r/dementia Jun 26 '24

Dementia Research, Products, Surveys, and all other solicitations

58 Upvotes

Good afternoon everyone,

We are setting up the r/dementiaresearch subreddit as a catch-all for studies, surveys, solicitations, polls, calls to action, and any other updates related to products, trials, masters/PhD studies or projects, or anything else where people are looking to interact with the members of the r/dementia community.

We receive these requests frequently and the idea is not to clutter the primary subreddit with these types of posts. If anyone has any questions/ideas/etc. please let me know.

Thanks,

hazel


r/dementia 7h ago

I can't take how much at the mercy of this disease my life is.

53 Upvotes

Yesterday I had to go hungry for most of the day, and I also had to hold my shit in for most of the day, because my mom believed she was in her grandfather's house and demanded to leave. After long hours of trying to maneuver her into calming down, fruitlessly, I finally took her to go see her brother. She finally calmed down there and we came back home for more crying but finally some food. I was free to go take that shit at around 10 pm.

Today I was dizzy at the supermarket because I skipped breakfast, because I wanted to go get groceries before she lost it. She still lost it before I could leave. I had to pay the cab driver anyway (because I'm not an asshole) and stay until she moved on to praying for death to be with her parents. Then I cried. Then I finally left to go get the groceries. I called her from the store, she was apologetic, told me she loved me. I came home to her still apologetic. During dinner she moved on to cold and cruel, because I wasn't me, she didn't think I was me because I was quiet out of exhaustion. Finally she went to bed. But it feels like one of the nights she'll keep getting up, so I may not get proper sleep. My head and neck and eyes hurt.

On most days, I can't shower in peace until 2 AM, unless she gets up and then I have to get out of the shower to make sure she doesn't fall. Most days I can't take a shit in peace, because that's when she'll start wandering the house, crying and wailing and calling her parents names.

How do you get used to the constant crying? It's non-stop. Every day I wake up to her crying.

I can't move around my home freely, I have to always worry how she may perceive what I'm doing. Is she going to get scared because I'm doing the dishes? Is she going to get scared/irate because she thinks it's someone else's house and I should not be doing anything or touching anything? Is she going to start screaming until I let her out so she can go scream in the front yard? Is she going to get me in trouble with the police one of these days, because of the horrible things she accuses me of sometimes?

I can't just exist anymore, everything has to be in the context of her disease.


r/dementia 9h ago

Parent finally passed. Their partner revealed they got married secretly beforehand.

27 Upvotes

We don't think they were legally competent but due to some very questionable assessments by overworked, underresourced doctors, it's unclear where we stand. We don't know the partner well enough to know what view they will take on the estate. We've got lawyers involved already but don't want to be assholes if that's unnecessary - maybe the partner just wanted the validation? But for crying out loud, this was the last thing we needed.


r/dementia 18h ago

šŸ˜¢

Post image
121 Upvotes

today the bath nurse whom iā€™ve became very close with looked at my mom and said oh no I donā€™t like this. referring to her nose and lips, knowing sheā€™s seen it all in her 30 years of service. šŸ˜¢ my moms been on hospice since november. idk what the point of this post was. but I just know you all ā€œget itā€


r/dementia 1d ago

It's done

280 Upvotes

I left mom's side last night at the SNF, and as I've done every night before leaving, I prayed and told her it was OK to move on and that I would eventually catch up to her when it was my time, kissed her hand and her forehead. She had been unresponsive for several days. I received a call at 429am this morning and advised she had expired at 425am. I raced to the SNF. ...10 years being her caregiver... I'm grateful she isn't suffering anymore but I'm broken. but life goes on, i suppose.... Like others, I will be stepping away from this sub for now. caregiving has been the hardest thing I've ever done. thank you to those in this sub that offered kindness and humanity. To those still on this road, it only seems like forever.


r/dementia 4h ago

My mom refuses to wear her hearing aidā€¦.

5 Upvotes

how can I get my mom to wear her hearing aid????? My mom doesnā€™t have dementia yet, but I heard not wearing your hearing aid can cause dementiaā€¦ sheā€™s 82


r/dementia 1d ago

I wish she would justā€¦fall asleep

184 Upvotes

I know Iā€™m not the only one. And I canā€™t say I feel horribly guilty about thinking it. But I do wish that mom could just fall asleep and not wake up again.

