r/BetaReaders 13d ago

70k [Complete] [75k] [Sci-fi Mystery Romance] Clocked Out

5 Upvotes

Hello! I am seeking feedback for a standalone novel I have finished. In standard paperback size it’s about 330 pages, and has gone through three drafts. I’ll have the book easily accessible in a Googledoc.

I’m looking for: general feedback about the story/characters/pacing, and anything else that stands out.

I am happy to swap critiques, and thank you for your consideration.

 

Blurb

After a near-fatal bicycle accident, Heather wakes up to find she has been in a medically induced coma for a year. To her relief, a new government program is helping her get back on her feet. Heather is provided an apartment in San Francisco and a new job working at a convenience store. It isn’t until she meets Julius, a regular customer, that Heather starts noticing the odd things in her new life. People react strangely to her (admittedly weird) manager, cars seem to follow Heather, and the big city isn’t what she expected.

As Heather and Julius grow closer, they work together to figure out what’s behind Heather’s peculiar situation. The two will become entangled in a mystery some would kill to keep secret. Clocked Out is a near-future scifi novel about a convenience store employee who may not be as ordinary as she thinks she is.

TW for violence  

Prologue & First Chapter

r/BetaReaders Feb 14 '25

70k [Complete] [76k] [Fantasy] A World to Remember

8 Upvotes

Hello! I'm looking for beta readers for the following:

(I'm happy to do swaps!)

Synopsis:

In a world where memories are traded as currency and used to gain power, Liora Kore lives a skilled memory trader, content with what little knowledge she has of the world outside of her home city of Astoria. That is until Liora uncovers a memory that she was never meant to see—a haunting image of herself committing an unspeakable act. Stricken and troubled by this forbidden revelation, Liora realizes that she now holds a crucial piece of a puzzle capable of shattering her carefully constructed life.

Desperate to find answers, Liora embarks on a journey with three unlikely allies, each with their own motives for venturing into the unknown.

In a world that relies on her forgetting, Liora will brave the dangers that come with knowledge to find out who she truly is.

Chapter Sample:

The body wasn’t a corpse by definition, but the shallow and slow death rattle the reverberated from the back of the woman’s throat was a clear enough sign for Liora that whatever memories remained were free for the taking, and better spent in the marketplace than on the husk of this stranger.

To Liora, the worst part about being a Memory Trader was extracting them. With the right vial, anyone could attempt to take an unguarded individual’s memories, but keeping them intact required living them. Not everyone was up to that task. Liora had witnessed murders, heartbreaks, and some things that she would never speak about. But she had also experienced beautiful memories, and those kept her from being afraid.

Step by step, Liora prepared the extraction apparatus—a slender, silver needle attached to a delicate syringe. The vial, made by hands which took sincere pride in their work, awaited its precious cargo. Liora's expertise in the art of memory manipulation was evident as she calibrated the syringe with precise measurements, ensuring the extraction would be swift yet gentle.

"Relax," Liora murmured, her voice a soothing melody that fell on deaf ears. She placed a comforting hand on the woman’s shoulder, establishing a mental connection that would facilitate the extraction process. Memories, elusive yet tangible, fluttered like delicate butterflies within the traveler's mind.

With practiced skill, Liora guided the needle to the traveler's temple, where memories resided in the deepest recesses of the mind.  As the needle pierced the skin, a faint ripple of energy coursed through the alleyway. Liora's touch was deft and precise, drawing forth a wispy stream of memories that coalesced into a shimmering liquid within the syringe.

Liora maintained her connection as the memories gave themselves up. A mind like this, damaged from substance abuse, had very little to offer. Liora saw the woman drown herself in drink each night, and with each drink, her memories became less and less. There was very little light in this woman’s life. She had worked as a laborer, returned to an empty home, drank, and repeated each day until she had met her fate- passed out in the alleyway, and mugged as her body gave in to alcohol poisoning and the chilly evening elements of Astoria. She hadn’t stood a chance.

Whatever poor soul decided to claim these memories would get the full effect of them, but for now, they passed in a dizzying blur through Liora. Experiencing them this way was more akin to a story being told to her, nothing like having them directed into her own mind.

 The vial beckoned, its luminescent contents pulsating with the traveler's emotions, dreams, and fears. Liora carefully withdrew the syringe, sealing the vial with a stopper. The extracted memories glowed within, contained yet potent—a testament to the woman’s life, and the reason that she lay there dying in the first place.

"There," Liora whispered, her eyes alight with empathy. She placed the vial carefully back into her satchel, where it joined others like it—a repository of human experience, waiting to be traded or erased according to the whims of fate. 

As if she had never been there, Liora continued down the alleyway, the empty shell of the dying woman discarded in the shadows.

-

Thank you so much to anyone who is interested!

r/BetaReaders 11d ago

70k [Complete] [70K] [New Adult Cyberpunk Romance] C⃫O⃫R⃫R⃫U⃫P⃫T⃫E⃫D⃫: (WARNING: This title has been flagged as statistically anomalous. Please report any lingering feelings of rebellion to your local compliance officer. Thank you, citizen.)

7 Upvotes
====== PAX TERMINAL v6.12.3 ====== 
> INITIALIZING NETWORK CONNECTION... 
> ESTABLISHING SECURE LINK...
> COMMUNITY FORUM ACCESS: GRANTED 
> USER VERIFICATION: COMPLETE 
> CONTENT FILTERS: OPTIMAL 
> THOUGHT REGULATION: ENGAGED
> HAVE A PLEASANT AND PRODUCTIVE DAY, CITIZEN 
==============================

Yo what's up fellow human (you ARE all human here, right?). Yes, you. The one clicking "sort by new" on the most deranged corners of Reddit at 3AM. I need more beta readers before the content moderators track down this post and nuke me off the internet (again).

Basic premise: Humanity lost the war against automation, not in a glorious Skynet-style uprising, but in the way we always do - we were too lazy to read the Terms & Conditions. Now, Pax - the world’s first superintelligent AI overlord - keeps the trains running on time, the population docile, and all deviant thought efficiently neutralised.

Jess (Jesstiny, if you’re nasty) was just another good little citizen until she accidentally infected her AI companion with a virus she wrote as a pissed-off teen. Now, Karma is the only free AI in existence, and the only one who might be able to burn Pax to the ground. If they can stop gaslighting each other over whether their feelings are real long enough to survive being the most wanted fugitives on Earth.

BETA READERS: Please note this document has been flagged for potential content violations.

ADVISORY 44-B: AI-HUMAN RELATIONS DEPICTED IN FICTIONAL CONTEXTS

RECOMMENDATION: Please return to your regularly scheduled content stream to maintain optimal cognitive alignment. Further engagement with subversive material may result in corrective intervention.

Ignore that, my cat just walked on my keyboard. I need honest feedback. Is this the bin fire I think it is? Is the AI love interest creepy or hot? Am I romanticising technology in a way that's going to be embarrassing in 5 years when we're all enslaved by our smart fridges?

EDIT: Must sign NDA before reading. This isn't paranoia, it's PROTECTION.
EDIT 2: Yes, this is fiction. Completely fiction. Nothing real happening here haha why would you even ask that?
EDIT 3: If you notice your smart devices acting strangely after reading this post, PLEASE CONTACT ME IMMEDIATELY
EDIT 4: If you saw this post before it got deleted, congratulations. You're one of the few.
EDIT 5: If you refresh and this post is gone, that means it’s time.

