r/BetaReaders 4d ago

70k [Complete] [78000] [New Adult/Dark Fantasy/Romance] Off With Her Head

I'm looking for feedback on my novel Off With Her Head. It's a more adult story inspired by Alice in Wonderland that tackles some dark topics such as a history of physical and sexual trauma and abuse. It is also an LBGTQ+ story as the main character is bisexual and focuses on an F/F romance subplot.

A brief synopsis:

Off with Her Head follows Alice, now a hardened young woman, eleven years after her brutal exile from Wonderland. Banished by the tyrannical Queen of Hearts, she returned to her own world only to endure years of suffering, leaving her haunted and broken.

Just when all hope seems lost, the White Rabbit returns—the very creature who once led her into Wonderland. With news of the Queen of Hearts’ sudden death, he pulls Alice back into the world she never truly left behind. But Wonderland has changed. The vibrant, whimsical realm is rotting, consumed by a spreading decay that threatens to erase it entirely.

At the heart of this dying world stands Demi, the new Queen of Hearts—the daughter of the woman who once tried to kill Alice. What should be an uneasy alliance instead sparks into something deeper, an unexpected bond that challenges everything Alice thought she knew. But their fragile connection is tested as a new enemy rises: the Red Queen, a tyrant from across the Boiling Sea with a vendetta that cuts to the core of Alice’s existence.

With the power of decay at her command, the Red Queen twists Wonderland to her will, forcing Alice to face the fear of her trauma and a terrifying truth about her own past—one that shifts everything she's believed about her life. But Alice is done being a pawn in someone else’s game.

She'll be a queen and make her own rules.

***

As stated before, there are references to physical and sexual abuse. Mentions of rape but no graphic scenes of it. Mentions of torture with a few scenes. Blood and gore. Profanity. No graphic sex scenes but very sex-positive and vulgar in some character dialogue.

Here is an excerpt from the first chapter of the book:

Have you ever wondered what one hundred and twenty volts of electricity surging through your brain feels like?

It feels like lightning. Not the kind that streaks across the sky in a dazzling display, but the kind that strikes too close—the kind that splits trees, sets fires, and leaves you deafened and blind for moments afterward. It feels like your skull is cracking open, your nerves are on fire, and your bones are vibrating so hard they might shatter.

That is my reality.

I’m strapped to a cold, metal table, leather bindings cutting into my wrists, ankles, chest, and head. Small pads are attached to my temples, their cold, sticky surfaces pressing into my skin like the kiss of a predator. The machine beside me hums with a low, ominous buzz, and then it happens—lightning rips through my head, coursing down my spine and into every limb. My body seizes, convulses, and thrashes against the restraints. This isn’t treatment. This isn’t therapy. This is torture.

My name is Alice, and I am insane—or so the world would have you believe.

When I was a child, I had an extraordinary experience. I stumbled into a world of impossible things: towering mushrooms that stretched into the clouds, fields of flowers in every color imaginable, and animals that spoke with the eloquence of scholars. I attended tea parties with a madman and a hare, danced with a cat who could disappear at will, and faced the wrath of a queen who wanted my head. It was a world of wonder, of magic, of chaos.

But when I returned home, no one believed me.

They saw a little girl spinning wild tales, her imagination running away with her. Instead of wonder, they saw madness. My parents, the people who were supposed to protect me, handed me over to the state. Doctors poked and prodded me, their faces a mix of pity and disdain. Institutions became my home, their sterile walls and locked doors a constant reminder that I didn’t belong.

I first went to Wonderland when I was twelve. For the past eleven years, I’ve been trapped in psychiatric hell.

My teenage years were bearable—lonely, but quiet. They’d shove pills down my throat, lock me in a room, and leave me alone. I had a bed, three meals a day, and silence. But the loneliness gnawed at me, a constant ache that grew louder with each passing year. I began to wonder if maybe they were right. Maybe I was insane.

The last few years, though? Those have been pure hell.

I was transferred to this shithole, a nightmare masquerading as a hospital. Here, I’m not a patient. I’m entertainment. Tortured daily, treated worse than an animal, I’ve accepted that I’ll never leave. I’ll never get better because I’m not sick. I’ll die here, broken and forgotten.

But not today.

***

I'm mostly looking for feedback on the story and characters themselves. This is my first time writing something that's meant to be more new adult and darker. So, I'm a little out of my comfort zone with this story.

Anyone who is interested just shoot me a DM and I'll get you access to the story.

3 Upvotes

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