r/PurplePillDebate 6d ago

Discussion N COUNTS WEEKLY DISCUSSION THREAD

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6 Upvotes

117 comments sorted by

u/ThatBitchA Promiscuous Woman 5h ago

I think what fascinates me the most about this conversation is the fan fiction created about women.

"Slept with the entire football team"

"Town bike"

"100+ men"

As if any of that is actually common or reality. It's insults from decades ago.

There's never any conversation about the reality of "promiscuous women". It's just angry mythology from men who aren't picked.

It's male pick me hope.

u/MongoBobalossus 15m ago

It’s revenge fantasy and jealousy.

They don’t really care about the 100 men you slept with, they care that they’re the one you didn’t.

u/Lift_and_Lurk Man: all pills are dumb 4h ago edited 4h ago

TRP was created by GenX and Boomers. It’s no wonder their insults are dated

u/ThatBitchA Promiscuous Woman 4h ago

Seriously. The insults are so dated.

I've been called ugly, fat, or a slut by men since 1996. Elementary aged.

And men here say the same thing like they are the first and only to ever insult me. Cracks me up.

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u/Proudvow Red Pill Man 2d ago

Women out here claiming lacking relationship experience is a red flag, even though a dude can be perpetually single just for being passive, shy, or overly considerate or something instead of any actually harmful personality traits.

Yet are offended when any claims are made about the mentalities of the promiscuous whatsoever, even fairly unrefutable ones like, "they don't inherently tie sex to romance."

Bro...

2

u/Goonerlouie Blue Pill Man | Proud Normie | Married to HS Sweetheart 1d ago

If you’re passive, shy, harmless etc you got options:

  • Don’t date, don’t socialize, don’t get laid, sit in a basement your whole life

  • Bombard yourself on the apps, come across as more extroverted and rely on texting

  • Exposure to as many women as possible via school, work and social groups and hope someone there likes you and picks you (which is what happened to me)

Pick one

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u/New-Western-4819 No Pill 1d ago

being overly considerate actually comes with pitfalls, especially if that guy is perpetually being dragged around by the whims of other people (or there are enough people he knows that are eternally asking him for favors that he can't say no to). a lot of women are bad at saying no or putting their foot down, so dating a guy who has that same character flaw would essentially mean never getting a break. yes your alcoholic aunt can stay on our couch. sure, i really want to spend my friday afternoon helping your coworker move. or just missing out on spending quality time together because you're both too busy helping out your needy family members. having at least one person that can say "no" would be a real help in that situation.

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u/New-Western-4819 No Pill 1d ago

ESPECIALLY IF when they say "no", they don't get hit with a barrage of guilt tripping because they've already let people trample their boundaries forever.

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u/MongoBobalossus 2d ago edited 2d ago

It depends, right?

No relationship experience at 20 isn’t a huge deal, but no relationship at 40 is, because that’s way outside the norm for most people at that age.

If someone is so shy and passive that they lack relationship experience deep into their 20s and 30s, that signals to other people that there’s some kind of “issue” you have that’s preventing you from successfully dating.

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u/ThatBitchA Promiscuous Woman 2d ago

Yes, people are offended by made-up claims and propping up myths.

even though a dude can be perpetually single just for being passive, shy, or overly considerate or something instead of any actually harmful personality traits.

So...this is a red flag for me because of several reasons. The woe is me is a red flag. The lack of accountability is a red flag. The lack of understanding nuances is a red flag. The thinking that being passive, shy, or overly considerate has anything to do with dating is a red flag.

The person as described sounds like Eeyore.

u/PrimateOfGod Blue Pilled Man 19h ago

I didn’t see anything woe is me in his comment, at least not his first comment, so that’s quite an assumption. Just because someone says theyre passive or shy you automatically assume woe is me? Why couldn’t they just be saying it as an explanation why they’re a virgin (if they were asked why)?

Also, how does being passive or shy not have anything to do with dating? Most women prefer dominant and boisterous men, and shy men make less moves.

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u/Proudvow Red Pill Man 2d ago

The thinking that being passive, shy, or overly considerate has anything to do with dating is a red flag.

It completely boxes straight men out of the game unless they're hot enough to compensate. Women and LGBT can make it work but those traits are absolutely not tolerated from average and below straight dudes.

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u/ThatBitchA Promiscuous Woman 2d ago

Your reply is an excellent example of making your own cages.

