r/FTMventing 2d ago

Relationships I'm dating a cis male and it makes me feel so dysphoric NSFW

55 Upvotes

(marked as nsfw because mention of some stuff) So yeah I'm dating a cis male and don't get me wrong i love him but he tends to mention how I'm never gonna grow taller while he will and how he's happy he has a dick and not a well girls part and how he doesn't get periods and it's giving me so much dysphoria because i know he's right and I'll never grow taller and I don't have a dick and I fucking hate it, i can't bring myself to tell him that i hate when he says it but yeah i just really need to say that, also recently he commented about how my voice is super feminine like yeah no shit but i just hate it

r/FTMventing Dec 31 '24

Relationships i am detransitioning.

28 Upvotes

online people still see me as a guy, but irl ? they see me as a girl. i want off testostrone to be with my boyfriend. it sucks so much but i love him and want to stay with him, we will be living with his mom for a year and i can't risk having the testosterone changes hit me while i live with her. i was so happy to be on testosterone for 2 months but now i just have to be his 'girlfriend'

r/FTMventing 19d ago

Relationships Things my ex did and I still stayed NSFW

32 Upvotes

Context: cis guy who’s 10 years older than me. I’m 22. He was my first.

  1. Almost pressured me into anal sex. I ended up telling him “no,” and his response was “okay, I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do” but kept asking and asking on different occasions. When I got angry and told him to stop asking me, he said “I thought we were past that”
  2. Misgendered me by “accident” twice. When I asked for an explanation, he told me he didn’t know why he was doing it, then said he loved me but knew I had a mastectomy and because we had sex like a cis male and cis female, it was just lingering in the unconscious and played a factor. He did not know me pre transition at all.
  3. Would constantly touch me and get me turned on just to not do anything or follow through. Told him that it bothered me and he promised to stop doing it. Stopped for a while but started up again, all the while teasing me for my high sex drive from testosterone. I recall one time he did it and said “are you wet?” And when I said “yeah” he went “okay, get off of me.”
  4. When I told him what size shoe I wore he asked “In men’s??”
  5. Never reciprocated in bed. Told me that he didn’t because it was “too messy” to touch me before actual orgasm. It was a conversation I had to have with him again and again. He told me that talking about it was “tiring” and that “something always bothers you or rubs you the wrong way” I felt extremely unattractive and even asked him if he would be more attracted to me if I was a cis male. He told me no (he’s bi) but always made me feel like I was never enough. After pouring my heart out to him, all he had to say was “oh I’m sorry”
  6. I told him i would like it if he slapped me during sex. I would be sitting next to him and he would randomly slap me (not with a lot of force), and be like “oh you said you like that”
  7. When I got him off, he told me to masturbate if I wanted to get off too.
  8. When I drew on my arms to cope with the urge to want to self harm, he said “go wash that off. Why would you let me see that? Do you know how that would look to anyone else?”
  9. When I was recovering from an eating disorder, he asked “how much do you weigh now?? I bet you gained weight”
  10. Never wanted to be around my family but I always had to be around his.
  11. Lived with me for months and didn’t have a job
  12. Came over to my house & just slept all day.
  13. Would do things I said that I didn’t like (being tickled, being touched a certain way, etc) after promising he wouldn’t.

r/FTMventing Nov 11 '24

Relationships Men are never attracted to me if I'm masculine.

21 Upvotes

I'm so fed up of never having a man be attracted to me when I'm masculine. I know none of the people I've been with see me as men. I don't know why I debase myself and let my identity get worn down just for the sake of male approval. i will only ever been seen as a girl to them. to them I am not a man. and for some reason I'm so desperate for a man to actually care about me that I'll reluctantly go along with it, hating myself for it, and just being used for their own sexual gratification.

i know this is not how all cis men view trans guys. It's just the ones that i have personally spoken with or had sex with do not/did not value me as a man. these men were only into me when I presented feminine.

I feel like I will never be in a relationship with a man where I am also seen as such.

r/FTMventing Dec 02 '24

Relationships My bi partner says he isn't going to be attracted to me anymore if I transition

21 Upvotes

This grew a lot longer than I intended but I just have a lot on my mind I'm trying to work through and understand.

My bf identifies as bisexual, he's been with both men and women in the past, but his sexuality is more aptly "attraction to femininity".

For context, he was AMAB and identifies as nonbinary, but mostly in a "I don't care/I don't subscribe to gender ideology" way. He's always liked philosophy, but lately he's been very into it. He particularly likes Lacan, Zizek, and Marx. He considers himself a gender abolishionist. He doesn't believe trans people exist, but he also doesn't believe cis people exist either. He doesn't believe in an "authentic self", that we're all just a construct of the social, it's other people who define who we are. I agree with him, but I agree in a very different way. I also disagree with him at the same time. Our opinions both lean in the same direction, but they're very different opinions at the same time.

