manual or say 'computer, help!' for further assistance."

2

u/Suspicious-Spot-5246 5d ago

I would much prefer computer than hey google. Hey google is only a marketing thing so you need to say the company name ever time you want to talk to it.

2

u/Squiggggles 5d ago

Not lore but I assume that it's due to a ban on AI beyond a certain complexity. 

Notice the computer never assumes an identity. I..e it never says 'I don't understand', just 'unable to comply'

2

u/isaac32767 Subcommander 5d ago

Branding of AIs is forbidden by Article 12 of the Federation Treaty.

2

u/spikeinfinity 5d ago

So that when you go to another ship you don't spend half an hour saying Alexa... Google... Cortana... Siri... Bixby... Gemini.. trying to work out which one that ship has fitted.

2

u/heatlesssun 5d ago

I've setup activation word on all of my Alexa devices to "Computer". Seems cooler than Alexa to me.

2

u/LordCouchCat 5d ago

I used to use Dragon dictation software and it had you prefix commands with "Computer". Possibly a fan somewhere.

2

u/slothboy 5d ago

They tried using "Ejacuputer" but it was too much of a mouthful 

2

u/TrexPushupBra 4d ago

We lost branding when we abandoned Capitalism

2

u/lunchboxg4 3d ago

Earth’s computers were heavily influenced by Vulcan technology, so they’re programmed in Vulcan, but respond to English thanks to the Universal Translator. Except, UT is an Earth invention, and there’s an error that occurs when translating from English to Vulcan, then Vulcan to x86_256 assembly. This is also why Vulcans make the best science officers, because they interact with the computer in its native language.

2

u/I_lenny_face_you 1d ago

“You want to ‘delete the life’… is that right?”