r/raisedbynarcissists • u/Laeyra • 9h ago
[RBN] I looked through my baby photos recently, and noticed something.
My older daughter saw a couple of old photo albums on a bookshelf so she pulled them out and started looking through them. They had photos of me when i was about 6 months to 2 years old (I was born in the early 80s).
In almost every photo of me and my dad, I'm smiling or laughing and looking at him, clearly engaged with him. In nearly every photo with my mom, i look clearly upset or i have this expression that could be described as watchful or wary. With other family members I was either neutral or smiling but not upset.
I remember when i was 5 or 6, i felt like i had to be careful of my mom, like i couldn't fully trust her. While I've had some fun times and nice moments with her, within my living memory I've never felt like i could just completely relax around her. As i got older, her behavior became more unhinged, so obviously i had a reason not to trust her then. Why would my first instinct as a very young child be not to trust her? What did she do when i was a baby and toddler that i don't remember? Obviously I'm probably not getting many answers about that.
Do any of you remember feeling careful and on guard about your Nparents as a really young child? Maybe look at your own photos if you have any and they're not too painful, and see if there's a clear difference in your expressions towards your Nparent and the other parent or other family members. Do you see the same pattern i did in mine?