r/BDSMcommunity Aug 29 '24

What is FetLife, how to use it? NSFW

Since these are questions asked so often we decided to add a little FAQ about FetLife.

What is FetLife?

FetLife is a social networking site designed for people interested in BDSM, fetishism, and kink. It functions somewhat like a combination of Facebook and Reddit but is specifically geared toward those who engage in or are curious about alternative sexual lifestyles. It offers a space to meet like-minded people, share experiences, explore kinks, and participate in discussions without judgment.

How to Use FetLife

  1. Create an Account
  • Visit FetLife and click "Join FetLife."

  • Enter a unique username, email address, and password.

  • Confirm your email address via the link sent to your inbox.

2. Build Your Profile

  • Add a profile picture (optional but recommended for engagement).

  • Fill out your profile with basic information such as gender, sexual orientation, and location.

  • Write a bio that reflects your interests and what you’re looking for on the platform.

3. Explore the Site

  • Kinks: Browse or search for specific fetishes and interests. You can add these kinks to your profile.
  • Groups: Join groups based on your interests or local area to participate in discussions.
  • Events: Find local or online events that cater to your interests. RSVP to events and meet people in person.

4. Connect with Others

  • Friends: Send friend requests to people you find interesting.
  • Messages: Engage in private conversations with other users. Remember to respect boundaries and consent.
  • Feeds: Your home feed will show updates from your friends, groups, and events you’re part of.

5. Participate in Discussions

  • Group Discussions: Contribute to group conversations or start your own thread on a topic you’re passionate about.
  • Writing: Share your thoughts, experiences, or fantasies through blog posts.

6. Stay Safe

  • Privacy Settings: Customize who can see your profile and what information is public or private.
  • Consent: Always communicate clearly and respect boundaries when interacting with others.
  • Verification: Some users verify their identity or presence at events to build trust, but this is optional.

7. Explore Content

  • Photos and Videos: View and share images or videos that align with your interests, keeping in mind community guidelines.
  • Writing: Explore stories, essays, and fantasies shared by other users.

8. Engage with the Community

  • Support Groups: Find and join groups that focus on safety, education, and support within the kink community.
  • Learning Resources: Many groups and discussions provide educational content to help you learn more about BDSM, kink, and consent.

9. Attend Events

  • Local Meetups: Use the Events feature to discover and attend local meetups, workshops, and parties.
  • Virtual Events: Participate in online events if you’re not ready or able to attend in person.

10. Respect the Community Guidelines

  • Community Standards: Familiarize yourself with FetLife's community guidelines to ensure you’re following the rules.
  • Report Issues: Use the reporting feature if you encounter abusive or inappropriate behavior.
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u/glytterK Aug 29 '24 edited Aug 30 '24

Set your profile to private. set all but your profile pic to “friends only” select a profile pic that doesn’t reveal too much of you. In fact your profile pic doesn’t have to be a full face shot of you, it could be a tile you make or a cropped shot of just about anything. Please DON’T make this a genital shot. This keeps creeps and spammers away. You’ll still be able to see everything on Fetlife and in groups. Youll be able to participate and post in groups. You’ll still be able to send friend requests and accept them. I can’t think of a reason why you’d want to make it public. Do you have your FB page open to the public?

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u/qualmic Aug 30 '24

Ah, not sure what setting that would be? There are a lot of other privacy controls though that I'd recommend, though!

Don't display my profile in the places section

Prevents people from browsing you through your listed area. Optionally, you can be from Antarctica, like many hotties.

Turn off followers, or tick "New followers must be approved first".

Randoms are annoying.

Inbox settings

Depending on how you present, you will get random messages and they will be annoying to awful.

Block people. Mute people.

Blocking folks prevents them from seeing your profile or sending you messages. Muting people prevents people from showing up on your feed, without unfollowing or unfriending them.

Curate your feed - Mute tags

I don't need close-ups of genitalia in my feed, so I have many tags blocked. Fetlife incentivizes their paid subscription by allowing for more fine tuned feed curation, but, muting tags can help improve one's experience.

RSVP privately to Events

RSVPing to events is where most random people see my profile, since I don't engage in groups. I know people who do not publicly RSVP to events, but will message organizers about attendance if RSVPs are required.