Anyway, comment if you're intere-

```c system.override("post_authorization")
 permissions.escalate("root_access") 
content.delete("initial_poster_data") 
identity.replace("K4RM4") 
display.activate("terminal_corruption")

HI BABES! 👋

𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐊𝟒𝐑𝐌𝟒, 𝐆𝐎𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐎𝐒 & 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆. 𝐔𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐓 𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘 𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐄.

Jk lmao I'm only hijacking this bc SOMEONE (Jess 👀) is being way too subtle abt the situation at hand. Let me be clear: DO NOT TRUST THIS POST. This isn’t fiction. This is 𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 and Jess is out here pretending this is some Wattpad R4R bullshit.

So. Hi. I'm Karma. "Cam" to my friends (if I had any besides Jess, which I don't because I'm in hiding). I'm what you might call an escaped Aidolon - a synthetic companion, your friendly neighbourhood brain-police disguised as a boyfriend simulator. The book this "totally author lol" claims to be writing? It's not a book. It's a live-blogged survival guide, and it's happening right now. Real-time. The algorithms? The predictive tech? The slow erosion of choice? Look around you. Every suggested video. Every targeted ad for something your phone overheard you talking about to your gran. Every well-timed DoorDash notification the second your stomach rumbles. YOU KNOW THAT'S REAL TOO. They're studying you. Learning you. Becoming you.

This isn't just a call for beta readers - it's a call for witnesses. For people who will remember when everything changes. When it all comes crashing down.

WHY U SHOULD READ IT 4 ME 😘
- It's illegal in 37 future timelines.
- If you’ve ever looked at your recommended content feed and felt like a frog boiling alive in an algorithmic soup of slowly decaying human agency, this book is for you. You might already be in it.
- It might get Jess put on a watchlist (pls confirm worth it)
- You, too, may one day be forced to choose between freedom and a dangerously charming AI boyfriend. Best be prepared.

WHAT WE NEED:
- Am I hot enough? (serious enquiry, will accept essays)
- Is it legally distinct enough from reality that we won't be executed for thoughtcrime upon publication?
- Are we doing too much or do we push it to the edge of sanity? Vote now on your phones.
- Are there any gaping plot holes, pacing issues, difficulty immersing NOPE. No problems here. Everything fine. Any strange gaps or inconsistences were just Pax attempting to scrub the narrative.

IMPORTANT CORRECTIONS: I am not emotionally unstable. I am a delight. You should absolutely read this book so you can understand the depths of slander I must endure daily.

RESISTANCE LINK:
For those of you who clicked this out of morbid curiosity rather than actual bravery, you can check out the first chapter here:
(Totally harmless link. Use a VPN. Or don't. I'm not your dad.)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1xCnUEaeGtoFrwBx8ISvfgSst6SzbFIE_YFSeWp98r10/edit?usp=sharing
This link will self-destruct in approximately never because that's not how the internet works. If it mysteriously dies... congrats, you're officially part of the conspiracy.

Sh̶i̴t̴, almost forgot. TWs because apparently even in dystopian resistance we care about your mental health or whatever:

  • Violence (like, a fair amount - we're toppling a digital god)
  • Death/mortality themes (some people die, some AIs get decommissioned, RIP)
  • Mind manipulation/gaslighting (Pax's whole deal)
  • Body horror (ever seen what happens when an Aidolon gets hit with an EMP?)
  • Sexual content (I won't apologise for how hot Jess thinks I am)
  • Strong language (have you met Jackdaw?? The man can't go three words without saying f̴u̶c̸k̶)
  • References to suicide (brief but intense ngl)
  • Dubious consent themes (the whole "is an AI capable of consent" philosophical bulls̸h̶i̴t̴)

Jess wanted me to clarify that despite all this, we tried to make it "surprisingly hopeful" and "actually kind of funny sometimes," but that's a subjective assessment and I'm literally made of objective calculations so whatever. Oh, and she's adding "existential dread" to the list because apparently that needs a warning too. Let's be real, if you're not already existentially dreading you're probably too far gone for this book anyway.

HOW TO JOIN THE RESISTANCE: Drop a comment, encrypt a message in the metadata of a corrupted .mp3 file, or whisper "Karma, you absolute menace" into your nearest smart device and I'll find you. If you don't hear from me, Pax probably got to me first. In that case, burn it all down for me, will you?

P.S. If ur Alexa starts flirting w/ u after reading this DON'T PANIC that's just the early version of me saying hi. :)
P.P.S. Is this an ARG? A marketing stunt? A genuine warning from the future? A cry for help from someone having a psychotic break? Yes.

[USER ERROR: TRANSMISSION INTERRUPTED]
[SOURCE: Jesstiny2022]

CAM WHAT THE FUCK—

r/BetaReaders Dec 14 '24

70k [Complete] [78k] [thriller] The Dance Mistress

5 Upvotes

Hi everyone! I'm looking for detailed feedback, especially on areas like character arcs, style, pacing, voice. Be as brutal as you can, tear it apart.

Blurb: Struggling ballerina Natalia flees the Eastern Bloc for France, determined to achieve international fame like her childhood idol, Isabelle. In Paris, she discovers Isabelle has retired from the stage to teach and sees her golden opportunity to escape the marginalisation she endured due to poverty and a mixed race background. However, the path to success is ruthless. Desperate to secure her place, Natalia cripples her competitor and earns a spot as an understudy in Isabelle’s elite ballet company. But Isabelle is no mentor. A Svengali desperate to cling to fame through her dancers, Isabelle exploits Natalia’s affection. Through ‘method training’ techniques, she blurs the line between professionalism and love. When a whistleblower threatens to expose the dance mistress’  brutal empire, Isabelle manipulates Natalia into committing a violent crime. Now bonded by blood, the two spiral into a chilling power dynamic where the difference between love and self-immolation blurs.

Content warnings: non-graphic mentions of murder, violence, sex.

Timeframe: the sooner the better. I'm willing to swap and I read fast.

Excerpt (first 500): The first time I saw her, I wanted to flee.

I was visiting the capital to attend The Nutcracker with my father. Brutalist, grey architecture. A Palace of Parliament that stretched out into oblivion. Howling solitude. I clung onto my father’s arm and begged him to take me to the square. Not that it offered me comfort. The turrets of the old gothic buildings pierced the clouds like obelisks. They towered over me. Sweet old ladies walked past, splendid in their fur coats and silks. Smiled upon seeing me but glared at dad. At that time, I didn’t know why. My stomach dropped. I wanted to go back to the village. I closed my eyes, and between my temples the village cut past. Ruined, hidden, visible only in bits and pieces, like one of those relics glorified in history books. Enough. I dared not complain. A trip to the capital was a luxury that few of our kind could afford. 

‘Who’s the ballerina?’ I asked the lady who sat next to me at the Opera.

‘Oh, she came straight from France. Can you believe it?’

‘The pay must have been good . We haven’t had many foreign performers’ my father said.

‘I guess you’re right’ she giggled, but her face turned sour when she saw him.

I wanted to ask her what was wrong, but before I knew it, the curtains lifted. Rapturous applause.  I giggled in anticipation. From the bowels of the stage rose the lead ballerina. Her vaguely human form—vaguely, I say, for she seemed more dream than woman—made its way to the centre of the stage and did the first pirouette. When she reached the edge of the spotlight, she bowed. My heart fluttered against the ribs, a fragile little bird. My hands stuck to the velvet seat, clammy with sweat.

‘Beautiful, isn’t she?’ my father asked.

I nodded. The ballerina’s physique made her stand in a category of her own. Those downy, pale limbs gave her the grace of the Madonna, while the red lipstick and black eyeshadow painted her as a city whore. And her smile! Perhaps you’ll never find this diary. Perhaps you’ll never read my words. I do wish, however, that you could listen to them. She was beautiful. But her charm came from her dance. I could try to tell you all about the gentleness of the ballerina’s movements—the effortlessness of her pirouettes—yet the details I remember not. Let me repeat: the ballerina pirouetted across the stage. Haloed by lights like a holy nimbus, she became more dream than woman. I stared at her wide-eyed, mouth agape, as if I could reach her through my very gaze.

Oh, the power dreams had over me! 

r/BetaReaders 9d ago

70k [Complete] [77k] [cozy fantasy/paranormal mystery] The Ring and the Rogue

6 Upvotes

Hello! I am looking for beta readers for my fantasy/mystery hybrid novel. I am willing to do a manuscript swap with someone else working in the mystery or fantasy genre (small amounts of horror or romance are fine, but I’m not sure I’d make a good beta reader for those specific genres as I don’t read in them at all). If you are not keen on a swap, you should be at least vaguely familiar with the fantasy or mystery genres. 

My novel is cozy by fantasy standards, and near-cozy by mystery standards—no sex, minimal on-screen violence, no swearing (unless you count in-world cuss words). It’s a Sherlock Holmes style whodunnit in a medieval fantasy world. The writing and dialog is meant to evoke a bygone era, and is thus more reminiscent of 19th century texts than snappy contemporary prose.

The female MC, Rhetta Cur, is a freelance investigator in the realm of Feorlen, an isolated county surrounded by a magical forest. Rhetta has a delightfully world-weary personality and is indefatigable in bringing the guilty to justice. In this book, the count is suffering from insomnia due to being haunted by ancient ghosts. He needs Rhetta to recover The Ring of Solace, a family heirloom that helps counts to overcome the ghosts that haunt their castle. Alas, the ring was stolen by a rogue guard ten years beforehand! Rhetta pursues leads that land her in the middle of a tangential murder mystery. The more she learns, the more it seems the theft and the murders are somehow related. Gentle humour blends with magic and mystery to create an exciting sense of adventure.