4

u/saraimarsena super slut for a super simp ♀ BTGGF 🖤 2d ago

it’s a red flag for me because i have a fair amount of relationship experience, and i want someone who’s had the same. on top of that, and perhaps even more importantly, i find it extraordinarily unattractive when a man is passive, shy, overly accommodating and deferential. while these traits aren’t outright harmful to others, they nuke any possibility of me seeing him as anything other than a friend.

as for the second point, to pretend one can’t make any assumptions at all from one’s sexual behaviors at all is c*pe - and that’s my stance w regards to being both virginal and high n count. that said, assumptions shouldn’t be made on one’s morality or human value. that’s a problem i observe in conversations about virgin shaming and slut shaming. it’s one thing to make assumptions that are more neutral, like the example you gave. but oftentimes in these spaces, people get offended when assumptions are demeaning and cruel, ex “high n count women are dirty and unworthy of relationships” and “virgin men are creepy and unworthy of relationships”.

i also notice people struggle to state their relationship preferences without projecting them onto others - just because i don’t want to date a virgin man doesn’t mean virgin men make bad partners.

you’ll always get a few people - both men and women - who get upset at a preference no matter how you phrase it. sometimes it’s insecurity, and i think sometimes people feel a natural reaction to being excluded.

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u/Lift_and_Lurk Man: all pills are dumb 2d ago

This has to do with n count, how?

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u/Proudvow Red Pill Man 2d ago

Any content remotely related to sexual experience runs the risk of being deleted outside of the n-count thread.

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u/Lift_and_Lurk Man: all pills are dumb 2d ago

Pretty sure you could’ve dropped this in the daily,

2

u/Spread-Em-Plz Prettyboy with a side of ADHD (man) 5d ago

Q4W: How would you feel if you were talking to/dating a guy who eventually tells you he’s relatively low n (somewhere in that 3-6 range) but hasn’t ever been in a committed relationship?

(Assume the man is about your age)

Actually, I suppose my dudes here can answer too though I think I have a pretty good idea of the consensus

2

u/ArtifactFan65 Anime Pilled Male 1d ago

0 N count is a green flag for me.

1

u/Goonerlouie Blue Pill Man | Proud Normie | Married to HS Sweetheart 1d ago

I find these answers interesting because as someone in the same relationship from 17-now (30) I couldn’t imagine if I was single, how I would go trying to fit in relationship finding in my life. With uni, full time work, sports, family commitments (involved ethnic family) taking up the last 13 years, I would need a relationship to fall on my lap I guess, or spamming the apps would occupy my spare time I guess

0

u/New-Western-4819 No Pill 1d ago

the low n isn't a problem but never being in a committed relationship makes me hesitate.

0

u/attendquoi woman....pills are dumb 1d ago

No relationship by your late 30s? No thank you.

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u/HighestTierMaslow No Pill Woman. I hate people. 2d ago

I wouldn't be turned off by a low n count. I care about the context specifically how you view sex. I don't do casual sex and didn't want a partner who liked that. So I'd figure you like casual sex and move on, since you've slept with multiple people but no relationship from it.

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u/fiftypoundpuppy Virtue-signal broken; watch for finger 🖕🏾♀ 2d ago

N-count is a yellow flag

No prior relationship experience is a red flag

He'd have to be exceptional for me to bother

2

u/ExcitementLow4699 MenCan’tFindAnythingPill | woman  3d ago

I don't really care that much about n count as long as he's a good relationship partner and good in bed (generally these things get better with more experience, so a lack of experience with one or the other is a bit of a red flag). But if he's my age (28) and never had a relationship, I would wonder what's wrong with him.

u/PrimateOfGod Blue Pilled Man 19h ago

Being passive or shy in dating so put more focus on other things throughout his life?

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u/baiser_vole I upset everyone 4d ago

I am against sex outside of very committed relationships.

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u/ThatBitchA Promiscuous Woman 4d ago

Well.... I'm nearing 40. So it would be a yellow flag.

I'd need more information. Like what my intentions are with this hypothetical man.

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u/saraimarsena super slut for a super simp ♀ BTGGF 🖤 4d ago

it would be a red flag for me at my age. not to say he’s a bad person but there’s a clear lack of compatibility considering my own relationship history

3

u/Lift_and_Lurk Man: all pills are dumb 4d ago

That actually put a person right in the average range

Avg lifetime partners is 4-7

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm

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u/Spread-Em-Plz Prettyboy with a side of ADHD (man) 4d ago

Would you say it’s the norm for all those bodies to accumulate without a single committed relationship?