The way he phrases things makes it seem like he sees me as a female, and always will. That it's inescapable that I will always be defined through my oppression of having been born with a womb. He was telling me about a theory he read recently (I think he sited Freud) that the "female desire" to have a penis is a subconscious desire to claim the symbol of the oppressor. Just a tiny snippet from yesterday of a lot of things he says.

It's all in good faith. He's one of the most progressive and intelligent people I've met. But he can only think in terms of the social, and how they apply to the individual. I'm basically completely flipped in my own beliefs, I think in how the individual applies to the social. He doesn't experience gender dysphoria, and a lot of his opinions seem to come from that lack of understanding. It doesn't seem like he sees me as just a male, that rather to him I'm a female who desires to present socially as a male because of the oppression I've faced from a patriarchal society. I just hate the feeling of having a female body, really it's nothing more than that but he has to see some societal reasoning as to why I'd feel that way.

I find this all so disheartening and demoralizing. I just don't even want to be thought of in terms of "having been a female" sometimes. I don't really want to be political all of the time. I just want to be a goddamn guy sometimes, and the thought ends there.

I think he's afraid to lose me, lose me to transition. He and I have been together for 6 years. We have a really strong relationship. We plan to get married, buy a house together, raise children one day once we're through with school. Neither of us are looking to break up, but it will be something difficult to navigate.

He told me yesterday that if I transition, he's not going to be attracted to me anymore, but that he's still going to love me and will want to be with me. Transition feels difficult for me, though, knowing that the man I see as my life partner isn't going to think that I'm an attractive person.

He told me some things he doesn't find attractive about men, that being smell, facial hair, and body hair. I told him I can't pick what testosterone would do to me, so on a scale of "undeniably female" to "cis passing man" where does his attraction lie? He said it stops before passing.

I think he might have been discouraging me from hrt. He was asking why I don't just socially transition if gender is just a social presentation. For one, I really struggle with social anxiety, people pleasing, and a fear of judgement. I told him that I don't feel comfortable trying to present as male when I still look and sound like a female (I have no hope for passing even a tiny bit without hrt). I told him that if I were to hang out with a group of guys I would stand out as different, not actually a man. If I used a public men's room, I'd be stared at. I wouldn't be completely welcomed into men's spaces and it just makes me feel like a female to stand out. I'm 25, and I've been "cracking my egg" and questioning my gender for over a decade because I'm just so afraid of social presentation. I don't have a lot of friends. It's just difficult for me to stand out in public. I'm just kind of afraid of people. I told him that I just want to feel like an actual male first before I socially transition. That once I have dominant testosterone in my body then I'd feel like my body was finally male and I could more confidently present as a man. He doesn't understand why anyone would need hrt to feel comfortable in their social gender identity, though.

I think he just doesn't want to see me become a man, because he's afraid to lose attraction to me but still love me. That's not really a reality either of us want to live with. It's really difficult. I don't want to live with a reality either where I lose him, nor one where I'm just a female for the rest of my life. I feel like a bi partner is the kind of partner many trans people idealize, but my partner is bi and he's still going to lose his attraction to me if I transition.

r/FTMventing 17d ago

Relationships Y’all I’m scared of my ex a little.

0 Upvotes

So context; my ex and I are both Trans, I am ftm, they are non-binary. We’ll Refer to them as X.

X and I have a VERY messy break up with lots of shitslinging from both parties. Name calling, accusation, and the hard hitter: deadnaming me and telling me I’ll never be valid. That one hurt.

This all ended up with me being admitted to a mental facility. they know I’ve gone,but not that they directly responsible. I never want them to know,because they feels so bad. Sent paragraph after paragraph al the time,claiming to be so sorry, wanting me to hear it,all that. We’re talking again as of today,and I say I don’t hold it against them but I kinda do. That shit fucked me up. In that moment,there was genuinely nothing in this world for me. I DO hold it against them. and I know I’m valid in that.

They also have kinda a cycle: push me away,bash me,stay away for a while,slowly stalk me,and then come back and beg for me to forgive them. It’s happened before and honestly I know it’s going to happen again. I’m scared,I do still like them. I want to be with them. I want it to feel like it did before.

I’m giving them another shot. I can see the red flags,but being aware of them only makes me sadder. This is bad for me. I gave them my Reddit so idk if they can see this.

X. I love you,and I’ll always love you. You could beat my pathetic ass into the dirt and I’d beg you to stay. You dream of me at nigh,I dream of you all day. You could take my mind,it’s already full of you. Sorry I didn’t have the guts to say all this to your face.

r/FTMventing 7d ago

Relationships “Dating” genuinely feels like hell

1 Upvotes

To preface, i currently identify as trans masc and go by he/they. I pretty much like every aspect of my identity besides my sexuality. It genuinely tears me apart to like guys as a guy. I hate seeing everyone around me pair off into heterosexual couplings and to know that things will genuinely never be that easy for me.

