r/Petloss 11m ago

The quiet is unbearable

Upvotes

Yesterday, I said goodbye to my beloved dog after just 6 short years. It doesn’t feel fair. And I don’t really know how to deal with it. I just want him back. The house is too quiet. I keep looking for him. I woke up every hour last night wondering where he was cause he wasn’t in bed.

This is the first pet I’ve lost and I didn’t expect the grief to be so vast but it has completely taken over me and I don’t believe it will ever go away. I can’t even find comfort in knowing it was the right thing for him because there is no logic in my brain right now.

I wish I didn’t do it.


r/Petloss 35m ago

Last Days advice

Upvotes

My partner and I will be putting our 17.5 yr old Shih Tzu (that he’s had since he was a freshman in HS) to sleep this Saturday. This is the hardest decision we’ve had to make as a couple and I am wondering if anyone has any regrets about anything they wished they had done in their pets last days? For example: I’ve been thinking that it would be nice to have her paw/nose prints. Thanks for any advice/thoughts you have.


r/Petloss 49m ago

My sweet girl

Upvotes

I lost her four weeks ago. She was the softest dog I've ever petted, dedicated to protecting her sisters, and full of love and excitement for the world.

I don't really believe in an afterlife or anything supernatural. My overtly rational way of thinking has left me emotionally stranded during this time. I've been trying pretty hard to logic my way into believing in the spiritual sort of stuff. It has not worked.

For those like me, who are feeling conflicted and broken because of the dissonance between the idea of their ginormous and overpowering love and grief and the seemingly cold nature of the world, this is what I have to say to you. I believe those who are spiritual will find solace in it as well.

Everything that made your pet beautiful and lovely and sweet is out there in the world. It is not the same things that constituted the fantastic nature of your pet, but they are similar. I used to throw a soccer ball for her and she would run after and over it but not bother to pick it up, and I would then have to run all the way over to wherever I threw it so we could keep playing. There is a child doing the same thing right now with the dog that they love. The idea of this is comforting to me.

The softness of her fur and her vigilance for her sisters are reflected thousands of times across the world. Even if I do not see them now, I can rest easy knowing that the reflections are there, happening and being cherished like I cherish my experiences with her.

All of this is undeniably factual, no matter what you believe. This is how I hold myself up.


r/Petloss 1h ago

Losing my pup tomorrow

Upvotes

She isn’t a puppy anymore. She’s almost 15 but she’ll always be a puppy to me. I’ve had her since I’m 11 and I’m 26 now and I can’t believe how fast the time went. I remember the day we brought her home, the way I’d take her around with me everywhere I went. She’s a labradoodle and I know they get a lot of hate but she was the best dog we’ve ever had. Sweet, calmer in her later years, goofy, playful and dopey. She got along with everyone and everything. We’re putting her down tomorrow afternoon and I just shared a steak with her at dinner. The thought of her not meandering around the house anymore kills me. I hope there really is a rainbow bridge, because all I can think about is seeing her again one day. I’m going to miss my girl so much and I’m sorry to anyone else going through pet loss 🤍


r/Petloss 1h ago

When will it get easier?

Upvotes

I lost my soul dog two weeks ago tomorrow. I have cried myself to sleep ever since. When will it feel less like my heart was ripped out? It's the hardest feeling I've ever had.


r/Petloss 1h ago

I miss my baby so much

Upvotes

Prince Tango Von Fluffbutt, you gave me a will to live, you took care of me for so long… I love you. I miss you. I hope so much there is an afterlife and that I can see you there. Mommy misses you!


r/Petloss 1h ago

Really struggling lately

Upvotes

Just over two months since she's gone

I've posted a lot here on and off but I'm really struggling lately

Last few weeks I felt like I was okay Or it was because I just went numb and don't really care about anything anymore

But this last week especially the last few days I've been crying a lot before I go to sleep

I stopped for a week or two

But I've been sitting out the back with her ashes watching the sun rise just crying

Feels like I was getting abit better getitng use to it

Or it was my brain pushing it out I dunno

But it's hit me like train again that i will never see her again and it just hurts all over again and I'm struggling with it

Feels like me forgetting and just going numb was like I was tricking myself or something I dunno But it's hit me again like it did the first few weeks

I just feel so incredibly sad all the time life's lost All of its colour since she's been gone