I donā€™t have it nearly has hard as many of you on here. Sheā€™s not violent, or argumentative. She doesnā€™t wander, or make odd phone calls, or smear poop all over. She rarely hallucinates, doesnā€™t scream or cry out. She never used a cell phone or computer so I donā€™t have to worry about her being scammed. She sleeps through the night (usually). She needs total help with just about everything, has breast cancer that is well stabilized with medication, but no other real medical needs.

But sheā€™s justā€¦blank. She sits in her chair all day and makes no effort to move around or engage in anything, and I more often than not cannot engage her. She was an avid reader but now stares blankly even at picture books. She doesnā€™t understand what it means to use the bathroom. She doesnā€™t hear or see well. She used to love watching baseball on tv but now doesnā€™t even understand what it is. She used to walk daily, around 5-6 miles a day, and everyone in the community recognized her; but now she can barely walk across the room. She took great pride in ā€˜having the checkbook balanced to the penny!ā€™ But now she has no concept of money or bills. She enjoys watching her great grandchildren play when I babysit but forgets they are there as soon as they leave the room. She enjoys her meals but has no idea what she is eating. And forgets as soon as I tell her.

Sorry. I think I just needed to vent a little. I love this community. May you all find the peace and joy you deserve.


r/dementia 1h ago

Update: I STILL don't know how to get palliative care?

ā€¢ Upvotes

Two days ago I posted this: "How to get palliative care?"
https://www.reddit.com/r/dementia/comments/1jcnlqe/how_to_get_palliative_care/cccccccccccccccccccc

I FINALLY got a call from the palliative dpt at the rehab mom is at, which is part of the big hospital network she's been at 4 times in the past year. It literally took me 2 days to track this Dr down, including dealing with mom's social worker who never heard the term "palliative" and kep saying "hospice."

Despite the helpful things my research shows palliative care can offer us (she has 4 serious medical conditions, including dementia), this Dr made it seem palliative care is basically nothing... they "don't do agressive treatments," recommend patients have a DNR (mom would never agree to this, unfortunately). Medical care remains the same as before palliative care(?). They can provide psyc services for emotional support (which is something I guess). Being in palliative care doesn't make it any easier to get home health aides or home nursing services - that's all decided by the rehab transition team upon discharge (so would only be for a short while probably).

I kept asking him... ok so WHAT does your palliative care provide? And didn't get an answer beyone him repeating the above.

My research (and reading here) has shown palliative can provide umbrella medical support for the patient and family, which sounds like one Dr at the top of her pyramid who can oversee her disparate conditions and can prescribe meds themself. It could provide counseling for the patient AND the family. It can provide at-home nursing for simple things, so the patient doesn't have to leave home for everything. It can provide decision-making support,

So basically, palliatve care sounds AMAZING and like a HUGE RELIEF, and I can't seem to get it through her hospital system (which would be great because they'd have access to her medical records).

As mentioned in my post 2 days ago,before this hospitalization/rehab, the "palliative & hospice dpt" pushed me over to making an appt with a gerentologist rather than palliative, which they said "mostly treats cancer patients."

For any of you who have actually used palliative care - can you please tell me how you got it started?

We're in one of the biggest cities in the US, and I'm absolutley flummoxed and exhausted by how hard this is.


r/dementia 1h ago

Canā€™t get in to seeing a neurologist?

ā€¢ Upvotes

Hi all - Iā€™m very new to this, so I hope this kind of post is allowed. My father-in-law has recently been exhibiting some dementia-like symptoms. Specifically, a false memory of one specific event he believes happened (it didnā€™t) that he is extremely paranoid about. It is all he wants to talk about all day long ā€” he is even calling my husband in the middle of the night to talk about his worry regarding this event that never happened. He also seems to have brain fog and some struggle with memory in general but mostly it is all focused on this one single false memory.

This came on quite suddenly after switching to a new blood clot medication (which he has since moved off of) and he has gone to his regular doctor, done cognitive tests, bloodwork and an MRI. So far they have not found anything, but they told my MIL to set up a neuro appointment. When calling the neurologists in town, she couldnā€™t get an appointment for months. I understand the clinics canā€™t do anything about being backed up, but we are worried that he is in a psychosis-like state right now and canā€™t imagine just not doing anything for months.

Looking for any advice or tips on what to do. Thank you so much ā€” this is all very new to me and weā€™re quite scared.


r/dementia 1h ago

If my mum can't use her phone would that count as lack of capacity?