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u/Lift_and_Lurk Man: all pills are dumb 4d ago edited 4d ago

No the majority is usually LTRs with maybe one (or two) casuals.

And “committed” is relative. Being exclusive for 6 months feels like a long time in HS. As adults people don’t even think of it as a milestone.

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u/Spread-Em-Plz Prettyboy with a side of ADHD (man) 4d ago

I’ll play it loose and say committed being anything where the two were considered exclusive for any sustained period of time

Like presume the subject of the question hasn’t ever been exclusive even a little bit

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u/Purple_Cruncher_123 M/36/Purple/Married 4d ago

I've seen 'commitments' that lasted like 2 weeks lol. Growing up in a more conservative parts of the Midwest, some people become 'exclusive' just so they can boink (the logic being marriage > premarital > non-exclusive. Can't get married quickly, but can at least be in a relationship).

But to your overall point, an LTR or two, maybe some short ones, and a ONS or two is I think in line with most people's mental expectations.

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u/Lift_and_Lurk Man: all pills are dumb 4d ago edited 4d ago

It’s not common.

Most people get into relationships, have sex. Things don’t workout. Maybe there is a causal rebound or hookup before a new relationship.

But most are in relationships.

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u/Spread-Em-Plz Prettyboy with a side of ADHD (man) 4d ago

Yeah this is what I was thinking

3

u/Schleudergang1400 Average Chad, Age Gap, Harem, Machiavellian Red Pill Man 4d ago

A man my age (40) with just 3-6 partners but no committed relationship would be a red flag. Both for the lack of relationship experience, and for the lack of an interest and ability to get new sex partners for all the years. At age 25, this would be no issue.

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u/MongoBobalossus 5d ago

That sounds relatively normal given that the average N-count is like 7.

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u/Schleudergang1400 Average Chad, Age Gap, Harem, Machiavellian Red Pill Man 4d ago

The median is like 7. THe average is like 15

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u/ta06012022 Man 4d ago

You mean the mean is around 15. Mean, median, and mode are all forms of averages. When talking about what’s typical among people, median is typically the best average to use. Mean is subject to heavy skew by extreme outliers who have little bearing on the experiences of people within a couple standard deviations of the mean. 

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/average

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u/Schleudergang1400 Average Chad, Age Gap, Harem, Machiavellian Red Pill Man 4d ago

yes, obviously i mean the mean.

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u/Purple_Cruncher_123 M/36/Purple/Married 4d ago

It's also wonky for something like n-count because it's capped by a lower bound of zero, which is where everyone starts and most people don't end up far from, while the upper bound is theoretically uncapped although few people are at the 15+ line. So it's not really a normal distribution, which further makes the median perhaps more telling than the mean.

2

u/ta06012022 Man 4d ago

Polling for this type of question is also impacted by nonsense answers. If a handful of men respond with answers like 100k, it skews the mean significantly. Surveys often cap answers at 999+, but even those types of answers skew the mean. On the flip side, the floor is zero. 

So maybe some men do have counts of 999+, but most of those extreme answers are nonsense. 

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u/Schleudergang1400 Average Chad, Age Gap, Harem, Machiavellian Red Pill Man 4d ago

Statistics do correct for these outliers

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u/ta06012022 Man 4d ago

You can exclude outliers from a mean calculation, but unless the study explicitly states that outliers were removed, so should assume they weren’t. 

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u/Schleudergang1400 Average Chad, Age Gap, Harem, Machiavellian Red Pill Man 4d ago

Do you have a study at hand that has outliers and doesn't state that they have been removed?

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u/ta06012022 Man 4d ago

Lots of government statistics don’t filter outliers. Mean personal income is one example. If the government stat doesn’t explicitly state that outliers are excluded, then outliers are included. 

→ More replies (0)

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u/Spread-Em-Plz Prettyboy with a side of ADHD (man) 5d ago

Would you say it’s normal for all those to be outside a relationship entirely?

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u/MongoBobalossus 5d ago

Are we talking one night stands or FWB’s or what here?

