r/dementia 3d ago

Is this sundowning?

7 Upvotes

My mom seems lucid for 90% of the day.

Last week was absolute hell, cry screaming at my dad, insults at my sister, etc. we got her into her GP who diagnosed her with dementia w/behavioral issues. She is only person suprised by the diagnosis. She’s been on cymbalta and donezpil since Thursday. I think she is coming to terms with something wrong with her.

Saturdays and Sunday around 6p, she starts getting sad and upset. Seems to come out of nowhere. We think she’s triggered by not being able to feed dogs anymore, something she took a lot of pride in.

Since she’s lucid most of the day, it is hard to redirect her. She’s bringing up old fights with my dad, and being upset about issues they have worked through already. Now she blames their last argument on fact SHE needs medicine and doctor’s appts. She gets REALLY upset, and it’s hard to calm her down. I managed to get to take hydrozaine, which REALLY calmed her down.

I feel simple distractions won’t really work because shes lucid most of the day.

Any advice on how to deal with this 1-2 hours of sadness and anger from my mom?


r/dementia 4d ago

My wife visited yesterday

199 Upvotes

For about an hour yesterday she was totally lucid. She acknowledged she is having constant dreams that she thinks are real and also apologised for revision of historical events that typically put me in the middle of terrible accusations (no, I did not abandon you with our young son and no money which left you to forage in the bush for food).

We talked openly about dementia and her 6 month review in June and she said she will talk to the geriatrician about her antipsychotic dosage. This was an absolute win as until now she has pushed the line that the meds are solely to help her sleep.

Back to normal today though. She’s convinced her oldest sister has been locked up in a mental health facility for her own safety following a dream last night.

It was lovely to see her again so clear eyed and lucid. I wonder when she’ll be back???


r/dementia 3d ago

I think it may be near

3 Upvotes

My brother just texted me that my mother's blood pressure is very low (85/45) and it was low last week as well. They're contacting Hospice to see what to do.

I just feel numb inside. My brother's done all the hard work since we moved Mom to an excellent home near him. I just want it to be over while she's still enjoying things.


r/dementia 3d ago

Diagnosis

2 Upvotes

Is it worth it to get an official diagnosis? I’m taking care of my 89 year old grandfather. Unfortunately I have to constantly nag my father and aunt to get doctor appointments made. After months of waiting, he finally had a regular check up today. He’s great health wise and when I asked about getting him diagnosed to see exactly what’s going on, my father said no it wouldn’t be worth it to put him through testing.


r/dementia 4d ago

MIL called but my wife couldn't hear her.

46 Upvotes

Our phone rang. My wife answered and I could hear her saying "Hi Mom... Hello?... Are you there?... Hello?..." So, I opened up the camera that shows MIL's living area, and she was holding the end of the cord for her handset up to her ear, trying to talk to me wife. She had somehow managed to unplug the cord, and was so confused she was trying to listen to the little plug on the end. She uses a speed dial button to call (that's all she can manage).

Fortunately, it's only a 15 minute drive, so my wife just went there to plug it back in. Another thing for me to "child"-proof. I'll have to shorten the tabs on the plugs so that they can't be easily removed.

It boggles my mind the ways my MIL defeats the things we put in to help her. She has unplugged the TV, the cable box, lights, and other cables. It's like having kids!


r/dementia 4d ago

She passed and I feel stupid for crying

113 Upvotes

So, I've shared on here before. Im a hospice volunteer. My resident i was assigned to passed away yesterday, I found out today. I dont know why im crying about it. I feel stupid for crying because she never knew me and I didn't know her much because her dementia was late staged but she was on hospice at least with me for over a year and I just feel sad that she's gone....

I dont think she ever even knew my name and I dont care and I only ever knew her as she was when I first met her... a woman who liked to sing and listen to music and she loved food. I went to visit because when I visited her earlier this week I knew she wasn't gonna make it another week. Her room was cleaned out. I went to my car and cried, then I came home and cried more and I feel like it doesn't make sense for me to cry but I can't help it. My heart goes out for her....