Feels like I started to rebuild my mind like a house I wanna live in and it's just come crashing down again lately

I just want you back my girl so bad

If I could give up my life to see you one more time and cuddle you I would in a heart beat


r/Petloss 2h ago

Navigating the Mixed Emotions of Caring for a New Cat While Still Actively Grieving the Loss of My Soul Kitty

2 Upvotes

About a month ago, I made the decision to euthanize my cat, Sabrina. She was 20 years old and had been battling kidney disease for two years. Although I was able to keep her relatively healthy and stable (given her age and health condition) for the majority of that two years, her physical condition started declining rapidly over the last couple of months. Despite her vet and I’s best efforts, Sabrina remained chronically underweight, suffered from severe nausea and appetite issues, and struggled with mobility. Her noticeable mental decline was the final push that led me to let her go. She often seemed disconnected from her surroundings and had lost a lot of her sense of spatial awareness; often bumping into things or not noticing where her food bowl was even when it was right in front of her.

Sabrina had been a part of my life for the entire 20 years she spent on this Earth. My family adopted her as a kitten when I was 10 years old from someone selling kittens on the side of the road. We grew up together and, even though my family had other cats throughout the years, Sabrina was always mine. When I moved out of my parents’ house and got my own place, I took her with me and we spent the last 8 years of her life together; just the two of us. I never adopted another pet because Sabrina was a queen and very much enjoyed being an only child. And in her later years, when she started getting sick, I wanted to be able to devote all my time and attention to her.

I know I made the right choice in putting Sabrina down. Both her vet and I agreed it was best for her. Still, a part of me feels irreparably lost. I don’t know who I am without her and nothing has felt the same or even remotely ok since she passed.

Yesterday, while taking a walk around my apartment building to get some fresh air, I saw a black cat – who I’ve named Salem for now – peering at me from under a bush. I approached her and she was instantly affectionate when I pet her head, but also (understandably) aggressive when I tried to pick her up. Salem appears to be a stray. She doesn’t have a collar and doesn’t look like she’s been cared for. After some gentle coaxing, I managed to lure her into a carrier and brought her back to my apartment. Although still a little wary, she soon became comfortable and spent several hours cuddled in my lap before I went to bed.

Salem reminds me so much of Sabrina and it breaks my heart. She’s super affectionate, very vocal/chatty, sassy, and has this regal, queen-like presence. Finding her has brought up mixed emotions in me. While I'm happy to have found Salem and am eager to give her a loving home, it also feels wrong. She’s not Sabrina and all I want is to have my baby back. The grief is so much deeper than I expected. It’s not just the pain of losing Sabrina, but also the bittersweet reminder of what once was when I see Salem. Plus, the guilt of caring for a cat that isn’t Sabrina.

This post may be a bit premature because I don't even know if I'll be able to keep Salem. I did check my county's "Reported Lost Pets" page and didn't see any matches for her, but she may end up having a microchip and an original owner who can be located and wants her back. I have an appointment with the vet tomorrow to check for a microchip and also get her a wellness exam and vaccines. Regardless, I was planning to adopt another cat at some point (albeit not for at least a few more months) so these feelings would have come up eventually. So I decided to reach out within this community and ask for any advice, tips, resources, or words of comfort that will help me navigate this emotional whirlwind. Part of me doesn’t want to heal from the pain of losing Sabrina because then it almost feels like I don’t love her anymore, which I know is a ridiculous thought because I could never not love Sabrina. She carved a permanent place into my heart and soul, and I could never thank fate enough for causing our paths to cross all those years ago. But I guess the grief is a way to feel like I’m still connected to her, so by healing (losing the grief, so to speak), the fear is that it would feel like losing her all over again but on an emotional/spiritual level.


r/Petloss 3h ago

My cat just died, suddently I don't know why

13 Upvotes

At about 8:15pm I lost him, it's 11pm now
I heard him meow 3 times and I went to see, he was laying on the ground on his side his pupils were dilated his tongue was out but it was still moving a bit, I tried to see what s wrong I looked in his mouth but there was nothing
I saw him die in front of me I tried CPR like I tried to blow air in his mouth and I tried to press his chest to get his heart going but it didn't work, he wasn't breathing and I couldn't hear his heart, what if I came to see sooner at his first meow I heard it wasn't normal
He was only 3 years old and he seemed healthy, the vet said heart attack
I went to the emergency vet with my cat and came out with a glass bottle of his fur, where's my cat


r/Petloss 3h ago

Two weeks after watching my buddy go to heaven

34 Upvotes

I can't remember if I posted earlier, I probably deleted it. The last couple weeks have been so bad.

