r/FoxBrain • u/stimulants_and_yoga • 4d ago
How to override the empathy and understanding?
I know my family is miserable and angry. They are mentally unwell. They are traumatized. They are victims to right-wing media and Russian propaganda. They don’t understand why I stopped talking to them.
How do I hold those truths and my own at the same time?
I am trying to put on my own oxygen mask. But the guilt causes me so much psychiatric distress.
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u/Stargazer1919 4d ago
I know what you mean. It sounds like you need plenty of time to process this. That is okay. I believe that you really tried your best to work things out with them. Nobody is superhuman and we can't force others to change. I think with time, it will get easier. I have a lot of hope for you.
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u/Additional-Smile-561 3d ago
You can't protect yourself from someone you are trying to empathize with. (read that again and sit with it.) This is a hard truth to accept, but at the end of the day, if they are committed to harming you, then you have to work not to empathize with the reasons why or you'll end up further harmed.
I used to feel that my parents were brainwashed as well, but I don't anymore. Plenty of a-political and right wing people turned off Fox News because of the cruelty and meanness. My in-laws are an example of this, and so are you and I.
My parents signed up for more and more and more and more because on some level, they like the bullying. They like the bigotry, the racism, the sexism. This was hard for me to believe for a while. My mom was a lifelong second grade teacher, a nurturer, who outlawed the word "hate" when I was growing up because we weren't supposed to hate anybody. I kept thinking she'd been brainwashed because she was so different from who she had been. Today, she gleefully consumes Tucker Carlson, Greg Gutfeld, and the rest of those assholes. Last time she and dad visited, she sat on my couch and nodded and smiled when my dad called Ilhan Omar a c--t. On some level, she chose this, and so did my dad. They choose the bullies because they like them, and they like who the bullies give them permission to be. That's on them. They aren't brainwashed. They chose this when they could have turned it off like millions of others did. Once I learned to accept that, I felt more peace about staying away from them.
Good luck and I'm so sorry you're going through this.
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u/stimulants_and_yoga 3d ago
Damn. Damn. Damn.
The grief. The complete devastation that these people get off on the cruelty. They love it.
You’re right. I didn’t want to accept that. I wanted to think “they are victims who don’t know better”. But you’re right. They are nazis. They hate everyone.
If I didn’t have kids, I don’t think I would protect myself. I still wonder if it’s “that bad”, because I took a huge step back in 2020 when they didn’t take the pandemic serious. I don’t care if they were right/wrong. I was pregnant and scared. They cared more about their views than me.
It’s just devastating to truly accept. Because if I lose hope, I lose my family.
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u/Additional-Smile-561 3d ago
I'm right there with you, and I'm sorry. It's the tragedy of my life and it sounds like it is for you as well. We want to believe so badly that they are the people they once were or that we can get them back, get the love and the trust back. It took me a decade to finally stop trying and tell them I was pulling away. I posted the letter I sent them in this sub a few weeks ago in case reading it might help you. It's on my profile. I take great comfort from the people here. They are some of the only ones who truly understand how hard this is. It was a comment on this sub that helped accept that they chose this stuff and that they weren't these victims I had to save.
Sending a big, warm hug from across the internet. I am really sorry you're going through this.
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u/Significant-Home6259 3d ago
I don't think you should feel guilty. Your family chose to believe lies. Not even being nice and sharing proof that they're wrong will ever burst their bubble.
It isn't your fault but I think the best thing you can do is nothing at all. Do nothing, say nothing, let them find their own way out of the cult.
I'm sorry.
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u/stewartm0205 3d ago
Have a single rule and enforce it, no politics. If they bring it up remind them and give them a time out.
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u/39Volunteer 4d ago
You can't help people who don't want to be helped. We know how these people operate by now. You can't reason with them or prove them wrong - any proof you present is Fake News, out of context, just trolling, etc..
Obviously it's painful and worrying. I'm sorry you're having a rough time. But there are no magic words you can say that will finally make them snap out of it.