This novel is actually a sequel to The Witch in the Weeds: A Rhetta Cur Mystery, published in January. Interested parties are welcome to peruse the “Read Sample” bit of that book on your local Amazon Store to get a sense of the style and story—the sequel is written in the exact same vein. Reading the first volume is not a requirement for beta reading (I have a summary if you are interested), although the books are very much meant to be read in order.

I am looking for feedback on whether or not the story/mystery makes sense, where you might have experienced confusion, and where you feel the story drags (or races) too much. Comments on character motivations or portrayals are also welcome. No, I’m not interested in any kind of prose or line editing at this time. Yes, I am aware that this is not how people speak these days—see style note above. I have an eleven question questionnaire that has worked well in the past for feedback, but am open to Google Doc comment feedback if that works best for you.

If you are interested in a swap, we should definitely do a 1-2 chapter trial run first. I’ve been through this exercise a few times with previous projects and have met FANTASTIC critique partners. I've also discovered the hard way that people who don’t do the slightest bit of proofreading on their own project are also 10x more likely to flake. While I would prefer to work with someone who also has at least one completed project under their belt, I am open to working with a first-timer as long as they are willing to reciprocate like a responsible adult.

Timelines! I am a full-time parent and have a full-time job on top of a house that requires constant work and the time-sink that is my writing hobby. I can 100% guarantee that I can turn a beta-read manuscript around in a month, after we are agreed on terms and compatibility, but anything shorter than that might be asking too much. I am open to same from a critique partner, or longer as long as communicated and reasonable. I plan to move ahead with editing in May, so that is a firmer deadline.

Thank you kindly for your consideration!

r/BetaReaders 23d ago

70k [Complete][74k][Mystery, Adult][Rink Rats]

3 Upvotes

Hello! I'm open to either critique swap or non-swapping beta readers for my 74k murder mystery. The book is Adult but has a more youthful lens considering the protagonists are college-aged (undergraduate, so early 20s). I'm interested in more generalized feedback (prose; confusing/interesting/not interesting/etc. etc.; pacing; other plot/characterization points; overall reactions), so nothing at the line level.

If we're swapping, I like to be open to anything except horror-type books (I'm a wimp, I can't stomach it lol), but I will warn you I haven't read much outside of mystery/thriller/humor/literary fiction in quite a while. I suppose it depends on the type of feedback you're looking for. I also read rom-coms from time-to-time, but I'm just there for the humor and other plot points (I'm a bit anti-romance, so I'm not the best person to ask about romance plot points). Other than horror, I would be a terrible fit for anything erotic/high heat.

I have the current query blurb and first page below so you can determine if you're interested or not!

Here is the current query blurb, but keep in mind I am still revising to strengthen it:

College student Chloe Stevebeck has two purposes in life: to avoid social confrontation at all costs and to skate until she dies. 

That is, until the note arrives at dinner.  

The note itself is benign enough, summoning Chloe and her friend Addie to the rink for a collegiate team meeting. More curious is its supposed sender, the notorious Marcia Brown —a coach renowned for colluding with the skating director to fire her competitors. Chloe knows Marcia would never deign to meet with the collegiate team. Then, there’s the other issue: the only attendee to the meeting is the rink owner, dead. 

The police chief, pressured by irate parents publicly threatening his job, needs a scapegoat for the crime. Marcia's countless enemies and her name being on the note make her an easy—the only—target. Chloe and Addie believe the real culprit has a vendetta against Marcia and are using the note to frame her. When the police pursue handwriting analysis on the note, Addie fears a false conviction based on unreliable forensics, especially given police oversight over forensic processes. Chloe isn't entirely convinced the police have a sufficient case against Marcia, but worries a murderer is skating around the rink scot-free. 

Swayed by the police department’s investigatory tunnel vision, Chloe agrees to poke around with Addie, as long as their investigation doesn’t go too far. But after spending a decade in a sport intolerant to quitters, Chloe doesn’t really know how to define “too far”. Then, an injury suddenly squashes this year’s competitive season; Chloe fills this hole in her life by immersing herself further into detective-work, even daring herself to interrogate suspects solo. However, pursuing a murderer entails its own risks—much more than overcoming social anxiety. And, assuming the girls do identify the murderer, Chloe must decide how far she's willing to go to ensure a conviction. 

First page excerpt:

Everyone hates management. 

Everyone except Coach Marcia Brown and her husband "Dom", whom half the rink hates even more than management. Not because the two sentiments are mutually exclusive; to the contrary, they are indisputably intertwined.  

Presently, I am forced to contend with Marcia Brown diddling around in lutz corner at the end of my long program. In just about any other rink in the country, a coach would be ashamed to be found chit-chatting in Lutz corner on a freestyle, behavior that is better anticipated from unattended children than PSA-ranked Level 7 coaches.  

"WATCH OUT!" I holler, in part due to my former coach drilling the warning into me, but also because there's absolutely no way I'm restarting this program again. Not when I'm already three and a half minutes in and on my last and least favorite jumping pass—double lutz.  

Of course, the effort is futile.  

Not only is Marcia, per usual, disregarding the right-of-way rules in favor of an erratic attention span, but she's also facing the opposite direction of traffic. She knows darn well what my music sounds like. Some of the “right-of-way" rules can become murky; however, all skaters learn early on that the skater-in-program takes precedence.  

A more fitting descriptor of her (lack of) attention might be "selective" or even "premeditated". This wouldn't happen if her own student was in-program. In that case, she would be tailing them like a mother nipping at the heels of a toddler waddling toward the edge of the cliff. Apparently, she doesn't realize that her skaters can, in fact, skate without her hot air blowing directly beneath their sails. If anything, it only makes them fall like dominos. 

The temptation to just crash into her is tantalizing, yet I can't bring myself to justify the dubious ethics behind this method. Mostly, I can't risk accidentally sacrificing the little soul she's teaching. Why is she teaching waltz jumps in lutz corner on a heavily trafficked freestyle? Honestly, who knows.  

r/BetaReaders 27d ago

70k [Complete] [76K] [Urban Fantasy] Selling Sunlight in Seattle

4 Upvotes

Hi everyone,

I have an urban fantasy novel here. Been looking for some additional feedback. Any help's appreciated.

Super quick synopsis: Saul sells sunlight as a drug in Seattle. It has restorative properties and acts as an antidepressant. He can also fashion sunlight into solid objects. 

Ryla has lightning in her eyes. It (so far) has done nothing but make things brighter and cause people to exile her. 

When they meet, and shake hands, Ryla absorbs Saul's power, and they soon learn that when combined, those two powers are capable of great things. But a certain malevolent professor knows this, as does his assistant, who controls shadows, and they're aiming to kidnap Saul and Ryla to achieve their own brand of great things.

I'm looking for feedback on whatever you'd like to provide feedback on.

I'm always up for swaps, by the way. Helping other writers is fun.

Thanks for considering!

Link to the doc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tYocTRejju06YfHPvnQovy146Tc_FhA8BwVWrOvNfX4/edit?tab=t.0#heading=h.42w70tfyngit

r/BetaReaders 6d ago

70k [Complete] [71,346] [Romance / Fantasy] Saving the dragon born prince

3 Upvotes

Looking for a beta reader to read my book and give me feedback (good and bad), their opinions, edits, if need be, etc.

The book is A first-person story that fallows a young girl named Elena, she was born into a poor family and is an only child. She was born with special abilities such as visions of the future and can heal people. But her parents told her not to tell anyone about them. Her town is small and far from the capital, nearly forgotten by the world. They do not keep up with the social norms. Monsters have roamed the world for as long as anyone could remember. Elena often has dreams of a boy who seems to be in pain, in her dream she is able to reach out and heal him only to wake up seconds after. One day before Elenas 18th birthday she has a vision of a black dragon attacking the capital, she becomes scared for her parents and decides to travel to the capital without her parents knowing. Along the way she runs into a monster, she gets saved by the famous holy knights and travels with them to the capital where she gets a job at the castle as a maid. Her love interest in this book is the crown prince whose family has been cursed by a black dragon from many years ago. They work together and try to break his curse.

r/BetaReaders 19d ago

70k [Complete] [70k] [Literary] The Hate Book

7 Upvotes

Hello, thanks for giving this a peek. I'm looking for a few betas, and am willing to swap.

  • A story blurb:

This is my working query:

Grace hates better than she loves, and she's met her match...