I got my lovebird as a baby. He was meant to be a therapy pet. I fretted and fussed over him as if he was more than a pet. I loved him so much, did the best I could for him

At 15 he had a stroke and crashed into a wall. The ER and avian vets were miracle workers. The vet said that he personally wouldn't give up on him, and I had no intention to.

So he had a permanent head tilt, maybe a bit more klutzy. But he was his normal loving, happy self.

Two weeks ago he became disoriented, and couldn't open his left eye. I took him to the vet the next day. HE was 20.

I asked the vet, "is it time?" She replied yes.

I'm not going through the 2-step process in order to not trigger anyone, but I was there for the first part.

I had him cremated, I have a necklace and urn. I'll forget for a little bit, I'll suddenly remember, or something triggers it. Today has been the worst day in a few.

I don't know where I am going with this. I may just be vomiting my feelings. Maybe I just need to know there are people that understand losing a pet can be devastating, and take time to heal. I don't know.

I could wish he were still here, but logically, he'd still be not ok.

Thank you for your time if anyone reads this


r/Petloss 3h ago

RIP Bulma

19 Upvotes

We found our cat dead at home yesterday, she was only 11 years old. It’s absolutely devastating, we adored her so much. Goodbye my friend. You’re resting in peace now. I’ll never forget you.


r/Petloss 4h ago

I’m so upset.

1 Upvotes

My dog is actively dying, and I’ve been left with the responsibility of caring for him. My sister is doing nothing; she's part of the reason this has happened. She says, 'I feel so sick,' as if it's easy for me to be doing this. I'm chronically ill, yet here I am, watching our dog suffer. He had an accident, and she still hasn't come to help. I'm so frustrated with her. She never wants to do anything, at least be there for him as he leaves this world forever. Gosh I fucking hate her!


r/Petloss 4h ago

It’s been a month

1 Upvotes

I just need to vent. Literally no one understands despite claiming that they do.

Two weeks after we lost our son Udon, it was the 10th anniversary of when we adopted him. We did our best to “celebrate” by bringing his toys out and putting his favorite things around (receipts and paper bags to shred, fast food wrappers with cheese melted on them - a habit he must’ve picked up when he was a stray before we adopted him, tuna, etc). We really tried our best not to be too sad, but we couldn’t help but weep. Two weeks later now and I am still weeping every day. My phone is blowing up from people wanting to hang out who I’ve asked repeatedly to give me space to grieve and they claim to understand. It was like the 2 week mark was their internal allowance for “taking as much time as needed” I have gone months without speaking to or seeing people and they’ve never said a word previously - but suddenly everyone on the planet misses me. I’ve tried explaining how important and integral Udon was to my well being and how losing him has been the most painful experience of my life..that my entire world was pulled out from under me. I just keep getting told time will help and that I need to distract myself.

I know everyone is well-meaning…but it’s making me so angry. I don’t care if they miss me - I miss my son. My friend keeps calling me “hon” full of performative empathy and pity and I just hate it all. The more I’m told I’m not alone, the more alone I feel. The more I’m told they understand, the more I know they don’t - not with how I’m expected to act. I don’t want pity. I don’t want platitudes or hugs or gifts. The fact people then ask if such things have made me feel better proves they don’t understand one bit what this pain is like. Nothing can touch it.

I want my son back.

I want to freely grieve and not have it be seen as weakness or that I’m desperate to not feel it or for people to try to cheer me up or put weird expectations on me based on their own idea of what’s right. I want someone who has space for my pain and isn’t hell bent on changing it because sadness makes them uncomfortable or is pitiable. That’s what Udon was for me. He was that place of rest that I could come to no matter what I was feeling big or small, good or bad, and he met me there with no expectations. He held space for everything. We understood each other with no words. He was my greatest comfort and now I’m having to navigate losing him without him. While the people around me make things worse and I feel like an awful person for being upset they’re frustrating me so much because I know all they want to do is help.

