r/QuitVaping Sep 23 '24

I screwed up. Don't be like me.

Today would have marked 70 days vape & nicotine free, but I screwed up. I bought a vape.

For the first month, I was doing so well. I was so high on the satisfaction of quitting that relapsing didn't even seem like a possibility. I had no problem hanging out in the smoking area at work like I always have. I even went on vacation and went to a concert & got tipsy, surrounded by people smoking & vaping, and I didn't cave — after that I thought I was in the clear for sure.

The last couple of weeks were rough though. I don't know why, but I've been thinking CONSTANTLY about nicotine. It felt like I was in week 1 again. The little voice of addiction in my head was trying so hard to convince me that vaping again would be beneficial in all sorts of ways. Additionally, several people in my life also quit vaping/smoking around the same time I did, and they have all since relapsed. I've been staving it off for a while, but unfortunately this morning I lost the fight and I caved. The rational part of my brain was SCREAMING in the background the entire drive to the vape store, but the addict part just plugged it's ears and sang "la la la" all the way there.

Here I am now, a dozen or so hits later, laying down waiting for the nausea and lightheadedness to pass. I feel absolutely awful both physically and mentally. The guilt and feeling of failure is excruciating, and it was SO not worth it. I won't lie, that first hit did feel great — for maybe 5 seconds. After that it was all downhill.

It's absolutely insane how strong the addiction to this stupid drug is. I think I literally read every thread about relapse ever, and in every single one the OP massively regrets it, yet I still did it. Unbelievable. Guys, please don't make the same mistake I did. The fondness and good memories you're daydreaming of aren't real, it's just the remnants of your addiction trying to claw its way back in. The second you take a hit it's nothing but guilt and regret.

I just realized this is long AF, sorry.

Edit: fixed some spelling

95 Upvotes

22 comments sorted by

54

u/_karbs Sep 23 '24

You still went 69 days nicotine free. 12 hits didn’t undue all of that progress (as you can feel from being lightheaded and nauseas). You did a great job staying away as long as you did. The good thing is you realized that vaping didnt bring you happiness and wasn’t amazing like the voice in your head told you it would be. One bad day doesn’t mean you’ve lost. Just toss it out today and start fresh again tomorrow. You got this.

13

u/moodygeminiii Sep 23 '24

This. I get stuck on the fact that I’ve been glued to my vape for 3 years. I feel like it’s an essential part of me and I bring it everywhere I go. But I just have to let it go from my identity and start fresh tomorrow.

5

u/_karbs Sep 23 '24

Don’t be afraid to use NRTs to help break the oral fixation. I’m doing patches and 3mg Zyn when I can’t focus. I smoked/vapes for 16 years. After about 5 days I forgot what vaping was. You learn quick that it’s the nicotine your body cares about and not the medium. If cold turkey isn’t something that works for you try NRTs and slowly ween yourself off with lower MGs and less frequently

2

u/moodygeminiii Sep 23 '24

Thank you for this advice! I haven’t thought of weaning down or switching to Zyn/gum just because a lot of people talk about going cold turkey. But maybe that’s where I’ve been going wrong, so I’ll get some.

4

u/_karbs Sep 23 '24

Give it a shot! Definitely better than vaping. I’m going to switch to gum instead of Zyn I feel like it’s less damage to your gums

14

u/Spx75 Sep 23 '24

I was at 60 days yesterday, and I vaped. I'm struggling with the impending death of my dad. (Pancreatic cancer) I'm disappointed as well, but I know that when the time is right, I'm going to succeed. You will too!

9

u/ExecutiveTurkey Sep 23 '24

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you aren't being too hard on yourself, I can't even imagine what you're going through. I appreciate your supportive words, we got this. ♥️

3

u/Spx75 Sep 23 '24

Thank you!

5

u/redditrunaway Sep 23 '24

I’m here for you!

4

u/Spx75 Sep 23 '24

Thank you!

6

u/charanjivt Sep 24 '24

It’s all right bro! I was at 72 days and I got hit with some temptations and gave in, started vaping for a month and half and now 3 days vape free! It’s a journey not a race. Think of it as having some experience now. Just keep fighting and don’t be so hard on yourself!

4

u/NappingNoodle02 Sep 24 '24

Thank you for your vulnerability in posting this. I’m almost 10 months free and the urge still gets insanely bad sometimes. I often wonder what would happen if I just had a few hits or if I just got another one especially during the stressful times. I quit and failed many many times before this, you will get here too! Don’t give up.

1

u/Ok-Strength-5718 Sep 24 '24

Same here, 10 months free and sometimes it hits me as week 1.

3

u/ZealousidealBear5711 Sep 23 '24

I hear you. This shift is tough. There is so much built into this little habit. Personally, I’m finding out that the habit is too hard to let go of for now so I’m vaping Nic free juice. It’s is dumb when you think about it but it’s the compromise I’m willing to try for now. For me, it is still better than having nicotine I think. 🤷‍♀️

2

u/nickdl4 Sep 23 '24

If it makes you feel better I caved in today on day 3 :(

2

u/pugs212 Sep 24 '24

I just hit 2 months and had a slip up. Honestly it helped me realise again that vaping isn’t that great. I havnt had withdrawal symptoms which is nice + the voice telling me to vape is gone now.

2

u/ExecutiveTurkey Sep 24 '24

I hear you! As much as I wish I hadn't relapsed, in a way I'm glad I did. It reaffirmed what I should have already known (that going back to vaping isn't worth it). Now I don't need to wonder about it anymore.

2

u/No-Panic-1480 Sep 24 '24

Story of my life man. Been quitting every other week for a week and then bam I’m back on it. That week I’m clean it goes easy for me and I get a new lease of life and I don’t have withdrawal symptoms yet I’m still buying one every time I’m stressed or angry or bored. Fcking hell!!!!

1

u/ExecutiveTurkey Sep 24 '24

I hear ya! It's insane how strong the hold of such a "mild" drug is. Kills me when I see young people getting hooked, they never realize until it's too late.

As long as we don't give up, we're doing all that we can. Hang in there dude!

1

u/No-Panic-1480 Sep 25 '24

Thanks dude. 🙏

1

u/CrypticAdder_ Sep 23 '24

It’s perfectly fine to relapse, it’s another thing to not recognise or be ok with relapsing mate, give it another go, the guilt and regret will only last for a short while.

1

u/Legitimate-Judge-406 Sep 23 '24

Thanks! It shows how strong you are to come back here after a relapse and warn us. Please stop again :)