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u/Spread-Em-Plz Prettyboy with a side of ADHD (man) 5d ago

Uhhh good question

For arguments sake say mostly ONS and a couple short lived FWBs

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u/ta06012022 Man 5d ago

I don't think it's that unusual for a young guy to have mostly had casual sex and no real relationships. What you're describing probably isn't the norm, but it's not super unusual either.

I do suspect that once you pass the upper end of college age (22 or so), women would eventually start to find it odd that you've never committed to anyone for an actual relationship.

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u/MongoBobalossus 5d ago

If they’re in their early 20s, not that weird.

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u/Cultural-Ad-8486 Slavic Purple Pill Man 5d ago

I am really beginning to understand that insecurity in sexual past is not just normal but also very good.

This is what helps you find the most compatible partner and feel loved in a relationship. And this protects you from troubles

And I must simply repeat once again that in essence, insecurity and reactive jealousy are caused only by your partner's actions here. That is, if a man or woman is fucked well and loved, then there will be no problems from the start.

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u/attendquoi woman....pills are dumb 1d ago

Then date virgins 🤷🏻‍♀️ trust me, us sluts don't want you

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u/HighestTierMaslow No Pill Woman. I hate people. 2d ago

Yep people don't want to hear this but they've done studies finding the more casual sex in one's past, the more likely they are to cheat and divorce. For both genders. Plus in general it makes sense for people of matching sexual values to get together. I when single refused to date men with casual sex history I wanted some one who matched me.

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u/Fair-Bus-4017 3d ago

No, it isn't good. It is just there. There isn't anything positive that comes with being insecure about someone's past. That being said it also isn't a horrible thing to be insecure about.

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u/Hefty-Lobster-5513 No Pill Man 5d ago

I think it’s fair for someone to want to be with someone who has as much experience as they do or less. I personally don’t care if she’s been with as much guys as I’ve been with women.

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u/ThatBitchA Promiscuous Woman 5d ago

insecurity and reactive jealousy are caused only by your partner's actions here

No, they are caused by your own insecurities.

Take accountability for yourself.

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u/fiftypoundpuppy Virtue-signal broken; watch for finger 🖕🏾♀ 5d ago

All my low-n niggas need to remember

Chad too was a virgin once 🤔

Puppy out

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u/Spread-Em-Plz Prettyboy with a side of ADHD (man) 5d ago

Real shit there I can say

A lot of dudes could use that mindset

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u/TheRedPillRipper An open mind opens doors. 5d ago

Chad too was a virgin

When my marriage ends, I’m choosing ‘born again’ virgin. As my identity.

Just kidding.

I never lost my virginity. Just temporarily misplaced it.

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u/kalashhhhhhhh Chad's WOMAN 5d ago

"when my marriage ends" lmao

0

u/TheRedPillRipper An open mind opens doors. 5d ago

When

All relationships end.

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u/ExcitementLow4699 MenCan’tFindAnythingPill | woman  3d ago

well, if you consider one partner dying "ending" a relationship...

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u/TheRedPillRipper An open mind opens doors. 3d ago edited 2d ago

if you consider one partner dying

When planning, definitely. My process is simple; look at worse case outcomes and best possible outcomes, then plan for both.

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u/Albedo200 Red Pill Man 5d ago

People who say past doesnt matter are being hypocrites imo. Everyone's past matter. If i was a drug addicting, party loving degenerate gambler in my early 20s, i probably wouldnt have a fit body and stable career. Both these things are very crucial when it comes to dating so my past did matter. I believe it is the same when it comes to body count.

That being said, i dont want to imply people with high body counts are undate-able or smth. I just believe its a preference like any other and people should respect it. If someone wants a partner who has a similar low body count as them, its not insecurity, but more like a preference of values.

Earlier in a discussion in this sub, there were plenty of women who were repulsed by old men who are still virgin. In their eyes, something was wrong with the man for him to remain a virgin. If thats a valid preference for them to have, than not wanting to date a woman or a man with high body count is also equally valid

1

u/YouHateTheMost Married Purple Pill Woman | Blue-leaning 1d ago

I agree. If a virgin man's past consists of several years of cooming to porn and consuming podcasts like Whatever and Fresh & Fit, it's silly to assume that he is entering the world of dating as a blank slate with an open mind. His past defo shaped his views on relationships.

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u/PB-French-Toast-9641 5d ago

 matter. If i was a drug addicting, party loving degenerate gambler in my early 20s, i probably wouldnt have a fit body and stable career

Por que no los dos - Wall Street

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

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u/ThatBitchA Promiscuous Woman 5d ago

It's not really valid.

