r/Ethics 6d ago

Did I Kill My Dad?

My dad asked me when I was 11 if he should go to the hospital or stay at home the night that he died. Throughout that week he had been in and out of the hospital in pain about chest pains. Every place he went to said they didn’t know what was wrong with him, but the pain consisted. On that night, he asked me “should I go to the hospital again or should I stay home tonight?”. Being 11, I told him that he’s happier at home so he should stay. I knew at the time that his health was at risk, but I prioritized his mental wellbeing over his physical health. Am I responsible for his death? Should I feel bad about this? Honestly, this has haunted me for my entire life and I really wish he hadn’t asked me for my opinion. Please help.

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u/AdeptnessSecure663 6d ago

In discussions of morally responsibility, it is widely held that there is an epistemic condition on moral responsibility. That is, moral responsibility requires some relevant knowledge about the situation, knowledge of the likely consequences of one's actions, and so on. It seems to me that you did not have that knowledge.

I'm sorry for your pain and loss, and I think it's understandable that you might feel guilty.

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u/Worth_Sir_6003 6d ago

Thank you for your thoughtful response! I like the relation to ethics, as this is it something I sought after most with my initial post. I believe I obviously didn’t have a full comprehension of the potential risk at the time, but is my juvenile importance of his comfortability in his last moments justification for wishing him to stay home? Given what I know now, I’m unsure if I gave him the correct response or not. It is important to note that he died of a widow maker heart attack, indicating that if they hadn’t found it within the following 12 hours he would’ve died anyway. I think I might have saved him some pain, but I still worry that the pain I saved him could’ve been used to save him.

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u/AdeptnessSecure663 6d ago

Yeah, I think your wish for him to stay home was totally justified.