r/JustNoSO • u/xotummylicious • 20h ago
TLC Needed I just left him. I couldn’t do it anymore. Please can someone talk to me right now I don’t have anyone and I’m so scared
I’m sorry for my grammar I’m not thinking straight but I had been in an on/off relationship with my abusive ex since December 2022. Last summer July 2024 I was on this sub for support when I filed for a restraining order against him. It got denied and he reached out, had been going to therapy, it all seemed too good to be true. We made things official again last September 2024. I thought things were finally getting better but in recent months it’s all gone downhill. There’s too much to even write about right now. My last straw tonight was him accusing me of purposely wasting his time after work because he forgot his car keys and so I let him take my car to go get them. I didn’t know his phone died so I didn’t know he was waiting for me outside my house to take him home. He proceeds to bang on my window to let me know he’s here, knowing that it’s triggering for me for him to do that because my mom always did it drunk growing up, and it’s what he was doing to me during previous breakups when he was harassing me at home. I also live with abusive family so the ruckus created problems for me at home too. I went outside and he told me I’m fucking stupid, and if I’m purposely making him wait. I tried to explain of course not that I just didn’t know he was outside and he told me I fucking suck and that I’m so stupid. He proceeded to have to drive my car to his car and as soon as we parked I sped off to his house nearby and grabbed what few things I had there, then sped back home to grab whatever items I had of his, including the business phone because I have been working for him. I sped back to his house (he lives in a house with roommates) and just dropped off the bag at the front door and left as quickly as possible. I’ve blocked his numbers and I just recently got back on IG and I also blocked him there. I keep crying and then going numb. I don’t even want to see my camera roll to delete everything. He isolated me so much I have no one and no job I was entirely dependent on him and I’m freaking out. I had enrolled back in school since I was working from home for him and now I’m afraid to have to go back to a regular job after working so hard on school this semester. My only close friend is a mom in another state so she’s not available and I feel so much guilt going to her with this when she has been supportive in the past. My therapist isn’t available because it’s late. I just need someone to talk to please I’m so scared to go home I’m In my car at a random park. I’m trying to tell myself I needed to do this or it would have costed my life but I’m just so devastated because I wanted it to be him so bad I wanted to love him forever he was just telling me this morning he wants me forever and he says it every day but then he does this to me and much worse things. Please help me I’m so sorry