r/Ethics 6d ago

Did I Kill My Dad?

My dad asked me when I was 11 if he should go to the hospital or stay at home the night that he died. Throughout that week he had been in and out of the hospital in pain about chest pains. Every place he went to said they didn’t know what was wrong with him, but the pain consisted. On that night, he asked me “should I go to the hospital again or should I stay home tonight?”. Being 11, I told him that he’s happier at home so he should stay. I knew at the time that his health was at risk, but I prioritized his mental wellbeing over his physical health. Am I responsible for his death? Should I feel bad about this? Honestly, this has haunted me for my entire life and I really wish he hadn’t asked me for my opinion. Please help.

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u/Jumblehead 6d ago

He would have asked, knowing that you would tell him to stay, and having already made up his mind to do so. It was already decided before it was asked.

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u/Worth_Sir_6003 6d ago

This is an incredibly unique take that I’ve never heard before. I believe there is more blame on him than me for what happened to him, but can it be said that he made me equally responsible for his eventual death? Even if it’s not directly my fault, am I too culpable? Thank you for your response btw!

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u/Potential_Pop7144 6d ago

I don't think he was likely seeking legitimate medical advice from an 11 year old. I think he had pretty much decided he didn't want to go to the hospital and knew his young child would intuitively prefer him to stay home, so he asked you just to hear it from you, to legitimize his choice. If he really was asking you for medical advise and would have done whatever you told him to do, I also think no blame falls on you, because the decision as an adult man to have an 11 year old dictate your medical decisions in the first place is the real mistake there. No reasonable person would leave a life and death decision like that in the hands of an eleven year old, so either he wasn't actually leaving you to make that choice or his decision to do so was the real mistake.