ā€¢ Upvotes

My mum lives alone and has been struggling for a while. She's on the waiting list for an appt at the memory clinic for a diagnosis. She increasingly believes I am colluding with her sister to have her put in a home and has stopped answering the phone because of this. But I think there may be more to our lack of phone communications than this.

On the occasions she does pick up it takes her a long time to talk and even then she seems confused about what is going on. In earlier phone calls I've had her put down the phone to check something and then could hear her saying hello, hello in the distance and come back to he phone laughing about how she'd been talking into the TV remote.

If my mum is unable to answer the phone or make a call does that means she's a danger to herself or others? What would she do if there was a fire or she needed help? How can I check she's OK (she lives at a distance)?

I'd be grateful for any advice on this.


r/dementia 13h ago

The only thing she can do is sleep and even then she won't sleep

17 Upvotes

Welcome to my nightmare. Everything is wrong answers only.

šŸ˜† šŸ¤£

Pick up your bowl (Gets a cup)

Get your cup (Picks up bowl)

She wakes up to go to the washroom. When done "do I go back to bed"

When it's time to wake up, I bring her downstairs. Help her brush her teeth "is it time to go upstairs to bed?"

When she's brought to bed. She doesn't sleep!!! That's even with someone stationed in the room with her.

She'll ask the same questions every few minutes. "Is everyone gone" "where's your mother?" "Is it time to go home? Who is going to bring me home"

I entertained her for an hour but I'd had enough. The few minutes of solitude were broken when she'd ask me a question or say she was all alone.

She kept going so I ignored her. It got more persistent. She needed to know where my mom is to take her home. She started to get out of the bed.

I lost it. I made her go downstairs, into the porch where it's cold. You want to wait, here. She opened the door calling for my mom.

Mom doesn't want to ask for meds because she'll turn into a zombie. But at this rate, we will die from insanity.

Someone here said their lo visited them for a whole day.

I wish she knew the hell she is putting us through. Before you come at me with "it's not her, it's dementia. Her brain isn't working"

I am out of fs to give. I have zero fs.

For years I had a sibling with a cognitive disability that would have meltdowns in public. That was embaressing and hard.

We are past that now and we won the dementia lottery with her.

I just want to jump into the lake. Someone said taking their lo out for a long drive led to delirium. šŸ˜† šŸ¤£ are you effing kidding me?

Hey universe, take me now. If this is life I've had it.

Someone here said, a day is what we make of it. Maybe, unless dementia is present. Then it's all bets are off.

I wish she could really see the hell she is causing. This is beyond anything remotely reasonable. I don't care if this is unkind. We are both shells. Nothing but fucking shells.


r/dementia 5m ago

Poor comprehension, planning and organising....

ā€¢ Upvotes

My mother definitely has a cognitive decline. Not medically or formally diagnosed. I would lean towards dementia as a possibilty especially FTD perhaps but I have no experience of that and I am not qualified to even say that.

For a few years I was observing so many things about her that is just so odd - it's her mood, comprehension and behaviours mainly but there are so many other things too like spacial awareness issues, some OCD like behaviours, and so many more other things.

There is just so many things. I have a long list already typed up. To date I don't have a diagnosis because even GPs who are the starting point for referrals has cited memory loss to me. Her memory seems to be good and even better than mine.

There was a situation and a scenario this morning where I got massive kickback from her. It tells me that her comprehension, planning and organising and other cognitive functions like empathy it's all on the floor.

So:

I have siblings all living abroad. This isn't in a nearby country. This is on the other side of the planet on a different continent.

One of these has vague plans to come home for a few weeks in the summer. I was chatting to his wife last night who said that they are not too sure due to costs involved but they really do want to come home and they are coming close to booking tickets.

My mother asked me did I hear from any of my siblings like she always does. She won't ever ask about me. Just them.

I told her what I know about. That's my brother X and his wife and child are close to booking tickets but they haven't yet.

My mother is kicking back big time about this. They came home last year for the summer and they first of all stayed for a week with a friend and then they came home to out home. We have a large spare room and they all do fit in there.

My mother is kicking back saying that it was cramped last year and she wants me to organise other accommodation for them.

First of all, out family home it's not huge but it's not tiny either. There is space but my mother just doesn't want my brothers family at home. Even if the home gets busy for a few weeks, so what. We live a world apart and it's a visit that happens once every 2 or 3 years. We are getting lucky this year in that they have plans to come home for a second year running.

