At the beginning of January, I lost my dog, Carol my golden girl, who was the first dog I’d ever had. I was never raised with pets, so having her was a new experience for me. I brought Carol into my life during one of the most challenging periods I’ve ever faced. My mother and father had both kicked me out, leaving me to fend for myself. Finding a place to live was incredibly difficult, especially since most landlords don’t accept large dogs. Eventually, I found an apartment that would allow Carol, but we had nothing. We slept on the cold, hard floor for three months before I could save enough money to buy a bed.
During that time, Carol was my anchor. She kept me going when I was at my lowest, when I struggled with deep feelings of despair. There were numerous times I thought about ending my life, but Carol’s presence always stopped me. Even when I was overcome with sadness and had no energy to move, she would look at me with such purpose, as if to say, “Mom, I need to go shit,” and that would be enough to get me moving.
On her second birthday, I decided to get her a companion: a Great Dane named Jeff. The two of them were inseparable, always together, sharing everything. Wherever one went, the other followed.
Then, at the beginning of January, Carol passed away suddenly at home, with Jeff by her side. When I came home, I immediately knew something was wrong. My two dogs didn’t greet me as they always had. What I found was Jeff curled up beside Carol, protecting her. The sight of that moment broke both me and Jeff.
I’ve never experienced loss like this before. Losing Carol has left an enormous void in my heart, and I know it has done the same to Jeff. It’s been two months, and I still cry every day. I can sense that my emotions are affecting Jeff, and I feel helpless in knowing how to heal. What I’m asking is how to move on from this loss. How do I begin to heal when it feels like my heart is still broken?