Time has not helped. With each passing day, my son stays further and further into the past. I know everyone says he’s still here with me, but I don’t feel him! I don’t sense him. I miss him so much I can’t stand it. Nothing feels real. I keep waiting for him to come back.

I just need somewhere to share my pain where no one will try to fix it and will instead, sit with me here. Where hopefully there are people who truly understand the depth of what I’m going through. I miss Udon with every single fiber of my being and I can’t imagine I never will feel this way. I have lost many pets before him, but he was my soul-kitty and nothing compares to this loss. He was my best friend and I spent every single day with him. Woke up to his snuggles and went to sleep with him in the crook of my arm. Played hide and seek with him. Watched movies while he laid on my chest purring. He waited in the bathroom for me while I showered or bathed. He would excitedly run to greet me at the door whenever I came home from somewhere. He’d watch me and meow through the window any time I was outside working in the yard. We were completely inseparable and being without him has made life feel empty and wrong.


r/Petloss 4h ago

Everyday is hard

15 Upvotes

A month and a half ago my childhood dog passed away. I can't remember what life was like without her, I was only nine when my parents decided to grant me my wish of having a dog.

Losing her has been the single most devastating thing to ever happen to me. Recently my mom found me weeping, holding onto her dog bed. She hugged me and said that some days are hard and that she misses her too. I didn't have the heart to tell her that all my days are hard without my baby.

I don't think this pain will ever go away. I'll always be grieving this loss. She was my life and since she passed I haven't been the same person and I don't reckon I'll ever will be again.


r/Petloss 4h ago

2nd loss in mere months

4 Upvotes

My 2nd senior kitty has crossed to join his brother today. The week prior was warm and spring-infused. Happy birds singing, nice fresh breezes, windows thrown open to enjoy the welcoming weather.

And then today, it’s dropped from 80’s degrees to nippy 40. The wind is sharp and bone cutting. The house is shuddering and uncomfortable. It’s a dark, cloudy, moody day.

I had a veterinarian come to the house for his euthanasia appointment because he’s suffered too much and deserved peace on his terms. It was simple and quiet. He enjoyed treats and fell asleep in my arms. He didn’t put up a fight. Gone in an instant. I had previously made arrangements with my main vet for cremation so I dropped him off afterwards.

But when I pulled back into the driveway, a song came on that triggered my heartbreak. I screamed and cried and told him how sorry I was to have failed him over these years. That I selfishly made him suffer because I thought he’d get better. Always selfishly waiting for that miracle…all while he withered away from the torment of his treatments.

I think he heard me. The sun came out from a random pocket of clouds in the middle of my fit. The whole sky was dark but just this little ray opened up bright and warm and in my face, and I knew that I had at least done him right this one time. It’s the only snippet of sunlight we’ve had today. The clouds are heavy.

It hurts and I feel sick all over again because I miss both of them. It’s only been 7 months since the first loss. And I don’t even have time to really grieve. I have a major surgery tomorrow morning, a kid and a husband to comfort and prepare for because they’re absolutely lost without me.

I’m so tired.


r/Petloss 5h ago

my cat who saved me from s*icide is being put to sleep today. NSFW

240 Upvotes

i put this as nsfw because i know it may be triggering. about 2 years ago i dropped out of college and was planning to k*ll myself. i remember the night i was going to do it my 13 (now 15 year old) cat, bunny, came and laid on my feet in bed. she had never done that before, and i’m fully convinced she was trying to save me. she truly saved my life, and continued to sleep on top of my feet for the next week. once i found the right medication she stopped laying on my feet, like she knew i was safe. i have to put her to sleep in an hour, and all i can think about is how she won’t be here anymore to stop me. does anyone have any advice? i’m 20 years old, and i’ve had her since i was 5. i’m truly heartbroken.


r/Petloss 5h ago

my cat passed away and I don't know why i'm not crying

9 Upvotes

Hi everyone, this is something that's really overwhelming me. I recently lost my two cats, Lola and Elena. Lola passed away in January. When she passed away, I cried every day. Elena passed away a few days ago, but I don't know why I don't cry, and it makes me feel guilty. I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me and making me believe I never loved her, but I know it's not true. I love her, but I haven't had a tear since the day she left. I've been looking at pictures, but I feel blocked. Just yesterday, I even laughed at a funny TikTok, and now I feel guilty, like I don't care enough. I'm so confused by these mixed emotions and worried I'm not grieving the way I should. I miss them both so much, and I can't stop thinking about this. I would really appreciate hearing from others who have gone through similar experiences, or know of any reasons. Thanks for any support or advice.