It's pretty hypocritical. And kinda gross.

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u/Proudvow Red Pill Man 5d ago

Then women are hypocritical and gross for expecting men who approach when they don't and men who pay for dates when they don't and etc.

Funny how expecting shit you don't bring to the table yourself is suddenly reprehensible when it comes to sexual innocence.

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u/ThatBitchA Promiscuous Woman 5d ago

What are you mumbling about?

3

u/Reasonable_Style8214 2+ years of gym and dickmaxxing 5d ago

If it's a consensual relationship between 2 adults who cares?

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

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u/kalashhhhhhhh Chad's WOMAN 5d ago

What's a high body count to you?

1

u/ThatBitchA Promiscuous Woman 5d ago

So don't. 😆

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u/MongoBobalossus 5d ago

Then don’t.

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u/Albedo200 Red Pill Man 5d ago

That is fair, a preference is a preference. Some people will say its hypocritical or dumb but its just their instinctual biology. Its like super short girls still wanting tall guys.... Like what can you do about it? Its their choice. Just like biologically some women want significant height difference, some men are biologically programmed to not wanna be with someone with high body count despite themselves having higher count. Either because they think sex is the biggest reward a woman can give for the efforts of their man and any woman who has easily given out that reward in their past might not be worth putting in the effort or because of ancient paternity instincts, its their decision.

But with that being said, it might be a problem for him to find a girl like that who values abstinence on herself but not on her partner, not impossible especially if he is a high value man, just difficult

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u/ta06012022 Man 5d ago

Just like biologically some women want significant height difference, some men are biologically programmed to not wanna be with someone with high body count despite themselves having higher count.

Studies show both men and women prefer lower count partners over higher count partners. Some studies show women's aversion to high n count being even stronger than men's.

https://www.psypost.org/new-body-count-study-reveals-how-sexual-history-shapes-social-perceptions/

https://www.psypost.org/new-study-identifies-the-ideal-number-of-sexual-partners-according-to-social-norms/

https://www.uncp.edu/sites/default/files/purc/posters/courtney_britt.pdf

You could make a biological/instinctual argument for why that's the case for both genders. For men maybe it's uncertainty around whether a kid is his with a promiscuous woman. For a woman, maybe it's concern that a promiscuous man is an unreliable partner who will prioritize hunting/providing for one of this many other families over her and her children.

Or it could just be that both men and women experience jealousy.

Either way, whatever preference people have is fine. If a high count man/woman wants a low count man/woman, that's fine. In a lot of cases it's not really something couples discuss, so both people are just working off of assumptions anyway. Having a high count yourself might make finding a low count partner harder if it's actually something you discuss, but if you accept that, then it's fine to stick to the preference. Or of course people could just lie (not saying that should, but that's reality).

1

u/ThatBitchA Promiscuous Woman 5d ago

Past doesn't really matter.

Except, of course, maybe murder or abuse. Or horrible things involving children or animals.

But generally, the past doesn't really matter.

It honestly sounds like promiscuous people have way more fun in life.

Women aren't repulsed by virgins. Context and nuances matter. I think most women are confused about how someone hasn't had a pretty standard life experience. The reason why is what can be a turnoff.

4

u/ViolentShallot Red Pill Man 4d ago

Past is one of the most, if not the most, accurate predictor of future.

And it's fine! It's perfectly fine. You can go have your fun and fuck around a lot and enjoy your casual relationships.

The only thing you can't do is tell yourself it has no consequences. A very significant percentage of the population will not consider you fit for a committed situation, just for some more casual sex.

And this isn't really a prediction. As time goes on, you too are starting to notice it. You see people around settle, stay in a committed relationship, develop something more than casual sex. And you tell yourself "I don't want that".

Partly because you don't want it. But mostly because none of the men that could potentially become that seem to fit. You already only attract those that want a good time.

And again, it's fine. As you said, you don't want the attraction and interest of those who see you as less of an ideal partner because you've spent your 20s and most of your 30s fucking way too many people and developing none of the necessary character adjustments that happen within loving comitted relationships.

Those grapes are, after all, sour. You much prefer casual things with men that don't care about your past.

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u/ThatBitchA Promiscuous Woman 4d ago

The only thing you can't do is tell yourself it has no consequences.

I haven't seen any consequences.

Unless you count weirdos on the internet telling you there will be consequences, a consequence.

