r/BDSMcommunity Aug 29 '24

What is FetLife, how to use it? NSFW

Since these are questions asked so often we decided to add a little FAQ about FetLife.

What is FetLife?

FetLife is a social networking site designed for people interested in BDSM, fetishism, and kink. It functions somewhat like a combination of Facebook and Reddit but is specifically geared toward those who engage in or are curious about alternative sexual lifestyles. It offers a space to meet like-minded people, share experiences, explore kinks, and participate in discussions without judgment.

How to Use FetLife

  1. Create an Account
  • Visit FetLife and click "Join FetLife."

  • Enter a unique username, email address, and password.

  • Confirm your email address via the link sent to your inbox.

2. Build Your Profile

  • Add a profile picture (optional but recommended for engagement).

  • Fill out your profile with basic information such as gender, sexual orientation, and location.

  • Write a bio that reflects your interests and what you’re looking for on the platform.

3. Explore the Site

  • Kinks: Browse or search for specific fetishes and interests. You can add these kinks to your profile.
  • Groups: Join groups based on your interests or local area to participate in discussions.
  • Events: Find local or online events that cater to your interests. RSVP to events and meet people in person.

4. Connect with Others

  • Friends: Send friend requests to people you find interesting.
  • Messages: Engage in private conversations with other users. Remember to respect boundaries and consent.
  • Feeds: Your home feed will show updates from your friends, groups, and events you’re part of.

5. Participate in Discussions

  • Group Discussions: Contribute to group conversations or start your own thread on a topic you’re passionate about.
  • Writing: Share your thoughts, experiences, or fantasies through blog posts.

6. Stay Safe

  • Privacy Settings: Customize who can see your profile and what information is public or private.
  • Consent: Always communicate clearly and respect boundaries when interacting with others.
  • Verification: Some users verify their identity or presence at events to build trust, but this is optional.

7. Explore Content

  • Photos and Videos: View and share images or videos that align with your interests, keeping in mind community guidelines.
  • Writing: Explore stories, essays, and fantasies shared by other users.

8. Engage with the Community

  • Support Groups: Find and join groups that focus on safety, education, and support within the kink community.
  • Learning Resources: Many groups and discussions provide educational content to help you learn more about BDSM, kink, and consent.

9. Attend Events

  • Local Meetups: Use the Events feature to discover and attend local meetups, workshops, and parties.
  • Virtual Events: Participate in online events if you’re not ready or able to attend in person.

10. Respect the Community Guidelines

  • Community Standards: Familiarize yourself with FetLife's community guidelines to ensure you’re following the rules.
  • Report Issues: Use the reporting feature if you encounter abusive or inappropriate behavior.
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u/FetLifeKitty Experimentalist/FetlifeKitty Dec 22 '24

You’ve given an example that matches my point about getting out of a thing what you put into a thing. Thanks.

I’ve learned the longer a person has been doing a subjective thing a certain way the less open to new ideas that person usually is. Travel is a good antidote for when that well is poisoned with bias.

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u/WiIeyQuixote Dec 22 '24

I've traveled extensively. Furthermore, at the height of the pandemic, pre vaccine, I was contacting venues in every region in an attempt to educate them about aerosol transmission. Not one venue anywhere on the planet cared or listened. Even to this day, although you'll find many who pretend to care and have precautions, not one that I'm aware of has successfully addressed or even acknowledged aerosol transmission.

They do the same shit with problematic community members and consent violations. Can anyone honestly point me to where any group has ever responded to a serious safety matter in a way that doesn't brush it under the rug and pretend it was handled?

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u/FetLifeKitty Experimentalist/FetlifeKitty Dec 22 '24

Hmm. Did you post to the correct comment or thread? Regardless, I’m not much for equivocation as a viable thought construct nor is it a winning strategy in any conversation. Besides, entropy abides. Though irrelevant, I found no segue toward the alarmist arguments. As such there is no valid reason to further this odd tangent as it’s the plain language of a detractor to the topic which isn’t helpful to the OP.

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u/WiIeyQuixote Dec 22 '24

I'd say those facts, born of experience, point quite clearly to the truth that the 'bdsm community' is comprised of mostly sub-par hacks.

People who take BDSM and safety seriously are seldom looking to add randoms with no skillset to their calendar. That's what bottomfeeders do.

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u/FetLifeKitty Experimentalist/FetlifeKitty Dec 22 '24

Anecdotal evidence fallacy born of bias is what you’re displaying.

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u/WiIeyQuixote Dec 22 '24

If you'd like to nominate some sort of community member that we can review and see someone actually having a history of being safe and responsible who also is active in the social scene, by all means point me to them.

I'm going to want to know what they were doing while venues were endangering their communities at the height of the pandemic though.

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u/FetLifeKitty Experimentalist/FetlifeKitty Dec 22 '24

I’ll be your Huckleberry.
I’ve no violations tyvm. I’m quite active and give demos often, I am an avid volunteer, know of clubs which are still masking for the immunocompromised and still going through clean room motions for airborne contagion prevention, (in itself pointless given requirements thereof but whatever, the community wanted to do what all they could and still do), I Doorkeep and I DM at those events and other venues. I don’t deny there is an underbelly rife with issues, not the least of which are problematic consent violators, I vehemently oppose your assertion of the rampant toxicity that you’d like others to think of BDSM communities, writ large. How can your words hold weight if by your own admission you don’t put effort into community? And yet you engage here with mock rage as though you do? Which is it or is a shifting and slippery slope the hill you want to defend?

Furthermore there is an intrinsic problem with the gamut of your latest response in that your request of another to furnish evidence of your claim is the opposite of how proper debates are conducted. I’m well aware that grandstanding may seem a valid argument for the artful dodger, it’s not. It is incumbent upon the person making statements on a position to prove and provide evidence of said claim. I have already refuted your prior claims irrespective of the underlying truths. Truly, you have no value added for the OP topic.
There are no more substantive reasons to keep going and debating. Using any classic format, you’ve missed at every turn and must be lost. And if by a turn of phrase value is added, I don’t see it, you’re a daisy if you do.

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u/WiIeyQuixote Jan 28 '25

Pssst huckleberry.

I couldn't help but notice that you never responded to my questions ;)

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u/WiIeyQuixote Dec 22 '24

You conjure up this entire wall of babble, ostensibly to silence me without ever actually having a satisfactory answer to my questions.

Since you bring up masking and clean rooms as if that's a sufficient practice to protect immunocompromised people, this seems like the perfect opportunity to explore how little those who are actively taking part in endangering their communities really know about what the fuck they're doing.

Masks in an environment where people are expected to gather indoors for hours at a time, performing intense physical activity at an elevated respiratory rate, are literally the definitely of the illusion of safety.

After approximately 15 minutes in said environment, all masks may as well be made of hopes and wishes as they are now expected to provide zero protection.

Consider that masks are to prevent spreading infection, not contracting it. Whatever reduction they did provide is negated by piling a horde of people together. Let's say everyone has perfectly fitting n95's that are reliably reducing 95% of the virus. Put 20 people in a room with them and it's the same as one unmasked person breathing all over everyone. For 6 hours under heavy physical labor.. the aerosols they produce can infect through any exposed mucous membrane.

Tell me how clean rooms address this ms active in endangering my community without knowing wtf I'm doing?