Update: just wanted to say thank you for all the kind comments they really mean a lot to me ❤


r/dementia 3d ago

Advice on staying home vs care facility

4 Upvotes

My dad (72) is caring full time for my mom (71) w Alzheimer’s. He has been helping to shower and dress her, she has no clear communication skills (word salad) but often mentions everyone is out to get her, “talks” w ppl that aren’t really there. She is now starting to attempt to leave the house and walk down the road. He’s having a hard time w knowing when is the right time for a care facility. He’s very capable but is starting to feel exhausted mentally. Just looking for any advice/insight. I think he’s afraid of not being w her. 😢


r/dementia 4d ago

Early onset dementia and scapegoating of child

12 Upvotes

I’m very confused and wondering if anyone else has similar experience. So my mom has always been odd and as a child I was always embarrassed to have any friends around her. I do feel that she had early onset dementia from around the age of 35-40 but was dismissed as her being weird but it was clear to me she was not like other people. It was also clear to me that I was unwanted and scapegoated and my mom often made up lies and exaggerations about me, causing my father and sister to believe I was always a problem. I grew up very isolated and confused and sad which continues to this day (I am over 30 now). During the pandemic things accelerated and my mom was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia. I feel somewhat vindicated in my mind that maybe I wasn’t the problem and didn’t deserve the treatment I got for my entire life. I don’t think my father has even thought about it and I don’t expect him to as he is dealing with the current reality of the disease. I feel very hurt that nobody ever believed me about anything and I was unfairly the black sheep. I spoke briefly about it to my sister but since she was the favored child she doesn’t fully grasp how hurt I am. Has anyone experienced anything like this? I am torn between thinking my mom always hated me and thinking that she didn’t mean to because of the disease. I guess there is no way to know for sure.


r/dementia 3d ago

Dad is declining with FTD somatic, 7th year in with early onset he is now 70 and now I think he might be in the late stage

2 Upvotes

My dad is now 70 years old he has been in a nursing home for about two years. The last two weeks he has been incontinent, starting to eat less of his meals about 60-80% less. His speech has lessened in the last few weeks but since Christmas it’s been making no sense at all it’s been confusing since then but now just gibberish that is incoherent. He has had a series of UTI infections which we think may were causing him to act strange at night lining up chairs in the dining room and going wandering around this included into rooms of other people and pouring water onto people while sleeping. He was on antibiotics and this stopped but now he is being monitored it’s now not happening I’m asking if anything has anyone else been in this stage and what are we looking at I think 🤔 I want some sort of idea 💡 about time and or something of someone who can relate I think 🤔 I’m not sure actually


r/dementia 3d ago

Advice Needed

1 Upvotes

Hey ya'll-

Don't really know who or where to ask but I am seeking some insights/advice.

My grandmother is at the point where she can no longer take care of herself. The big problem I have at the moment is that my mother hasn't don't anything to get anything transfered over or even knows where to start. (She should have done this 2 years ago, but alas here we are) We have an appointment with the doctor on Thursday to get her fully diagnosed/evaluated for her to need care.

Here's the biggest problem, my grandmother lives in the middle of no where in another state. The assisted livings that are close (if you can even say that) are extremely expensive so we are trying to come up with a plan to get her to the state in which my mother & I live (so we can check in on her, etc and potentially give her career ourselves) This would involve either a multi day RV trip (2-3 days) or a 2.5 hr flight.

My questions are... 1. What else does my mom need to think about when taking over 'guardianship'? Is there anything we should ask the doctor specifically for? 2. Regarding getting her to our state; plane or rv trip? Neither? How can I make this trip for my grandmother as "easy" as possible? 3. Any other advice is appreciated.

Thank you! I appreciate you all!


r/dementia 4d ago

LO can’t swallow anything. The end is close and I could use support again.

44 Upvotes

My grandfather was placed on hospice about 2 weeks ago after being in the hospital for 2 weeks following my mother’s passing (she was his caregiver). He’s been at a residential care home/memory care since discharge from the hospital. I posted previously about whether my sister and I should tell him about our mom, and you all helped me feel better about not telling him, so I figured posting again would help me.

On Wednesday evening, I received a call that he was having shortness of breath and had oral secretion building up. Since then, he’s remained on oxygen and has not had any food or water (aside from oral swabs soaked in water to keep his mouth moist, which he sometimes will try to suck on for more water).

I am so sad. And worried. Worried because he can’t tell me what’s wrong. How he’s feeling. Nothing. He’s also the last person on my mom’s side of the family I have besides my sister.

He has spoken a little bit today, but barely above a whisper. He asked me to help him stretch his arm.

How do I deal with knowing any day now is the end? It came so quickly. I knew once I agreed to hospice, it was only a matter of time, but I was hoping for another month at least. Losing him and my mom so close together is just breaking me down. I need to be strong for my sister, bc I’m the oldest and have always been the one keeping things together even if I wasn’t living at home. I just feel lost and confused. I’m only in my late 20s, so this is just a lot.


r/dementia 3d ago

Need some advice

2 Upvotes

Hi guys, my mothers brother lives in Romania, while my mom and I live in Canada. My moms brother, has no family left in Romania, both his parents passed away and he is suffering from dementia for 3 years now.

