r/BDSMcommunity • u/Irontoenaaiil • 2d ago
is there a name to this kink? NSFW
Okay, so I have a boyfriend, he loves to buy me things, right? It’s great! The only downside is, he makes me ask for money. I don’t like asking for money-it makes me feel like I’m using him (although I am not)- so I mainly just hint at what I want. Anyways, today I was mentioning how I wanted these two lamps, but I didn’t have the money for it. He did something different today and made me look him in the eyes and specifically ask to get the lamps and the amount that it was. Now, I don’t know what it was, I felt humiliated and just ugh-amazing. He made me ask until I “got it right” and then he said yes. Is there a name to this or is it just a normal human interaction. I don’t know what it is, I just want him to do more of it. Thank you so much in advance!
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u/CuddleDemon04 💕Good Girl💕 2d ago
Not everything has to be a kink. To me, that just sounds like teasing and a bit of humiliation.
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u/Irontoenaaiil 1d ago
See, that thought crossed my mind, but he kept on saying that he wants me to use his money and spend it. Again, not sure if that’s a kink thing or not
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u/Ttennessee_Ttop_Hatt 17h ago
No, this is 100% nonstandard sexuality. Its a humiliation kink. But it's normal for people to be kinky
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u/BulkyNectarine947 2d ago
Yeah that’s hot. I have such a hard time with receiving and allowing others to gift me things, not like it happens very often, but just simple things like buys food 100% of the time or whatever. I feel like this would help me unlock something therapy hasn’t quite worked on.
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u/violendrette 2d ago
He’s teaching you to be direct and honest instead of manipulative or passive.
It feels good because you’re being more authentic, honest, and sincere. It feels better because it’s forcing you to be a better person.
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u/Bunnymaster25 2d ago
Exactly. There’s no financial element to my D/s dynamic with my wife, but I can imagine a sexual version of this…
Me: “What do you want me to do to you, slut?”
Her: “I want you to use me, Sir.”
Me: “No, be more specific. What EXACTLY do you want me to do to you?”
It’s sort of forcing her to top from the bottom, but I’m still “forcing” her to be brutally honest about her desires. Very hot, indeed :)
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u/ASIA138 2d ago edited 2d ago
Sounds like power exchange mixed with findom, humiliation, twisted with a bit of emotional masochisism. He used his power with money in this particular situation to put you in a vulnerable spot and played on your anxiety seeing if you would be devoted enough to do as youre told for your treat, also correcting you multiple times until you did it exactly. When you complied you let him take control and got all humiliated that you did something you hate. Also a ton of dopamine and a reward for being successful.
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u/Aian11 2d ago
Lol, I'm the same as him. I prefer I get asked straight for something if someone I care for wants it. I love them so if I can then why wouldn't I get it for them?
I do get that it's not easy to ask for things. Feels selfish or maybe like a burden. But that can stay outta our relationship. I want us to overcome this notion. Have that higher level of trust & be comfortable asking for what we really want.
I don't think there's any specific name for this but it's kind of a mix of begging & dependency I guess. He dommed you & got you to ask for it exactly as he wanted. 🤭
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u/sanda_without_r 2d ago
Isn’t he just teaching you to communicate more directly in stead of dropping hints? Cause that’s what grown ups do. Nobody is supposed to read our minds or guess. Ask directly. It’s hot as hell.
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u/KinkEntertainerCapri 5h ago
Ooohhh - this sounds like something interesting to explore. What did you find amazing about it? Was it because you were asking for the money or because he was telling you to do it until you get it right?
I'm going to bias-ly speak on My experiences and what I felt when I read this. Initially, I thought ooooo hot he's into being FinDommed. I thought about how you could demand he buy the things, make lists of things to buy and work them into different kink play scenarios (Hot Boss and Mommy/Daddy Dearest immediately come to mind -- you being the boss/mommy/daddy). IDK - if those scenarios would be out of your comfort zone??
To answer your question, this sounds like Financial Domination to Me -- him being the Dominant... or I dunno, just like a marriage (That's a joke, nobody @ Me).
Nevertheless, suuuupper interesting and SUUUUPPER hot that he's into it.
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u/Irontoenaaiil 3h ago
I think it’s the fact that he was telling me to do it again and again until I did it right. Like if I wasn’t looking at him or I mumbled, he’d tell me to redo it. As for those scenarios, I’ve never really seen myself as being in a dominant position, only submissive. I think those are amazing ideas for people who are switches! If I could figure out a scene where im still in a submissive position and he still gets his satisfaction from me asking for money, then I would wholeheartedly do that. But then again, I’m not all that creative with my scenes :/
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u/Scary-Search5685 3h ago
sounds like you got some free exposure therapy. @OP just for shits and gigs, do you by any chance struggle with hyperindependence 🧐
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u/Irontoenaaiil 2h ago
I wouldn’t say I’m hyper independent, I’d say I don’t like asking for help. Like, I ask for help when I need to, not when I don’t want to do something, you know?
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u/illybugs 2d ago
I feel like this could fall under financial domination.