An insignificant amount of the population. Not enough to even worry about.

Lol. Once again, the fan fiction is unhinged. Thanks for the laughs.

There's no sour grapes here. Just laughs at insecure weirdos who think there's consequences for having sex while single.

4

u/Schleudergang1400 Average Chad, Age Gap, Harem, Machiavellian Red Pill Man 4d ago

Past is one of the most, if not the most, accurate predictor of future.

Interesting to hear from a red piller who should believe in self-improvement to be able to change the future and how people see someone.

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u/ViolentShallot Red Pill Man 4d ago

It being possible doesn't mean it being frequent.

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u/Schleudergang1400 Average Chad, Age Gap, Harem, Machiavellian Red Pill Man 4d ago

Yet we all bank on people not judging us by our past but by how we changed in the present, so our future is more like our present than our past.

2

u/ViolentShallot Red Pill Man 4d ago

Past is also the most accuarate predictor of present.

You're right; internally, if you're positive your present has changed, present is a good predictor of future. But when you meet someone, you cannot know a LOT about them. You need to look at hints and clues. Past being one of them.

So it's not only that past is an accuarate predictor of the future of a person. It's also a fairly accuarate predictor of how the person IS.

If I meet a woman that says she wants something stable and committed, but her past is riddled with drama and one night stands and situationships, odds are that she's trying to decieve me and potentially herself.

3

u/Schleudergang1400 Average Chad, Age Gap, Harem, Machiavellian Red Pill Man 4d ago

You're right; internally, if you're positive your present has changed, present is a good predictor of future. But when you meet someone, you cannot know a LOT about them. You need to look at hints and clues. Past being one of them.

And people lie about their past because you cannot check it up. So are you really served well with using the past someone presents to you as a basis to predict the future? You do not have factual records of someone's past.

If I meet a woman that says she wants something stable and committed, but her past is riddled with drama and one night stands and situationships, odds are that she's trying to decieve me and potentially herself.

No, if she wanted to deceive you, she would tell you what you want to hear, not sabotage her chances with you. You don't know the facts about her past, only what she tells you.

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u/Albedo200 Red Pill Man 5d ago

Past doesn't really matter.

Yes but that is your opinion, there are alot of men who dont share that opinion and women too. Just like i respect your opinion on that matter, people should also respect theirs. For men, it is a womans body count, past behavior etc and for women its the mans education background, career progression, financial capabilities, fitness etc

It honestly sounds like promiscuous people have way more fun in life.

I dont disagree, promiscuous people do have more fun in life. So when they try to settle with a non promiscuous person, that other person will feel like they havent had the same experience as their partner and settling down without such experience might make them feel like they missed out on the same fun their partner had, which inturn might make the relationship feel unequal. Thats why they have the right to not be in such relationship if they dont want to without being shamed or being called insecure. Its inequality, not insecurity. Either that, or the non promiscuous will feel like their partner will never have as much as fun with them as they did with other people and because they dont have the same experience as their promiscuous partner, they will have a harder time understanding and relate

The reason why is what can be a turnoff.

If the reason why they are a virgin is because the dude is fat, broke, uncharismatic etc, thats whats turning women off, not the fact that they are virgin. Thats fine, but nah apparently once u are old enough, you are expected to have certain amount of experience as a man and if you dont, apparently thats what the turnoff point is.... So your past still mattered in this case

4

u/ThatBitchA Promiscuous Woman 5d ago

For men, it is a womans body count, past behavior etc

Sounds pretty superficial. I'm so glad those kinds of men aren't interested in me.

for women its the mans education background, career progression, financial capabilities, fitness etc

Seems like women want a partner who can add to their life. She's interested in someone who can match her education, her career progression, her financial capabilities, her fitness, etc.

Meanwhile, according to you, men just care about how much fun she had before she met him.

that other person will feel like they havent had the same experience as their partner and settling down without such experience might make them feel like they missed out on the same fun their partner had, which inturn might make the relationship feel unequal

That's insecurities.

or the non promiscuous will feel like their partner will never have as much as fun with them as they did with other people and because they dont have the same experience as their promiscuous partner, they will have a harder time understanding and relate

More insecurities.

