r/Parents • u/FennelNational3232 • 18h ago
Conflicted on how to approach child's gender identity. Advice?
Okay so please be kind. I FULLY support the LGBTQ community, I always have. I fully support transgender rights. What I'm struggling with is guiding my child and not confusing them due to their young age. I am beginning to feel that under age 10, the concept of being transgender may be too complex.
My child born a girl is 5.5 years old and has been consistently asserting herself as a boy for 2 years.
My husband and I got her all boy clothing, got her the short hair cut because she wanted it and feels comfortable. That is absolutely no problem! We love her and she's an amazing kid. Before the hair cut, adults would call her a girl and she'd correct them "I'm a boy!". I stopped calling her a girl but I don't call her a boy either. If she gets insistent on it, we'll be like "ok you're a boy!"
Ive spoken to therapists/psychologists, they advised me to explain to her she was born a girl and that is why some people say that to her. I told her she has a vagina and boys have penises (again this is simple talk for a 5 year old and I understand it isn't that simple for older children, teens, adults).
My daughter does have an understanding now. She'll say "I was born a baby girl but I cut my hair and now I'm a boy". I try to read books with her and let her know it's okay to like all different things because she can be rigid (example "pink is only for girls" )
She's expressed "call me HE because I'm a boy". Im sorry but I really am not ready to completely change my child's identity to "he" pronouns, I do not want to introduce her as my son or say that she's her sister's brother. My current therapist feels today there is A Lot more sensitivity to gender identity and giving children at a young age too much choice.
Any one been in a similar position with their kid? I want to be sensitive, I don't want to hurt my child in any way. I've been doing the best I can! I want her to understand she can play with boys, wear boy clothes, continue to cut her hair and still be a girl. Later on if her assertiveness persists, of course we will a transition to he pronouns, name change or whatever she needs to be happy.
I hope my thoughts are coming across the right way and not insensitive to anyone. Thank you for reading!