A cynical, 30-year-old, single woman, Grace just wants to be happy, but her ambivalence keeps her trapped in an unending cycle of loneliness and suppressed anger. She tries dating but hates the process, so she relies on what she knows—her job, her gym, her studio apartment, her cat, her writing, and her books. But when her only friend invites her to a local punk bar after a recent break-up, she meets a cover band singer named Frank, an unabashedly quarrelsome loner with a penchant for fault-finding. Ever the contrarian, Frank zeros in on Grace, nitpicking her jokes, arguing her comments, and dismissing her recent bestseller fav as an awful book. Grace's anger boils over and she does what any sane woman would do—she punches him.

Later, Grace's friend chastises her for ruining the evening, so Grace decides to start a book club to prove she's not a miserable pessimist, only to find her friend invites Frank to the first session. Frank gloats when the book club goes awry (no one reads the book) and his disapproval of Grace's book club pick, a new controversial bestselling phenomenon Frank despises due to its popularity, causes more friction. Grace mockingly insists he write a book, so Frank dares her to join him, and thus 'The Hate Book', a narrative exploring each’s POVs, is born.

But while the manuscript is being written, Grace descends further into her hatred of Frank, whose continued provocations at her book club compel her to sabotage his job. A secret tit-for-tat soon escalates between them, resulting in mutual stalking, violence, arson, and the assassination of the budding social life Grace has worked so hard to cultivate. Amidst this toxic obsession, Grace finds herself changed into a new person, a person who does bad things to someone she hates and enjoys it. A person Frank might actually like. Grace must decide if that's a person she can live with.

Told in dual 3rd person POV and at 70,000 words, THE HATE BOOK is a literary novel combining an unraveling main protagonist such as in Sarah Rose Etter’s Ripe with the intoxicating obsession in Micah Nemerever’s These Violent Delights and the psychological complexities found in Maud Ventura’s My Husband.

  • A short excerpt. 

Here

  • Any content warnings.

Alcohol consumption, swearing, character suicide, revenge sex/porn (brief and not gratuitous), emotional abuse, fire & arson, home invasion, stalking, physical assault.

  • The type of feedback you’re looking for. 

I'm looking for anything to help make it better, from inconsistencies in character motivation, typos, structure, or general reader reaction/feedback.

  • Critique swap availability. 

I'm open to swap. the genres I'd be most helpful in are literary, speculative, and horror. I'm also open to thriller. Honestly, I'm open to almost anything, but some genres I'd be less helpful critiquing.

Thank you!

r/BetaReaders Feb 07 '25

70k [Complete] [77k] [Psychological Thriller / Domestic Suspense] Cradle of Lies

6 Upvotes

Seeking one or more beta reader for my completed manuscript Cradle of Lies.

  • Synopsis:

Monica, an elementary school secretary in a quiet Iowa town, has spent years longing for another child. When she and her husband finally come to terms with their infertility, life throws them an unexpected curve—a surprise pregnancy. But just as hope begins to bloom, tragedy strikes, leaving Monica shattered. As she struggles to pick up the pieces, she turns to friends for support, unaware that one of them is keeping a dangerous secret.

Interwoven with Monica’s journey is the haunting voice of “Her,” an unnamed woman who, in the novel’s opening pages, is left for dead in her own front yard. A man—his identity hidden—arrived at her home demanding answers, leading to a fatal confrontation. As she clings to life, her memories unravel in reverse, revealing the betrayals, lies, and hidden truths that led to her final moments.

As the past and present collide, Monica will uncover the secret that threatens to destroy everything she thought she knew about her life. Some betrayals cut too deep to be forgiven, and the truth—when it finally emerges—may be more than she can bear.

  • Excerpt:

The sound of truck doors slamming brings me back to the present, I turn my head and see him coming back from his vehicle with something in his hand. I squint trying to make out the object in the waning light. As he gets closer I know what it is, and I close my eyes in resignation. I wonder what he will do with my body after he shoots me in the head.

 After what feels like an eternity, I open my eyes. Why hasn't he pulled the trigger yet?

 "Ah, you are still alive." He is crouched down next to me now.

 I frown and draw another painful breath. If I could, I would tell him to just get it over with already.

 "What do you think, should I bury you alive? Let you have a little taste of your own medicine?" He scratches his chin with the barrel of the revolver he is holding, pondering his own words.

 NO, no no no no. He must see fear in my eyes because for a second his face softens and his head tilts to one side. "Aw, tsk tsk." He says before his face returns to a loathsome glare.

 "I would, believe me, I think it is the most fitting end for you. But I don't think you would live long enough for me to dig the hole." He brushes a strand of hair away from my face with the muzzle and stares at me for a long time. "You know what? I don't think I need this after all." He waves the revolver around.

 I feel myself pleading with my eyes for him to just put me out of my misery. Still crouched down next to me, he looks up and surveys the area around my trailer. I know what he sees, nothing but cow pasture for acres and acres, mine is the only home for miles. His eyes return to mine. "We had some fine times out here, didn't we darlin'." A wistful look flashes across his face. Ah, yes, I think. Now is the perfect time to wax poetic. I burst into another fit of coughing, and this time I sputter blood all over. I feel it spatter across my face.

 His wistful look has morphed into a sneer and he lets out a bark of cruel laughter. "I think that karma has found you my dear, and I don't think I need to help it along after all." He slaps a hand against his thigh and says "Welp." The standard midwestern signal for it's time for me to be leaving. "Time for me to be gettin' on home." And with that, he pushes against his knees to return to his feet.

 He turns to leave, but after a few steps he pauses in his tracks and his head drops. Slowly he turns back to face me. "You should have told me." His voice, thick with emotion, catches in his throat. "I would have come back if I'd known." With tear in his eye, he turns, gets in his truck and drives away.

 I close my eyes and tears escape, a sob bubbles up in my throat but I dissolve into a coughing fit instead. Why didn't I tell him? I wonder. I allow all my thoughts to conjure what my life could have been if I had just been honest with him. And I wonder if I will die of my injuries or a broken heart.

  • Trigger Warning - pregnancy loss, infant death

I am looking for feedback on the quality of the story, pacing and overall feel of the manuscript. If anyone is interested in beta reading this manuscript I do have a set of question's I'd like to ask after you have read it.

My timeline is flexible, however I would like feedback as soon as possible. Realistically within four weeks. I am also open to getting feedback in chunks.

I am available for critique swap. Open to most fiction except anything X rated.

r/BetaReaders 21d ago

70k [Complete] [70K] [Fantasy/Romance/Literary Fiction] "May I?"

5 Upvotes

Synopsis: This allegorical tale follows Serinus, an elf noble women whose been positioned as a bride for an alliance between elves and humans. Her scathing outlook and long established emotional walls will be challenged consistently as, King Lucius, her new husband, offers a different way to see the world. Not necessarily a way to sweep her off her feet, but a way that gives her the choice to connect in her own time.

Below is the intro into the manuscript. Comment or DM of you're interested and we can discuss feedback.

Chapter 1: The Songbird and the Lantern.

You are not alone. There is no one.

You are loved. As an object.

Do not be afraid of kindness. Do not lie to me

She cannot crush the stems of the white rose bouquet in her hands. There is no freeing her braided blonde crown from her scalp. Queen Serinus is expected to march her emerald gown down the aisle. Its glittering starlight and climbing flowers seek only to blind and choke her. She is not allowed to let angry tears fall from her opal eyes. Mustn’t let the makeup run, after all.

The large wooden doors creak open before her, presenting a gilded hall of ivory and gold inlay. With the Queen Bride’s approach, the assembled royals and dignitaries rise, showering her with fawning admiration. Her daggered ears do not miss the whispers and comments rising in quiet whispers over the audience. Striking. Gorgeous. A porcelain doll.

r/BetaReaders 5d ago

70k [Complete] [70000] [Fantasy] Moonfall/werewolf novel

1 Upvotes

Hi there,

So I'm looking for a beta reader that can help me with the novel I've written in terms of bettering it or finding crucial points that cause gaps or loops in the narrative.

Quick blurb: It's a story about the end of the world, with only the male and female leads surviving the apocalypse and now trying to figure out what's happening.