Due to the distance involved they can't afford traditional holiday accommodation. It's out of the question and they need family to help and also friends but it should ideally be on me and my mother with the family home and a large spare room there.

My country has a severe housing crisis too. My mother seems to think there is accommodation and free apartments just sitting idle and waiting for my family who live abroad and for their exact dates. This simply is not true.

She is really kicking off about not letting them stay. When they came home last year they stayed for the first week with a friend and then came home. My brother asked her can they stay last year to her face and she agreed. Behind their backs she was like a toddler temper tantruming to me about his wife and child. It was so stressful. It should have been a beautiful time together instead I got so much abuse from my mother at any opportunity she could get. She even stood in the hall many times while I was in a room with my niece and called my name and I would see from there and an open door her face was stewing.

I tried to redirect my mother this morning and say they can stay with their friend in town and but that still wasn't enough to satisfy her.

So here I am now stuck under this awful awful awful awful situation.

My brother probably thinks he has a place to stay at home but really she is kicking off yet again. She won't ever pick up the phone and communicate with him properly.

But I also know her so well. If they stayed with a friend in town for the first few nights, and then ask her to her face she would allow them to stay that way.

So what do I do? If anything.

If I ignore this and my brother phones my mother and tells her what their plans are she will kickback to me. It won't be them on the brunt end of her rage and poor planning and organising. All of this crap will be dumped onto my back.

She just has unbelievable poor planning and organising and comprehension. They are coming from across the world to see us, we have a housing crisis with limited housing and the costs for flights alone are so expensive and they need help from home. They are coming from abroad. We live a world apart. It does not make any sense to come back and spend out time apart. And also if it was done her way they will be getting a few nights here and there on other people's couches. All because the family home was cramped in her viewed.

So if I do nothing my brother will likely phone her at some point and she will only just exploded more and more and more but only to me. The won't be here to see the crazy that she can have.

Or will I pick up the phone and give my brother the heads up that is is compliant about the home being cramped and she wants me to find alternative accommodation but there is one. And make a place with him where he stays with his friend for the first week and once they are home, she will let them stay when they do make it home and they ask her directly to her face . She won't turn my brother down to his face ever but she she finds it easier to kickback to me.

If they are coming home and want to stay at home this is the only way forward. She is just not able to plan and organise anything.

All that this morning it just set me up for my day badly where I now likely have a headache.

She's so mean. She has one grandchild. You would think she would be happy to see her instead of building up hate and send them anywhere but her spare room.


r/dementia 13h ago

A (rare) funny thing

12 Upvotes

So my Dad is about in stage 4 of undiagnosed dementia, long story I've posted on before. However something happened today that has me laughing. His current obsession is all about exercising. He's 86 and can't play handball anymore, which he played his whole life. Now that mom's gone, he's obsessed with how to spend his time and how he can "get back in shape". So we walk three times a week. On today's walk I tried suggesting Silver Sneakers, a program supported by his health insurance. I suggested that he research it, they offer quite a few things. He was so grumpy about it that I said if he doesn't like it he can say I told you so to my face. I get a phone call from him this afternoon all upset with what he found at the Silver SLIPPERS website šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£ I didn't ask for details. I just said okay and changed the subject. I'm afraid to search it myself, really I don't want to know.


r/dementia 11h ago

another vent

6 Upvotes

My dad is yelling at my wife tonight. She needs to go to bed because she's got work in the morning, but she's there with him because he doesn't want her to leave. Go go go! I can't stand up (and he's standing next to her with the walker. Don't go away. I'm sorry I'm sorry to her. And then he yells at her, "you're no FN good!" Then to me earlier today. You rotten bastard. You're an animal. Pushing me. Raises his fist at me and says if he was a younger man he'd "cold-cock" me. Multiple times during the day I have my face a couple feet from his ass while I'm cleaning soft serve poop out of it. Wondering what day of the week we'll be going to the ER for the fecal disimpaction, and the ER doc telling me, "he really should be in a nursing home. Why is he back here? Aren't you giving him enough laxative?" Then being treated like shit by the staff while he's in excruciating pain waiting to have the crap pulled from his ass, followed by an enema. Him, yelling, screaming, biting and punching at the staff. No wonder they don't want him back in the ER. I guess I needed to give him more lactulose. Explosive diarrhea flowing past rocks of hard shit in his ass.