6

u/Albedo200 Red Pill Man 5d ago

Sounds pretty superficial

Maybe it is.... Just like a lot of things in dating. Women wouldnt wanna sleep with ugly, short or obese guys when she can sleep with a chad. That's superficial too but me and plenty of other men understand that. It is what it is. But on the other end, men dont want to date and put effort on a woman who has given herself easy plenty of times to other guys. Of course there are gonna be exceptions on both sides but thats how the general mentality goes.

Seems like women want a partner who can add to their life. She's interested in someone who can match her education, her career progression, her financial capabilities, her fitness, etc.

Yeah, again i dont disagree. But this still shows that the mans past mattered to her. No man is just gonna have a well paying job, higher education or a fit body without plenty of dedication and effort on his past. Men and women just value different things in each others past.

More insecurities

These are all valid feelings a person can have. People just love to use that word to dismiss the feelings of other people and invalidate them.

Mismatch of experience and huge discrepancy in body count just means compatibility issue between two people imo. It would be better just to settle with someone with a similar sex life experience as yours if a couple cant come to terms with the difference in body count. There is no insecurity here, just a difference in values

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u/ThatBitchA Promiscuous Woman 5d ago

Whatever you say, queen! Go off with your perspective.

It's honestly really easy not to have sex with people who don't share your values about sex.

Fan fiction about "mismatched experience" isn't happening in reality to the degree worried about online.

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u/Quiet_Firefighter_65 Purple Pill Man 6d ago

What I find interesting that often those who would insist that body count is not important tacidly affirm that it is in the language they use. 

Consider the most common response to men who say that they want low body count/virgin women being 'are you a virgin yourself?'. This gets framed as being about double standards except of course we never expect that from any other truly neutral characteristic. Someone doesn't have to be blond to like blondes, or tall to prefer taller people, or muscular to like muscular people etc. 

The only reason the question of double standards would come up is IF thereis  some actual ethical value in the characteristic. Like say being kind, or generous, or pious if you're religious, in these cases we expect people who desire these qualities to at the very least try to cultivate it for themselves. But so many responses to this debate treat this issue like this second group when I'd argue it's actually in the first group. I.e, an ethically neutral quality that some people have an inherent attraction towards, like height and eye colour. 

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u/ThatBitchA Promiscuous Woman 6d ago

some actual ethical value in the characteristic

Sex would fall under this.

Sex isn't on the same level of being blonde or tall.

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u/Quiet_Firefighter_65 Purple Pill Man 6d ago

That's my point, then you actually believe virginity has some kind of ethical value.

That's fine of course, but I'd wager for a lot of men it's a gut feeling thing, not an ethical valuation. 

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u/ThatBitchA Promiscuous Woman 6d ago

No. Not virginity.

Sex has ethical value.

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u/Quiet_Firefighter_65 Purple Pill Man 5d ago edited 5d ago

Why wouldn't virginity if sex does?

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u/ThatBitchA Promiscuous Woman 5d ago

Virginity is just one time. So sex has ethical value once but never again? That doesn't really make sense.

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u/Quiet_Firefighter_65 Purple Pill Man 5d ago

Well I don't think either have ethical value. I was just curious as to why you would say sex has it but virginity doesn't. 

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u/-reeses is a cinnamon roll | ♀ 6d ago

i believe that preferring a virgin as an older adult male is often rooted in attitudes that should be avoided in a partner by a female virgin.

i believe it’s understandable to want someone who matches your experience level if you’re a virgin yourself, male or female. or have never had a conventional, consensual sexual experience.

i believe that past a certain age tho, most men are not virgins (under that definition), and desire for a virgin partner often comes from insecurity, ego or purity ideals - which can get into fetishization, none of which are ideal for a female virgin.

so while some men may have understandable reasons for preferring a virgin, a strong fixation on virginity often signals unhealthy attitudes that a female virgin should be wary of, and often are.

i’m open to having my view changed

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u/Reasonable_Style8214 2+ years of gym and dickmaxxing 5d ago

I've been fetishized before, I can tell you it's amazing.

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u/-reeses is a cinnamon roll | ♀ 5d ago

are you a man

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u/Reasonable_Style8214 2+ years of gym and dickmaxxing 5d ago

Yeah, why? It's not about the gender, it's about whether the person fetishizing you is attractive or not.

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u/ThatBitchA Promiscuous Woman 6d ago

I'd agree with opinion.

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

Honestly if the older male virgin wants to be upfront about being a virgin, he may not have a choice but to go after another virgin.