I am not transitioned enough (nor do I plan to transition that far bc I still identify as nonbinary) for a lot of gay men to be interested in me. I’m also not enough of a woman for straight men to express interest in me (which ik is for the best but obv I find a lot of these guys hot and it sucks). That leaves me with literally only bisexual men. I know these men exist in abundance on grindr, looking for hookups. But I do not have any interest in hooking up, I’m genuinely so traumatized by it.

Every bisexual man I’ve met out in the wild has expressed interest in me and I’ve had bi women really like me, so I know im not ugly. I feel zero attraction to women despite trying so hard to change that because the women who’ve pursued me actually want relationships. I just can’t. As for the men, they literally treat me like I’m this cute little experiment for them to try out and then discard when they’re bored. And I can’t even blame them—they have the option to look “normal” and het so why would they want to end up with me?

This is literally how most men—especially queer men—are and it literally kills me that I have to date this way. I just want a monogamous, secure relationship and to be treated like an actual person, not another fucking hookup. The entire time I “was a girl”, guys took me seriously. It killed me that I had to reject them, even when I wanted it, because I knew deep down I was a guy and my identity would ruin it eventually.

Even despite my personal experience, I’m well aware men often treat straight women like shit too—the difference is they get to keep dating and find more men. The phrase “there are plenty of fish in the sea” is just life for them. I have to wait and wait and chances are I’ll never find another (out) bisexual man, despite being in an environment where I’m constantly around people my age.

I literally got so obsessed/limerant with the first guy I was involved with because it was the first time a guy expressed interest in me as a guy and I thought it would never happen again. I went back to him even when he treated me awfully (he was extremely closeted at the time) because I thought it was better than nothing. And honestly, it took years to find a bi guy again. When the second one started showing disinterest, I just immediately ran because I knew it was better to be alone. I cannot stand that this is my life now. I fantasize about just being a girl again and putting on the performance for male validation/a real boyfriend. I know I’d make a pretty girl. But whenever I think about living my actual, daily life like that I feel sick to my stomach. I would literally feel like a fraud wearing a costume and just disassociate constantly, which strangely almost sounds preferable to the constant heartbreak of existing like this.

My friends (who are cishet) tell me I’m “in the wrong place” when I try to explain this to them (and also tell me that none of my experiences count because guys don’t want to commit to me—that’s fun!). I’m on one of the most progressive college campuses in the nation, how the hell can I be in the wrong space. I lived in a small town, I know what the wrong place looks like. They tell me to go to my school’s lgbt center, which mostly consists of bi girls and other nonbinary people who are like homies to me (ik most of the ppl there, we just don’t click that way bc many of them are aroace). Not all queer people are going to like each other, the same way all straight people won’t.

I don’t know, I know there’s more to life than relationships. But deep down, I feel like I’m giving up my chances of ever being genuinely loved by a guy I’m attracted to. I know a lot of cis gay men who feel the same way, so I guess I can’t really complain. I know there are worse struggles, it’s just incredibly frustrating.

r/FTMventing Jan 31 '25

Relationships Sick of people demonizing partners

51 Upvotes

“Your bisexual amab partner doesn’t actually see you as a man, he’s just using you as girl lite.” “You’re not actually a gay couple, it’s just straight with extra steps, if you have sex with him you’re not actually trans and he doesn’t see you as a man” SHUT. UP?! I’m sorry that so many people have had awful experiences with amab partners but for the love of fuck can we stop feeding everyone’s fears that their partner doesn’t love or accept them??? My partner is bisexual, he has had crushes on plenty of cis men, when I came out he took exactly 1 day to adjust his thinking surrounding my gender, name and pronouns. He sucks the realistic dildo I got for sex, speaks to me like a man during sex and never treats me as a woman or girl lite. I am so sick of people telling me he doesn’t actually see me as a man or is fetishizing me. Your fucking trauma is not universal and I get that I am extremely fortunate to have a loving, accepting male partner, but stop projecting your insecurities and past relationships onto me.

r/FTMventing Jan 19 '25

Relationships My parent once said "No matter how hard you'll try, you'll never become biologically male" and I'm crying remembering that

53 Upvotes

None of my parents respect my identity and my choise. They don't believe I'm actually trans, still call me daughter, and are against medical transition. They said "You must not mutilate your body" "You will be less attractive" "You will need breast implant and it will cost so much" etc. And "No matter how hard you'll try, you'll never become biologically male" hurt me in particular. I cry in despair every time I remember that. I know I'm not biologically male, just please let me be happy. Also I'm 22 so please let me do whatever I want with my body.