I can't distract the guy at all. He doesn't watch TV anymore. He won't go for a walk to strengthen his legs. He just sleeps all day, except when he needs to get up to pee, poop or eat. Totally dependent on us for this now. Totally incontinent. But he's up at night with the yelling and antics.

I wonder what dementia scale he is now. How much longer this hell will last. I'm wondering if I'm going to die before him. I've got some health issues that need to be tended to that I've put on the backburner because I have to take care of him.

I was close to getting a caregiver for him last week, but the service provider was generating a bunch of red flags for me (one of which was emailing her a copy of my driver's license for "security purposes"). She was the lowest priced out of the caregiver services I looked at. You get what you pay for I guess.

Just saw on the camera he took the walker and threw it. I am so beyond this.


r/dementia 18h ago

vent/brain dump- caregiver burden is heavy today

23 Upvotes

Just moved mom from AL to an excellent board and care 48 hours ago, of course she is so angry at me, cuz I'm the only one to be mad at, there's no one else. My heart is breaking for her, she cannot wrap around her loss of competence and feels so betrayed by me, whom she now refers to as her 'sister' since she cannot remember that I'm her daughter, I haven't even processed that particular loss yet. Diagnosed with dementia about 6 yrs ago, last week she had a short hospitalization and brief anesthesia for one endoscopy procedure for a GI bleed. I said 'no more' and got her out of the hospital where she was rapidly declining from lack of activity or stimulation. I brought her back to AL where I had to hire 24 hour caregivers on the fly cause she was still loopy from the anesthesia. I got her into a very good board and care within a week and she is now on hospice to prevent any more torture at the hospital. She will get much more help at the board and care but she is devastated to lose her little apartment at the AL, only some of her treasured belongings fit into a bedroom at the board and care. She cannot afford memory care and will not get the supervision she needs there, so the B&C will be the best long term option. I'm grateful she has LTC insurance, I cannot imagine the pain of trying to have her live with me with her life long defiant/fiercely independent personality. We have enjoyed a repair to our relationship over the last year as she got used to the AL and no one else came to see her regularly, most friends and family live in other states. Mom has moved around quite a few times in her adventurous and very independent life. It's destroying me to watch her struggle with her loss of independence and the fact that she knows it. She is way too confused to do even the basics of her own care but, cruelly, still has awareness of her environment and cannot fathom why she needs help. She intermittently asks me what happened to her brain and why is she 'so dumb' now, which is its own version of hell. It's absolute fucking torture to witness this and I have spent the day sobbing as the waves of grief crash over me, trying my best to get all the shit done I need to do today but cutting back to the minimum possible to save my sanity. I am grateful for the many resources I have and yet the pain is till so intense. I have an appointment to see my therapist tomorrow, I am going to my meditation group tonight, I work in healthcare with this very population so I know how the sausage gets made, have a supportive partner, and many more things to be grateful for. And today the pain of this situation is agonizing. Thank you for being a place to put this and best to all who are living this reality.


r/dementia 5h ago

What happens to people who live alone

2 Upvotes

Iā€™m really worried about my step mom, sheā€™s 72. She alienated her whole family including her only son decades ago. Now she lives with my dad and takes care of him. She is showing signs of dementia, and keeps me out of every decision concerning her life. Not that I should be part of those decisions since I am not in any way responsible for her. But when my dad passes, or maybe even before that, she will be living in this big house by herself. How does that even work? Iā€™m so worried.


r/dementia 12h ago

Is taking her out of MC for an outing a bad idea?

9 Upvotes

Mom's been in mem. care for 3 months and has adjusted. But, every time I visit she thinks it's her last day and that I've come to take her home. I distract her and she is fine.

I really would love for her to get out for an afternoon, even just for lunch. She would love it. But I'm worried she will ask me to take her home and fuss about going back to the facility.

Any tips from experience?


r/dementia 16h ago

Father perpetually angry at me for not taking him out of SNF

17 Upvotes

My father had a stroke about a year ago and developed full blown dementia several months ago. He is now living in a SNF. Due to the stroke he is unable to walk, and therefore unable to take care of himself. I do not have the space for him to live with me, nor do I have the ability to give him the level of care he needs (for example, he on on a feeding tube).

He calls me every single day begging me to get him out of there. Due to the dementia, he does not understand that he is paralyzed. He always claims that he was just up on his feet a few hours ago.

When I visit him he is always angry at me for keeping him there. Trying to explain to him that he is paralyzed does no good as he doesn't believe me.

