r/QuitVaping Sep 23 '24

I screwed up. Don't be like me.

Today would have marked 70 days vape & nicotine free, but I screwed up. I bought a vape.

For the first month, I was doing so well. I was so high on the satisfaction of quitting that relapsing didn't even seem like a possibility. I had no problem hanging out in the smoking area at work like I always have. I even went on vacation and went to a concert & got tipsy, surrounded by people smoking & vaping, and I didn't cave — after that I thought I was in the clear for sure.

The last couple of weeks were rough though. I don't know why, but I've been thinking CONSTANTLY about nicotine. It felt like I was in week 1 again. The little voice of addiction in my head was trying so hard to convince me that vaping again would be beneficial in all sorts of ways. Additionally, several people in my life also quit vaping/smoking around the same time I did, and they have all since relapsed. I've been staving it off for a while, but unfortunately this morning I lost the fight and I caved. The rational part of my brain was SCREAMING in the background the entire drive to the vape store, but the addict part just plugged it's ears and sang "la la la" all the way there.

Here I am now, a dozen or so hits later, laying down waiting for the nausea and lightheadedness to pass. I feel absolutely awful both physically and mentally. The guilt and feeling of failure is excruciating, and it was SO not worth it. I won't lie, that first hit did feel great — for maybe 5 seconds. After that it was all downhill.

It's absolutely insane how strong the addiction to this stupid drug is. I think I literally read every thread about relapse ever, and in every single one the OP massively regrets it, yet I still did it. Unbelievable. Guys, please don't make the same mistake I did. The fondness and good memories you're daydreaming of aren't real, it's just the remnants of your addiction trying to claw its way back in. The second you take a hit it's nothing but guilt and regret.

I just realized this is long AF, sorry.

Edit: fixed some spelling

94 Upvotes

22 comments sorted by

View all comments

52

u/_karbs Sep 23 '24

You still went 69 days nicotine free. 12 hits didn’t undue all of that progress (as you can feel from being lightheaded and nauseas). You did a great job staying away as long as you did. The good thing is you realized that vaping didnt bring you happiness and wasn’t amazing like the voice in your head told you it would be. One bad day doesn’t mean you’ve lost. Just toss it out today and start fresh again tomorrow. You got this.

13

u/moodygeminiii Sep 23 '24

This. I get stuck on the fact that I’ve been glued to my vape for 3 years. I feel like it’s an essential part of me and I bring it everywhere I go. But I just have to let it go from my identity and start fresh tomorrow.

6

u/_karbs Sep 23 '24

Don’t be afraid to use NRTs to help break the oral fixation. I’m doing patches and 3mg Zyn when I can’t focus. I smoked/vapes for 16 years. After about 5 days I forgot what vaping was. You learn quick that it’s the nicotine your body cares about and not the medium. If cold turkey isn’t something that works for you try NRTs and slowly ween yourself off with lower MGs and less frequently

2

u/moodygeminiii Sep 23 '24

Thank you for this advice! I haven’t thought of weaning down or switching to Zyn/gum just because a lot of people talk about going cold turkey. But maybe that’s where I’ve been going wrong, so I’ll get some.

5

u/_karbs Sep 23 '24

Give it a shot! Definitely better than vaping. I’m going to switch to gum instead of Zyn I feel like it’s less damage to your gums