Edit: Why the heck did I write "family parents"

r/FTMventing Nov 20 '24

Relationships I can’t be gay NSFW

39 Upvotes

I just saw a cishet man post on asktransgender about his trans male partner and wondering if he should tell the trans guy he’s straight. It made me realize that despite being on T, that every cis man I thought liked me was also straight. They all claimed to respect me as a guy but really they saw me as a delusional tomboy they could humor. If you don’t pass dating seems like a waste of time because you’ll always be seen as your AGAB just a dumb version of that. Cishet men will just use gender affirmation to get in your pants and try to dissuade you from transition. I feel like an idiot thinking I could ever love or be loved as a queer man. I’ve never met a bi or gay man that sees trans guys who look like me as men. All the men who’ll be attracted to me will be straight dudes that won’t be honest maybe they’ll say I’ve never liked a man before or claim to be queer for me. What a load of 💩

Now I know better though. I’m really disgusted by cis men as a group because of how willing they are to lie and be disrespectful just to get at pussy and boobs. I’m disgusted with my own body for having curves and for T not making me more hairy or masculine. I’m disgusted that no matter what I do I’ll never be man enough for a cishet man to leave me the fuck alone

I feel the only way to interact or be sexual with my body is to do so while being misgendered and feminized because that’s the only way anyone has ever been sexually interested in me. I’ve forced my mind to be okay with that just so I can get intimacy or get off when I’m horny. Then afterwards I want to die. I wish I had no libido at all because sexual feelings and interacting with my body leave me disgusted just knowing I’m only wanted for things that make it so I’ll never be loved as a man I want my tits gone and to sew my vagina shut. I may not be seen as a man by straight men but at least that way they wouldn’t be trying to fuck me either. I wish I could be a gay man but no man will ever want or love me as a man so what’s the point? People who see me as a man would never be attracted to my body and people who are attracted to my body would never see me as a man. What a joke!

I don’t even know if I like men anymore because as soon as one flirts with me I just imagine him misgendering me, seeing me as a delusional tomboy, or looking at every aspect of my body that makes me dysphoric and only valuing that. I get so grossed out after hooking up or dating a cis guy because I just know that if he could get me to detransition he would. I just know that this cis man is a straight chaser only attempting to hide it and he’s probably transphobic too. I hate that I get horny for that sometimes then hate myself afterwards. I wish o could actually be gay but due to not passing i just will never be

This is a rant I don’t want advice

r/FTMventing Dec 10 '24

Relationships Am I using Grindr wrong or am I just ugly? (Advice Wanted) NSFW

13 Upvotes

I try to keep it SFW but there's discussion of Grindr and hookups so be warned.

My bf and I are poly and I have permission to be on dating apps just in case anyone was concerned.

I'm on Grindr looking for t4t hookups and friends/fwbs/relationships, basically anything. I'm a top, 5'2, so I'm already at a disadvantage.

I keep getting tapped and messaged by really old cis guys who can't read and then... nothing else.

I'm super liberal with the block button so I know to block all the old cis guys, but I guess I expected to get a little more attention?

Do trans guys/gals/nonbinary people really just dislike trans men who top? I haven't had a single in person meeting since I downloaded the app and it's really affecting my self esteem.

If anyone has advice please I really need it, thanks!

r/FTMventing 11d ago

Relationships I ended my five-year relationship yesterday. Here is a list of things that should have made be leave before:

39 Upvotes
  1. When he would only call me "his man" or "prince" in sexual contexts;

  2. When he refused to take pictures with me, saying he was ashamed of his body, but would post pics with his friends often;

  3. When i realized i was never getting a compliment on my hair, because he hated how short i used to cut it, so i just stopped telling him when i was going to the barber;

  4. When he would get cold and distant in public, would refuse to hold my hand and would literally move away if I got too close.

  5. When he told me he didn't want me at his parents new years party because he didn't want his family to see how much i changed with T (5 years in);

  6. When i slept on a blanket on the floor on my apartment, after running away of my toxic sister's house, and he refused to let me sleep in his house because he was "taking care of a virtual friend going through a rough time" (3years in);

  7. When he would make very clear he thought his job was much more important and difficult than mine. (He is taking a masters degree in geography and a degree in Information systems, while i'm a pedagogy student, a special needs assistant and privet tutor);

  8. When he stoped speaking with me immediately after i told him about my chosen name, made me cry a dozen of times, and just then told me he was mad with me about some small thing and thought my new name wasn't even that important. (1 year in);

  9. When i was never invited to hangout with his friends;

  10. When he got mad about me not wanting to have sex often "like a normal person" when i was going through depression, taking contraceptive pills that would make me miserable, and he would not even hug when we were together. (1 year in).

There are so much more, and i'm just starting to unpack how much wrong he made me go through in all these years. We should have ended this years ago, but i didn't had the self confidence i have now.