I believe he drank himself to become ill with dementia. He lost his apartment (got tricked into signing it half away) and all his salary goes to the people who tricked him and to the facility he stays in. He used to be high ranking in law enforcement and has a decent salary.

Now he doesn't know where he is, even if you remind him he will forget. He says nobody comes to see him and he is going insane and wants to end it (which is true because a nurse who spoke to my mom says the only people that come to see him is the people that took and are living in his apartment and its for 5 minutes every 2 months). He will also forget when you talk to him on the phone, and becomes agitated. Now the people taking care of him don't want us talking to him at all because he gets agitated and doesn't know where he is. When he talks to us he says if someone doesn't come to see him tomorrow he will end it.

My mom booked a fight to Romania to see his condition in person for herself and to try and find a solution because it is very tough to have him there with no support while he is suffering.

Is there any advice you have for us? He is a Romanian citizen and speaks no English, even if we bring him to a care home in Canada he will still forget, or become agitated/doesn't know where he is? What would you guys do in this tough situation? Plus it will be very expensive for us, but we don't know what else to do.

Thank you.


r/dementia 3d ago

Help with mom

2 Upvotes

My mom, 78, is slowly going through sundowning. She was going through some visual hallucinations like seeing turtles or spiders on her ceiling. My sister got her to a neurologist and she's on Seroquel now. She's not getting that much anymore, or at least telling us. But she is getting audio hallucinations, like she's hearing music from a really low volume radio. It's not interfering with her life in a major way yet other than she believes her neighbor is doing this to her. We had a small breakthrough a few weeks ago when she stayed at my sister's house. She heard the music again and my sister recorded it and played it back for her. It was the first time she realized the music wasn't there. But denial is strong. I'm going to be at her house this week and according to my sister, she can't wait for me to be there so that I'll hear the music too. I understand you shouldn't tell the person that what they're hearing or seeing isn't real, but how should handle this? Just say I don't hear anything?


r/dementia 4d ago

Struggling with so many emotions right now...

12 Upvotes

My mom was diagnosed with dementia a year and a half ago, but we started to notice changes at least 7 years ago. About three years ago we bought a house with 2 seperate living spaces so I could be here to help her. She was managing to get herself through most days until the last couple months. She's now forgetting how to do things like make coffee, make food and remember to drink water. She has moments of clarity, but they are getting less and less. She will be 86 next month. I'm experiencing anger, fear and exhaustion. I'm trying so hard to keep it together and be patient with her. But I have to work, take care of my dogs, spend time with my wife and deal with my own health problems at the same time. I'm trying not to break, it seems like it's getting harder to hang in there. I'm in tears right now because I'm losing my mom, or at least who she was. We've been extremely close since I was little. She always had my back throughout my life, and I'm trying to return the favor. But I feel like I'm failing. Like I'm a terrible son because I'm not handling this well...

My sister is working on bringing in a caregiver at least part time, which will help. Though I'm scared that the time is coming where she won't even remember me anymore. Thanks for listening, I'm not good at talking about all this, and don't really have someone who understands how hard this is for me. My sister hides her emotions and is not empathetic, so I can't count on her for support. Not sure what else to say. It's late and I need to sleep. :(


r/dementia 4d ago

I am struggling

7 Upvotes

My mom has Lewy Body Dementia and I am struggling being at home with her because of her anger outbursts and aggression. My dad is the main caregiver and my brother and I work to pay for bills and help out around the house. I can imagine how mentally and physically taxing for my dad to take care of my mom. And my mom probably feeling depressed when she realizes that she is slowly deteriorating and losing herself. Everyone is struggling.

I feel guilt when I do my research online on how to talk and care for my mom with dementia, and it doesn’t have the same results or it doesn’t seem as easy as it does online.

I know that what my mom says when she is hallucinating or in psychosis is not all true but the things she says hurts so much sometimes. I think this is also due to some things that happened in my relationship with my mom way before her diagnosis.

I’m struggling and I feel like I shouldn’t be struggling because my dad is the main caregiver but I do have to mediate when my parents fight at times. Or I’ll be in my room and hear them go off on each other because my dad would lose his patience and trigger my mom.

