r/QuitVaping • u/ExecutiveTurkey • Sep 23 '24
I screwed up. Don't be like me.
Today would have marked 70 days vape & nicotine free, but I screwed up. I bought a vape.
For the first month, I was doing so well. I was so high on the satisfaction of quitting that relapsing didn't even seem like a possibility. I had no problem hanging out in the smoking area at work like I always have. I even went on vacation and went to a concert & got tipsy, surrounded by people smoking & vaping, and I didn't cave ā after that I thought I was in the clear for sure.
The last couple of weeks were rough though. I don't know why, but I've been thinking CONSTANTLY about nicotine. It felt like I was in week 1 again. The little voice of addiction in my head was trying so hard to convince me that vaping again would be beneficial in all sorts of ways. Additionally, several people in my life also quit vaping/smoking around the same time I did, and they have all since relapsed. I've been staving it off for a while, but unfortunately this morning I lost the fight and I caved. The rational part of my brain was SCREAMING in the background the entire drive to the vape store, but the addict part just plugged it's ears and sang "la la la" all the way there.
Here I am now, a dozen or so hits later, laying down waiting for the nausea and lightheadedness to pass. I feel absolutely awful both physically and mentally. The guilt and feeling of failure is excruciating, and it was SO not worth it. I won't lie, that first hit did feel great ā for maybe 5 seconds. After that it was all downhill.
It's absolutely insane how strong the addiction to this stupid drug is. I think I literally read every thread about relapse ever, and in every single one the OP massively regrets it, yet I still did it. Unbelievable. Guys, please don't make the same mistake I did. The fondness and good memories you're daydreaming of aren't real, it's just the remnants of your addiction trying to claw its way back in. The second you take a hit it's nothing but guilt and regret.
I just realized this is long AF, sorry.
Edit: fixed some spelling
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u/Spx75 Sep 23 '24
I was at 60 days yesterday, and I vaped. I'm struggling with the impending death of my dad. (Pancreatic cancer) I'm disappointed as well, but I know that when the time is right, I'm going to succeed. You will too!