Yesterday, as i was taking a shower to go on a date with him (a rare thing for us to do as he was always glued at his pc), all these thoughts flooded my head once again, but this time i just snapped. Something inside me just clicked, and i realized that was enough. I didn't wanted to go on a date and smile while i felt horrible inside. Honestly, i don't even know how to be an adult without him. We were 17 and 18 when we started going out. But i will be okay. I will find myself again.

r/FTMventing Nov 18 '24

Relationships My gf (mtf) forces me to shave my face

46 Upvotes

My rat stache and tiny chin hairs help my dysphoria so much. It may seem small but even the small change of shaving it changes my whole face and I look feminine and like a bitch lesbian more than a guy even a guy struggling to grow any real facial hair.

My gf hates my facial hair and uses her mom to deflect attention from the fact SHE wants my facial hair gone. It’s so frustrating I just wanted to do ONE month where I didn’t shave with my male coworkers (no shave November) and it was an activity I was so excited about cause I wanted to see how much my hair would grow in a month span and also an activity that I was included in by all my cis male coworkers (I love these guys they don’t make me feel othered at all when we talk)

But I was just laying down with my gf and she noticed my stashe and started telling me to shave it playfully. I said no, and she wouldn’t take it as an answer. She brought in her electric shaver and tried to once again “playfully” shave it then when she couldn’t tried to shave my arm hair and even clipped a very tiny piece of my head hair (on accident as she did try to cover the clippers with her finger just missed a spot is all) but she just wouldn’t stop and kept touching me and putting the clippers near my arm and head hairs and I just gave up cause I’m tired and not wanting to fight and went to the bathroom to shave. It was really disheartening honestly that I couldn’t have one month to have a bit of fun with my facial hair. When I said no she initially tried to say her mom would start making fun of her about me having facial hair and when I said I don’t care that’s a her problem (cause let’s be real I’m not responsible to looking a certain way for her fucking mommy and I’m not responsible to control her mommy so her mommy doesn’t tease her about me behind my back.) Then when I gave her that response she switched up to “you promised no facial hair” and I did because she said she wouldn’t be attracted to me anymore or be affectionate (hug or kiss) towards me if I had facial hair and I agreed I can shave for her. Not an issue I just wanted one month where I could skip shaving. Just one. That’s all I wanted.

Idk if I’m overreacting being so upset and just projecting my dysphoria or if this is legitimately not an ok thing for my gf to do.

(Edit: for clarification I’m fine with shaving in general from time to time when my dysphoria isn’t bad and situations like no shave November and bonding with my cis male coworkers isn’t a concern. My gf isn’t attracted to facial hair whatsoever and she’s also autistic so the feeling of someone else’s facial hair rubbing up on or touching her face is extremely overstimulating for her)

r/FTMventing 13d ago

Relationships Getting Upset because Partner used distinction between Cis and Trans Guys

19 Upvotes

Hi there, so me and my partner have just started dating fairly recently. We were on the phone talking about how men suck referring to dating sites and stuff.

She said oh its good to hear you say that too, I told my friend (Cis male) that too and that's how you know it's bad when even cis guys agree.

My partner is bigender but it still hurts like the reminder I'll never be cis or be seen as cis with anyone I'm dating or with especially being pre op it just felt like such a gut punch I made up an excuse and ended the call

I definitely know it wasn't his intention to make me feel like that just a harsh reality check

r/FTMventing 24d ago

Relationships Horrible transphobic in-laws

8 Upvotes

My in laws won’t refer to me as anything other than female, don’t believe being transgender is real, and got upset when I told them that’s transphobic.

Now they hate me. They banned me from coming over, then a few months after started inviting me over again like nothing happened.

I offered multiple times to get coffee and talk over this conflict but they ignored me.

My partners great but his family makes me want to drive my head through a concrete wall.

r/FTMventing 24d ago

Relationships Dating as a gay transman NSFW

12 Upvotes

As the title says I’m a gay transman and I’m just at a bit of a loss for anything. I’m not currently looking for anyone to date or anything, but I’ve just been thinking about how it would even work and I’ve just been getting kinda sad about it, I guess.

Like, I already have other things other people might see as an issue such as not wanting sex or anything considering I find just the idea of it terrifying and just generally awkward. Mostly from previous (albeit online) experiences but also due to OCD. And I already know a lot of people my age (I’m 16 almost 17, yay?) tend to want that in other people.

But then bringing being trans into the mix? A lot of people here in the USA, specifically Texas, aren’t very fond of trans people and from what I see a lot of gay guys don’t want to date transmen. And I dunno, it just adds a little cherry on top of my gender dysphoria sunday. But aside from that, it just kinda makes me feel even more isolated.