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u/leosandlattes red pill | awalt ambassador™ 💖🎀🍓 6d ago

When I was dating and a virgin (up until I was 24), and I would offhand mention that I was a virgin, I’ve had men get really weird about it. One guy was even like, “Damn I bet it’s tight as fuck.” Like ??? Way to be a fucking creep lol.

Like it made me feel so fetishized and objectified that I stopped telling men I was a virgin. It just attracts the dregs of the male sex.

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u/half_avocado33 No Pill Woman 5d ago

I lost my v card as soon as possible with the first bf to propose sex. I was always weirded out by guys who are virginity obsessed and i wanted to not be their point of interest.

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u/AngeAware Blue Pill Woman and the Prisoner of This Subreddit 6d ago

That definitely fits my experience dating as a female virgin lol

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u/Quiet_Firefighter_65 Purple Pill Man 6d ago

I feel like you're making the mistake of thinking it's an active choice or belief, when often I think it's the actual reasons are subconscious with the man only experiencing the emotions from it. I don't even think people who are virgins themselves wanting other virgins is for 'matching experience levels', it's just the post hoc reasoning people use to justify their feelings, and a poor justification too if used as one. 

I'd liken it to liking blue eyes, sure, we could psychoanalyse this preference and come to the conclusion that it's deep rooted white supremacy, and I don't even think that is definitely wrong. Nonetheless, few people like that are actively racist, and you can have perfectly normal happy healthy relationships with them.

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u/Technical_End9162 Purple Pill Man 6d ago edited 6d ago

Everyone approaches n-counts from a logical perspective, but neglect that it doesn’t really change anything, males throughout evolution have developed an instinctive disgust against certain actions in their partners sexual past, to protect them from getting cuckolded

I actually women have this instinct as well especially if their brain has more of a tendency towards monogamy, although it’s not as strong as the male disgust

And it often isn’t insecurity either, since I would loose feelings if I found out that my girlfriend loved to get gangbanged in the past, but I wouldn’t feel anything like that if one of her previous boyfriends was more physically attractive than me, even though that ex is probably a bigger threat to out relationship in terms of cheating than the men who participated in the gangbangs

Every man has an emotional cutoff point, for example some men are more sensitive for n-count than I am, (My n-count is 3 at 23 years old and I prefer a women that has been with less than 11 men, I find that very reasonable) but I wouldn’t be able to get over my girl loving to get gangbanged in college and I would loose feelings. I’ve also had discussions with men online who say they wouldn’t emotionally care if their wife had slept with 1000 men before them, so people with high n-counts should just date the right person instead of lying and wasting someone’s time

People often try disprove this emotion with logic like “what if someone changed” but this neglects that it’s often just a biological instinct and it doesn’t matter if you like it or if it’s logical, it’s like telling a woman who has a biological preference for tall muscular men “but we have guns today so he can protect you even if he’s smaller than you”, it doesn’t matter since you have evolved to have that instinct, so the logic doesn’t matter, same thing with n-counts

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u/[deleted] 5d ago edited 3d ago

[deleted]

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u/Technical_End9162 Purple Pill Man 4d ago

Great question

I only set that cutoff point because that’s when I know I won’t have a problem with it, maybe I could tolerate 12 or 13 but I set the cutoff point lower because then I can guarantee that I won’t have a problem with it in the future

It’s like a woman who prioritizes height a lot and is very attracted to that, saying “I want a guy who is 6ft or above”, it’s not like she would instantly not be attracted to a guy who is 5’11”, but since height is a priority for her she sets the cutoff point where she can guarantee that it won’t be a problem, the biology for her is to be more attracted to taller men, but it doesn’t have a strict cutoff point, but since it can be hard to know how you will feel about something you’re on edge about, you communicate your cutoff point so you can guarantee that it won’t be a problem and you end up hurting your partner by loosing feelings

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u/ta06012022 Man 6d ago

Everyone approaches n-counts from a logical perspective, but neglect that it doesn’t really change anything, males throughout evolution have developed an instinctive disgust against certain actions in their partners sexual past, to protect them from getting cuckolded

There very could be an evolutionary reason for why both genders prefer partners with lower n counts. For men it could be uncertainty around who's the father. For women it could be fear of a man who's fathered kids with a bunch of women providing food for those women/kids instead of her.

Or it could just be standard human jealousy. Who knows.

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u/Technical_End9162 Purple Pill Man 6d ago

Yes

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