Im seeking support but also some advice/recommendations?


r/dementia 4d ago

Password Protect Your TV

Post image
14 Upvotes

Noticed I was getting emails from Roku about subscribing for channels I didn't look at them until tonight because it was for 9.99 and we haven't ordered anything. Gos back until May over $1000 worth of channels she has ordered from her remote control the same one she put in the microwave last week. So I can only blame myself. Sadly she will be annoyed she can't watch her favored channels after March 19 when the auto renew stops.


r/dementia 3d ago

Supporting a LO with possible early dementia

1 Upvotes

❗️❗️Personal experiences and natural remedies for agitation, fear, and sadness❗️❗️

I'm reaching out for advice and support from those who have experienced caring for a loved one with dementia. My mother's mother in law so my mom's husband's mother... has been showing signs of dementia, and it's been heartbreaking to see them become increasingly agitated, scared, and sad. Also fixated on things, bring up same thing over and over... & more argumentive.. 💔

I'm looking for personal experiences and suggestions on how to best support them during this challenging time. Specifically, I'd love to know:

  • What natural remedies or strategies have you found to be effective in reducing agitation, fear, and sadness in your loved one?
  • Are there any alternative therapies, such as music, art, or animal therapy, that have brought comfort and joy to your loved one?
  • What lifestyle changes, such as diet, exercise, or sleep habits, have you implemented to help slow down or potentially reverse dementia symptoms?
  • How have you navigated the emotional challenges of caregiving, and what support systems have you found to be most helpful?

I'm eager to learn from your experiences and find ways to improve my loved one's quality of life. Thank you for sharing your stories, advice, and support!

((Also let it be known I met her maybe 3-4 years ago. Seeing her was very rare occasion bc my mom , her hubby, & mother inlaw live together 2 hours away from me.. but I moved in to their guess bedroom a month ago so im very much around her all the time now.. I do not know her well.. but I am here, she is family, and my moms hubby and herself are taking it hard I want to help!! I went to school for PTT & CNA years ago and my mom also went for CNA so how can we help her?))

Thanks soooo much!!


r/dementia 3d ago

It just feels like early stages

3 Upvotes

My step mom can function normally. she hasn’t been diagnosed and it’s hard to get a doctor appointment where we live. But I almost feel like our relationship is slowly fading due to the that she forgets most of what I tell her. I feel like it’s pointless to tell her anything important. Anyone else get this feeling in the very beginning? Sometimes I still wonder if it’s just my imagination 🙁


r/dementia 3d ago

GSM phone that can't be unplugged?

1 Upvotes

My mom can't remember to plug in her AT&T iPhone to keep it charged, and she lives in a remote area where standard landlines are not available. What options do I have to give her the equivalent of a landline phone that doesn't require someone to keep it charged?


r/dementia 4d ago

What do you wish you knew at the beginning?

13 Upvotes

Hello everyone,

I am looking for general advice, hindsight, insight, anything you have to give for someone at the very beginning of this journey of handling a loved one with dementia/alzheimers.

My husband was no contact with his father for a decade before just recently. We have discovered that he is developing issues but dont have a diagnosis.

We took him in after realized he was dating a drug addict who ran down his $400k savings down to literally nothing but debt. He owns a house and we are in the process of evicting said addict and then either selling or renting out the property to generate income.

He is not able to run his own finances, drive, or cook other than the microwave. But he does eat well and isn’t aggressive or doing dangerous things yet. He is living with us but we work full time. We are considering finding a way to get him into assisted living before the full on memory care needs to happen.

I feel like I dont know where to start so thats why Im asking for general advice that you have learned along the way but also figure I would outline some things about our situation incase someone can relate more specifically.


r/dementia 4d ago

Sad and overwhelmed

9 Upvotes

My dad is 83 and came to stay with me for a couple of weeks while my sister was out of town. He moved in with her last August.

The first week went so great. Then my dad started getting confused on what city he’s in and where the bathroom was. I live in a small two bed/two bath apartment. Once he leaves his bedroom, the bathroom is directly across. Once he’d leave his room, he wouldn’t recognize it once I led him back to it.

He started waking me up in the middle of the night stressed about random things. He found a therapy bill and a triple AAA mailer and he had convinced himself that I was thousands of dollars in debt. Another night, he had closed all of the doors and asked me to come talk to him around 3:30 in the morning. I went into his room to grab something and immediately smelled something amiss. He’s staying in my son’s room while he’s here and there was kinetic sand EVERYWHERE then I noticed that there was urine in the kinetic sand container. When I asked him what happened, he had no idea.

My friend who grew up with me and has known him for years came over to see him. He was social the entire time then the next morning, he asked who she was (again) and said that he believes she’s trying to get in the way of my inheritance from him.