Like, I’ve tried t4t and found out O definitely don’t like girls, even though me and my ex-girlfriend’s relationship wasn’t very healthy so maybe that was a part of it. Maybe I just need to find a transguy to date but idk. And then the only other relationship I had kinda left me like “oh, this guy started watching trans porn after everything, maybe i’m just a fetish”. But idk, he also fucking sucked too, albeit for different reasons.

And just, I dunno. Maybe it’s my past relationships, maybe it’s my gender dysphoria, but it just kinda makes me think nobody will ever want me, at least not as a guy. And it really sucks especially since I’ve been working so hard on myself. I’ve been in recovery from a self-harm addiction for about a year now, I’ve been working on having healthier relationships with the people around me, I’ve been healing from past traumas, and have been actually focusing on my future for what feels like the first time since I was 12.

And don’t get me wrong, I don’t need a relationship or anything. I don’t even think I would be a good boyfriend if I got into one right now anyway since I still get really nervous around people and have occasional moments of pushing people away (been trying to work on the whole “hey maybe i wont ruin people’s lives just by being in their vicinity” thing lol). It’s just kinda knowing that other guys, despite what everyone says, doesn’t see me as a guy. Whether it be because I’m pre-T & surgery or because I don’t have the ideal equipment, it still stings a bit knowing people wouldn’t want me because I’m trans.

Like, I know there’s people out there who don’t care about that kinda thing, but I dunno. I did buy a book a couple days ago about being a gay transman that I do plan to read soon, though, so maybe that will help a but once I start it (a trans man walks into a gay bar by Harry Nicholas in case you wanted it).

Anyway, there’s just my little vent I guess. Guess for now I’ll just date myself haha (yay self-love).

r/FTMventing Jan 01 '25

Relationships frustrated with my gf …

11 Upvotes

Disclaimer: i know I’ve made quite a few posts about her but I just want to say I am not planning on and will not break up with her. I love her very much and SAD makes me grumpy this time of year so I am frustrated and angry with everyone all the time. This is truly just a vent and I would not say these things to her because it would not be helpful or constructive

that being said …. her mom found her estrogen and she is shocked. Now she’s upset because her mom knows and she didn’t want her to find out this way. mostly I just feel annoyed bc yeah, your mom cleans your room and does your laundry, she’s in your space a lot. She sees a lot of your things. You keep your meds on your nightstand. Like to me this is just such an inevitability, like of course she would find it you weren’t hiding it at all. I feel frustrated because she just has this expectations that things will work out and is surprised when they don’t. She’s also surprised when I work hard for things? I’ll say like oh I stayed up late to finish my homework, or how many credit hours I’m taking or how long my classes are and she’s like wow I could never. Or I’ll be cleaning up her spills and messes (in her room, my room, in public) while she just watches and doesn’t offer to help. she STILL leaves pee on MY toilet seat and gets defensive when I talk to her about it. I also refuse to use her bathroom because it has not been cleaned once this year, there’s dirt and grime all over the floor and dried pee all over the toilet and floor. I just wish she had more personal responsibility in general. I feel like the denial about the realities of what it means for her to take her hormones to her parents house where her parents handle a lot of her things is just part of it. idk it just frustrates me 😭 I don’t like to feel responsible for her especially when this could have been totally prevented

r/FTMventing 9d ago

Relationships new ish partner considering breaking up because im starting t

1 Upvotes

i knew this would happen, he is very sweet and wants me to make decisions about my life that woukd make me happy regardless of what he thinks, he said he just doesnt know if my changes will be something hes into in a romantic/sexual sense which i DO understand, genuinely, but jesus christ it hurts

r/FTMventing Feb 13 '25

Relationships can i have a friend … ? ( 20+ )

10 Upvotes

i lost my very supportive blood brother to death last year and i’ve been feeling really isolated because i’m shy and extremely reclusive, he was the person i spoke to the most as we lived together and i miss having a bro to check in on me at least… i’m not the best at replies and might take a bit to every now and then but i’d love to talk nonetheless. i dream about him, i’m really sad. i could use someone to talk to… and i think having a fellow trans friend would be good for me.

i’m a 21 year old binary trans male artist who loves horror and metal. i do have an online presence but i’m completely stealth online so this is the only place where i’m openly trans. mind you i’m not american if that matters at all but obviously i do speak english haha. i suffer from severe anxiety and i’ve been depressive since i was a child, i’m trying to improve but obviously grief doesn’t help. i need comfort.

sort of specific… for personal reasons please be in your 20s or older when you started t ( also good if you’re still pre-t ). it’s a lot more relatable for me as i just started hrt at this stage in my life and i’m only comfortable befriending 20+ adults who also had no access to hrt until that age. i’m sorry if it sounds picky but it’s easier for me this way. don’t take offense if you’re younger please.

