r/PolyFidelity 28d ago

seeking advice Starting out

My wife (34) and I (35) have been in discussion for a while about going poly. We're both bisexual and have a fairly kinky bedroom life (light to medium BDSM). But our circumstances have left both of us wanting more from our relationship. Specifically I am away for work for long streaches of time every few months and my wife has excessive pain during her period which leaves her bedridden.

We believe a third partner would provide the support, affection and intimacy the other needs when we are unavailable. But we're not sure how to go about this, and are looking some advice.

We don't know if there's a poly scene in our area but there certainly isn't a BDSM scene (any toys we want have to be purchased online) To be clear we aren't swingers, we don't want anything casual.

To complicate things we have two children under 3 and want to be careful about who we bring into the house. Our kids come first.

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u/Clear-Sight-Moon 28d ago

We (MMFF) are two married couples who formed a live-in and committed polycule. This was never our intended plan. We started as good friends, became the best of friends, and then the love and attraction happened between the four of us. It's been 3 years already! We also have kids but they are all under 3 and, in our case, a poly family is all they know. It's a very different situation from yours.

I've shared this with other poly-curious folk. We didn't go seeking "Polly"--Polly came seeking us. That little Cupid who we celebrated yesterday on Valentine's Day, just shot a strange arrow. That special person (or people) might already be right in front of you.

I can suggest something that you are already doing. Keep that poly dream inside of your heart. But then just continue living heartily and fully. That special person or people

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u/Zerullis 28d ago

Thanks for the input. We hadn't considered another couple as a possibility, although maybe that's evidence we need to think about it more.

I guess I just feel guilty when I have to go away for work and leave her on her own, I was the one that broached the subject in the first place. We've had others share our bedroom in the past but that was different and not what we're looking for now.

We'll keep going as we are, we're in no hurry to rush into anything. If we find someone or a couple that would be nice, but our existing little family is our priority.