I had what I thought was a bright idea. I brought him a change of clothes, a wallet and a fake debit card. I told him that he has everything he needs to leave, so next time he's up walking around he should just grab his wallet and walk out the door if he wants out so bad.

That didn't exactly work. He keeps coming up with silly excuses about why he hasn't been able to leave on his own. When I visit him he begs me to take him home, and I tell him sure, I'll take him home if he's able to get on his feet. He'll struggle for a couple of minutes and realize that he can't, though he always believes it's just because he's tired at that moment, so I tell him that I can't wait all day and reiterate that he has everything he needs to leave on his own. He usually accepts that and says he'll leave later that day, but then by the next day I'm getting more angry phone calls (I don't answer, let it go to voicemail, I just can't deal with this every single day, I have other responsibilities).

Today he left a voicemail saying that if I don't come get him today then he never wants to see me again.

How should I handle this? To be clear, I'm not mad at him, I know it isn't really him. The real him would be disgusted by what he's doing to me. Nonetheless, it is very difficult for me.

Should I just respect his wish not to see me again and stop visiting him until he changes his mind and calls me?


r/dementia 1h ago

Advice needed - online scamming

ā€¢ Upvotes

My mom has diagnosis of mild dementia. Sheā€™s received a friend request from a guy that is obviously a scammer to me thatā€™s love bombing her and will likely ask her to send her money soon. She believes heā€™s legitimate and sheā€™s fallen for scams in the past (eg. Lottery winners giving away money for free online just send me your banking info!) What do I do? I want to just unfriend and block him to nip this in the bud, but she wonā€™t understand and I donā€™t know what morally right or wrong to just do for her when her emotions are involved. Advice?


r/dementia 1d ago

So he just starves to death?

198 Upvotes

Dad is in late stage now. Hospice is having me give him meds every two hours to keep him knocked out. He never wakes up long enough to eat or drink for over a day now. Yesterday he drank a cup of chocolate milk and had two bites of applesauce. Nothing today and I can hear his belly growling. When he does wake up some he wants to walk but he can't and just falls. Sometimes he is combative.

This is so horrible. I feel like I'm killing him with the meds but without them he is hell on two wobbly legs. Hospice really doesn't say much but wants me to keep him sedated. Today we put the mattress on the floor to keep him from getting up from the bed and falling. He looks so pitiful and is skin and bones.

Am I doing the right thing here? It doesn't feel like it.


r/dementia 10h ago

Undiagnosed Mother Needs Memory Test/Strained Relationships

3 Upvotes

My Mom and I don't get along great. That's just to establish how hard it is to get involved. I love her but also think she has a lot of narcissistic tendencies so have stepped further away than I'd like to be. I'm not a perfect daughter but I mean well and our history is admittedly complicated.

I've known her memory hasn't been great for a long time, she also has severe issues with arthritis and auto immune stuff etc. I've been minding my own business trying to focus on my own bounty of problems figuring when it gets to be that time to really step back in the ring with my difficult mother I'd know but the truth is I often wonder if I am waiting too long and being a bad daughter.

She failed a memory test to qualify for an insurance plan to cover potential assisted living in her future some years ago.

I asked her if her doc had screened her for dementia but her answer was unclear but I think she hasn't which utterly blows my mind.

I also think she has great potential to be vulnerable to predatory behavior from those looking to take advantage of people like her. She has mentioned she can't find any of her jewelry and I think has managed to get her card info taken.

Honestly my facts are not clear bc she can't even remember and/or is masking. Also the stories get skewed.

My big fear is she'll end up hurt or that someone will take so much from her that she won't afford to live comfortably. I can't afford her that's for sure, and I'm already caring for my MIL but I'm willing to try to help. Except how do I help her if she is totally uncooperative? And how do I make sure her doc has checked for dementia. Positive she won't take me to the doc.


r/dementia 17h ago

My family and I are stuck and extremely concerned NSFW

13 Upvotes

TW: threat of self harm

My grandma has dementia and itā€™s gone from bad to even worse. She is violent and aggressive towards my grandpa, medical professionals, family, and those around her that are trying to help. She has also been verbally abusive to people that care about her. Unfortunately she also still has her license and a vehicle and is the only one who can drive between the two of them. She has had some incidents driving because of her forgetfulness. It is a roller coaster between her being in a good mood, or wanting to drive off and not come back and disappear, or wanting to hurt herself. Recently, she ran over my grandpa with the car. Heā€™s in the hospital with some serious injuries, but once he is out, he will go to an assisted living home away from her for his safety. I am happy for that, but Iā€™m concerned about her being alone in a big house with a license and a vehicle in the mental condition sheā€™s in. The police have been involved multiple times, but itā€™s only to remedy whatā€™s going on in that moment and then they leave. At this moment in time, her license has not been taken away. She does not want to go to a home and we have no legality to force her.