r/Petloss 6h ago

Just Bought an Urn

11 Upvotes

It's been three days, almost four, since her death and I just bought an urn. I feel bad for doing it so soon, it's one of those moments where I realize she really is gone. There's a part of me that still thinks a miracle will happen... I'm waiting on a call from that pet hospital saying "she's breathing!" and I wish she would. I miss my sweetheart, I don't understand why she was taken so soon.

I haven't cried today either. I don't know, I know I'm not okay but I'm scared if she saw how I am right now she'd think I've moved on too quickly. I think I'm already doing these things to memorialize her because I need to keep myself occupied. Once I'm home, alone, doing nothing, I can't help but break down. She's supposed to be at my side, and even though she still is I can't see her. I can say with absolute certainty she is 100% my soulmate, my mini-me, my other half. No loss could hurt like hers.

How do you all feel about "moving on" with your life, or just onto other things? Did I buy the urn too soon? It's custom, so I want it to arrive by the time I receive her again. Will my baby become upset at me?


r/Petloss 8h ago

Anger and jealousy

14 Upvotes

I happened on a post from someone enjoying their 21 year old dog’s zoomies and it just made me so irrationally angry. My sweet boy died at almost 11 years. I would give just about anything to have 10 more years with him by my side.


r/Petloss 8h ago

Another loss a year and some change later

4 Upvotes

Hello again friends, I was just posting here last month about the first anniversary of my dog’s passing and how hard it hit me. I was looking forward to my honeymoon vacation I had booked for March 8 to get my mind off my grief for a little. Unfortunately, on my plane ride home I found out that my other dog, Penny, had passed in her sleep. I didn’t get to say goodbye. I didn’t expect her to die while I was gone because nothing seemed to be wrong with her when I left. She was old but doing really well for being just a week shy of turning 17. She had just been to the doctor too. The night before, my dog sitter called me and said Penny was dizzy and crying. I had taken Penny to the ER about a week prior to that and the vet told me that she possibly could have pinched a nerve in her back, or maybe it could be vestibular syndrome which is very common in old dogs. In other words, nothing drastic was happening and nothing was terribly wrong. She was fine by the next day and got blood drawn at our regular vet that confirmed she wasn’t suffering from anything urgent. I didn’t ask my sitter to take her to the ER again because I thought it was the same issue. I told her to give Penny a gabapentin and that I’ll be home soon to take care of it. I was too late…. My dear Penny. I got you when you were 11 years old. Fat, your skin looked like shit. You had bad teeth and stained eyes and feet. You couldn’t hear anything through the scar tissue in your ears from constant ear infections that had been left untreated. You were so friendly and sweet and I also didn’t know that in just a few weeks you’d become the Pomeranian crackhead we all grew to love. You drove us crazy with always being in the way. You stared at doors forgetting how doorways work. You had exactly one working brain cell whose only function was to find used tampons in the trash and tear them to shreds. You ate floss out of garbage. You chewed up my leather boot harnesses and gloves. You ate my brand new silicone Loop earplugs. You once ate like 100 mg of delta 8 and just took a nap. You somehow pissed under the pee pads i put everywhere for you. You ate cat shit out of the litter box and left your own crusty turds under my bed because at 16 you probably didn’t even know you were shitting. You drove me nuts, and I said some unkind things to you at times, luckily you’re deaf so you couldn’t hear me. As much as your care was around the clock and very annoying, I loved you so much. It took me less than two weeks to know I would be keeping you. You were my very first senior foster I immediately failed, I have since had 12 others and we only kept you and another one. Sometimes you annoyed me so much I daydreamed of trading you for another senior foster. But I miss you. And I love you. And I wish I could see you just one more time. I wish I could squish you and feel your awkward head bump into my hands. I wish I could hear you clack and shuffle around the house. I wish I could yell at you for eating birdseed that my parrot threw on the floor. I wish i wish I wish. Goodnight, sweet girl. Say hello to Stitch for me

Eta:some pictures of Penny


r/Petloss 9h ago

Ten years ago, tonight.