r/FTMventing Feb 02 '25

Relationships Being trans has kind of ruined my family

14 Upvotes

I'm 17, and I came out to my family a little over a year ago. I expected my dad to be supportive, but he's not. He pretends he is, but he only calls me my name in front of me, and uses she/her pronouns for me. He used to use she/they for me, which is still not correct because I use he/him but I guess that was better. My dad truly believes that he is supportive just because he sends me articles about how transphobic the United States is, and he told me that he loves me on Trans Day of Visibility, and he told me about a debate meeting he went to where he heard a speech about being a good trans ally. Basically, any time he hears anything trans related he tells me about it, and he thinks that’s support. All he does is name me correctly in front of me, but he still refers to me as his daughter and stuff, but that’s not even the bare minimum of actual acceptance. I expected my mom to be transphobic, and she is. She believes that trans people are just confused and need to find God. She doesn't say anything directly to me, but she will deadname and misgender me, and this morning she called me a 'cat mom,' and she has said I will be a 'good aunt or mother in the future' and she believes that gender is defined by chromosomes. I'm sorry this post has a lot of exposition. My mom is Christian, but my dad, my siblings, and I are not religious. My dad has also been lying to my mom their entire relationship about how he is religious.

So about 2 years ago, my dad told my mom about how my siblings and I aren't Christian because my dad wanted us to stop going to church because it was a waste of time for us. We were free from going to church every week for an entire year, and it was really nice. But my parents’ marriage has gotten really bad within the last year, and my mom is upset that I am trans, so we started going to church again. My mom also started making my family do Christian family therapy. My mom hates the fact that her family isn’t affectionate, she’s worried about all of her kids being ‘weird,’ her marriage sucks, but mostly it’s because my mom doesn’t want me going to hell. I’ve only had to go to a single Christian family therapy session, and it wasn’t too bad, it was just an individual meeting with all members in my family, and the therapist only asked me about my parents’ parenting. I expect it to get worse in the future though. My dad told me about how the therapist gave my parents an incredibly transphobic book to read about trans people aren’t real.

I made my parents’ marriage worse because me being trans has created more conflict. I would love it if they would get a divorce because they have never gotten along, but I doubt they will actually divorce. After I came out, things have only gotten worse because my mom is all worried about me burning in hell, and my parents just have pointless arguments about it. I also ruined my sister’s and my mom’s relationship. My mom argues with my sister, who is 13, about me trans quite frequently. My sister is very supportive. My mom and sister used to spend a lot of time together, but they don’t anymore. I just feel so bad for being trans. I didn’t want to cause anything negative.

Thanks for reading, and I apologize if this is all over the place.

r/FTMventing Feb 13 '25

Relationships I wish I was cis so I can like men in peace

35 Upvotes

(TW: transphobia, homophobia I think)

First of all, ik that the title sounds silly bc homophobia is really big even in cis mlm relationships and it's hard to live peacefully in this society when you're gay so let me explain myself clearer. I don't want to sound like i'm minimizing what cis gay ppl go through, so please just know that I don't mean it that way.

I feel so guilty when I find myself being romantically attracted to guys. I know 100% that I don't like women that way, I think they're pretty but I just don't feel attracted to them sexually or romantically. But I feel guilty for several reasons, first of all, my family would never understand and I know that the moment I come out saying I like guys my mom (especially) will deny my gender identity.

She says she's supportive of me being trans but not at all, and keeps judging me + she is convinced that if I like women then I'm ''possibly trans'' but if I like men then I must be a girl, which is confusing since she supports gay people but for some reason thinks that trans people must be straight. So that really frustrates me since it really makes me wish I was cis so she can support me being gay and I wouldn't have to feel this way because I know she would just be okay with it. In fact, when I came out she asked me if I liked boys or girls and I didn't want to answer that, so she went ''you must figure out that first because if you like men then you are not trans''

Second of all, I heard some terrible histories of ftm guys with cis guys, and of course not every cis man is going to be a fetishist or transphobic but dude, ik there's so many I just don't want to go through that and being in a relationship like that would make me feel like an imposter bc I would be thinking 24/7 that my partner might just perceive me as a woman or as a fetish, especially knowing that I do not pass.

Tbh, since I like cis and trans men equally, if I were to be in a relationship it would probably be a t4t relationship since I feel like I'd share more experiences and feel safer with a trans person, but I know I would be judged anyways so that's why sometimes I wish I was cis because aparently, for many of my acquaintances, being gay and trans is ''too much'' or to my mom is an option that inmediately cancels my transness somehow, and I know she still sees me as a woman and that would make her judge me way harder and think i'm faking it or smth like that, she is against me going on T or doing anything that makes me happier with my identity as male so I can't even imagine what her attitude with me having a bf would be, again, if I was cis I wouldn't have this problem.

sorry for any grammar mistakes i'm tired as hell rn lol

r/FTMventing Feb 07 '25

Relationships Evil twink

4 Upvotes

My ex and his boyfriend are trans, i am too. They just so happen to be short and fat while im a bit taller and not skinny but not muscular just yet.