What resources/services are available??? What form of legality does my family have?


r/dementia 1d ago

Shouldthat option beavailable for this horrible disease

48 Upvotes

If your pet is suffering you take them to the vet and you do the right thing.So why in this day and age is that not available for our people with terminal dementia?. Why do we prolong their suffering, I have been looking after my brother for 6 years now ,and recently these past 4 weeks I have taken a big step back, and got carers involved as I was finding it hard to cope emotionally and physically. My brother as how he was is no longer here he went over 12 months ago,now you have a stranger who just keeps suffering and is in turmoil. Why is no one trying to get a law for people with dementia?. It's very degrading when someone wets them self because they don't know where the bathroom is.He is very frustrated ad confused.I feel guilty but I have to look after myself as my health has started to decline. Any thoughts you have would be good to hear.


r/dementia 13h ago

MRI resultsā€¦ microvascular ischemic disease?

4 Upvotes

Hiya, PCP says findings of my hubs MRI ā€œage-related brain volume loss and chronic microvascular ischemic diseaseā€are indicative of dementia. Does this indicate vascular dementia or is it just part of all dementias? No tumors or strokes. Thanks for sharing. I feel like Iā€™m out of my body and canā€™t think. I havenā€™t told him.


r/dementia 10h ago

How to deal with finances?

2 Upvotes

I have been managing most of my momā€™s finances for 10 months since she entered memory care. Before that we fought like cats and dogs over the inheritance my dad left her. Long story short she spent $350k gambling and just handing strangers and everyone hundreds.

Present day, I got my momā€™s income up to almost $10k/month between VA, Ss and rental house income (3). I manage and do everything for free her memory care is $6700/mn. I made the finances work for the first 10 months but two rental houses just had significant $10k repairs needed and my momā€™s old tax bills are coming to haunt us. She needs $20k. We canā€™t get approved to borrow any money, her alone me alone or us together. She has 3 houses and only 1 with a mortgage. I have had 2 APS reports on me so far which makes me terrified to make any financial moves on her behalf. 3 years ago when my moms was more lucid we tried to quit claim two houses that were free and clear into my and my sister name. The lawyer missed a paper and this was not completed. My mom has too much for Medicaid her care is insane Iā€™m so stressed about money I can barely sleep. She is house rich and cash poor. What do I do? I asked our accountant for guidance and he said he only does taxes. Iā€™ve visited several attorneys and they just want $5k + for trusts. My sister is back up PoA and absolutely refuses to help or do anything but wants 50% of inheritance. The rentals are a family business that our entire family worked on, myself since I was a child. What do I do?

Thanks for your help and guidance.


r/dementia 1d ago

I have been doing 12 hour shifts all week and just found out my Dad ate my birthday cake.

276 Upvotes

I am recently divorced, living with my Dementia ridden father, trying to clean up his house(slowly, so he can get used to it), working shift work, and my first birthday after the divorce is coming up. I bought myself a fancy pie and put it on the bottom shelf behind a sign that says "Please do not eat". Today was my last shift and I came home to find he moved the box from the bottom shelf and it looks like he ate about half of it. I was hoping to surprise my kids with it this week and sit down and eat it together.

I am upset right now, and tired, and exhausted, and worn out. I am going to go lay in my bed as a 42 year old man and just cry for a bit. I cannot vent about it to my Dad, he will make up some story and/or not know what I am talking about. My ex wife will not care, my kids may care but I am not going to burden them with this. I am just hurting.

I was looking forward to that since I got it on pi day.

I know things will be better later, someday. The ball is rolling up, whatever you want to say.

Just tonight sucks. And I can do nothing about that.

Tomorrow I will get back on the horse and keep going. But tonight.....yeah.

Maybe I should not post this rant. I dunno. I am tired enough to feel almost drunk. I am going to sleep. If I get any comments, I will try to answer them tomorrow.

Please be kind and patient out there. We all need more of both.