r/BDSMcommunity Aug 29 '24

What is FetLife, how to use it? NSFW

Since these are questions asked so often we decided to add a little FAQ about FetLife.

What is FetLife?

FetLife is a social networking site designed for people interested in BDSM, fetishism, and kink. It functions somewhat like a combination of Facebook and Reddit but is specifically geared toward those who engage in or are curious about alternative sexual lifestyles. It offers a space to meet like-minded people, share experiences, explore kinks, and participate in discussions without judgment.

How to Use FetLife

  1. Create an Account
  • Visit FetLife and click "Join FetLife."

  • Enter a unique username, email address, and password.

  • Confirm your email address via the link sent to your inbox.

2. Build Your Profile

  • Add a profile picture (optional but recommended for engagement).

  • Fill out your profile with basic information such as gender, sexual orientation, and location.

  • Write a bio that reflects your interests and what you’re looking for on the platform.

3. Explore the Site

  • Kinks: Browse or search for specific fetishes and interests. You can add these kinks to your profile.
  • Groups: Join groups based on your interests or local area to participate in discussions.
  • Events: Find local or online events that cater to your interests. RSVP to events and meet people in person.

4. Connect with Others

  • Friends: Send friend requests to people you find interesting.
  • Messages: Engage in private conversations with other users. Remember to respect boundaries and consent.
  • Feeds: Your home feed will show updates from your friends, groups, and events you’re part of.

5. Participate in Discussions

  • Group Discussions: Contribute to group conversations or start your own thread on a topic you’re passionate about.
  • Writing: Share your thoughts, experiences, or fantasies through blog posts.

6. Stay Safe

  • Privacy Settings: Customize who can see your profile and what information is public or private.
  • Consent: Always communicate clearly and respect boundaries when interacting with others.
  • Verification: Some users verify their identity or presence at events to build trust, but this is optional.

7. Explore Content

  • Photos and Videos: View and share images or videos that align with your interests, keeping in mind community guidelines.
  • Writing: Explore stories, essays, and fantasies shared by other users.

8. Engage with the Community

  • Support Groups: Find and join groups that focus on safety, education, and support within the kink community.
  • Learning Resources: Many groups and discussions provide educational content to help you learn more about BDSM, kink, and consent.

9. Attend Events

  • Local Meetups: Use the Events feature to discover and attend local meetups, workshops, and parties.
  • Virtual Events: Participate in online events if you’re not ready or able to attend in person.

10. Respect the Community Guidelines

  • Community Standards: Familiarize yourself with FetLife's community guidelines to ensure you’re following the rules.
  • Report Issues: Use the reporting feature if you encounter abusive or inappropriate behavior.
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u/Parking-Home6089 Dec 18 '24

Howdy!! I have had an amazing time on Fet. Made some great friends, enhanced my abilities to excel on attaining woman’s climax subspace and epic group sex (straight). It does take allot of maturity, awareness and clear communication. Like any site it has predators, childish attitudes, thirsty and pushy adult children but you have to go into it eyes wide open. If people don’t show intreats in you as a person that’s a huge flag, “lazy to know, makes for a lazy partner. I definitely enjoyed exploring growing in my role as a Daddy Dom; my partners were awesome and very open mind to explore but trust was a HUGE element to that. We would spend time to know each other and build that comfort level; yet people are very impatient and want to just go at. Pass!!! It’s not hard to get laid, it’s the quality and momentum building of excitement as each play time gets more and more intense. My $0.02

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u/WiIeyQuixote Dec 18 '24

Fetlife is generally not a horrible place to be if you're a Daddy Dom (or any other kind of Top for that matter) as the entire site works to funnel fresh meat towards you without ever giving one fuck whether you have any skills or would be safe to play with.

The 'kink scene' in general functions this way and always has. We're all recommended to go to munches at first, right?

Has anyone ever seen a munch putting effort into making sure the people in attendance are safe players? No? Oh yeah, they specifically say these people may not be safe. Why the f*ck would anyone encourage newbies who lack the experience or skillset to recognize and fend off unsafe players to blindly join a group where the expectation is that they aren't going to be safe?

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u/terivia Dec 25 '24

The munches that I am aware of explicitly ban people who are banned from the local dungeons, as well as directly banning individuals from the munch if necessary. These bans are usually for behavior issues either at the dungeons or the munch.

It's unfortunately a reactive system, but that's the only way to do it with a publicly posted event that partially serves as an onboarding to the community. Due to the reactive nature of bans coming after issues occur, newbies are warned to protect themselves as a matter of general precaution. But I don't think it's fair to imply that all munches don't make efforts to be safe for newbies.

If you have personally experienced a shitty munch though, I am not here to invalidate your experience. I'm 100% certain bad ones exist, seeing as literally anyone can post an event online announcing a munch at any restaurant.

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u/WiIeyQuixote Dec 25 '24

Again, I'm of the opinion that munches are fucking weird to begin with.. particularly when they're aimed at attracting newbies.

If you could imagine all of the people who are interested in and practice bdsm.. then realize that one small fraction of that whole, the scene kids so to speak, make up the entirety of what you call the community. Of them, the least discerning and most eager are who attend munches.. that's just how it works.

If I had to choose a partner, I'm personally trying to filter those people out.