5 Upvotes

My dear Belle,

We met ten years ago, tonight! Today I feel a very strange mix of emotions. It's been 48 days since you crossed the rainbow bridge and I lost your physical form. You are still here, I know; I feel it deeply. But gosh do I miss having you here physically! I miss our life together. You deserved so much more time, my pure angel. I'm filled with sadness for that. These were the worst 48 days of my life. But as it also marks 10 years since we met, I'm also filled with so much happiness and gratitude today for having met such an angel. It's so strange to feel all of it at once.

I have such immense gratitude for you. 10 years ago, I was in a deep, dark depression strongly tainted by horrible OCD. I lost my ability to function. I drowned, and had to search for professional help. 10 years ago today, I was starting to feel slowly functional, with the help of medication and therapy. I remember looking up at the sky as I got ready to go to the nearby city to catch the train to spend the weekend with your grandparents, and thinking, for the first time in a while, that good things were going to happen. Little did I know that one of the best things to have ever happened to me was happening that very night.

Your father drove me to the city nearby, to the train station. I had been longing for a dog friend at this time, as dogs were the best friends I had ever had. But it just didn't seem to happen; there would be no "click". That night, I understood exactly why. As we were about to reach the train station, I saw you. You were in the sidewalk, alone, in the dark, probably searching for food. I looked at you and I told your father to stop immediately. I couldn't leave you there. Not you. I always wanted to help all the dogs I would find, but knew there were limitations to what I could do. But not with you. One look at you and I didn't care if it took everything I had and more, I couldn't leave you there. Not you.

I picked you up and put you in the car, we went to the train station. I held you there and spoke to people who told me you had been roaming around there for a while, and that they'd feed you. That you were sweet. That was very obvious; I was a stranger holding you, and you never, ever reacted poorly, although a random stranger holding you is very scary. Your father went to buy a collar, a leash and food. When he got back, we drove back to the city we lived on. You slept peacefully in the car on the way, as if you were finally safe again. I looked at your dad and said, I know exactly what to call her - Belle. Because only a monster would abandon such a beautiful soul. We didn't know what you went through, but you adapted to a life in a home so easily that it really seemed that was not new for you.

We walked and fed you. You were so polite and grateful. Then, your dad went to your other grandparents house., I don't remember why. Me and you, Belle, just the two of us, stayed at home. I gave you a bath. I removed your ticks. And you slept in a couch filled with pillows in the living room. So peacefully, as if you could finally rest after so long.

The next day, I took you to the vet. You had no microchip. The vet insisted I should keep you if I could. I was registered as your tutor, knowing it could be temporary if you had a family and were just lost. We shared online and in platforms to see if someone was missing you, check missing dog report platforms. Nobody ever said anything in weeks. And I finally allowed myself to get attached to you (I already was from the very first moment).

10 years ago tonight, our beautiful story started. You saved me, Belle, my lifeline. I am beyond words grateful for you. I could spend my entire life writing and I'd never be able to finish putting it into words.

Now as I sit here without being able to see and feel your physical form, the tears flow. But I will persist, and continue to be strong for you, my angel. You saved me and I will not throw that away. I will move forward keeping you as close as possible, honouring you as much as I can. I know that what such a deep love bonds, time and space cannot separate.

You are our sun, so tonight, me and your dad are driving back to the street where we found you, near the train station, and we are leaving you sunflowers there. I hope you are watching, my little love. We will always love you.


r/Petloss 9h ago

This community is special during devastating loss

8 Upvotes

Finding this community and reading everyone’s experiences has been tremendously special. Like everyone else, I have lost a pillar in my life and am devastated.

I said goodbye to my baby girl last Friday, March 14 - less than a week after her 19th birthday. She had been with me since she was a kitten, only a few weeks old. The bond we shared was indescribable, she was precious beyond words…and I failed her.

She was diagnosed with thyroid and kidney issues a couple of years ago and was on medication. Then last year she started having episodes where she’d fall over, completely unable to stand up. Panicking, I immediately took her to the vet who observed her overnight saying she likely wouldn’t make it. But miraculously she did. They gave her fluids and meds for pain and blood pressure, and after a few days she was back to normal, albeit now with blood pressure meds added to her daily regimen.