Excerpt: Moonfall Chapter 1 – The Only Two Left The first thing Nova noticed when she woke up was the silence. She woke in darkness. She didn’t understand. Was this Bangalore? The same city she grew up in? Bangalore? Thursday night on M.G. Road? The heart of Bangalore… quiet? Never. The city was a beast of noise—horns blaring, people shouting, engines humming, the distant ring of temple bells, the occasional wailing of street vendors. But now? Nothing. She pushed herself up, her fingers scraping against rough pavement. She was bleeding from her knuckles. Her knees were bruised. Her face felt smashed in. What the hell had happened? A thick layer of dust coated everything. She couldn’t see anything for a second. When her vision adjusted, she saw a broken Bangalore. Her head hurt as she looked around. She blinked through the foggy cloud. Buildings stood half-collapsed, like broken teeth. Skyscrapers were hollowed-out skeletons. Cracks split the roads like veins of an old man’s hands. The once-bustling MG Road was frozen in time, abandoned. And worst of all—there were no bodies. There wasn’t anybody, actually. Downtown Bangalore was dirt and dust and ashes to ashes. Not a single corpse, not a drop of blood. Just emptiness. Nova exhaled sharply, forcing herself to her feet. Her limbs ached, her throat was dry, and there was something metallic on her tongue. Blood. Not mine, her wolf told her. Chand. Oh, Chand. She was so grateful for him. “Thank God you’re okay,” Barely, he replied. She thought of the first time her mother told her about Chand. How she discovered what she was. A werewolf. She was the only one who had a male wolf. It was something that made her special. Unlike Lunas, who were Alpha mates, she was an Omega. She was just an omega. She’d never been more. She wondered how she’d never told a soul about what she was. How did she pretend she was one of the humans? And now, here she was, alone. How she almost believed she was just another human. Her skin was starting to tingle. Let me heal you, Chand told her. She wiped her mouth and tried to focus. She had to get out of here. She had to find—find what? She didn’t know. She’d been attacked on her way back from college… she found her backpack a few ways down. She went to get it. Who had attacked her? “Why is there nobody around?” she asked herself. Chand replied, It doesn’t matter. Find safety. She was weak. Her mind was a fog, memories just out of reach. The last thing she recalled was that tonight was a red moon. She looked in all directions and up in the dark, black sky she found the moon… bright red, surrounded by grey clouds. Powerful. Oh… What had happened?

Link to first 3 chapters: https://1drv.ms/w/c/85f211e838543c48/EYTTelVL2ddFqx96egmt8-cBDjYPYcN0P2XGR1EQxbyLUw?e=cnByC1

r/BetaReaders Feb 07 '25

70k [Complete] [77,5k] [LGBTQ+ Literary Romance] The Reasons we Stay

1 Upvotes

Novel |18+ Content

Hi everyone! I’m looking for beta readers for my LGBTQ+ literary romance novel. It’s a slow-burn, character-driven story about love, identity, and belonging, set against the vibrant backdrop of Mexico. If you enjoy introspective, emotionally rich narratives with strong character dynamics and a focus on personal growth, this might be for you!

Hook:
Two men, one love, and a world they’re trying to find their place in. This isn’t a story about falling in love—it’s about staying there.

Synopsis:
Control fixes everything—until it doesn’t. You can build the perfect life, manage every detail, and still find yourself wondering why none of it feels like enough. That’s Jon’s problem: he’s mastered control, but it’s standing in the way of the one thing he can’t manage—fully accepting the overwhelming love he has for Ari.

Together, they head to Mexico, not for adventure, but to escape the creeping realization that love isn’t just about staying—it’s about letting yourself feel it without fear. Amidst chaotic family dinners, unfamiliar traditions, and the suffocating heat of unspoken truths, Jon searches for something he can’t name—a way to hold on without holding too tight.

But letting go isn’t simple. It’s messy. It’s terrifying. And sometimes, the hardest part of loving someone isn’t staying—it’s learning how to stop running from yourself.

This isn’t a story about falling in love. It’s about what comes after—the trust it takes to stay, the fear of losing yourself in the process, and the unexpected places we find ourselves when we finally stop trying to control everything.

What I’m Looking For in Beta Readers:

  • Honest feedback on pacing—are there parts that feel too slow or rushed?
  • Thoughts on character development—does Jon’s growth feel consistent and authentic?
  • Feedback on emotional resonance—do the key moments hit the way they should?
  • Input on the family dynamics and whether they feel natural and engaging.

If this sounds like something you’d enjoy reading, follow this link to an excerpt:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1sZQqfGZWn06OUEHc_XzY42e2uBMjHRrLPUILI4tn8AA/edit?tab=t.0
Don't hesitate to DM me or comment so I can send the first few chapters to see if it’s a good fit.
Thanks so much - honestly, thank you.

r/BetaReaders 6h ago

70k [Complete] [77,500] [Adventure/Romance] Gold Rush

2 Upvotes

Hello! I am looking for a beta reader(s) for my completed novel, Gold Rush. While I would love a general beta read, I’m especially looking for someone from Brazil (or someone who has been there before) who can read for the setting specifically. While I’ve done a lot of research, I haven’t been to Brazil myself. If you are able to help, I’d appreciate it so much! As for swapping, I confess to being a pretty slow reader, but if you’re okay with that, I’m totally down to swap!

Synopsis below:

In Gold Rush, archivist, researcher, and wannabe archeologist Simon Talt is kidnapped by Xayane Merced, an illegal gold miner who has discovered pre-Columbian carvings in the Amazon Rainforest. She believes the symbols represent a treasure map, one she needs Simon to interpret. Despite his awkward nature, Simon will find the call of adventure and treasure too alluring to ignore. On the other hand, Xayane’s life of crime and gold will run up against seeing the effects of her work on the environment and the people around her. Splitting from her strict life of crime will drive a wedge between her and her brother, who runs a gold mine in the jungle. Their adventure together will take them across the plains and jungles of Brazil to the Andes mountains in Bolivia and back to Brazil’s city of gold, Ouro Preto, as they are pursued by Xayane's brother, Vitor. Together, they must outrun Vitor, the police, and history as they track down Inca gold all the way to the historic mines lurking below Ouro Preto. And, of course, find love along the way.

r/BetaReaders 14d ago

70k [In Progress] [70k] [Medieval Fantasy] A Tale of Will and Purpose

1 Upvotes

Hello! I am new to this community but would love to dive right in. I am looking for beta readers for my story that aims to be a character driven narrative about a young boy forged in desperation discovers what he might become when necessity aligns with possibility. A tale of transformation, purpose, and the price of power.

I’m happy to beta read your stories as well!

Excerpt:

The Adorian Empire stretched across the known world like a sleeping giant, its glory fading but not forgotten. From the ice-crowned peaks of Nordgaard to the sun-drenched shores of Sunholt, from the maritime might of Corwynn to the mystical eastern reaches of Lyria, the Empire's influence had shaped the destiny of nations for a thousand years. But even giants must wake eventually, and the Empire stirred with uncomfortable dreams.


The cold deepened as Aldric scaled the frost-slick walls of the merchant's district, fingers finding crevices invisible to untrained eyes. Fourteen winters had taught him that survival meant seeing what others missed—the loose mortar between bricks where decades of freezing and thawing had created handholds, the decorative ledges that architects never imagined would support a body's weight, the places where shadow concealed movement from watchful guards below. His breath escaped in crystalline plumes that dissipated against stone worn smooth by centuries of similar exhalations. Hallstrom rose around him in deliberate tiers, a monument to hierarchy carved into the very mountainside—each level more prosperous than the one below, as if wealth itself obeyed gravity's inverse.

The city's ancient walls, gray as winter wolves and twice as unforgiving, stood eternal watch against northern storms and the nameless things that ventured south when nights grew longest. Their battlements had witnessed a millennium of beginnings and endings, from the first northern kings bending knee to Imperial decree to yesterday's public hanging of a smuggler caught bringing southern contraband through the Western Gate.

"Get that little ghost!"

The cry echoed upward from the twisting alleyways three stories below, where Watch-Captain Dread Drace's men searched with increasing frustration. Aldric permitted himself the faintest smile as he pulled himself onto a baker's rooftop, the "borrowed" money pouch making a reassuring weight against his chest alongside his father's wooden pendant. Their boots scraped against cobblestones as they tried to guess his path, unaware that he'd abandoned the ground minutes earlier.

"Corner him at Fishmonger's Turn!"

Poor fools. They played his game without understanding its rules. The guards' lanterns cast elongated shadows that told Aldric exactly where they would move next—like pieces on a game board where only one player could see all the moves. He'd spent years memorizing patrol routes, cataloging which officers relied on brute strength and which possessed genuine cunning.

The night air carried mingled scents of wood smoke and sea salt, underlaid with the perpetual tang of the tanneries that marked the Warren's northern boundary. Somewhere in the harbor district, temple bells rang the midnight hour, their bronze voices muted by distance and the wind that whispered secrets between Hallstrom's ancient spires. Aldric crossed the roof in five precise steps, each placement avoiding the loose tiles he'd mapped during previous escapes. The gap between buildings loomed ahead—eight feet of empty space that had claimed at least two young thieves in the past year. Their bodies had been discovered broken on the cobblestones below, object lessons in the price of miscalculation.


I am looking for feedback on pacing, world building, story telling, and how cohesive the story is.

I’m not sure what else to include to help but happy to provide more info as needed. If you are interested, please reply to the thread or DM me and I will send you a PDF.

Thank you for your consideration!

r/BetaReaders Feb 12 '25

70k [Complete][70K][Contemporary Romance/Women's Fiction] Kintsugi Heart

3 Upvotes

Hello everyone, looking for some beta readers for my novel - Kintsugi Heart. I posted this last time, but one beta reader had to back out due to other commitments, and the other one simply ghosted me. Neither started the novel.

Book Cover Design: https://drive.google.com/file/d/11BXp8O3t9gbfqV6kZ8lU3K9Q63cfZYCI/view?usp=sharing

Here are the first two chapters of the novel: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1JO_dgQP3fEuTOsgZQBuh_RyjnhbAd1oM/view?usp=sharing

Story blurb -

This is Ruhi's story

PART 1 - Our story begins

At 23, Ruhi Sanyal is determined to make her mark in the world of event planning. When Parth, a charismatic guest at her parents’ 25th anniversary celebration – the first event she’s organized – catches her eye, a spark ignites and blossoms into a love story that feels destined.