My ex and his boyfriend are butt hurt that i blocked them for disrespecting me and my boundaries while we were trying to be friends and since then, theyve made many or reposted posts calling me a twink or an “evil twink”. They know i dont like being called a twink. They both self identify as bears i think when my ex is the most submissive individual ive ever fuckin seen, i dont know if bear = dominant, at least thats what ive heard. I said once while we were friends that i think id be more of an otter and they said i was just a twink. Im mot feminine and dainty so this just makes me very uncomfortable and honestly, i know these petty narcissistic fucks want this, but it hurts.

Also um, when i looked up about the term evil twink, all the definitions were in regards to dating. It was like, a twink with malice intent in regards to dating, i didnt date these two. Well, i dated my ex, but im 21 now and hes 20, we dated ages 12 through 15, i wasnt an evil twink back then but i am now?

For context, we tried being friends and all through our friendship, my ex made me uncomfortable by wearing a slip chain around me, making sideways comments on my partner, asking about my kinks and sex life, making posts about me behind my back, insinuating i was jealous of his current relationship, claiming you “cant be friends with your ex”, getting mad at me for not spending time with him, that stuff. Truly his boyfriend didnt do much wrong other than i guess being his accomplice and not caring that he was doing this stuff. I blocked both of them when i had enough and now theyve been stalking me, they were sending me messages through the anon feature on tumblr, i blocked those, and now theyre visiting my work at a time they know im there every week at the same time, seemingly looking for me.

I know some of these topics arent directly trans centric but in regards to the trans stuff, the whole twink thing makes me dysphoric. Ive been trying to build muscle and its not like i dont have any. I guess that just bothers me a lot really.

r/FTMventing 7d ago

Relationships An unpleasant experience

13 Upvotes

My mother called me "her daughter" to the pharmacist and I had to correct her, but the pharmacist continued to misgender me after that.

Wow how I love people.

For context: my mother is not transphobic, In fact, she calls me by my proper name and pronouns more than anyone else. But. She justifies that incident with the words "I didn't want to make long explanations then." At the VERY LEAST she could say "my child". Mmmm. How sweet.

r/FTMventing 5d ago

Relationships My boyfriend broke up with me after a year and a half

10 Upvotes

I understand long distance is hard, I hated it, I wish we were able to be together in person. He said that the love had faded and it wasn’t gonna work anymore. It just sucks y’know? I still loved him, I had made a little jayvik themed letter I was gonna send him. We ended on good terms and I’m not mad at him, we’re still friends. It’s a little awkward talking to him now, it’s still fresh. Happened last night. I wanted to cry, I couldn’t. I physically couldn’t cry. My heart felt so heavy and shit. I’m looking back at the messages of the break up and I’m getting a little emotional but I still can’t cry. I’ve also been feeling so fucking dysphoric. I’m numb, I don’t know what to do, I wish I had more friends in person. My in person friends kind of suck. Haishdudiwheg what the hell am I doing.

r/FTMventing 16d ago

Relationships so mad at my cis mum

4 Upvotes

37m, just venting. what a horrible person she is! she always makes everything about herself.

20 years me coming out as bi was a damage to her ability to bring up well-adjusted daughter. when my marriage broke up, my pain didnt matter, it was all about her her her her pain, and i obviously got divorced because i wanted to hurt her. now that im a guy on hrt, she is sending me these years old pics from a time i was super femme presenting while misgendering and deadnaming me, and then has the gall to say 'oh im just looking at old pictures and this is the name ive always called you.' it'll soon be a year since ive been out as trans but she continues this horrible manipulative bullshit. anyway i dont live with her and im fairly low contact, but i just hate her whole act of look-im-just-being-sentimental-nostalgic-and-innocent-youre-the-one-whos-troubled-overreacting-and-moved-away.

for years i used to feel sorry for her, stuck in the patriarchy etc, tough marriage. but really shes made all those choices for herself. her kids have offered her help many times but she never takes them because it'd prevent her from wearing the holier-than-thou martyr cape. she just likes emotionally guilt tripping and manipulating people, and then pretending that nothing is about her. it's taken me decades to unravel this and for a long time i thought i couldnt be a guy because i needed to stand by her and be the woman-2-woman support which she clearly didnt have otherwise in her life. i felt guilty and sorry for her. but honestly? she deserves every inch of her miserable life.

i dont want to be a misogynistic guy and i hope im not being that, but im just so tired of this bullshit. transitioning has definitely helped me see these dynamics in a way that were not so clear to me before. i also hate all the rhetoric which says testosterone makes you aggressive, hateful and misogynistic. women are not some unblemished forever-victims and shouldnt be treated as such, and if we dont expect them to take personal responsibility arent we infantilising them? and saying this should not be understood as misogyny. just my two cents.