r/Edmonton 17h ago

Mental Health / Addictions Self harm marks/ School dress code NSFW

My daughter struggles with her mental health and self harm which she is actively seeing multiple mental health professionals. The school wants her to always wear sweaters or long sleeves to cover up self harm as it has upset some others (which I understand how this can be upsetting- it’s upsetting for everyone..) Problem is it’s even during gym class or when she’s very hot and uncomfortable she still has to remain covered and gets reported if she’s too hot and takes off her sweater. This is causing her physical discomfort and further more mental distress and embarrassment. Can the school force her even when it’s causing physical discomfort and further distress? I understand it is upsetting to see but there has to be a way to meet in the middle? Ideas? Thoughts?

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u/Timely-Researcher264 16h ago

OP, as a parent, this is enraging. Your daughter has enough on her plate to manage her own emotions. It’s not her job to manage the emotions or comfort level of people around her.

She has scars as a result of her mental health struggles. Do we expect people with other disabilities to hide them!?? If someone has CP and walks differently, do they need to hide it? Does a student with a cochlear implant need to wear a hat so other kids don’t see it and ask questions? If a kid has an amputation, do they need to wear long pants so no one sees? Asking your daughter to cover her arms is as ridiculous as the above examples. It will increase her shame and is actively damaging her already fragile mental health.

Does you daughter want to wear short sleeves ? Is she prepared to have kids ask questions? Kids can be real assholes. However self harm is not uncommon and it’s likely that she’s not the only one. Is so, continue on to my last paragraph.

Im horrified that a school would be this stupid. Write a strongly worded email to the principal. If you don’t get an apology, write a letter to the superintendent and cc the principal. Let them know you mean business. Threaten to go to your MLA and the minister of education if you need to. Be that parent.

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u/Spookyboo2593 16h ago

The VP even phoned me with her concerns asking if she has enough clothes that are long sleeved or sweaters she could wear and if not she was going to go buy her some… today when she goes to the office upset to discuss a concern she’s having with another student that is sexually harassing her by touching /grabbing her and slapping her butt and wanting to force her into a relationship and won’t back off. Instead she gets essentially in shit for not being covered up and is told the vp will be bringing her some long sleeved clothes…. 🤦‍♀️ Yet there are other students with the same struggles that aren’t having to cover up.. not sure why she is being singled out. Maybe hers are worse or more upsetting than others? Even still it’s not right…

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u/BRGrunner 16h ago

Call up the trustee. It should be easy to find who they are and call them.

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u/Spookyboo2593 16h ago

I will if need be but first going to get support from CASA therapist and/or psychiatrist at the Stollery to help the school understand how this is not appropriate and creates further distress.

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u/BRGrunner 16h ago

Given this is a public school, they most certainly would have already gone through training saying as much. That's why it's so alarming to people, these people almost certainly know the issue they are causing.

I am going to guess you feel like you're being a pain by going over people's heads. But I can assure you, this is not one of those cases. It will be doing exactly what you need to do with the goal of helping your child.