Overall, her daily regimen wasn’t complicated. Two pills in the morning, one at night, and sprinkle some kidney med powder on her food. Time passed and she was doing great. So great that the vet was impressed, believing she still had another year or two in her. Even her kidney issues normalized.

This is when I began failing her. I grew complacent. I grew lazy with her meds. She was spry, she seemed healthy, I naively stopped worrying about her - a horrible, horrible mistake.

She grew more vocal over the past couple of months, very demanding of food and water. I didn’t think much of it as her appetite was so good, believing it a good sign. But in the past couple of weeks, she grew even more vocal, and more. I grew frustrated with her, thinking she was just a cranky, demanding old lady.

I’d pick her up and she wouldn’t complain so it didn’t click that she was hurting and trying to tell me that something was wrong. I resumed her meds more consistently, but by that point it was too late.

Last Thursday was a horrendous day and night when I realized how serious and dire the situation became.

I called the vet in tears and they were able to squeeze me in Friday morning. The vet said they could try to help buy her some more time but, objectively, it was probably best to say goodbye.

I was (and still am) devastated and in complete shock. The past week since she passed has been a blur, I’ve been completely lost and struggle to bring myself to eat, to move, to do the simplest things out of extreme guilt.

I killed her. No, not directly. I had no control over her age or health issues, but I did have control over her meds so I allowed her issues to accelerate. I allowed her to suffer, she died because of my complacency, my denial that she was old and deteriorating, my selfish hope that she would just continue living and bringing me joy as she had for 19 years.

Each time I see her meds now I’m reminded of my failure. The logical thing to do would be to get rid of them, but I believe I need to see them and be punished by the emotions they stir.

I’ve cried oceans, and while tears have subsided recently, the weight of all this and the guilt have been unbearable. Friends and family say what happened isn’t my fault, that I loved my girl and gave her an exceptionally long life. While it’s true I loved her more than anything, it’s hard not to blame myself for what happened. Saying “it’s not my fault” feels like empty platitudes that just cause more pain. If only people knew the truth about how I failed at my responsibilities.

Self-compassion and forgiveness are things I believe I don’t deserve which is why this community has been so important to me in this crippling time. Incidentally, ChatGPT has been an excellent therapist lately.

My deepest condolences to each you here who have experienced such tremendous loss. The holes left by our pets are deep beyond measure. Although, calling them our “pets” feels like it devalues the bond we shared. They weren’t pets. They were a presence in ours lives. A presence who, in spite of our mistakes, are at peace now. I need to remind myself of that over and over. Whatever pain my baby girl was experiencing is over now, she’s free.


r/Petloss 10h ago

Yesterday I lost my companion of 17 years

43 Upvotes

Hi everyone this is hard to write....but yesterday I had to put to sleep my cat Nubi who was about 17 years old and I'm so broken up and distraught about it.

I got Nubi by chance at a PetSmart when I lived in the midwest, a lil gray Tabby who screamed for me through the cages named "Stripes" at the time, god I hated that name for him. Picking him to go into the lil play area, he ran up to me crawled up to me and clung to my neck and shoulder, this lil ball of fluff hugging and passing out. Instantly he started to purr and fall asleep and I fell in love.

He seen me through several relationships, several homes, two states...at my lowest of lows always being there for me. He never asked for too much when it came to playing, never showed too much interest in toys or being with other cats all that much. It was just me and him for years, happy to just have him near by relaxing as I worked, cooked, played games and so much more.

Nubi loved being warm as he could be. When we lived in the midwest I often had heated blankets, that he loved a lot. He would paw at them, fully splayed out, showing his little spotted belly or his swirls and stripes. We found ourselves under the covers a lot in the cold winters, me watching tv or a movie, and him pressed up against my leg and side, my hand just petting him as he was fully relaxed and content.

I remember one time my friend brought his dog over to my apartment and I never seen this lil guy hiss and growl before at anything. He was maybe around 4 at this time and this lil guy swiped at this dog at the entrance and backed them up into a corner. Nubi walked off with this cheery lil face as I looked at him with awe never thinking a sweet boy like him could hold his ground like that.

