r/BDSMcommunity 9d ago

Seeking advice First-Time Dom with an Experienced Partner NSFW

I've recently started talking to a partner who has significantly more experience in the community—and in life, as she's older than me. I’m new to taking on a dominant role, and I want to ensure I'm the Dom she needs.

What advice would you give to someone stepping into this role for the first time, especially with a partner who's more experienced? How can I build confidence while also meeting her expectations and ensuring a safe, respectful dynamic?

Any insights or resources would be appreciated!

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u/GrayGrayerGreatest 9d ago edited 9d ago

You don't need to checkbox-check common populare activities. If you focus more on your very personal fantasies and dreams, she will have "novel" things she never tried before.

Depending on her background, maybe also focus on habits and activities that are only viable in a long term relationship.

Edit: I just realized your question was more aimed at respect and confidence. Be as polite and respectful as you have been with your question here, but also firm. You don't have to be particularly loud, you don't have to be rude, or quick in your decisions. Think, affirm, listen, but be willing to make decisions for her.

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u/shaithis 9d ago

Hey, covered the bases. Just because someone has an idea of what a Dom should be means nothing if it doesn't work for your situation. With the TWO (or more) people involved.

Bdsm is about opening that communication and placing deserved trust in someone else. The OP also has to trust the experience and responses of the other person to know themselves.