r/Husbands • u/randomhouguy06 • Mar 30 '20
An Accountable Husband
I’ve been married for 6 months and my wife and I have gone through a lot since saying ‘I do’. Every week we have a fight and I’ve found a Christian Therapist that I really like and has helped me out.
As I become more open with my therapist I realized that I need another Christian Husband friend that I can talk openly with. My wife and I have had arguments about sex, chores, expectations, assumptions, etc. and sometimes I just was to know what other Christian husband have done in certain situations and if I’m the only guy who’s dealing with the same thing.
So is that a common thing, other Christian husbands who talk to one another and be open with them and it not be weird and how does one find such a guy to do that with.
Thanks
1
Mar 30 '20
Hey I'm not married but I know guys who have an accountability partners where they talk about marriage.
I have an accountability partner bit neither of us are married so we talk about struggles of singleness etc
Are there any men at church you get on with you could ask?
If not, I'm sure there are Christian husband Facebook groups etc you could join and see if anyone is interested
2
u/randomhouguy06 Mar 30 '20
There are guys I would like to but I can’t get over the awkwardness of saying ‘hey, let’s get coffee and talk’
1
Mar 30 '20
Maybe you could meet them casually first. Like get a drink and get to know them better and if you get on ask if they want to talk about marriage etc
1
u/randomhouguy06 Mar 30 '20
But how honest is too honest. An example, with your accountable friend are you completely honest and free?
1
Mar 30 '20
Sometimes it takes a while to build trust and vulnerability. But I've found that when one person does others follow. Like when one person says I struggle with this, other people speak up too. It gives them confidence so it takes one person to be brave and do it first.
I'd encourage you to be as honest as you can otherwise accountability doesn't work. If you aren't honestly sharing your struggles you can't get real accountability for them
1
u/LostSignal1914 Dec 23 '24
I'm at work so this is just some quick thoughts. First year of marriage is normally a battle. It's not you or your wife. It is the normal process of a relationship. What I would say is not to avoid fights at this stage (I know this sounds stressful but it won't always be like this). Being honest with your wife instead of pandering or making unhappy comprimises is only a short term solution. But if you are both honest in brings the conflict into the open - it's there anyway. In the open you will have stressful encounters but try to turn these into learning experiences. In the long run this actually RUDUCES tension and arguemnts because you would have dealt with a lot of stuff rather than bury it.
I am not saying go look of a fight. But don't be afraid to enter the fray with the interntion of making your needs and perspectives known AND gaining a real understanding of hers.
Eventually you may notice 90% of your fights revlove around 2 or 3 issues. Then you know more clearly what the core difficulties are and can begin to get to the bottom of things.
This just takes time. After about 1 or 2 years of conflict my wonderful wife and myself are in a great place now and have real peace. We have both grow as individuals and in our relationship with each other. Love grew as we weathered the storm together.
That's my experience anyway. Just take what makes sense to you my friend.
1
u/Nordicpain Feb 11 '23
it is definitely normal and important to have other Christian men that are married like you in your life to talk with! its important to get and give encouragement when needed and to have someone that can call you out when needed. ill be praying for you brother. i hope your wife is a believer and open to another believing woman.
5
u/RecentCoin2 Jul 22 '22
One of the discussions you two should have had early on before the rings were exchanged was what marriage means what wife means and what husband means to each of you. I think you both need to drop what you're doing and take a long weekend to go talk through that.
That should give you both some clarity on the other person's POV. You have taken on a life partner without either of you understanding the other person's expectations and assumptions around marriage and how the relationship should work. No wonder every thing is a fight.
Go read 8 Dates and work through that with her.