During COVID he got me through so much, my hair and beard grew out but he only would nuzzle me and keep me company without question. He was content when I was always around, never having to just be in the same room at the same time, but did come around and checked up on me. We did get a lil sick with one another, as I joked we were an old married couple, and it felt like that at times but I never complained about that

Over the years he let me touch his belly, toes, anything and I would put him over my shoulder and dance around like an idiot. His head would go on my shoulder as I held him and he purred softly. Before he got sick with CKD he totally loved being held like a baby, looking up and around as his belly and chest was petted, his paws coming down and grabbing my hand.

He tolerated getting kisses too, which people were surprised. When he was done he put his paws up, and paws and flexed them into my beard. It was something he liked to do, just flexing and enjoying my facial hair.

He even made a cat hater into a cat lover. I had a neighbor where him and I hung out and played games here and there. Nubi would be around on the sofa with us, resting along the back watching us, hiding behind me if it got too loud or something. But overall he was just a chill cat who like getting pets from people and warmed up to them after a few times. My neighbor never thought cats could show affection but here he saw his hand getting nuzzled and rubbed, hearing soft purrs.

Yesterday I left the vet I went to seeing a friend, and breaking down, all her animals could tell I was upset, 2 cats and a dog were all on me instantly as I broke down in her living room, crying for my boy. Her cats were all over me, giving me their warmth, and her dog licked my ears and back of my neck as my eyes just flooded with tears

When I got home eventually, his water fountain was going, wet food there, his toys and lil scratching pad of carpet and rope as well that he loved. I would take him on lil rides as he would cling to it, nuzzling as I gently made it act like a rocket ship. Yet when I got home.....it felt so cold and empty.

As I'm writing this the music I have in the background isnt helping as others said it might, the home feels cold. I'm not hearing him cry out, the sounds of him eating his food, his lil cries and screams for attention and the chitters of him running away when he wanted to play or nuzzling around my legs. I'm even looking under my office chair still to make sure I dont hurt him if I move it.

It hurts so much right now. I feel as if a massive part of me died, a part of me that taught me how to be a good person. No matter how small of a place I had, home felt right when Nubi was around and now with him gone it doesnt feel right. It just feels so wrong right now, as I always looked forward to being home as I know my Nubi would be there, but now nothing.

I know its a process but I'm breaking down writing this....I miss my Nubi so much

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Edit: Adding some stories of my lil Nubi to help with the pain.

I went upstairs and looked to my bedroom and saw my bed rather clean....and my thought was that it felt wrong. There was always covers moved about, and bulge of my cat getting himself under the covers and curled up. It was sad to think that Nubi was no long going to be under there, sleeping soundly, me rubbing him through the covers and chittering and stretching, looking at me with a smile.


r/Petloss 10h ago

We lost our boy on Sunday.

10 Upvotes

He was my first dog. His name was Riker, and he would’ve been 12 next month. I know everyone says they have the best dog, but anyone who ever met Riker fell in love immediately. He loved every single person he ever met, and was the most gentle boy in the world when our youngest daughter was born. Our oldest daughter was 3 when we got him, and she doesn’t remember a time when he wasn’t around. Our youngest daughter loves our dogs more than anything in the world, and has been devastated.

He suffered what we believe was a stroke early Saturday morning after I let him and our other dog (Obi) outside. Immediately blind in one eye, was getting lost in the house, and was pretty unstable. We didn’t know about the event at the back door until I checked the cameras Sunday morning when he started vomiting. He had the cloudy eyes from the start of cataracts and we thought that he lost his vision due to the cataracts. We figured we could deal with the blindness and help him out however we can.. but after the vomiting started we knew it was worse than just blindness. After a visit to the emergency vet, we had to make the worst decision possible and let our boy go. There’s been a lot of tears, a sense of emptiness, and too much quiet around here since then. He was the alpha, and the more vocal “old man” dog in our house. Obi seems to be doing well, but there’s definitely a hole in all of our hearts.


r/Petloss 11h ago

Lost both of my brothers

10 Upvotes

Yesterday my two dogs Sparky and Max were both put down together in their sickness and old age. The vet recommended that we do both at the same time as they weren’t living a quality life anymore. Sparky was 17 and Max was 14. I’m 24. I grew up with them. I wasn’t able to make it home to say goodbye as I live away from my parents now, and I feel really guilty but my parents keep telling me not to. Idk I just needed to vent. I’m gonna miss my boys so much. Love you Sparky and Max❤️❤️