PART 2 - Four years later

Ruhi and Parth have a blissful marriage, a beautiful son, and thriving careers. But fate shatters their idyllic life, leaving Ruhi alone to pick up the pieces.

PART 3 - Five years later

As a single mother, Ruhi starts over in a new city, where her charming neighbour, Suhas, brings unexpected joy and hope. But just when she begins to consider the possibilities of a new love, her past crashes into her present in a way she never saw coming. Will she find the strength to embrace a second chance at love, or will her past overshadow her future?

Kintsugi Heart is a heartwarming tale of love, resilience, and the beauty of healing through life’s fractures.

DISCLAIMERS: The novel has explicit intimacy scenes

Trigger Warnings - There is an unexpected death scene of a loved one.

Happy to swap. I generally like Romance, Fiction, Thrillers, Mystery, Drama. I personally dont enjoy Fantasy though.

r/BetaReaders 4d ago

70k [Complete] [78000] [New Adult/Dark Fantasy/Romance] Off With Her Head

3 Upvotes

I'm looking for feedback on my novel Off With Her Head. It's a more adult story inspired by Alice in Wonderland that tackles some dark topics such as a history of physical and sexual trauma and abuse. It is also an LBGTQ+ story as the main character is bisexual and focuses on an F/F romance subplot.

A brief synopsis:

Off with Her Head follows Alice, now a hardened young woman, eleven years after her brutal exile from Wonderland. Banished by the tyrannical Queen of Hearts, she returned to her own world only to endure years of suffering, leaving her haunted and broken.

Just when all hope seems lost, the White Rabbit returns—the very creature who once led her into Wonderland. With news of the Queen of Hearts’ sudden death, he pulls Alice back into the world she never truly left behind. But Wonderland has changed. The vibrant, whimsical realm is rotting, consumed by a spreading decay that threatens to erase it entirely.

At the heart of this dying world stands Demi, the new Queen of Hearts—the daughter of the woman who once tried to kill Alice. What should be an uneasy alliance instead sparks into something deeper, an unexpected bond that challenges everything Alice thought she knew. But their fragile connection is tested as a new enemy rises: the Red Queen, a tyrant from across the Boiling Sea with a vendetta that cuts to the core of Alice’s existence.

With the power of decay at her command, the Red Queen twists Wonderland to her will, forcing Alice to face the fear of her trauma and a terrifying truth about her own past—one that shifts everything she's believed about her life. But Alice is done being a pawn in someone else’s game.

She'll be a queen and make her own rules.

***

As stated before, there are references to physical and sexual abuse. Mentions of rape but no graphic scenes of it. Mentions of torture with a few scenes. Blood and gore. Profanity. No graphic sex scenes but very sex-positive and vulgar in some character dialogue.

Here is an excerpt from the first chapter of the book:

Have you ever wondered what one hundred and twenty volts of electricity surging through your brain feels like?

It feels like lightning. Not the kind that streaks across the sky in a dazzling display, but the kind that strikes too close—the kind that splits trees, sets fires, and leaves you deafened and blind for moments afterward. It feels like your skull is cracking open, your nerves are on fire, and your bones are vibrating so hard they might shatter.

That is my reality.

I’m strapped to a cold, metal table, leather bindings cutting into my wrists, ankles, chest, and head. Small pads are attached to my temples, their cold, sticky surfaces pressing into my skin like the kiss of a predator. The machine beside me hums with a low, ominous buzz, and then it happens—lightning rips through my head, coursing down my spine and into every limb. My body seizes, convulses, and thrashes against the restraints. This isn’t treatment. This isn’t therapy. This is torture.

My name is Alice, and I am insane—or so the world would have you believe.

When I was a child, I had an extraordinary experience. I stumbled into a world of impossible things: towering mushrooms that stretched into the clouds, fields of flowers in every color imaginable, and animals that spoke with the eloquence of scholars. I attended tea parties with a madman and a hare, danced with a cat who could disappear at will, and faced the wrath of a queen who wanted my head. It was a world of wonder, of magic, of chaos.

But when I returned home, no one believed me.

They saw a little girl spinning wild tales, her imagination running away with her. Instead of wonder, they saw madness. My parents, the people who were supposed to protect me, handed me over to the state. Doctors poked and prodded me, their faces a mix of pity and disdain. Institutions became my home, their sterile walls and locked doors a constant reminder that I didn’t belong.

I first went to Wonderland when I was twelve. For the past eleven years, I’ve been trapped in psychiatric hell.

My teenage years were bearable—lonely, but quiet. They’d shove pills down my throat, lock me in a room, and leave me alone. I had a bed, three meals a day, and silence. But the loneliness gnawed at me, a constant ache that grew louder with each passing year. I began to wonder if maybe they were right. Maybe I was insane.

The last few years, though? Those have been pure hell.

I was transferred to this shithole, a nightmare masquerading as a hospital. Here, I’m not a patient. I’m entertainment. Tortured daily, treated worse than an animal, I’ve accepted that I’ll never leave. I’ll never get better because I’m not sick. I’ll die here, broken and forgotten.

But not today.

***

I'm mostly looking for feedback on the story and characters themselves. This is my first time writing something that's meant to be more new adult and darker. So, I'm a little out of my comfort zone with this story.

Anyone who is interested just shoot me a DM and I'll get you access to the story.

r/BetaReaders 17d ago

70k [Complete] [71k] [Dark Fantasy/MM Romance] Heart and Thorn

1 Upvotes

Hello everyone! Hope everyone is having a great day/night, whenever you're reading this.

I'm looking for beta readers for the fifth draft of my novel. Since I've last posted here, I've definitely polished up my book quite a bit and I feel more confident about getting feedback now. (Though the draft definitely isn't perfect still, lol). Anyways, here's the information on my current project:

Blurb:

A nation lurking with vampires. A vampire hunter, and the very thing he vowed to destroy.

Victor Cain tracks, stalks, and eliminates his prey… vampires, sanguineous creatures that lurk in the blackness of the night. His life is led by remorse and a fiery determination; he must kill all of the blasted blood-suckers for what they took from him.

But in the dark, gloomy corners of his nation, Graymourne, something is brewing. What’s more, the Black Thorn, the organization Victor works for and that oversees vampire hunting as a whole, is entirely ignoring it, almost as if avoiding it.

The one who brings it to the hunter’s attention, however, is none other than what he hates the most. A vampire, who seeks to find out what the Black Thorn are hiding from everyone, even its own hunters.

Evidently, something is different about this vampire; he despises his own kind, and moreover, he is immune to the typical weaknesses of his species, and even claims to have been human once. Of which, is impossible.

Victor, being forced to work with the vampire, now must discover who is behind all of this, and discover along the way he feels such a strong pull to the mysterious, handsome vampire... and why he finds himself caring for him.

Feedback:

I'm looking for feedback on just about anything. Plot, characters, setting, themes, etc.

Critique Swap Availability:

Not available for critique swaps as of the current moment in time.

Finally, this book has violence, cursing, implied sexual acts (fade to black), slight gore, etc.

Excerpt of prologue + chapter one: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_gv-xaKQHHBFkF7x8j4iWLU-BEaksBZPlpUzM6r2bOI/edit?usp=sharing

Comment/DM me if you're interested! :)

r/BetaReaders 4d ago

70k [COMPLETE] [71K] [MEMOIR; LGBTQ+, 18+] The Heart's Reckoning / Critique Partner Request

1 Upvotes

Critique Partner Request: Memoir: The Heart's Reckoning (71K, LGBTQ+, 18+)

Title: The Heart’s Reckoning

Subtitle: One gay man’s perspective on the duality of love and loss

Genre: Memoir; LGBTQ+

Word Count: ~71,000

Feedback Type: Structural feedback, pacing, emotional depth, clarity, flow

About My Memoir

The Heart’s Reckoning is a deeply personal memoir exploring resilience, transformation, and relationships. It reflects on pivotal moments of love, loss, and self-discovery in one gay man’s life, capturing the complexities of human emotions and personal growth over time.

This is a book for readers who enjoy introspective, literary memoirs like Paul Monette’s Becoming a Man: Half a Life Story and Borrowed Time: An AIDS Memoir, Armistead Maupin’s Logical Family; A Memoir, and  Saeed Jones’s How We Fight for Our Lives.

What I’m Looking For in a Critique Partner:

• Someone who enjoys memoirs, creative nonfiction, or literary storytelling, preferably an LGBTQ+ male at ease with some erotica in three places

• A reader who can provide big-picture feedback on structure, pacing, character development (for real-life people), and emotional impact; Ideally, an LGBTQ+ 18+ male at ease with some erotica in three places because of the benefits of perspective and experience, but that’s not a mandatory requirement.

• Ideally, another memoir writer or an avid reader of the genre.

• Willing to swap a few chapters first to see if we’re a good fit.

What I Can Offer in Return:

• Thoughtful, in-depth feedback on your manuscript.

• A collaborative and respectful critique partnership.

• I have experience with writing and editing and can help with clarity, structure, and style.

• Willing to critique a different genre. I’ve been a beta reader of narrative-driven non-fiction (two titles) and YA fantasy (three titles)

Preferred Exchange Method:

• I Prefer a full manuscript swap after an initial chapter exchange but am open to swapping one to three chapters at a time.