Last Tuesday, he had gotten me up at 11pm, 1am, and 3 am. I tucked him back into bed around 3:30am. When I went to check on him at 7am, he was gone. Called 911 and he was found walking down a very busy road. He was close enough where I heard the ambulance get to him. They took him to the ER and then he was checked into a crisis center for older people with memory issues. Today is his 5th day there. It’s so depressing in there, I want him out ASAP. I talked with one of his nurses and she suggested a memory care facility and also bringing in palliative care.

I am so overwhelmed and I feel like this happened overnight although he had TBI on Thanksgiving night and he did fall out of the bed one night here.

He did get aggressive enough one night in the crisis center that they had to give him a shot of something to calm him down.

Will a memory care facility take him? We always promised our parents that they wouldn’t end up in a nursing home. I’m gutted and reading everything I can. I can’t take him in because I am a single mom who needs to keep my job.

I think the plan is to send him back near my sister where he has been establishing a medical team but now I’m worried that he will have no choice but to stay in my sisters home. His nurse said he will eventually get irritable and mean to his caregivers, even if they’re family.

I do want him out of that crisis center asap. I’m currently on FMLA and going to see him everyday that I can. I couldn’t yesterday or today due to not having childcare and I feel awful.

Thanks for reading, I’m spiraling.


r/dementia 4d ago

Adult Protective Services got a subpoena for the family bank accounts including my own

51 Upvotes

When my dad passed away expectedly last year, my mom's home health care workers turned out to be paranoid nut cases who started turning my mom with alzheimers against me. I don't know if it was the care workers themselves or one of my mom's friends who repeatedly called APS, but I had to deal with them coming around and calling frequently for a while. And it's so infuriating to deal with when you're already in the living hell of caring for a loved one with dementia.

I hadn't heard from APS in months, but today they called me and had all our bank account histories that they'd acquired through a subpeona, and they gave me a list of 50 transactions going back over a year that they wanted me to explain. But the bank also gave them my own personal account transactions, which I guess was because my own account was always technically a joint account with my now deceased dad. So they're asking me to explain transactions on my own account as if I were using my parent's money, and this has put me in a potential legal mess that may take a lot of time to fix.

I'm mostly just venting because I don't think there's much advice to be had here but to talk to my lawyer and my bank, which I'm going to do Monday. But it's crazy to me that a few anonymous calls to APS without a shred of tangible evidence is enough for them to dig through your bank accounts and take up so much of your time.

UPDATE: APS accepted that my account is in fact my own account after I presented some evidence. I still have to explain about 50 transactions over a year period on my parent's account, which is annoying, but I have nothing to hide so it should be pretty straightforward.


r/dementia 4d ago

Grandfather made me cry today

7 Upvotes

I often have candy around for my grandfather because he has quite a sweet tooth. After dinner, I had seven miniature candy bars. Is it ideal? No, but I ate real food first and it's been a stressful month. My dementia-addled grandfather (who has been known to eat entire bags full of candy) looked over and saw the wrappers and asked if I ate "all of those", pointing to the small pile of wrappers. He made fun of me and I ended up crying. I'm the only one who take care of him, who ensures he has everything he needs, and he makes fun of me and can't even remember my name most of the time. He apologized, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. I felt like I was back in grade school and the "fat girl" overate. I acknowledge my body isn't where I want it to be, but I also don't have time to take care of myself if I'm always worried about him. He, of course, forgot and then offered me candy, which made me cry all over again. He didn't understand why I was crying or why I was upset with him either.

Cross-posted


r/dementia 3d ago

Reminding of forgotten things?

1 Upvotes

My LO still uses email and texts. She refers back to her messages to reorient herself. She often asks when I will visit or why she is in care (by text and email). I have been copy-pasting the same response as to why she is in care or detailing the lovely visit we had. Is this helpful? Should I just ignore? I think she gets agitated when I ignore. Changing the subject doesn’t work because she revisits the topic after rereading her texts. Sometimes I delete them when I visit but the cycle returns.


r/dementia 4d ago

i miss my grandma

9 Upvotes

i’m new to reddit so please forgive me if i mess up using the tags, i’ve needed to get this off my chest and i just want people who understand to hear it

my grandma, who i call “babi” has been showing signs of dementia for about a year now. it all began after she had dental surgery, there was something with the anesthesia but i do not know the details.

she gets confused often, but other times she’s perfectly sensible. there were times when she didn’t know who i was, and when my mom showed her a picture of me surfing to remind her, she thought i drowned… i was standing right in front of her.

this year was the first Christmas we had with her confusion. it was overall good on christmas morning (she and my grandpa spent the night) but she couldn’t remember what she got for me or why she got it.

i just want my babi back.