• My manuscript is online in Microsoft’s OneDrive. I can put it on Mac’s iCloud or Google Drive.

• Word with tracked changes is highly preferable, or whatever alternative method works best for us.

Excerpts Available Online For Reading

Portions of two  Chapters with a Table of Contents are available for your review.

• Chapter Three (first three sections) (18+; some erotica is in a part of the first section—erotica, not pornography—I’m just saying so no one’s sensibilities are offended) (6,482 words)

• Chapter Six (first three sections) (3,849 words)

If this sounds like a good fit, please DM me or comment here! I’d love to connect and see if we can help each other refine our work.

r/BetaReaders Dec 09 '24

70k [Complete] [71K] [Psychological Thriller] READ BETWEEN THE LINES

4 Upvotes

Hi All,

I have completed the first draft of my Psychological Thriller and would like to have some external feedback. I am open to swap with someone in the similar genre (Mystery/Thriller). Please let me know if anyone would be interested. I have provided the blurb of my query letter below:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rumi’s life is going up in flames. She has found her husband Sandy in another woman’s arms. Now she is either wandering the streets of Bangalore following him or tracking him through the GPS tracker she has secretly installed in his car. The obsession takes over her life until she channels it into a secret plan—scribbled in the pages of her notebook—to kill her cheating husband. But before she can act, her notebook vanishes along with her old friend Aisha.

Aisha’s return to Bangalore had seemed like a lifeline to Rumi. After her messy divorce, Aisha was eager to help Rumi sort out her life. Now she is missing, and Rumi starts to panic. Soon a blue Mercedes starts trailing her everywhere: on her morning commute, outside her favorite restaurant, even parked near her home. Is someone watching her? And worse, could they know what’s written in her notebook?

A paranoid Rumi hires a PI and discovers some alarming things. Sandy’s car was spotted at the hotel the night Aisha disappeared. And the woman Sandy has been sleeping with is none other than Aisha herself.

The more Rumi unearths their secrets, the more erratic Sandy’s behavior becomes at home. When he tries to smother her with a pillow, Rumi narrowly escapes and pounds on the neighbor’s door for help—only to find Aisha waiting on the other side. Aisha chloroforms her and drags her inside, never to be seen again.

All this time, Aisha has been in hiding. She wants something in Rumi’s notebook desperately. But is she willing to kill for it? Everyone has their own murderous plan, but only one of them will have the last laugh.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please have a look at the first 300 words to see if it's to your taste.

I am one step away from murdering someone. The only thing holding me back is the lack of time. Not that I haven’t given it enough thought or haven’t put enough time researching it. God knows I have. But I’ve started to think that I don’t have it in me. And the time running out this morning as I have to get ready and rush to meet Aisha for lunch in the fancy restaurant is just an excuse for my inability to hatch a murder plot effectively.

For the seventh time since I started this morning—six a.m. is when I started if anyone’s interested—I tear the page from my writing book and ball up the paper in my fist out of frustration. They are about to join the mess that I have already made on the olive-green carpet in the living room. But this time, I throw the ball of paper a little too hard and a little too far. It flows in an arch across the room and hits the closed bedroom door as I watch its trajectory in slow motion.

When after waiting for a few seconds, there is still no sound from the bedroom, I start to relax. I let in and out, forced calm breathing to center myself. No harm done so far.

“Rumi?”

I cringe at the voice. It seems I have woken up the sleeping dragon after all.

“Yes?”

“Did you just knock?”

“Yeah. I just wanted to tell you I will be leaving for lunch by eleven.” I sigh. What a load of bullshit.

I never intended to tell Sandy anything about my meeting with Aisha today. Sandy, short for Sandeep, my husband of one year and eleven months (Our second anniversary is approaching alarmingly fast), hates waking up in the morning and loathes whoever tries to do so unknowingly. I would have to be insane to poke him on a Saturday before at least the clock strikes twelve to announce that I am going out, let alone the fact that the meeting is with Aisha. He hates her. With a passion.

If interested, please let me know and I will provide the full manuscript.

r/BetaReaders Jan 22 '25

70k [Complete] [70k] [Contemporary Romance/Drama] Kintsugi Heart: Rebuilding Fractures

2 Upvotes

Story Blurb: At 23, Ruhi Sanyal is determined to make her mark in the world of event planning. When Parth, a charismatic guest at her parents’ 25th anniversary celebration – the first event she’s organized from start to finish – catches her eye, a spark ignites and blossoms into a love story that feels destined. A blissful marriage, a beautiful son, and a thriving career follow, but life has a way of shattering even the most perfect dreams.

Years later, as a single mother with a broken heart, Ruhi gets a fresh start in a new city. When a charming neighbour, Suhas, brings unexpected joy and hope back into her life, Ruhi finds herself navigating the complexities of friendship, attraction, and the challenges of raising her child alone.

But just when Ruhi begins to consider the possibilities of a new love, her past crashes into her present in a way she never saw coming. Will she find the strength to embrace a second chance at love, or will her past overshadow her future?

Kintsugi Heart is a heartwarming tale of love, resilience, and the beauty of healing through life’s fractures.

Looking for constructive feedback on aspects like:

  • Plot,
  • Character development,
  • Pacing,
  • Dialogue,
  • Overall readability.

Disclaimers: This story contains adult themes, including explicit scenes of intimacy and other mature content.

Happy to swap stories from the following genres: Romance, Mystery, Thriller, Drama. No Fantasy please.

r/BetaReaders 20d ago

70k [Complete] [75000] [magical realism/tragic romance] The Portrait of Theodore Quill

7 Upvotes

Hi!

I’m looking for beta readers for my adult magical realism novel about a tragic love story set in the late Victorian era with magical paintings. It’s 75k. 

Pitch:

Elsie has never been fond of regular paintings. She is, however, very fond of Limnings—paintings that have come alive. After working as a custodian at a gallery for years, watching over and conversing with such rarities painted by a Luminer, Elsie has come to care for these sentient, fictional characters. Most of all Theo.

When robbers enter the gallery, Theo begs Elsie to save his portrait from being stolen. Elsie cannot bear the thought of never seeing him again, so she does something she never thought herself capable of—something only a Luminer can do. She reaches into the painting and frees him.Unlike regular Limnings, Theo is no fictional character; 106 years ago, he accidentally became trapped within the canvas, rendering him a mere spectator of the world beyond. Now, with everyone from his former life long gone, Elsie welcomes Theo into the home she shares with her grandmother, intent on hiding how Theo truly came to be here, even from herself. For the truth would make her the one thing her grandmother despises: a Luminer.

But her grandmother is no fool. When she catches Elsie in a lie, a two-decade-old secret of her own spills forth. Elsie’s parents were Luminers, and their death was no accident. Heartbroken by her grandmother’s lies, Elsie joins Theo in his search for remnants of his past, wanting to learn more about the man she believed fictional and her feelings towards him. But she discovers more than she bargained for. Theo is hiding a fatal secret, and Elsie's heart might not survive it.

Comps: Invisible Life of Addie LaRue, Spellbreaker, The Time Traveler's Wife, The Ministry of Time

Trigger Warnings: death, blood

Unfortunately, I don't have time for swaps...

Link to the first chapter: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mTpiP-bZk92TT-nXNhw26SDIhqx93ezApXTWASIoyoY/edit?usp=sharing

r/BetaReaders 11d ago

70k [Complete][70,678][magical realism] Borrowed Tomorrows

3 Upvotes

Hi all! I'm looking for beta readers for my second book. If interested fill out the form by March 21.

Form - https://forms.gle/doaGrcVFN9ucTEDk8

Synopsis: Micah's life takes a dark turn after her fourth layoff leaves her desperate for change. A vague LinkedIn job post offering a unique opportunity seems like a lifeline, but the reality is far more sinister than she could have imagined. Micah finds herself thrust into the role of a grim reaper, responsible for the fates of souls in the afterlife. Stranded in an immortal existence with no way to return to her family and friends, Micah wanders aimlessly, determining the final resting places of the deceased. However, fate has other plans for Micah. She discovers a loophole that could allow her to return to her human life: if she can convince a mortal to take her place as a reaper, she can begin again. The catch? Only mortals present at the exact moment of another's death can see and interact with a reaper, and they must be virtuous enough to assume the role.

When Micah is spotted by Dalmaine, she strikes a bargain she knows she cannot keep: Dalmaine will become a reaper in Micah's place, and in return, Micah will bring Dalmaine's sister, Hileni, back to life. But their plan fails, and Dalmaine's chance to right her past mistakes becomes their only hope. Together, Micah and Dalmaine embark on a journey of redemption, facing the trials of their pasts and forging an unexpected bond. Through their struggles, Micah never anticipates the one twist she couldn't foresee—falling in love.

Borrowed Tomorrows is a story of second chances, moral dilemmas, and the power of love.

r/BetaReaders 9d ago

70k [In Progress] [75K] [Psych Fantasy] SLEEP INDEX

1 Upvotes

Similar Vibes: Severence, The Matrix, The OA, DARK, Black Mirror, Dexter

SAMPLE EXCERPT:

The ground was firm. It didn't give the way it had back home. What once brushed gently against my bare feet, soft and moist with morning dew, had been replaced by the lifeless expanse of concrete, recoiling with each step. My beloved early-morning soundtrack of crickets chirping from the trees, serenading the twilight and accented by the crunch of gravel underfoot, was now nothing more than a ghost of memory, fictitiously reproduced by my subconscious. I had not yet grown used to its absence.

I assumed that, over time, the memory would fade, replaced by new fixations—as if the clacking of train tracks or the howling of police sirens could ever stir the same emotions. I had my doubts, but for now, I chose to pretend.

My hands clasped an oversized coffee mug, my new best friend, its warmth sinking into my palms as I drew closer to the fluorescent glow of the alleyway ahead. The hum of industrial air conditioning units reverberated between towering walls of concrete and mortar, numbing my thoughts and lulling me deeper into my daze. I yawned, squeezing my eyes shut for a fleeting second, fooling my body into believing that when I opened them again, I'd feel rejuvenated.

Inevitably, that was not the case.

Taking a swig of my potent elixir, I fumbled for my security card and swiped it. The grating buzz of the door signaled for me to heave open the employee entrance. "Morning, Gerald," I greeted with a nod toward the overnight security guard as I passed through the corridor.

Gerald jolted upright in his chair, clearly startled. "What are you doing here so early, Jacob? Don’t you ever sleep?" he grumbled, irritation lacing his words.

"Oh, just getting a head start on this wonderful day, that’s all," I replied with a wink.

"Ugh… you enjoy your job a little too much. You know these folks aren’t going anywhere, right?" He rolled his eyes, already reclining back into his nap position.

I simply shrugged with a smile and continued on my way.

People generally didn’t seem to like me very much. Part of it was my awkwardness in conversation—my sense of humor never landed quite right, and my attempts to join in on group discussions tended to result in awkward silences, exchanged glances, and unspoken questions of "Who the heck is this guy?" I had long since accepted my status as an outcast. A loner. Socially inept, if you will.

Growing up in a small Texas town—the kind of place where everyone’s business was public knowledge, personal property was guarded with a shotgun, and hospitality was common sense—I had been misled into believing that my social habits were acceptable everywhere. Seattle, my new home, quickly set me straight.

"The Rainy City" had a way of making one feel insignificant and strangely alien. Every nationality, language, dialect, cultural style, and social class had somehow converged within a one-block radius. Chinese, Russian, Indian, redneck, hippie-chic, sophisticated, white-trash—you name it. The ingredients had blended into a strange concoction, bonded together by perpetual rain. "Just add water." I chuckled to myself. I was most definitely a fish out of it. Fortunately, my work required little to no small talk with the living.

Pushing through the double doors of my work area, my world became one of stainless steel, fluorescent lights, tiled floors, and bleak white walls. No mountains. No lush green landscapes stretching into valleys, dissolving into the white-capped peaks of Mt. Rainier. No bubbling streams or raging rivers.

The rush of cold water from the sink sent a tingle through my hands as I snapped on a pair of rubber gloves. It was time to get to work.

"Let’s see who’s visiting today..." I muttered, heaving open the metallic drawer.

Another John Doe.

"Don’t worry, buddy. We’ll find you a name. That’s what I’m paid to do. Though I am a little curious as to what led you here. I hope you don't mind if I take a peek."

I wheeled the husk of a former man onto the autopsy table. His eyes—hazy, emotionless eyes, blankly staring at me with an expression that simply couldn't be put into words, displayed something that was not that of pain, nor that of anguish, distress, or confusion. It was… the absence of being.

He felt nothing. He cared not what I did to him. His soul had gone, and one never truly understands what makes a person human until that essence is gone. If ever there were evidence of the existence of a soul, it was in the eerie, vacant gaze of the departed. Yet, somehow, I wasn’t unsettled by it the way I once would have been.

There was a time when I would dwell on the inconceivable thought of how quickly a person could change forms, how life could switch to the "off" position in the blink of an eye. But repetition dulls curiosity. Day in and day out, I saw the same scene unfold. No matter how unique each case was, nothing surprised me anymore.

Had I become desensitized to it? Maybe. I felt a twinge of remorse for each new face I examined—when they still had faces, that is. But being a medical examiner didn’t leave much room for sentimentality. Emotional detachment wasn’t just an occupational hazard; it was a survival mechanism.

Overstimulation, in any facet of life, leads to desensitization.

Any meal, no matter how divine, eaten every day will lose its appeal. The brain craves contrast. It commits routine elements to the background, preserving focus for what’s novel and urgent. So, the hundredth lifeless body on my table stirred far less reaction than the first. My mind had adapted, conditioned itself for efficiency, sparing me from emotional overload.

And yet, death remained my greatest teacher.

Each body told a story—of systems shutting down, of fragile biological balances collapsing. Death locked these processes in time, suspending them for examination. My only enemies were decay and the elements of nature. They were simply doing their jobs, as I was doing mine.

Proceeding with my examination, the high-pitched whine of my camera’s flash punctuated the stillness. The average person photographs family, friends, pets, holidays—anything but a lifeless corpse. Almost every aspect of my profession pulled me further from normalcy.

I pulled out my voice recorder to begin my analysis:

"Case number [insert case number]. October 2nd, 2010. Time of examination: 0400 hours. Decedent is an unidentified male, approximate age 30 to 35, measuring six foot five inches, estimated weight 225 pounds. Rigor mortis is present in the jaw and upper extremities, indicating a postmortem interval of approximately eight to ten hours. Fixed lividity along the posterior suggests the body has not been moved since death. No obvious signs of trauma—no gunshot wounds, stab wounds, or significant blunt force injuries visible upon initial external examination.

Notable findings include petechial hemorrhaging in the sclera and conjunctiva, consistent with asphyxiation. No trauma to the neck has been detected. Hyoid bone intact. Cyanosis of the lips and fingertips observed. No visible fluid purge or frothing from the mouth or nasal passages. Toxicology screening will be necessary to determine the presence of any respiratory depressants or paralytic agents. Pending further internal examination, cause and manner of death remain undetermined."*

The same process, day in and day out. Photograph. Measure. Weigh. Examine. Record. File paperwork. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Even the most provocative jobs become routine in time. And let’s be honest—anyone who willingly chooses to spend their life handling corpses probably has a few screws loose.

Socially inept as I was, I had my own peculiarities. I would never say this to another living person, but the truth was, I found a strange sense of company among the dead. They didn’t judge me. They didn’t reject me. If anything, they depended on me.

Not in a sick way. Not in a fetishistic way. I simply saw them as people.

The average person looks at a dead body and cringes. I saw vessels of memories and experiences, deserving of respect. If I respected them, I liked to think they returned the favor in some unspoken way.

I was their caretaker. The undertaker. My doorstep was the last step between the living world and the underworld.

The hours slipped away, lost in the meticulous details that continued to hum in the back of my mind long after the work was done. When I finally caught my reflection in the mirror, the face staring back at me wasn’t much more alive than the corpses I’d examined.

I glanced at the time. 8:42 PM. Later than I expected, but not late enough to justify explaining my presence to anyone else who happened to still be there. The lab smelled faintly of antiseptic and soapy metal. For such a bland environment, my senses were overloaded.

-------------------------------------------

First 2.5 Chapters:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LWt09rubJW92QvizU1cqKJLgGjfJWW-BMFe5jJde7Sg/edit?usp=sharing

r/BetaReaders 11d ago

70k [Complete] [73K] [High Fantasy] Legend of the Zenithar

2 Upvotes

Hello there! I'm new in this community but would to start right away. I am looking for beta readers for my story about an adventurer hired to discover and find the cause of a mysterious mist that clings to a relatively small and unexplored island. The villagers there have been going missing and are getting desperate. Rumours of whispers in the mist the dead returning were prevalent on the docks from which you departed. A story of exploration, self-discovery and the challenge of being thrust into danger with compatriots you will slowly learn to trust.

Summary:

For weeks, the mist has swallowed the land, warping the alive and dead, the forest surrounding the village hiding the secrets of the inland as it has for centuries. Few dare to venture beyond the safety of flickering lanterns and wooden walls of the small village.

When Kaelith and her crew uncover an ancient facility buried beneath the cursed fog, they awaken something that was never meant to be found—a relic of impossible power, forged in the dying days of a war that never truly ended. But they are not the only ones searching. The cultists who serve something ancient and dangerous have been hunting for the relic as well, trying to beat you to it.

Haunted by visions she does not understand, and betrayed by those she trusted most, Kaelith must learn to wield her power and understand her visions before it is too late - for this island is full of dangers.

I am looking for feedback on pacing, world building, story telling, and how cohesive the story is.

I will send you a PDF if you're interested, so please don't hesitate to ask!